Luke Ford | No sacred cows.

Chumra Of The Month

Posted on September 24, 2007 by Luke Ford

Matthew writes:

You can keep track of the strength and potential danger of black hat orthodox judaism by what "chumras" they are advocating. A chumra is, roughly defined, as a "stringency." For instance, Adam told Eve that she could not touch the tree of knowledge, when all G-d said was not to eat from the treet. The serpent exploited this and when Eve touched the tree and saw nothing happened, she went on to eat the tree and now man must sweat to earn a buck and women are dominated by men (except in Iran, which has no gays and women are equal to men, kind of a mixed NOW/Eagle Forum nirvana).

A recent chumra is requiring people to have separate microwaves for meat and milk dishes. There is a prohibition on mixing meat and milk. The rabbis have intepreted this to require certain separations, for example, it is 100% accepted that a mixing occurs if hot milk food is served on a dish that had at one time had a hot meat dish on it. Hence the universal acceptance of two sets of dishes.

A pretty well accepted "non mixture" was using the same microwave for both meat and milk, provided that you kept the microwave clean (most human beings do this out of basic decency) and covered the food – this way no items of food from one dish could get in another dish. You can google for more erudite discussions of this and the analysis by great Rabbis.

Now comes a chumra of the month – many rabbis are having two microwaves, one for meat and one for milk. This can cause a problem with people refusing to eat in someone else’s home who does not keep this chumra. This is not a chumra like standing during the reading of the Torah or sleeping in a different room from your wife during her period (rather than separate beds in the same room), which is a personal choice. No, this is a chumra that operates (and perhaps semi-intentionally) to distinguish among jews by instituting a stringency at the very very margin.

This is a bold and radical new form of chumra that operates at the communal level.

You will notice that there are precious few chumras regaring relations between man and his fellow man.

For instance, there are certain people at shul who will not say good shabbos to me. I make it a point to say good shabbos to everyone, from the five year old kid playing with my kid, to the Rabbi, to the old holocaust survivor who cannot remember my name. However, there are people who like to play some type of mental favorites by purposefully not greeting their fellow jew. I challenge any Rabbi in any Orthodox Congregation to condone such behavior and rather to issue an edict, ex cathedra, that it is incumbent, ouf of respect for the people and for the holy day, to greet all fellow jews with the day’s greeting. Extending honor to a fellow human being is in keeping with Jesus’ golden rule, which was stolen from Leviticus, and seems of little use to Orthodox Judaism. Just think, would Rabbi Weil have touched Aron Biston if he first had to say good shabbos?

Posted in Orthodoxy | Comments Off

Temple Shofar

Posted on September 24, 2007 by Luke Ford

Pete writes:

Luke,
Having been a member for 15 years of the industry roving synagogue, Temple Shofar of the DGA and then having watched it dissolve before my eyes this past Yontif when the Rabbi from Argentina (by way of Israel and Sweden) introduced the African Drummer "Mr. Happy" to accompany us while we chanted our prayers and I whispered "I’m outta here!" to my equally shocked temple mate, I sought in vain for a new temple. But alas, no luck.
I tried Wilshire Boulevard Temple and though it was okay, I wasn’t 100% happy. I wasn’t used to the massive organ (that’s pipe organ!) and choir (a little goyishe sounding), nor was I prepared for what was essentially a very tightly rehearsed and choreographed service, down to the perfect Little Mermaid-like harmonies {albeit in Hebrew!} between the wonderful Cantor and his guest Cant-ress. So I finished out the New Year feeling very homeless and very dispirited.
So where can I find your reviews of Temples and Synagogues? There’s a large group of us that are looking for direction.

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I Was A Teenage Heartthrob

Posted on September 24, 2007 by Luke Ford

Actress Julia Sandberg-Hansson, 24, emails: "Good god you’re perfectly evil. Did you know that I used to keep a cut-out picture of you from an old issue of Rolling Stone in my diary when was 15? I think I was a little bit in love with you."

Dear Julia,

I’m working on a song. It starts like this:

You need a greencard
I need a wife
Let’s make lots of money

Here’s the music video.

Posted in Personal | Comments Off

TMZ Employed A Sex Offender

Posted on September 24, 2007 by Luke Ford

From ERSNews.com:

ERS News has learned that TMZ.com, a internet based celebrity web site and recently launched syndicated television show, employed a convicted registered sex offender by the name of Glenn Gurniak. Gurniak worked with TMZ for an extended period of time in 2006 and early 2007. Gurniak is known on the street and by TMZ’s own web posted reports by the moniker "G-Hollywood".
"G-Hollywood" was touted by TMZ.com for months on its widely popular celebrity related website. TMZ is well known for its unique style of aggressive, "in your face" paparazzi reporting style on the world of celebrities and Hollywood related news. TMZ.com is one of the most widely popular celebrity related websites on the net. It has also become a routinely used source of news and information by other broadcast, print and online media outlets.
Gurniak is also well known to police and the California registered sex offender database. You can view Gurniak’s "Megan’s Law" entry below on the State of California’s sex offender registry.
…In a related story, earlier this year ERS reported on another registered sex offender who is also a well known LA paparazzo working for the celebrity photo agency X-17. In that case Ramon Leroy Kirk aka ‘Twist" was also a registered sex offender who had spent time in California State Prison for his illegal sexual actions with an underage girl.

Posted in TMZ.com | Comments Off

Sacha Baron Cohen Davens At Beth Jacob On Yom Kippur

Posted on September 24, 2007 by Luke Ford

Joe emails: "Sacha Baron Cohen spent Yom Kippur at Beth Jacob. He went up and duchened for the birkat kohanim (an honor he will forfeit assuming he marries convert Isla Fisher), and then briefly joined the choir standing around Cantor Avshalom Katz."

Here’s some video and stills I shot of Sacha and Isla on Sunday afternoon, June 10, on Santa Monica Blvd near San Vicente at West Hollywood’s gay pride parade. Click here. Stills Stills Stills Stills Stills Stills

According to this Wikipedia entry, Isla Fisher has converted to Orthodox Judaism in advance of her marriage to Sacha.

Posted in Beth Jacob, Sacha Baron Cohen | Comments Off

Friday Afternoon Interviews With Actresses Lorielle New, Julia Sandberg-Hansson

Posted on September 23, 2007 by Luke Ford

Julia’s website Julia’s MySpace Lorielle IMDB Lorielle’s MySpace

Meeting at 1:15 p.m. Sept. 21, we talk for 70-minutes by the swings at the park.

Video Video II Lorielle New at the Captivity Party, July 10, 2007

Here’s the final 35 minutes of audio at Starbucks with Julia (Swedish) and Lorielle (American) discussing their appearance in the 2007 movie Postal.

Julia, 24, grew up in Stockholm. Her dad ran a recording studio.

She got online in 1995. "The first person I [cyber-]stalked was Roman Polanski. I would’ve had a good shot if I had met him."

Lorielle: "She was a very smart, very odd child, an only child with a lot of computer time. She was very interested in films. She was one of those kids who, at age 12, asked, ‘Who did the production design on that?’"

Julia: "Because I didn’t have sex. Because I didn’t have a boyfriend."

Lorielle: "You were 12!"

Julia: "It went on like that."

"I saw the Wizard of Oz at five years old and I thought the characters could see me too. Even though I know it’s not true, I still believe that."

"When I was 13, my mother told me to sleep with as many as men [as possible] so I’d know what I did not want."

Lorielle: "Sweden is odd."

Julia: "There’s no mystery to sex. There’s no point. I wish there was some guilt about it. I’d be more excited about it."

She goes into a Swedish accent. "Yes, take a dip in the sauna and then take a dip in the ocean and come back…"

Julia: "Your website [lukeford.net] is totally dangerous. It’s a lethal weapon for people like me who stalk people. It’s a good point of reference."

Lorielle does not want to talk about her family.

Ever since she was a kid, she’s wanted to be an actor. "It’s one of those things I tried to avoid. I tried to find something practical and logical and sensible to do. Finally, I just had to give into it. I followed the Pied Piper to L.A. with the other 10,000 girls. I think they all left."

Luke: "What summer was that?"

Lorielle: "I don’t know. I’m not good with times and numbers."

"Are you pro or against Dennis Prager?"

Luke: "Personally, I’m pro, in my work, I try to be objective."

This reminds Julia of David Hasselhoff. "God knows if I’m pro or con."

"I spent a whole year in art college making work about him. My graduation piece was a life-sized painting of his chest covered in pubic hair."

"I mentioned the painting to him. I did not mention the pubic hair. I did mention the life-size. He was very excited. He was kind enough to offer me his phone number and I said I really just wanted his picture, if that was OK. I felt like it had gone full circle and I could leave David Hasselhoff behind. I found closure."

Luke: "So you did not want to sleep with him?"

Julia: "I don’t think that would’ve provided me with any more sense of completeness."

She says she could’ve sold the painting for a lot of money but was too "stupid."

"The painting stinks so much now I regret not having sold it."

"I still have the dream to make a Taschen icon book on David Hasselhoff."

Luke: "Lorielle, what clique were you in in high school?"

Lorielle: "I’m an Acquarius. I was never in a clique. I was a floater."

Julia: "I love your questions. I’m jealous."

"I was called Little Hitler in school. I like to boss around people. The only thing I wanted to play was re-enactments of Wizard of Oz."

"I started directing my own interpretations of Wizard of Oz at age six on a Betamax camera."

"I started doing a B.A. in theatre. I couldn’t agree with any performance theories."

"I consider myself a wanna-be artist working in the medium of film whether as a director or actress.

"Because you asked me and because I read your stuff and like your stuff, I would feel guilty not to tell you the truth."

"I was told when I got here not to say that. To just say that I was an actress."

"I want to make Tetris the Movie."

"I have a feeling that Michael Bay will make an adaptation in two years."

Luke: "In your Hitler phase, were you putting Jews in concentration camps?"

Julia: "Yes, if you are referring to my poor friends. I have visual documentation… My mom still refers to me as Little Hitler… I turn all red. I was a bad girl. I make people do strange things for no money. It’s my greatest achievement as a director."

Luke: "Where were you in the social order when you were a kid?"

Julia: "I was an alien."

She does not consider herself pretty.

Lorielle got her first boyfriend after high school.

Julia got her first at age eight. "We had a passionate relationship. I was heart broken when he did not want to be with me. We were together almost a week and a half. And then it was a long gap until I was 18."

Luke: "How do you feel about marriage?"

Julia: "Equals greencard?"

Lorielle: "Everybody I know who is married is not so happy or faithful."

The first time Lorielle got paid for acting was 1996’s Up Close and Personal. Since then she’s appeared in about 50 films.

The first time Julia got paid for acting was Postal.

Lorielle: "Nudity doesn’t bother me… When an A-list star does it, she’s so brave and daring, but if you do it in a low-budget movie, ooh, that’s a B-movie. It’s the same nudity."

Julia: "I need to feel tricked into it. I need to feel that I can justify it… I need to know why the scene is in the story…"

I ask about her scene in Postal. "Does he rape her?"

Julia: "It gets worse than that."

Luke: "Lorielle, has there been anyone particularly instrumental in your career?"

Lorielle: "No one. Every job I’ve ever had I’ve booked on my own without any help from anyone. Nobody helps you when you’re an actor."

"Speaking of nudity, I was having a conversation with Ken Davitian from Borat. That [nude] fight scene he did was the bravest thing ever."

Luke: "Is there anything your roles have in common?"

Lorielle: "I don’t think so. Porn stars, strippers and hookers? No. I’m being self-mocking."

Lorielle plays a prostitute in two 2006 movies — Miami Vice Uncensored and Living the Dream.

She plays a porn star in two episodes of The Practice.

"Anyone that says, ‘I’m going to pay you to do this,’ I’m going to take the job."

Julia: "Most of them have been intentionally sexy."

Lorielle: "None of the choices have been based on anything in common."

"There are a lot of male writers who write that one [sexy] character in."

"I’m very excited. I just met with a producer who wants to cast me as a mentally challenged person."

Julia snorts.

Lorielle: "He said, ‘I could see you doing that.’"

Julia: "I have done a good retard in Postal."

Lorielle: "I’ve played a nerdy secretary. I’ve done other roles. I’m being self-mocking when I say porn stars, strippers and hookers. A lot of the time that’s all that’s left over in the castings. I would like to play the nice girl."

Julia: "You want to be the retard."

Lorielle: "People usually see me in the stronger bad-girl role."

Luke: "Do you see yourself as a bad girl?"

Lorielle: "No. I’m a shy sweet nerd who works a lot on her computer."

Julia: "I think of projects rather than roles."

"I’m very concerned about notions of reality."

Luke: "Lorielle, are you happier playing someone or being yourself?"

Lorielle: "Playing someone else. I feel awkward and uncomfortable even in an interview talking about myself. I’d rather talk about a character or a movie or a part. Myself is shy but the character might not be."

"I don’t want to be me. I want to play someone else."

Julia: "I have asked to be tricked in a movie."

Lorielle: "The reason I want to act is so that I can create things and move people… I guess I have a lot of extra emotions and have always felt things deeply. I’d watch a movie that somebody made and be crying way too much. I’ve always wanted to do things that said something or made a difference. It’s rare to find those projects. There’s not a lot of films that say anything. Maybe ten a year. I don’t get to audition for those ten films. Perhaps I’ll have to write one."

"I want to be Oprah or Jesus and save the world and stop the wars. I want to be queen of the world."

Luke: "Julia, what do you love and hate about your life?"

Julia: "I hate feeling dependent, like the lawyer helping me with my paperwork."

Luke: "Immigration?"

Julia: "Yes. I feel like my independence is undermined."

Julia goes off on abstract tangents.

Lorielle: "She doesn’t answer the question. Ever."

Julia went to high school in England and then got a B.A. and M.A. in England. She didn’t like it there. She fears that Hollywood is the right place for her to make artistic films.

"I’ve always been an outsider in Europe but nobody here bats an eye."

Lorielle: "She was an alien in Europe but now she’s found her planet and her people."

Luke: "How do directors and producers like it when you go after them so aggressively?"

Julia: "It would’ve been worse if I had been a middle-aged man."

Lorielle: "Since they are all older and perhaps a little bit past their prime…"

Julia: "No! That’s not true."

Lorielle: "Most of them are quite flattered."

"She hasn’t seen the classic films. She hasn’t seen Rebel Without a Cause. She’s seen obscure ’80s and ’90s films."

Luke: "Julia, what do you love and hate about America?"

Julia: "It’s the same thing — that you are allowed to voice your dreams and aspirations. In Europe, you should be happy with what you’ve got. People strive for similar things in Europe but you don’t talk about it. Here people say, ‘I’m fabulous and I’m going to do this.’ That can be annoying but at the same time I admire it. You ask me things. Usually I don’t answer these things. In Europe they don’t ask you things like that."

Lorielle: "Sometimes the hypocrisy gets to me. I love our freedom, or what’s left of it. The shreds that are left before we are bottled down in some George Orwellian dictatorship."

Luke: "What’s your greatest fear?"

Lorielle: "Failure."

Julia emails Monday: "Good god you’re perfectly evil. Did you know that I used to keep a cut-out picture of you from an old issue of Rolling Stone in my diary when was 15? I think I was a little bit in love with you."

Posted in Hollywood | Comments Off

Tabloid Baby Plagiarized By Chicago Tribune

Posted on September 23, 2007 by Luke Ford

From TabloidBaby:

We took a lot of stick a few weeks ago after our exclusive publication of Our Man Elli in Israel‘s exposé of the Israel Baseball League, a day before the story was set to be published in Jewish weeklies across America and the globe. It was a case of crossed signals and time zones, but it warranted some navel-gazing and chin-stroking at place like Jim Romenesko’s j-school newsmedia site (you know, the one that ignores us except when the tables are turned).
But now we’ve got something that grinds our gears– and challenge the mainstream news media to play fair.
On Monday, we posted a story and alerted Romenesko, after some schmuck (left) at the powerful Chicago Tribune lifted, ripped off and plagiarized Elli Wohlgelernter’s sidebar story that we also ran exclusively on August 28th. Joel Greenberg (left) took Elli’s translation of the interview with former Major Leaguer and IBL team manager Ken Holtzman, copied it for a September 16th Trib article and claimed it as his own.

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Miller Children’s Hospital Charged With Undisclosed Research on Children

Posted on September 21, 2007 by Luke Ford

Miller Children’s Hospital in Long Beach is part of the MemorialCare hospital group. It has been named as one of the top children’s hospitals in the country by Leapfrog, a hospital rating organization.

State health investigators are looking into whether the hospital permitted unauthorized research studies to be performed on children with respiratory problems. The studies involve "bronching" of children (placing flexible tubes into the bronchi with attached camera through the mouth and trachea). A hospital board member, Dr. J. Carlos Maggi, is one of the lead physicians conducting the study. Families of patients have complained that they were misled when told that the children needed the procedure.

Mary (not her real name) has a teenage daughter (Jane, not her real name).

A few years ago, Jane was rushed to the hospital for asthma.

Jane is on Medi-Cal.

Dr. J. Carlos Maggi was her doctor in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Miller’s.

Dr. Maggi told Mary that Jane had a lot of fluid on the lungs and other stuff in the lungs.He said that she needed a Flexible Bronchoscopy to save her life. She has since learned that this was a lie. The procedure was not necessary and only made her daughter sicker.

Dr. Maggi told her to leave the room. Mary was very upset because her daughter was in critical condition and he was making her sicker, putting her more at risk by doing this unnecessary procedure.

Dr. Maggi never told her he was doing a big research study on Flexible Bronchoscopy or that her daughter was part of a study.

He never asked her to sign a consent to be part of his research. He did not mention that he was doing anything unusual, even though she has since learned that this procedure was experimental.

Mary is very upset that this doctor took advantage of her daughter for his own purposes. She has filed a complaint against Dr. Maggi with the Medical Board.

Numerous other children were experimented on without their permission, including at least one who died. One brain dead. Dr. Maggi still did the procedure.

Posted in Health | Comments Off

Who Will Be The Next Cathy Seipp?

Posted on September 20, 2007 by Luke Ford

Chaim Amalek writes:

I just bought Keith Ferrazzi’s book, "Never Eat Alone." Perhaps you should read it too. Otherwise, and in the spirit of utter tastelessness that I suspect Cathy Seipp would have found amusing, I suggest you launch a public search/contest: "Who Will Be Luke’s New Cathy Seipp?" The prize will be your witty company and the chance for a woman to have you by her side at various events, with the added bonus being that you are not gay (I believe, although when a man has reached your many years without ever having married, testicles do shrivel and people do talk).
Who may enter: Since this is to be a wingwoman for you and not someone to date (let alone fornicate), it should be a woman (sorry, Elliot) who has lived long enough to fully appreciate, in a motherly sort of way, the many weaknesses of the middle aged man. Cathy’s old friends (e.g., Amy Alkon, and that Chinese chick who knows calculus) should be invited to compete for this prize, although one suspects that none will.
So to cut to the chase, contestants should be women between the ages of 38 and 57 who are divorced or married (their husbands are not apt to object), or even single if they have children. True spinsters are not well suited for this position. She must be witty, brilliant in an unheralded sort of way, have broad social connections to other smart and successful people (what Luke really needs), occasionally be hard on Luke as a good mother sometimes must be, and yet defend him before others when he is not around. It would be nice if she were rich and owned a major media outlet, but this is not necessary.
I know that many of Cathy’s old friends will think this contest to be utterly tasteless, but one suspects that while so too would have Cathy, she’d also have gotten a chuckle out of it and, in the end, nodded her assent to it.
Ladies, send your applications to this web site care of "Chaim Amalek", who will do the initial vetting. Explain why you deserve to become Luke’s Next Cathy Seipp.

Posted in Cathy Seipp | Comments Off

The Uninvited

Posted on September 20, 2007 by Luke Ford

In second grade, I wasn’t invited to classmate Gavin Brown’s birthday party.

That really hurt. I understand why I wasn’t invited — because I’m a creep. But I didn’t like it.

Thirty three years later, my social status has not changed and the pain that goes with that ostracism has not diminished. Not even a little bit.

Tonight I stepped into a party and was promptly kicked out.

That made me mad and I want to lash out at the people who hurt me. In fact, I have.

Once a week, I engage in a communal meal. I sit in the same seat every week. Normally, I have a friend or two who sit with me. Sometimes a group of people choose to sit with me. Sometimes girls, cute girls, sit near me.

But the past few weeks, I’ve eaten alone.

I’ve been out on the wing, alone, and felt like a complete loser.

That’s why I always carry a book around with me. I never know when I’ll be in a room where nobody will want to talk to me.

I respect the reasons why people don’t talk to me. I just don’t like it.

I remember a temple (Ohr Ha Torah) I attended nine years ago. A girl I was with on and off came one Sabbath.

"Nobody wants to sit with you," she noted.

After lunch, I got up to walk her out.

"Don’t bother," she said.

She didn’t want to be contaminated.

My therapist suggested I call my memoir, "The Uninvited."

I’m really lost without Cathy Seipp to mother me.

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