I Still Own The Number One Google Result For ‘Orit Arfa’

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

I got a vitriolic complaint the other day for writing too much about Orit Arta.

Too much Orit Arfa, you gasp? That’s not possible.

I agree with you, but this emailer claimed that the reason I was ragging on Harkham Hillel for the past couple of years was to impress Orit’s parents (the mom is suing, or has sued, Hillel for wrongful termination).

That’s the exact kind of pathetic devious online behavior of which I’m all too capable.

From this week’s Jewish Journal:

By Orit Arfa

 

I’d like to introduce a new verb to the dating lexicon: "Gogle," a combination of the words Google and "ogle."

One online dictionary defines "oglers" as those who ". . . look at especially with greedy or interested attention."

"Gogle" means to look up a person you want to date with greedy or interested attention using the popular search engine, Google.

I have been guilty of gogling, along with millions of other singles. Whenever I meet a guy, I always try to request a business card so I can get his last name. If I meet a guy online, I deduce his last name from his e-mail address. Then I punch it in Google to find out: Where does he work? What is his background? Has he published anything?

Unless the guy is a fellow writer or journalist, or unless he is semifamous, the search queries usually don’t turn up results. At best, his name might be listed in a company Web site profile or some college club he belonged to years ago.

If someone’s life is not worth at least one page of Google search results, does that mean he hasn’t accomplished or written anything of enough import to be broadcast online? Does he lack ambition, achievement or creative output?

Then again, sometimes I’m relieved when the prospective date doesn’t show up on Google. I cannot develop any preconceived notions about the man, and I begin from scratch in getting to know him. Google search results don’t really reveal anything about a man’s character — and my deeper self cautions me against judging a man based on his outward accomplishments alone.

And what about men who gogle me? They come up with all kinds of good stuff — much of it information I don’t necessarily want them to know before they get to know me personally. I guess this is occupational hazard for someone who writes this kind of column.

A cursory reading of Google headlines that come up under my name might lead guys to conclude the following: I am a right-wing fanatical Zionist, I’m tired of Israeli men and I have 10 rules for men who date me. In part, I have a blogger to thank for this — his colorful commentary and reposts of my most recent single columns always get ranked high, a fact of which he is proud.

Now, while Orit is considerably more attractive than I am, I am now going to write something that will prove I’m smarter than she is. Or, at least I would if I were…

I do have one teensy thought:

Orit’s annoyed that Google reveals too much information about her and that it is not balanced, fair and accurate.

(Anybody who believes everything they read — online or in print — is a fool and anybody who discounts everything they read online is also a fool.)

I encounter this same criticism frequently. People I write about are sometimes annoyed that I am not balanced, fair and accurate with them. While I am always glad to correct my facts, I realize that nobody is always balanced, fair and accurate, and I don’t hate myself for being human. We are all frequently unbalanced, unfair and inaccurate about the things we say about others (thus Judaism’s strict laws against gossip). To be completely balanced, fair and accurate is exhausting. It’s a worthy goal but to hold it as a requirement for communication would stifle most discourse.

So while Google is not completely fair and balanced with Orit, I doubt she’s completely fair and balanced either with the people she writes about.

When you thrust yourself forward into the public spotlight, as Orit does and as I do, you give up much of your privacy and dignity.

About the most toxic thing a single woman can do is to write about her dating life (though Teresa Strasser did land herself one fine shaigetz). Orit Arfa et al are sacrifical lambs for our voyeurism. They prance about on stage for our pleasure, and then meet guys they love and have their heart cut out.

PS. What happened to those books Orit was writing? When I met her in 2001, she was doing one on Genesis. Are any of them finished yet?

Orit, you don’t really love me, you just keep me hanging on.

Posted in Orit Arfa | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on I Still Own The Number One Google Result For ‘Orit Arfa’

The Sickening John Edwards Story

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

From the UK:

Ken Layne, editor of the Washington DC gossip site Wonkette.com, argues on AOL’s Political Machine that what he calls "the respectable press" is avoiding the Edwards story not just because the "unseemly" National Enquirer is the main source but because it’s a story that makes everybody look bad.

"Why is everybody so squeamish about this story?" he asks. "Because it ruins the 2008 campaign narrative, which is all about the grizzled old war veteran vs the hopeful young star. Because, if true, it is a tawdry and tragic ending to a political love story [John and Elizabeth Edwards] that was nothing but an empty media performance.

"It reminds us that John McCain left his wife, after she was disfigured in a car accident, so he could chase women in bars until he met the beer heiress of his congressional-district dreams.

"It reminds us that Bill Clinton squandered a successful second term in a prosperous, peaceful America by shaming his family and the country with his dumb redneck inability to keep his pants on, and it reminds Hillary supporters that she would likely be the Democratic nominee today if Bill wasn’t such a self-centered jackass."

Layne concludes: "It reminds us that politicians in Washington are creeps and weirdos, and whether they’re Senator Larry Craig cruising for gay sex in an airport bathroom or ex-Senator John Edwards hiding from tabloid reporters in a Beverly Hills hotel bathroom, they are twisted little Caligulas pretending to be statesmen, on your dime."

Posted in Adultery, John Edwards, Journalism, Politics | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on The Sickening John Edwards Story

Rielle Hunter Negotiating For A Major Network Interview?

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

From RadarOnline:

Hunter has been receiving $15,000 a month in hush money from a "wealthy colleague" of Edwards who is closely tied to his campaign.

Oh, and about the alleged baby (well, Edwards’ alleged baby; we’re pretty sure she’s a baby either way): Her name is Frances Quinn Hunter, and she was born at Santa Barbara Cottage hospital. Edwards’ good friend and former aide Andrew Young stepped forward last December by claiming to be the father of the child (he’s married with kids himself), but the Enquirer reports that he too is receiving cash from the same guy who is paying off Hunter. The Enquirer noted that Hunter was "living in Chapel Hill, N.C. in a gated community, just a few streets away from Andrew Young" and was spotted around town driving a BMW registered in his name in the weeks after the story broke, though Young hasn’t been heard from since. (Maybe the house in question belonged to Edwards backer, Tar Heel, and former NBA center Eric Montross? This story is weird enough for that to almost make sense. Plus, how great would it be to have a sports angle?)

Whether the money is enough to keep Hunter quiet remains to be seen—she’s supposedly in the process of securing an interview with a major network.

Posted in Adultery, John Edwards, Rielle Hunter | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Rielle Hunter Negotiating For A Major Network Interview?

The John Edwards News Blackout

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

From a blog:

Robert (Bob) Wilson is a retired North Carolina journalist. For many years he was editorial page editor of the Durham Herald Sun when it was one of the Tar Heel State’s most respected newspapers. He speaks out today about the Raleigh News & Observer’s news blackout of the affair involving former Sen. John Edwards and his filmmaker friend Rielle Hunter. Edwards calls the N&O “my hometown newspaper.” – – – JinC
_____________________________________________________

When is a news story not a news story? When The National Enquirer smokes out former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards’ double life.

It’s been a week and a half since a squad of Enquirer reporters nailed Edwards in Los Angeles. The paper reported that Edwards visited his alleged paramour, Rielle Hunter, and their child at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, describing the public aspects of the tryst in stunning detail.

Chapel Hill resident Edwards, who made his stash as a trial lawyer, knows truth is the only defense against libel; tellingly, he has not threatened to sue the Enquirer.

Edwards has three children by his wife Elizabeth. Although weakened by incurable cancer, she has until recently gamely accompanied him on political trips, often introducing him to audiences.

As a prominent public figure with national political ambitions, elected or appointed, Edwards was, and remains, fair game for the Enquirer. In a July 22 story ( "Sen. John Edwards Caught With Mistress and Love Child" ) the scrappy king of the supermarket tabs let him have both barrels on its Web site and in its print edition.

So why haven’t you read about Edwards’ picaresque adventure at the Beverly Hilton in The News & Observer, his hometown newspaper, or in such news hounds as The Washington Post and The New York Times?

Because the Enquirer don’t get no respect in the mainstream media, even though the tab has a record of accuracy that many a mainstream newspaper should envy.

The Enquirer often left the MSM coughing in its dust with the O.J. Simpson story a decade ago. Press critic Jack Shafer, who writes for the online journal Slate, is one of the few people with a national audience who defends the Enquirer, noting that it was preparing to reveal the Rev. Jesse Jackson’s love child several years ago when Jackson got wind of what was coming down and went public to soften the impact. It worked.

Meanwhile, the liberal-leaning MSM gave Jackson a pass.

Interesting thing about Slate. The Washington Post Co. owns it. Apparently, Shafer can write about Edwards, Rielle Hunter and their love child until the cows come home — but nary a word about Edwards’ escapade has sullied the Post. Presumably, it is above such trifles.

The Washington Post, The New York Times and the Los Angeles Times (the latter forbids its staff bloggers from even mentioning the Edwards affair, much less writing about it) can do as they wish with this story, which is to blithely ignore the whole thing. No one can force them to acknowledge it.

However, it’s much harder for the N&O to justify non-coverage. The Old Reliable has been a worker bee in Edwards’ hive from the start of his political career, but if the paper is as fair and honest as Executive Editor John Drescher proclaims in his weekly column, his staff would be all over this story.

If nothing else, the N&O should be able to recognize as nationally significant a tragic-comic news story when it sees one. A hotel security guard interviewed by Fox News, one of the few domestic news organizations to acknowledge the story, described Edwards as fleeing in panic when confronted by Enquirer reporters at 2:40 in the morning as he was about to leave through a basement door.

The guard said an ashen Edwards scurried into a men’s room, where he held out for 15 minutes while the reporters yelled questions at him. Hotel security officers later gave the shaken Edwards safe passage out of the hotel.

This was news, real and unalloyed. Still, a newspaper that downplayed a gang-related brawl Saturday night that shut down Triangle Town Center, a major shopping venue in East Raleigh, isn’t likely to sling ink at a big political story, whether in Raleigh or in Beverly Hills, that doesn’t mesh with its institutional liberalism.

Posted in John Edwards, Journalism | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on The John Edwards News Blackout

Fighting Demons

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

From PragerRadio.com: "Dennis Prager talks to Dr. Stephen Marmer, member of the clinical faculty of the UCLA Medical School and a psychiatrist in private practice in Brentwood, CA, about whether we can rid ourselves of our demons or just hope to control them?"

Dr. Marmer talks about choosing people who will repeat bad things we experienced in our early years while tricking ourselves that we’re doing otherwise.

Dr. Marmer: "Dr. Robert Stoller, of blessed memory, used to say that we’re attracted by the excitement and tension of whether the person that we’re with is going to hurt us in the characteristic way that we were most vulnerable to. A person who has no capacity to hurt us, we’re going to find boring. We’re drawn to people who will challenge us in our areas of vulnerability and the key to whether this will be a success or not is if the two of you are committed to growth rather than to repetition."

Dr. Marmer: "Consciously, they seek to undo [the damage of their childhood], but unconsciously they choose people who repeat some of the same… The thrill is — can I go into the danger zone and prevail this time while in my childhood I couldn’t.

"It’s a variation of the Groucho Marx line about not being a member of a club that will have you."

"Until you stop an addiction, it’ll be impossible for you to deal with the underlying problems."

Dr. Marmer says that people from happy childhood are unlikely to develop addictions.

"Life challenges only become crippling if they latch on to some vulnerability from childhood… If the current event latches on to an unfinished childhood event, that’s when it becomes a demon.

"A patient who has had many childhood illnesses…that person grows up to be a hypochondriac, to be fearful, to over-react to dangers, and stunts his life accordingly. That person is vulnerable to inflict that same over-concern about dread of disease to their children."

"I would call alcoholism or any of the addictive things a demon on top of a demon. They become things unto themselves in addition to an earlier problem. If you have a demon of alcohol, then you’re trying to escape from something."

Dr. Marmer says you should ask if your romantic partner is basically kind, that you can communicate clearly, and that you are both committed to growth.

Posted in Dating, Dennis Prager, Sex | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Fighting Demons

Fathers & Mothers

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

From PragerRadio.com:

Dennis talks to Dr. Stephan Poulter, a clinical psychologist specializing in family relationships. His latest books are The Father Factor: How Your Father’s Legacy Impacts Your Career and The Mother Factor: How Your Mother’s Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life.

Dr. Poulter says that children orient to the most emotionally healthy parent.

From StephanPoulter.com:

Dr. Stephan B. Poulter is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice in West Los Angeles, California. He has worked in various settings with more than 2,200 fathers and sons in the last twenty-three years.

Before he became a psychologist, he attended theological seminary as well as serving as a police officer with the city of Glendale, California. While attending graduate school and working full-time as a police officer, his law enforcement specialty was working with “at risk” juveniles, primarily young (twelve- to eighteen-year-olds) male criminal offenders, in programs designed to redirect their anger and salvage their future. This work sparked his realization that America is facing an epidemic of fatherless boys and rage, pain, and violence are the results. It motivated Dr. Poulter to give up the ministry and pursue a doctorate in clinical psychology with an emphasis on adolescent male development.

Dr. Poulter, himself the son of an emotionally distant father, has been interested in the relationship between fathers and sons for more than twenty years. During college he worked as a youth counselor and a camp director during the summers with adolescent boys. After completing his doctoral dissertation, which was entitled “Misdiagnosis of Acting out Adolescents,” he ran a United Way counseling agency and oversaw school interventions for “at risk” students within the Los Angeles Unified School District. He has worked with a wide range of fathers and sons in all socioeconomic levels from the poorest to the wealthiest Hollywood celebrities. The issues are all the same: father and son relationships.

In 1998 he co-authored Mending the Broken Bough: Restoring the Promise of the Mother and Daughter Relationship (Berkley Books) with Dr. Barbara Zax. In promoting the book around the country, he quickly discovered that “as much as I knew about the relationships between girls and their mothers, women preferred to hear about these issues strictly from another woman, not a man. It was then that I realized what I really needed to write about was something that hits much closer to home, and which has so crucially shaped my own life: becoming the kind of father to your son that you never had yourself, but always wanted and hoped for.” It was this realization that eventually led to the writing of his book Father Your Son: How to Become the Father You’ve Always Wanted to Be.

In addition to his current practice, Dr. Poulter appears regularly on radio talk shows and news programs. He holds public speaking engagements and workshops that creatively address various aspects of the father/child relationship. The father of a boy and a girl, Dr. Stephan Poulter is passionate about the issue of fathers’ needing to be active, present, and involved with their children—and that passion is reflected in every aspect of his career.

Posted in Dennis Prager | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Fathers & Mothers

I Was Going To Major In Genocide Studies…

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

I’m going to a lecture ("Lessons learned from the Holocaust? A Sociological Economic Analysis of Genocide") this weekend by a woman who’s got a master’s degree in Genocide Studies.

I didn’t know you could get university degrees in genocide.

College sure has changed since I was a kid.

Naama Haviv is the Assistant Director of Jewish World Watch.  She holds an MA/ABD in Comparative Genocide from Clark University, where she is a Doctoral candidate.  Naama has done extensive research on current world conflicts to assess the risk of genocide, and works with JWW’s Funds Allocation committee to ensure the strength and quality of JWW-supported refugee relief projects.  
 
Before joining the JWW team, Naama created and managed educational programs connecting students from the US to students in Afghanistan, Bangladesh, and Tajikistan for Relief International, and held research positions with the Institute for the Study of Genocide, the Middle East Media Research Institute and the American Anti-Slavery Group
 

Posted in Genocide | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on I Was Going To Major In Genocide Studies…

I Just Scheduled My First Lesson In Alexander Technique

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

I heard about it from Neil Strauss. I then read a couple of books on it and watched several videotapes and YouTube segments.

I’m doing Alexander because I have horrible posture and it affects my voice and my headaches and my backaches and my low energy. I feel all twisted up. I’m also going to sign up for T’ai Chi classes.

I looked through the list of available teachers in Los Angeles. My only criteria was that she be hot. Alexander Technique is very hands on and I didn’t want some gay dude or old crone handling me. No fatties.

I sent off emails to three teachers. None of them got back back to me within 18 hours. Then I picked up the phone for the fourth and she answered and away I go on this great adventure.

I know I’m holding my body in horrible ways. It’s probably part of the reason I have a brusque personality.

Michael J. Gelb writes in his book Body Learning: "When she arrived for her first lesson, I was immediately struck by the aggressive demeanour and air of cynicism that accompanied her brusque physical movements. Yes, in spite of appearances, the session went well: her back soon felt better, her expression softened, and she began to experience the classic sensation of lightness and ease. Her outward toughness was, as I had expected, only a thin veneer."

After a few lessons, I expect to be able to hit the high notes on my favorite Air Supply tunes.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I Just Scheduled My First Lesson In Alexander Technique

More Layoffs, Please XVIII

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

Mickey Kaus writes:

The Enquirer has indeed already moved on to the Edwards "coverup." Their latest issue alleges:

John Edwards’ mistress, Rielle Hunter – the mother of his "love child" – has been secretly receiv­ing $15,000 a month as part of an elaborate cover-up orchestrated by the former presidential contender. …

The money is being funneled to Hunter by a wealthy colleague who was closely tied to the Edwards’ campaign … [E.A.]

You can read a better analysis of the Edwards/Rielle Hunter scandal on will.i.am’s Dipdive "lifestyle engine" than in the mighty Los Angeles Times. … Of course, you can’t read any analysis of the Edwards/Rielle Hunter scandal in the mighty Los Angeles Times. But if you could, Dipdive‘s would probably still be better. … P.S.: This Bloggasm interview with LAT omertapparatchik Tony Pierce suggests the paper’s metro reporters came up empty-handed in their vaunted investigation of the Enquirer‘s charges:

I asked Pierce if the metro desk had the chance to follow up on the story, and if so, would he send out another post allowing his bloggers to write about it. He said that to his knowledge the LA Times reporters hadn’t found any additional information and expressed some skepticism of the National Enquirer story’s authenticity.

Posted in Adultery, John Edwards, Los Angeles Times, Mickey Kaus | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on More Layoffs, Please XVIII

Hormonal Judaism Vs Mind Judaism

Posted on July 30, 2008 by Luke Ford

Rabbi Yitzhock Adlerstein writes:

There is good kiruv and there is bad kiruv. After reading ‘You’ve been Aish’d…’ in the Jerusalem Post, even the bad kiruv starts to look better. It is a piece that alternates between silliness and shallowness. The author makes it clear that she believes that the claims of Orthodoxy have some facial appeal, but nothing rigorous to back them up, and then proceeds to pen many declarative sentences – with nothing to back them up. Perhaps she was more influenced by her kiruv experience than she realizes.

“Everything moves fast and intensely, yet rarely lasts,” she writes about the trips to Israel. Duh…if the effects were such a rarity, would she really be writing an expose of kiruv organizations like Aish and NCSY? Where are the stats on the religious effects of kiruv organizaions? As I recall, a scientific study by the Lilly Foundation a few years ago demonstrated quite impressively the long-term efficacy of NCSY programs.

Those female advisors, overbrimming with cherubic innocence, may make a good go of it, but “unfortunately, they are unable to relate to the secular world.” So why do so many neophytes come back to them and their classes and their homes, and find in those same naifs mentors for life? Again, just how many people has she interviewed?

…If there is a redeeming thought in the article, it is in these lines: “The Orthodox world they present bears not a trace of dissatisfaction: Never did I ever hear a speaker or trip leader discuss any problems within the Orthodox world. Apparently, as long as they follow proper Halacha, everybody is happy and fulfilled, with neither depression nor repression, money nor domestic problems.” The ba’alei teshuva whom I know (and I have known far more than the average frum Jew) find out in due time about the myriad problems of the Orthodox community. They do not and should not learn about them at their first encounter, as long as they are introduced to them at the appropriate time. (Did you ever wonder whether freshman orientation at Cornell, with reputedly the highest suicide rate in the country, includes a tour of the last ten places on campus where a student did himself in?) I, for one, am a great fan of divulging problems (and helping students deal with them) as soon as possible. I make a point of not promising social, intellectual, or spiritual rose gardens. I try to describe the journey from the very beginning as having road blocks and detours. I frequently answer question with what must quickly become a boring response: “I don’t know.” My own experience has been that the candor has paid off for my students.

There are in fact many, many problems within Orthodox communities – as well as in the conduct of kiruv– as there are in all communities. If the Jerusalem Post piece is any indication of how outsiders look at us, we all have to try much harder to expose those problems ourselves. Some of the others aren’t getting it.

Posted in R. Yitzhock Adlerstein | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Hormonal Judaism Vs Mind Judaism