My Ex-GF Diana Klein Was Live In My Chat Room

Click here to join the fun.

She’s now "Dyana."

Diana and I had a thing for a few months in the Spring and Summer of 1993 before things ended very badly. She burned all my letters and tapes and wrote an excoriating letter about me to my parents and to Dennis Prager.

She IMs me Sunday: "Was watching you on YouTube today with my mom… You are still a loon."

I lure her into my chat room.

palestine4ever:  And Luke the right-winger finally considers the hilarity of the gub’mint raiding their own supporters, but leaving the ringleaders alone.
palestine4ever:  Understand, Luke, that the only solutions to this modern hell is the Caliphate.
palestine4ever:  Or Socialist Revolution.
palestine4ever:  I continue to stress that Luke should take this broadcast to
YourMoralLeader:   PrincessDy:  If she really listens to me, she’ll dump you’
Emma:  who
palestine4ever:  There such weighty moral issues are solved with a simple "UR DAY IS COMING JEWS"
guest46 [Diana Klein]:  OK Luke, where is she
Emma:  Oh
guest43:  did you toivel the grape juice bottle that r using fro OJ ?
guest46:  A "thing?"
guest46:  Nice.
palestine4ever:  Wow
guest46:  I cant believe you remember that
palestine4ever:  A girl shaving you, was that like the pottery scene in "Ghost"?
YourMoralLeader:  Diana, tell Emma how sweet I am
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, I was a different man then.
guest46:  Please, I beg of you all..
Emma:  Of course Luke
palestine4ever:  Because I cried during that scene. I did. I will admit to having a tender soul.
guest46:  Luke is a lovely man..
guest46:  HOWEVER…
guest46:  A moral leader…
guest46:  Cmon Luke
guest43:  What are you drinking ?
russiandragon:  is he randy diana
guest46:  He is a piece of work/
YourMoralLeader:  Diana, I want to be your moral leader
russiandragon:  will he corrupt an innocent girl
guest46:  And he loves..LOVES people talking about him
guest46:  Bad, good, whatever
guest46:  My sister is watching you
palestine4ever:  We know this. It’s why we’re here.
guest46:  saying "Dyana…what the hell is he doing?"
Emma:  Yellow green tea that is
guest46:  So luke… what can I offer the group?
palestine4ever:  Some are enablers of Luke’s narcissism, while others of us are attempting to reform his character.
russiandragon:  morning yellow green tea
guest46:  What can I tell them?
guest46:  You will never be able to reform him…
guest46:  Trust me on this.
Emma:  He let you shave him Dinana
guest46:  14 years I have known him…
Emma:  Diana-
guest46:  He did..
guest46:  It was a fun day..
Emma:  I bet
guest46:  but he looked gross…he needed to be shaved and cleaned up
guest46:  Right luke?
YourMoralLeader:  I liked the beard
YourMoralLeader:  I did it for you
guest46:  He looked gorgeous after..
guest46:  he really did
palestine4ever:  Yet someone must try to reform him, for if Luke Ford is unreformable, what does that say to our modern prison-industrial complex?
guest46:  Too bad he’s a nut job.
palestine4ever:  There must be redemption for all, even if it is in the blinding white flash of a suicide bombing
guest46:  Oh Luke…
palestine4ever:  Someday he will be known as Shaheed Ford, inshallah.
guest46:  When I wrote to him…
guest46:  You told me you wanted to put your pee pee through my voice
guest46:  remember that?
palestine4ever:  Whoa.
guest46:  Im telling you people..
palestine4ever:  Luke wanted to make sweet love to her voice.
guest43:  Nutcase
guest46:  Luke is clinically insane….but fascinating.
palestine4ever:  Luke’s got game!
guest46:  Your poor mum.
guest46:  Where is that music coming from? Your storage closet?
guest46:  Im sorry..I meant..your apartment?
Emma:  Its getting a bit hot in here
guest43:  No he lives out of an expired "John To Go"
palestine4ever:  aka the dead hooker storage
guest46:  Of course she is.. Does she have Crones or mental illness?
YourMoralLeader:  Diana, are you married with kids?
YourMoralLeader:  Not that I know of, Diana
guest46:  I am not, Luke…
YourMoralLeader:  neither am I
Emma:  No mental illnesses Diana
guest46:  in fact, I was thinking today about all the great guys I have dated and dumped …
guest46:  You werent one of them.
YourMoralLeader:  How about the Crones Disease, M?
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Har de har
guest46:  So Emma…
palestine4ever:  Tell us how you really feel!
Emma:  So Diana
guest46:  are you in Ireland?
Emma:  Yes
guest46:  Luke and i have been able to talk all these years because we are honest.
russiandragon:  stay there πŸ™‚ lol

guest46:  And the truth is… I cared very much for Luke..
guest46:  But he will..
guest46:  and he knows this..
YourMoralLeader:  It ended very badly
guest46:  Suck the LIFE out of you like a lemon..
Emma:  lol
guest46:  and dump you down the disposal
YourMoralLeader:  After my parents got Diana’s letter, they wrote me out of the will.
guest46:  You know it’s true, Luke
Emma:  I highly doubt that Diana…
guest46:  I say that with affection πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  Not true, Diana.
guest46:  One day perhaps youll have the pleasure of meeting his family..
guest46:  they echo my sentiment
guest43:  I can’t imagine living with this mixed up 60’s guy
YourMoralLeader:  My relationship with my parents has never been the same since Diana!
guest46:  and he LOVES that we are talking about him right now.. πŸ™‚ right?
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  They confirmed each other’s fears about me.
YourMoralLeader:  right
Emma:  -hides-
guest46:  Im sorry about that Luke.
guest46:  I really am
guest43:  look on his face. I see thru it – all the pain…
russiandragon:  you’re so vain by carly simon was written for luke
guest46:  I thought, too, that it was pain..
guest46:  Turns out its mental illness πŸ™‚
palestine4ever:  Why would you confront this man’s parents with your troubles, lest he was a danger for society?
guest46:  Its a long story…please dont judge..
guest46:  Luke knows I did what I had to do.
palestine4ever:  I am judgmental.
palestine4ever:  It’s what I do.
guest46:  Im a good person. Always have been..
guest43:  Would you mind to share your background with us Luke ?
guest46:  Luke, say something!
guest46:  Defend my honor, jackass πŸ™‚
guest43:  He just shed a tear, did anybodu else notice ?
palestine4ever:  I’m quite alarmed by this tale of a scorned woman attempting to create a rift between a boy and his god-fearing parents.
palestine4ever:  I’m bordering on outrage.
YourMoralLeader:  When I was with Diana,
guest46:  Oh please… Luke caused the rift himself
YourMoralLeader:  I was talking on the phone with this woman 11yrs older in FL
YourMoralLeader:  who flew out to see me and then I told Diana
Emma:  Oh
guest46:  Cheated, dumped me via voicemail on my birthday… but I still consider him a friend
YourMoralLeader:  and then my dad caught me in the shower with the FL woman
guest46:  he was a bit mental and I was too dependent back then
guest46:  Luke say hello to my mom πŸ™‚
guest46:  Shes here
YourMoralLeader:  Hi mom!
YourMoralLeader:  She’s lovely
YourMoralLeader:  I adore your mom
guest46:  Say hello on the microphone
YourMoralLeader:  Maybe I didn’t treat you quite as good as I should have, Diana
palestine4ever:  This is all very strange and outrageous.
guest46:  She earned it πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  If I made you feel second best
YourMoralLeader:  Girl, I’m sorry, I was wrong
guest46:  Shes laughing
YourMoralLeader:  But you were always on my mind
YourMoralLeader:  Maybe I didn’t hold you
YourMoralLeader:  all those lonely lonely times
Emma:  Oh for the love of god…..
YourMoralLeader:  I guess I never told you
YourMoralLeader:  I’m so happy that you’re mine
guest46:  You and your middle of the night visits against your parents wishes πŸ™‚
guest46:  Good times, good times.
YourMoralLeader:  I needed to connect with you
guest46:  Gosh I was young and stupid
YourMoralLeader:  I was feeling very holy
YourMoralLeader:  you had huge tits back then
YourMoralLeader:  E-cups naturally!
guest46:  Its DYANA now, btw
guest46:  I did, thanks for sharing
YourMoralLeader:  Then you had to cut ’em off in some fit of feminist rage
guest46:  You are a piece of work
palestine4ever:  pics or it didn’t happen
YourMoralLeader:  I hate to think I was the reason you cut ’em off
guest46:  Or..umm..comfort.
YourMoralLeader:  After me, Dyana hated herself as a woman, and cut off her breasts.
guest46:  would you stop that.
guest46:  I didnt hate myself.
guest46:  I hated you.
YourMoralLeader:  self-mutliation
YourMoralLeader:  so sad
YourMoralLeader:  I still feel guilt
guest46:  Have you eaten meat since then?
palestine4ever:  So after being wrecked by Luke’s sexual power, she went on a deranged fit of self-mutilation.
YourMoralLeader:  never
guest46:  You feel absolutely NO guit
guest46:  Thats not an emotion you possess
YourMoralLeader:  I’m racked, Dyana
palestine4ever:  I am outraged.
guest46:  Clearly.
guest46:  Turn that music off, uch.
YourMoralLeader:  I’m in a better place now, Dyana
YourMoralLeader:  I’m a different man, I was young and silly and holy
guest46:  Oh yeah? Good for you..
YourMoralLeader:  maybe not
guest46:  I have every belief your GF is a lovely, wonderful girl.
guest46:  DONT DESTROY her.
guest46:  DONT BETRAY HER.
guest46:  Dont be who you are.
guest46:  Be someone else for her.
russiandragon:  is holy a typo
YourMoralLeader:  Some say love it is a razor
guest46:  Im sure she deserves it πŸ™‚
guest46:  Holy?
YourMoralLeader:  She loves it when I act out like Michael Collins
guest46:  You werent holy.
guest46:  Oh puhleeze.
YourMoralLeader:  very holy for you
russiandragon:  randy?
guest46:  Holy…. it was a facade.
guest46:  All of it.
guest46:  Although its nice to see you…
palestine4ever:  Luke’s life is performance art, intended to show the unbeliever that holiness can be found in all things profane.
palestine4ever:  It’s trippy.
guest46:  continued with y our Judaism..
palestine4ever:  He’s suffering for us.
guest46:  I was sure you did it just to piss your father off.
guest46:  Gag me.
palestine4ever:  I thought he already did?
guest46:  Hes suffering for himself..
guest46:  and if youd ask him directly he probably tell you that..
guest46:  he is a lot of things..
guest46:  but a liar really isnt one of them
guest46:  He will tell you truth, no matter how hurtful.
guest46:  Luke.. why are you playing music and not speaking?
palestine4ever:  And it was hurtful that he complimented you on your since disfigured bosom?
palestine4ever:  Outrageous.
YourMoralLeader:  I am speaking to you through my favorite tunes
Emma:  He has a habbit of doing that
YourMoralLeader:  I believe that love is a flower
YourMoralLeader:  that with the sun’s love becomes the rose
guest46:  Disfigured…thank you so much..truly
DiogoTheRealMoralLeader:  flower my aSS
DiogoTheRealMoralLeader:  moran
palestine4ever:  They had joy, they had fun, they had seasons in the sun
YourMoralLeader:  So are you single Dyana?
guest46:  Luke..a few years ago you seems to be ok, more normal…writing.. what happened since then?
guest46:  Who wants to know if Im single?
YourMoralLeader:  I’ve been growing spiritually 46
guest46:  You? Cmon, really
palestine4ever:  Goodbye, Dyana, it’s hard to die when all of the birds are singing in the sky πŸ™
palestine4ever:  This chatroom is another self-sabotaging, self-destructive bender.
YourMoralLeader:  I no longer write on porn
guest46:  I think you look like a hobo.
guest46:  I have no idea what the purpose its of it other than to catch your drool
YourMoralLeader:  When I walk down the street, the kids pull on my tzitzit and asks for brachas
YourMoralLeader:  The beard has an important role in Judaism
YourMoralLeader:  It’s manly
guest46:  Oh please, you dont need a dirty looking beard, and dont need to look hassidic in order to be a good Jew.
guest46:  We have had this discussion
palestine4ever:  Life is not more meaningful because a few phrases from an arcane and absurd religion are attached to it.
YourMoralLeader:  Enough about me, Dyana, how are you?
YourMoralLeader:  How is your spiritual side? Are you nourishing it with Torah?
guest46:  Im doing well…went to a bat Mitzvah yesterday..
YourMoralLeader:  What work are you doing Dyana?
YourMoralLeader:  How’s your mom and dad?
guest46:  nourishing myself by being kind to people..
YourMoralLeader:  me too
guest46:  They are doing really well.
guest46:  My mom thinks you are nuts, but finds you continually entertaining
YourMoralLeader:  interesting
guest46:  I am a Marketing Director
YourMoralLeader:  but enough about me dyana, let’s talk about you
YourMoralLeader:  are you happy?
guest46:  Yes, then, lets.
guest46:  Im never should know this by now πŸ™‚
guest46:  Im always looking for more πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  good
YourMoralLeader:  are you still looking for extraterrestrials for NASA?
guest46:  LOL Nah…
YourMoralLeader:  When I met Dyana, she was in outer space
YourMoralLeader:  How are you nourishing your soul, Dyana?
guest46:  That was soooo 1990s…I have moved on since then…
YourMoralLeader:  I haven’t changed much since I was 4yo
guest46:  I am noursihing my soul by meeting wonderful people…taking great care of my pup, travelling..working very hard..and learning
guest56:  Luke, "Rio Joe" here. I’m still depraved as ever, looking for salvation in all the wrong places (Brazil, etc.) Good to see you still keeping up the good fight.
guest46:  And you, Luke?
guest46:  How are you doing it?
guest46:  How are you being GOOD, and nourishing your sometimes-empty soul?
guest46:   All, Luke and i talk this way to each other..
guest46:  please don’t be freaked out by it.
guest46:  There is no malice there.
guest46:  Just little Ole luke and his tissues…
YourMoralLeader:  Dyana, I study Torah
guest46:  Good for you πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  I was always considerate and brought tissues when I sneaked into Dyana’s room
guest46:  LOL
YourMoralLeader:  did you mind me keeping my socks on?
guest56:  Any new books in the works?
guest46:  Yes.
guest46:  Just because you absorb info, doesnt mean you live it…
YourMoralLeader:  Dyana, you didn’t like the socks on?
guest46:  I did not.
guest46:  Very impersonal.
YourMoralLeader:  But what about when I was looking into your eyes and doing very personal things to you?
guest46:  I thought it was to muffle the sound of your footsteps
guest46:  through your home
YourMoralLeader:  true
YourMoralLeader:  but I get cold feet during intimacy so…
guest46:  I dont actually remember that…
guest46:  to be 100% honest.
YourMoralLeader:  neither do I
YourMoralLeader:  I have put my sins behind me
guest46:  Screw you
guest46:  I wasnt a Sin!
YourMoralLeader:  oh sorry
YourMoralLeader:  Everything I do, everyone I do, it’s a…sin
guest46:  I was wonderful to you and you were lucky to have me.
guest56:  FYI, I finally met a nice girl at Jewish singles party in NY. AND she can *** like Belladonna
YourMoralLeader:  Dyana, that’s true
YourMoralLeader:  56, way to go
YourMoralLeader:  You were very gentle and loving
guest46:  Thank you, Luke. I appreciate that.
YourMoralLeader:  and nurturing and sweet and giving
guest46:  Ir eally do.
guest46:  Yes I was, thanks.
guest56:  But she’s not keen on my "research trips" to Latin America.
YourMoralLeader:  That was a very dark time in my life
guest46:  Research trips?
YourMoralLeader:  I am so glad to be out in the world
YourMoralLeader:  56, funny that, are you going to give ’em up?
guest46:  It was, wasnt it. Yes, Im oh, so glad I could play a role during that time. (NOT)
guest56:  46 — I cover the adult entertainment scene there
guest46:  Oh..
YourMoralLeader:  Dyana, you should write a book about our time together
guest46:  OK, well..Luke, like your autobio…No one would care If I wrote one.
guest46:  No one reads that…
guest46:  Do they?
YourMoralLeader:  Dyana was shocked when I ended up writing on porn.
guest46:  Reality show? Oy vey..
guest46:  who wants to see you drink pee and not bathe?
YourMoralLeader:  My online autobiography, it gets a few hits
guest56:  Luke’s autobio is awesome. Luke, did you get an agent yet? are you seeking one?
guest46:  Hmm… I guess maybe people that didnt live in it…might find it interesting..
guest56:  "seeking" may be bad word in this context
guest46:  Although I suspect people might want to read more about my 2 year lesbian relationship…more than your readings of the torah πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  Dyana, unfortunately there’s not as much demand for moral leadership as there should be
YourMoralLeader:  Dyana, when was this?
guest46:  Gee, not as much demand? Im shocked!
guest46:  Well, anyway…Luke…as always, a pleasure…I always enjoy abusing you, even if only for a few moments…
guest46:  I always appreciate how you take it …like a man πŸ™‚
guest56:  luke, i just found your camsite today thru this is perfect — seems definitely part of your calling
guest46:  Very graciously.
guest46:  And I wish you luck with your Irish girl…God help her if she develops a romantic relationship with you.
YourMoralLeader:  aw dyana, don’t hate, congratulate
guest46:  I really, really want you to be happy
guest56:  is cliff richard on your ipod?
mee:  you ok luke?
guest46:  I just dont know if you can be
YourMoralLeader:  I’m good, just sweaty
guest46:  or if you can make someone else happy
YourMoralLeader:  all I need is a miracle
YourMoralLeader:  no 56 to cliff
guest46:  Oy vey. Im out.  Be good, treat people well, Luke, ok?
guest46:  And say hello to your mom.
YourMoralLeader:  hi mom
Emma:  Bye Diana… nice meeting you.
YourMoralLeader:  good to see you Dyana
guest46:  By Emma. Good luck.
YourMoralLeader:  Bye
guest46:  Good to see you, Luke.
russiandragon:  bye dyana
YourMoralLeader:  XOXO
guest56:  c richard circa 1980: definitely an air supply sound. check him out.
guest46:  Bye all πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  ok
YourMoralLeader:  56, email me any suggested songs
YourMoralLeader:  well, that was interesting
guest56:  his duet with olivia n john — to die for!
mee:  thats a large vodka and orange LUKE!!

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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