Monica Osborne writes on Jewcy.com:
Last night, I was out to dinner with about twenty-five other scholars of Jewish and Jewish American literature. As we waited for a table large enough to accommodate us at the Cheesecake Factory, one male scholar approached me and a friend of mine who is also attending the conference.
He was very nice — formally introduced himself, and began chatting with us. But it suddenly took an ugly turn.
"I’m always amazed to see non-Jewish people attending this symposium, and I’m always interested in why people who aren’t Jewish would want to study Jewish literature," he said, looking at both my friend and me.
I was speechless. I couldn’t believe he would make such a terrible assumption knowing nothing about me. And, in all honesty, as someone who has chosen Jewishness as her "mode of being" and has essentially devoted her life to all things Jewish, I was completely insulted.
Surprisingly, I guess, this has never happened to me before. It doesn’t usually enter people’s minds, and if it does, they usually ask timidly, or with a sincere curiosity, whether I am "actually" Jewish. So I was floored, and offended because, if truth be told, I probably know more Talmud than him and I bet he ate bread during Pesach.
First. I suspect that any Jew who wonders why non-Jews find Jewish literature compelling has an empty Jewish identity.
Either Judaism has something to say to the world or it is an irrelevant ethnic club.
Seond. The only reason that such an innocent remark would set one off is if one is insecure in his Jewish identity.
As a convert to Judaism, and a flagrant sinner with the goyisha name of Luke, I too at times feel the rage you describe. But that only says something about me and my insecurities.
When non-Orthodox Jews rage at Orthodox Jews who do not regard non-Orthodox streams of Judaism as legitimate, that reveals more about the insecurity of those non-Orthodox Jews who so desperately seek the authentication of the Orthodox than it does about the mean Orthodox. Those non-Orthodox Jews who are secure in their Jewish identity are not upset that Orthodox Jews do not regard their religion as authentically Jewish.
My theory holds for all rage when one’s identity is questioned. I remember when I was 19 and covering the San Francisco 49ers for radio stations KAHI/KHYL in Sacramento. I was hanging out in the press room at the 49ers training camp at Sierra Community College and a veteran writer asked me what I was doing there.
I told him and then questioned what he was doing there.
I was annoyed at being challenged precisely because I was insecure in my own bonafides as a reporter.
Feeling Jewish does not make one Jewish. For instance, I’ve noticed that the people who describe themselves as proud Jews and as having "Jewish values," are invariably the most ignorant Jewishly and the least observant. Jews who practice Judaism every day feel no need to assert their Jewish values nor their Jewish pride and they have no insecurity about their Jewish identity.
If one ever feels insecure about their Jewish identity, they need to learn Hebrew, study Torah, do mitzvot and pray daily with a minyan. If you do so, I guarantee that within a few weeks, your insecurity on this score (and many others) will dramatically diminish. But if one does not do these things, then you are a Jewish fake and no assertions of Jewish pride will mask your inauthenticity.
No Luke Ford blog post is an authentic Luke Ford blog post without a mention of sex, so here goes:
In my experience, women overwhelmingly regard anything they feel as right and legitimate. I rarely encounter a woman who is able to say that something upset her but looking at it rationally she realizes a truth that goes contrary to her feelings.
I would never tell anybody in the situation above to not get upset. They feel what they feel and all feelings are legitimate, but that does not mean that the thinking that creates such feelings is smart.
I usually get upset when somebody (particularly when they are in authority) points out to me bad things I am doing, but that does not mean that they are not right and that I am not wrong (even if I am not able to admit that in the moment). In some instances, what is true and right and good is more important than what we feel.
As Michael Medved says, "Liberals say — follow your heart. Conservatives say — do your duty."
This man’s response to Monica was a fact of life. He felt comfortable enough with her to say what was on his mind. He probably could not have engaged her honestly until this matter had been dealt with. That’s just how the world works.
People who are born Jewish can usually tell when someone was not born and raised Jewish. When you ask them not to mention this, you are asking them to ignore what is primary in their mind and you ask them to dance around the matter in conversation until the time you choose to divulge your conversion. My name and my face and my behavioral patterns scream shaygetz. That’s just the way it is. What I find surprising is how little Jews have used this against me.
As I once heard, it is better in these matters to become fascinated rather than aggravated.
I don’t think we should expect the world to change for us. As long as we get annoyed on this score, it will keep happening to us, and precisely when we exude confidence in our Jewish identity and not get annoyed, it will happen to us less often.
I remember davening with my tefillin at Young Israel of Century City and the guy next to me, a yerushalmi, correctly intuited i was not born Jewish (in part because I had the tefillin on my head tangled, I had had them tangled for many months, but this visitor was the first person to mention it to me and to help me with the problem — eventually the rabbi bought me new tefillin out of his own pocket).