Category Archives: Personal

Happy Hump Day!

* I was going about my way humbly and quietly, following G-d’s commandments, and the shiksa next door says to me, “Happy Hump Day!” L-rd, send Moshiach now! * Just heard a Jewish parent berate his teenage kid for putting … Continue reading

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Occupied Bathrooms Are Bad For The Jews!

Oy vey! I’m in pain! I take all these magnesium tablets at night to help me sleep, but the next morning, there’s hell to pay. Chaim Amalek: “You should burst into that occupied bathroom like a Zionist settler immigrating to … Continue reading

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Does Your Shul Have A Gerim Section?

Seen and heard: * One Hasid to another to another: “Bro, you got any [basketball] scores for me [from last night]?” * Saw a bloke during the Amidah tie together the talisim of the blokes in front of him. * … Continue reading

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For College

* In my senior year of high school, I called a few phone sex lines from my home. My mother later asked me about the charges and if they were for college. I said they were for college and that … Continue reading

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Who is Today’s Gadol Hador?

The Guardian of Israel never slumbers nor sleeps. Chaim Amalek: The Eye is ever watchful. There is concern here that never sleeps. When Moshiach comes, “American Idol” will be changed to “Who is Today’s Gadol Hador?” * A BT Jewess … Continue reading

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We Need Moshiach Now!

* A Google search on “Christians loving Jews” revealed 6,100 results while a search for “Jews loving Christians” revealed 51 results. Sarah Silerman is a great window into some secular Jewish attitudes. * Why do so many age-appropriate women on … Continue reading

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Random Acts Of Kindness

I was deeply moved that when I came to shul early this morning and sat in the corner sipping coffee and eating my protein bar, another Yid brought me a Gemara turned to the correct page for the Daf Yomi. … Continue reading

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Vikings

* The closest I can find today to living out a Jane Austen novel is in Orthodox Judaism. Standards and in-group solidarity make life more exciting. * I’ve been watching the TV show Vikings and I am disturbed by the … Continue reading

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Does Anyone Like You?

Sitting in shul davening Friday night, a friend leaned over to me and said, “I’m the only person in this room who likes you.” I shot back: “You’ve been davening here for years and how many Shabbos meals invites have … Continue reading

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Give Me What I Deserve In The Next Life

When God judges me after I die, I hope He gives me what I deserve. I think most Jews have this attitude, but I’ve never met a Christian with this belief. They seem to all believe that they are horrible … Continue reading

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