Chaim Amalek, Leah Kleim Live In My Chatroom

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YourMoralLeader:  what’s new Leah, how’s life with the goyim? when do you return to the hood?
LeahKleim:  life with the goyim sux
LeahKleim:  2 weeks is what Ive been saying for 2 and a half months now
YourMoralLeader:  leah, how many cigs you smoke a day?
LeahKleim:  2 pax, why
LeahKleim:  f**k i need a light brb
Emma:  2 packs of 10 or 20 Leah?
LeahKleim:  20
LeahKleim:  i want to be Emma
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, when ru starting your own live cam?
LeahKleim:  Luke, do you like watching yourself?
LeahKleim:  Im not
YourMoralLeader:  i dont watch, I just work and shine my moral light!
LeahKleim:  oh yes you do!
LeahKleim:  why dont you do internet radio ?
YourMoralLeader:  hmm
LeahKleim:  thats not really the answer I was looking 4
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, how do you get kids to do what you want. such as stay buckled when i drive?
LeahKleim:  cookies
LeahKleim:  hes deep in thought everyone, sit tight hes gonna tell us something huge in a minute
LeahKleim:  you should post this, and title it "a day in the life of jobless bloggers"
YourMoralLeader:  leah, how do the goyim react to you in ur Illinois town?
LeahKleim:  dunno, I dont talk to them
YourMoralLeader:  Do they react primarily to your mind, your soul or your breasts?
LeahKleim:  they do read my blog though so Im sure they all think Im nuts
LeahKleim:  tits and ass
YourMoralLeader:  so shallow
LeahKleim:  yeah, people, what a f**ked up bunch they are
LeahKleim:  to not see past my ass and know THAT I HAVE FEELINGS TOO DAMN IT !!!
LeahKleim:  I need a good cry now
YourMoralLeader:  if you were to be shomer mitzvot, which mitzvos would be hardest for you?
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, I want to help you
LeahKleim:  tznius and shabbos
LeahKleim:  start beating off
YourMoralLeader:  my every act is governed by G-d’s immutable moral law, so I can’t do that, Leah
LeahKleim:  then how would you help ? thats what every rabbi who wants to help me does
LeahKleim:  phone sex !
YourMoralLeader:  what ru reading these days leah? and co?
LeahKleim:  nothing,
YourMoralLeader:  a mind is a terrible thing to waste
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, how great thou art
YourMoralLeader:  Why are you so wonderful?
guest20:  because she turned into emma
guest20:  inspire me luke
YourMoralLeader:  look into my eyes
LeahKleim:  be the moral leader !
YourMoralLeader:  if we could each do one more mitzva, we’d bring moshiach now
LeahKleim:  do you think ppl really want moshiach to come?
YourMoralLeader:  all good jews do
LeahKleim:  I dnt think so
YourMoralLeader:  your heart is cold
YourMoralLeader:  your faith is dead
LeahKleim:  sort of
RoomFiller:  What can revive it?
LeahKleim:  thats why i turned t you
guest20:  luke can
Prop:  Leah, are you a Lukeophile?
LeahKleim:  Its hashgocha protis that he found me
LeahKleim:  I am Luke Ford
guest20:  thought you were emma
LeahKleim:  multiple personality disorder just kicked in and took over
YourMoralLeader:  I’m gonna do a faith healing right now
guest20:  luke inspire her too
LeahKleim:  ok im ready
hancockpark:  good morning all
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, put your hands on your computer, close your eyes, and open your heart
LeahKleim:  heck yeah ! hes helping !
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
LeahKleim:  Big Hooters?
Prop:  Being Hooterlicious is always a plus.
Prop:  The more better-hootered, the more likelihood of ending up on a casting couch.
LeahKleim:  hey its not like Im smart or something, all I got is tits and ass and hell I had to pay for the tits
OccupantOfSpace:  No complaints here.
OccupantOfSpace:  Some of the best tits in life come with a price.
LeahKleim:  but you cant buy brains, that was proven when my parents paid my tuition
YourMoralLeader:  do you feel my healing energy leah?
LeahKleim:  or maybe they just got what they paid for
RoomFiller:  You can buy off teachers…….and therefore substitute………..them for money.
LeahKleim:  yeah im feelin it luke
LeahKleim:  Im naked now, does that mean Im healed?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the diff between being with a jewish man and a shaygetz leah?
LeahKleim:  Thank you dear moral leader !
LeahKleim:  Goyim dont have heart
YourMoralLeader:  how so?
LeahKleim:  They just dont, there not very compassionate
LeahKleim:  what do u think ?
YourMoralLeader:  what r the other main differences?
LeahKleim:  they eat bacon
YourMoralLeader:  Well, I was raised a goy, so I don’t see that difference.
YourMoralLeader:  leah, how do you like to be romanced and seduced?
LeahKleim:  I dont, Ive got this huge wall around me
YourMoralLeader:  where are your weak points?
guest42:  you still a virgin there Luke, or have you drained your spuds since I last saw you?
YourMoralLeader:  vulnerabilities
LeahKleim:  Im to trusting
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the road to your heart, leah?
LeahKleim:  its a dead end street
guest42:  hmmm, sounds like my ex
YourMoralLeader:  why leah?
LeahKleim:  scared of love
LeahKleim:  nice ass
guest42:  I told a woman I loved her once…………..and then I came
LeahKleim:  did she swallow
guest42:  leave your wife out of this
YourMoralLeader:  not procreative
LeahKleim:  if we all start drinking right now, is it still considered drinking alone?
LeahKleim:  This use to be the Luke Ford live cam thingy, but hes not saying anything so Im changing for him, now its THE LEAH KLEIM SHOW
LeahKleim:  and were all drinking
LeahKleim:  he looks concerned
LeahKleim:  thats his thinking face
hancockpark:  at least I will be able to look at the cam for periods longer then 5 minutes if it becomes the Leah show
LeahKleim:  Im camera shy
ChaimAmalek:  Is she that Jewess everyone is talking about?
ChaimAmalek:  The one who lures Satmar rabbenim to their doom like some siren?
LeahKleim:  I really am, its a fear i try to beat but cant
LeahKleim:  I dont lure them, they come begging
ChaimAmalek:  The woman who has made it her mission to let us all seewhat goes on beneath those wigs?
ChaimAmalek:  I want a Satmar honey to call my own
LeahKleim:  yuk
LeahKleim:  you like bald women ?
ChaimAmalek:  Why not?
LeahKleim:  because there freakin bald
ChaimAmalek:  I want to spread miracle hair seen on their head and then watch them grow real hair.
ChaimAmalek:  "Here, I have natural Rogaine for your head"
LeahKleim:  hey satmars r sounding like a fun experiment now
ChaimAmalek:  "Just spray this magical white liquid on your scalp and rub it in"
ChaimAmalek:  And are they the ones who suck 8 day old baby penis?
ChaimAmalek:  Or is that Chabad?
LeahKleim:  the men wear white tights and the woman r bald. am i the only one here who thinks thats wrong ?
ChaimAmalek:  I will teach the women of Satmar to do this on adults
LeahKleim:  chabad does that
LeahKleim:  its against halocha for them to do that
ChaimAmalek:  The state needs to ban that practice, as it would if it were Roman Catholic Priests doing it
ChaimAmalek:  You two should get together to write a book about the oddities of the Hassidic world
ChaimAmalek:  I would read it.
LeahKleim:  they stopped doing it because of some mohel who gave a kid herpes, but chabad still does it to there own
ChaimAmalek:  At Barnes and Noble
ChaimAmalek:  I read all about it in the Daily News.
ChaimAmalek:  A shanda for the goyim!
LeahKleim:  mamesh a shanda ! un a groise chilul hashem !
ChaimAmalek:  I pictured the NY Post headline I wanted to see but did not: "Vampire Rabbis of Brooklyn"
LeahKleim:  how do they get away with it?
ChaimAmalek:  Because of ethnic solidarity, which is exactly what they tell white people is evil
LeahKleim:  who does a moihel practice on ?
ChaimAmalek:  White peopleneed to be more like Jews
LeahKleim:  fat chance
ChaimAmalek:  I want their women to practice on me, so that they can practice on their husbands, so that their husbands can do it to other men and leave the babies out of it
ChaimAmalek:  I mean, if you want to suck a penis, get one that’syour size.
LeahKleim:  your so giving
LeahKleim:  who thought up that idea ?
ChaimAmalek:  I am not even sexual, so this would be a burden for me
LeahKleim:  yeah im sure
ChaimAmalek:  But I am willing to do it to heal the world
ChaimAmalek:  Luke knows
ChaimAmalek:  I am beyond sexual thought, which puts me beyond sexual action
LeahKleim:  watch porn
ChaimAmalek:  Porn deeply depresses me
LeahKleim:  y
ChaimAmalek:  Plus, the women in it are nasty looking losers
LeahKleim:  I think porn is gross
LeahKleim:  Jenna Jamison is hot
ChaimAmalek:  Leah, I can’t figure two things out here.  1. Why Luke associates with haredim and 2. why you are a hassidicess
LeahKleim:  no Im not
ChaimAmalek:  Jenna Jameson looks like Frankenstein’s Monster
LeahKleim:  wtf ever
LeahKleim:  i cant figure out those 2 things either
ChaimAmalek:  Luke presents your story as though you were a wayward Hasid
LeahKleim:  I learn Chassidus, does that count for anything
ChaimAmalek:  Jewish Taliban
ChaimAmalek:  If the Hasids wore tighter underwear, they’d have lower sperm counts and thus fewer children
ChaimAmalek:  Leah, are you wlling to have Luke’s child?
YourMoralLeader:  yeah?
ChaimAmalek:  He has good, solid goyishe genes
LeahKleim:  we have allready started thinking of what to name it
YourMoralLeader:  Little Luke?
ChaimAmalek:  If a boy, "Mendel" after the father of modern genetics
LeahKleim:  LaLuke
ChaimAmalek:  Andif a girl, Mendelina
LeahKleim:  mushkie
ChaimAmalek:  No really, why not
LeahKleim:  Im serious, he fed ex’d the sperm allready
ChaimAmalek:  I want you to use your birth canal not as a toy, but as a demographic cannon the way Palestinian women do
LeahKleim:  can I still use it as a toy
ChaimAmalek:  The vagina is not a toy for pleasure, but a kind of artillery piece for dominating the future.
ChaimAmalek:  Only in the interregnum between children.
LeahKleim:  but pregnant women r so horny
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, are you willing to inseminate this woman?
ChaimAmalek:  Leah, are you in LA?
LeahKleim:  nope
guest53:  hi  all
LeahKleim:  hi
guest48:  brooklyn?
ChaimAmalek:  Well, how far?  Get on a flight, and get ovedr there for the next time you are ovulating
YourMoralLeader:  I’m faithful to Emma in thought and deed.
LeahKleim:  ok, Ill get on priceline right now
LeahKleim:  I am Emma
ChaimAmalek:  Why do we never hear about the Bobover, Munkacer, or Samover hasids?
SolipsismAdvocate:  they are boring, no Moshiach madness. That is why.
LeahKleim:  because the internet is usur
LeahKleim:  the queen has entered !
ChaimAmalek:  Leah, I could be Mosiach
Emma:  Hi guys
LeahKleim:  are you a ben dovid /
ChaimAmalek:  Amalekisher Hassids
guest52:  if he is into porn it must be lubavich
ChaimAmalek:  yes, I am ben dovid
SolipsismAdvocate:  Awesome
LeahKleim:  lubavitch porn would be hot
SolipsismAdvocate:  What kind of scandelous activities are they typically involved in?
YourMoralLeader:  hi emma
YourMoralLeader:  welcome home
ChaimAmalek:  My favorite name is that chosen by the head of the BlackHebrews:  "Yahweh ben Yahweh"  covers all bases
YourMoralLeader:  i’ll slip into something a lil more comfortable for ya
Emma:  Ty Fuzzy
User guest56 left the room.
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, you decorated my life
Emma:  Wondeful
LeahKleim:  Emma you stole my spotlight
Emma:  You light up mine L
Emma:  Sorry Leah!
Emma:  Carry on…
LeahKleim:  now I feel so used
guest52:  there are not enough lubavich porn sites, leah kleim is one, we should all learn from her site and create clone sites with our porn
Emma:  Oh dear
Emma:  Chaim.. how are you?
ChaimAmalek:  Sorry, but there is something about an 18 year old girls eggs that commands attention
LeahKleim:  its not a freakin porn site
Emma:  19 year old girl actually
ChaimAmalek:  Fine, Emma
ChaimAmalek:  Still fresh
Emma:  Good stuff
ChaimAmalek:  I want a dozen of your eggs
guest52:  but it sure has porn in it
LeahKleim:  so what
ChaimAmalek:  Leah, are you on the web?
YourMoralLeader:  it’s porn for G-d
ChaimAmalek:  Do you have a web site?
Emma:  Chicken hasn’t laid today Chaim. Sorry.
YourMoralLeader:  Chaim, use google
LeahKleim:  good answer
guest52:  nothing wrong, i am commending you for it. we should learn from you and "fargin" all those guys out there and let them enjoy the beutifull bodys hashem created
ChaimAmalek:  I have long argued that Jews need special porn to correctly sexualize their women to breed and avoid the snares of feminism, which are like the crematoria of a generation of eggs

LeahKleim:  dont watch movies or TV
LeahKleim:  its crap that pollutes your brain. Im twisted enough, I dont need more twisted influences
LeahKleim:  I watch luke Ford
DiscoDuck:  that is twisted
LeahKleim:  I know
LeahKleim:  and he wont even dance
DiscoDuck:  I’ll swap you
LeahKleim:  ok
DiscoDuck:  A pic or short movie of me dancing for a pic or short movie of you in your outfit
LeahKleim:  which outfit?
ChaimAmalek:  We Amalekites get a lot of bad press
DiscoDuck:  I’ll have tzitzis tucked in
DiscoDuck:  the school uniform one
LeahKleim:  ok
DiscoDuck:  showing more than cleavage
LeahKleim:  Im not on a mission to take anyone down, but when a s**t head comes my way I share it with the world wide web
guest108:  Why do you feel obligated to get involved?
LeahKleim:  Lukes Yidishkeit is perfect, thats why he is the moral leader
guest107:  ok for the past who knows how long i had 2 websites i opend up every morning when i came in to my ofice while i was sipping my cuffy
guest107:  yours of course and the daily yid
guest106:  there is no such thing as perfect yidishkeit
LeahKleim:  why shouldnt I ? should I just be another ass hole who sits back and lets the vicious cycle continue?
LeahKleim:  and now you dont have the daily yid.
guest106:  kleim every mountain
DiscoDuck:  leah is hot and that fact that she came from a frum background is intriguing
guest107:  thats right
guest106:  there are plenty of hot frum girls around
DiscoDuck:  like to climb kleims mountains
guest107:  did he actualy tell ya he was abusing his kidss?
LeahKleim:  yes he did
guest108:  why is it ok to talk about "hot frum girls"
LeahKleim:  why not
guest106:  why not ??everyone is fair game
DiscoDuck:  108 I’ll go to the Beis Medrash and Seforim for Mussar
DiscoDuck:  Here I come to escape
LeahKleim:  cyber musar ! a new concept is born !
guest108:  as long as the escape does not become the goal
DiscoDuck:  Leah you have fun.. Maybe too much 😉 You naughty girl
guest108:  as it seems to have become for luke and leah
DiscoDuck:  http://www.mussarinstitute.org/
DiscoDuck:  Cyber pseudo mussr for manishegitz 😉
LeahKleim:  no thanx
guest108:  My favorite Jewish Blog is http://www.lazerbrody.net
DiscoDuck:  I prefer Mesilas Yesharim
LeahKleim:  i have too many blogs in my life right now
DiscoDuck:  I prefer Leah’s pic in the shower
guest108:  my mom just had 10% of her lung removed to remove a cancer caused by smoking
LeahKleim:  ive been smoking for half my life
DiscoDuck:  Leah smokes on Yom Tov
DiscoDuck:  With the pre-existing flame
LeahKleim:  your allowed to smoke on yom tov
guest108:  She smokes on Shabbos
LeahKleim:  yeah i do
DiscoDuck:  Leah it is a machloches
LeahKleim:  not in my world
DiscoDuck:  Grizzly adams is back. I mean luke
DiscoDuck:  His beard could rival mine
DiscoDuck:  Though mine doesn’t store food
LeahKleim:  his beard could smuggle mexicans across the border
YourMoralLeader:  welcome
YourMoralLeader:  let us love one another as I have loved you
YourMoralLeader:  deep in my soul
guest11:  do u love me?
guest11:  thanks
YourMoralLeader:  yep
guest5:  more than life itself?
YourMoralLeader:  not quite
YourMoralLeader:  I love all those who seek goodness and truth
guest11:  as much as the cracker uare eating now
guest5:  prove your love now
YourMoralLeader:  come to the light
YourMoralLeader:  more 11
YourMoralLeader:  welcome jews and goyim
YourMoralLeader:  I know its late, I know you’e weary
guest5:  what is the ratio of jews & goyim to your chat room luke ?
YourMoralLeader:  about 50/50
YourMoralLeader:  come take my hand now, we’ve got tonight, why don’t you stay?
guest11:  dont u ever fool around with leah?
YourMoralLeader:  I’m tznious
guest11:  but u want to?
YourMoralLeader:  my morals do not permit fooling before marriage
guest5:  you are the the ultimate in tzinus
YourMoralLeader:  I’m too firm in my torah
guest11:  evan a french kiss?
guest5:  that is not all that you are firm in ,,,,
YourMoralLeader:  not even a french kiss
gladiator:  c’est bien
YourMoralLeader:  i’m shomer negilla
guest5:  you are a tzadik
guest11:  does leah want to?
YourMoralLeader:  yes, she wants to be close to HaShem
YourMoralLeader:  Hi Emma
guest5:  i’d like to shomer you right now
Emma:  Hiya
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, I’ll be a good husband. I won’t be bothering you much, except on Shabbos.
guest11:  you are momish a tzadik
Emma:  Hi Aussie
AussieGirl:  hi emma hun how are ya
guest5:  friday night especially
Emma:  Why would you bother me on Sabbos?
guest5:  its a mitzvah
Emma:  Fine thanks, you?
YourMoralLeader:  God said so, Emma.
Emma:  Whar did he say!
YourMoralLeader:  That husband and wife should reacquaint themselves on Shabbat
Emma:  I see
YourMoralLeader:  Other than that, I’ll leave you alone
YourMoralLeader:  I won’t be constantly pestering you
Emma:  What do you do Aussie?
Emma:  For?
AussieGirl:  work in a shop on the weekends
YourMoralLeader:  the things a husband pesters his wife for
guest5:  pester away otherwise something will fester
YourMoralLeader:  I won’t grope you in front of the kids or neighbors
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  I won’t try to hold your hand under the mehitza
Emma:  aww
YourMoralLeader:  I’ll be so occupied with the sacred text
YourMoralLeader:  going down through the ages with the sages and the pages, M
Emma:  Of course
guest5:  chaim says you are not frum luke
Emma:  Hard work L
YourMoralLeader:  Amalek! We must hate Amalek!
Emma:  Hate him..why?
guest5:  we must stomp out amalek
YourMoralLeader:  The Torah commands us to extirpate Amalek, M
guest5:  but he does have a thing for womens fertility & their eggs
YourMoralLeader:  At yeshiva, all the kids beat up on Amalek, left him bitter
Emma:  And twisted
guest5:  that is why he says he is post sexual
guest5:  & bitter
Emma:  But funny
YourMoralLeader:  yeshiva can do that

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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