The Lord’s Prayer For Women

zappa:  My vibro,which brings me heaven. Rabbit be thy name. Til kingdom come, thy makest me c#m, on earth with eyes on heaven. Give me this day my daily thrill, and forgive me my screams, as i forgive flat batteries.
zappa:  Lead me not into temptations
zappa:  but deliver me from frustration
zappa:  for thine is the rotation, the power and the buzzing
zappa:  forever and ever
Emma:  amen
zappa:  no men

zappa:  I’m craaaashin on a jet plane – that way I won’t be back again
KhunDiddy:  Hi everybody….I’m back…
Emma:  20 Ways To Maintain Insanity
YourMoralLeader:  how was thailand?
YourMoralLeader:  take your wife?
KhunDiddy:  Luke looks more like Rabbi Shmedrick thabn ever oy!
Emma:  1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If TheySlow Down.
KhunDiddy:  I’m suree Thailand was great but we were in Canada
YourMoralLeader:  with mrs?
Emma:  2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom.Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
YourMoralLeader:  are you faithful to her khun?
KhunDiddy:  always with the MRS
Emma:  3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
Emma:  4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
KhunDiddy:  I’m faithful in Montreal but don’t test me in Bangkok
Emma:  5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
Emma:  6. In The Memo Field Of All YourChecks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds."
Emma:  7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance W ith The Prophecy."
Emma:  8. Don’t use any punctuation.
Emma:  9. As Often As Possible, Skip
Emma:  10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
KhunDiddy:  Emma are you still in love with Luke?
Emma:  11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
Emma:  12. Sing Along At The Opera.
KhunDiddy:  it’s been a month since I checked in
Emma:  13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And AskWhy The Poems Don’t Rhyme?
Emma:  14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
KhunDiddy:  Emma are you have Internet Intercourse with Luke yet
Emma:  15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In the Mood.
Emma:  16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
Emma:  17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
Emma:  18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!"
Emma:  19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,"Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
Emma:  20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ..Tell this To Someone To Make Them Smile.Its Called .. therapy.

KhunDiddy:  I don’t think this is the real Emma…the EMMA I knew was a SIMPLT GIRL who grooms horses….and sheers sheep and fethes water from the welll
KhunDiddy:  it’s been too long honey…sounds like you picked up some shtick from the Catskills
KhunDiddy:  you doing Stand Up now?
KhunDiddy:  Next to the horse corral?
KhunDiddy:  Now that Charleston Heston has passed on to that great gun range in the sky I believe Luke is ready to fill in with the Swords and Sandals flics…maybe need a few push ups first
KhunDiddy:  Beverly Hills Moses

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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