Chaim Amalek writes:
I just bought Keith Ferrazzi’s book, "Never Eat Alone." Perhaps you should read it too. Otherwise, and in the spirit of utter tastelessness that I suspect Cathy Seipp would have found amusing, I suggest you launch a public search/contest: "Who Will Be Luke’s New Cathy Seipp?" The prize will be your witty company and the chance for a woman to have you by her side at various events, with the added bonus being that you are not gay (I believe, although when a man has reached your many years without ever having married, testicles do shrivel and people do talk).
Who may enter: Since this is to be a wingwoman for you and not someone to date (let alone fornicate), it should be a woman (sorry, Elliot) who has lived long enough to fully appreciate, in a motherly sort of way, the many weaknesses of the middle aged man. Cathy’s old friends (e.g., Amy Alkon, and that Chinese chick who knows calculus) should be invited to compete for this prize, although one suspects that none will.
So to cut to the chase, contestants should be women between the ages of 38 and 57 who are divorced or married (their husbands are not apt to object), or even single if they have children. True spinsters are not well suited for this position. She must be witty, brilliant in an unheralded sort of way, have broad social connections to other smart and successful people (what Luke really needs), occasionally be hard on Luke as a good mother sometimes must be, and yet defend him before others when he is not around. It would be nice if she were rich and owned a major media outlet, but this is not necessary.
I know that many of Cathy’s old friends will think this contest to be utterly tasteless, but one suspects that while so too would have Cathy, she’d also have gotten a chuckle out of it and, in the end, nodded her assent to it.
Ladies, send your applications to this web site care of "Chaim Amalek", who will do the initial vetting. Explain why you deserve to become Luke’s Next Cathy Seipp.
