Work Means Freedom

From my live cam chat:

palestine4ever:  oh my
palestine4ever:  this is a side of luke i never intended to see
palestine4ever:  LUKE
palestine4ever:  WAKE UP
palestine4ever:  THE HEAT IS WORKIN
palestine4ever:  THE OVEN’S WORKIN
palestine4ever:  WHY AIN’T YOU WORKIN
YourMoralLeader:  hi
palestine4ever:  wow that was creepy
YourMoralLeader:  what?
palestine4ever:  I didn’t know my words had such power
YourMoralLeader:  you created me with your words
YourMoralLeader:  You are like G-d
palestine4ever:  and so will I destroy you, Jedi
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the scoop?
palestine4ever:  i think we should do morning ablutions like in the old days
palestine4ever:  they did it with cold water and dammit there were less gays then
YourMoralLeader:  good idea
CarlNKarcher:  How do you do that?
palestine4ever:  dunk yourself in freezing cold water for the most part
palestine4ever:  there’s some spiritual mumbo jumbo that goes with it too
palestine4ever:  it beats smacking yourself with a belt studded with nails as a masturbation cure, at least
palestine4ever:  I enjoyed the interview with the Soviet jewess
palestine4ever:  maybe homeopathy is the key to your AdSense fortune, Luke
palestine4ever:  last night I found myself with insomnia and wondered what Luke Ford could recommend in a textlink to help me
palestine4ever:  it’s strange, though
palestine4ever:  about the Soviet jewessm.
palestine4ever:  after you interview these people, I NEVER want to read their books
palestine4ever:  I don’t even feel any curiosity
palestine4ever:  and I’m a voracious reader
palestine4ever:  this might come off as wrong
palestine4ever:  but I think you out the phonies
palestine4ever:  I don’t think even you’d agree with that
palestine4ever:  but a lot of these folks seem to write because dental school was too hard
palestine4ever:  I’m pretty sure Dostoyevsky would kill over a novel
palestine4ever:  if the novel was banned tomorrow, I have the feeling that a lot of these folks would move on to flower arranging
YourMoralLeader:  Emma’s gonna work at a stud farm this summer, I can’t yet afford to fly her out
palestine4ever:  whoa
YourMoralLeader:  She’ll be breeding
palestine4ever:  Okay, I understand now
palestine4ever:  But "Emma" + "stud farm" = Rob Spallone’s house?
YourMoralLeader:  I have a high-powered sales guy promoting my SEO skills, we should get some serious contracts soon
palestine4ever:  it dawned on me reading your advice to that weird british guy
palestine4ever:  there’s probably more money in telling other people what to do than doing it yourself
palestine4ever:  teachyourselfseoyouignorantba***
IknowstuntmanBurt:  Burt sent me Luke! he said you would be my Moral Leader?
YourMoralLeader:  Here I am!
palestine4ever:  I must recommend a completely fraudulent but press-inducing ebay auction for the undertaker suit
IknowstuntmanBurt:  Burt said you where ok?
palestine4ever:  like did you see the Rachel Marsden thing a few weeks back, Luke?
palestine4ever:  she banged Jimbo Wales, the Supreme Ayatollah of Wikipedia
palestine4ever:  then leaked all of their IM conversations
palestine4ever:  and put his clothes he left at her apartment up for auction
palestine4ever:  sure it made her look like a bats**t crazy loon
IknowstuntmanBurt:  What you eating Luke?
palestine4ever:  but the undertaker suit has history, dammit!
palestine4ever:  I am going to record this chat
palestine4ever:  and put "Honey Bunches of Oats" as my computer alert sound
YourMoralLeader:  truth there mate
palestine4ever:  See, that’s what I never get about "white nationalists"
palestine4ever:  It’s pretty clear to me that the Jews and Chinks are smarter
YourMoralLeader:  oy
palestine4ever:  This is a man who has taken the declining demographics of the white race as a personal challenge
ChaimAmalek:  So what aren’t you to write about now?
QuixoticLass:  life the universe and everything
QuixoticLass:  did you get my email?
ChaimAmalek:  No
ChaimAmalek:  You never write to AMALEK
ChaimAmalek:  I would like you to expose the Jeremiah Wrights of the Jewish world. Are there any?
ChaimAmalek:  I want to hear about Rabbis preaching fire and brimstone against America
ChaimAmalek:  Rabbis with novel ideas about 911 and AIDS, and sympathy for the downtrodden
CarlNKarcher:  Chaim, is there any Rabbi you have love for?
ChaimAmalek:  Hmmmmmm
CarlNKarcher:  Orthodox, that is.
ChaimAmalek:  Rabbi Gadol is cool
CarlNKarcher:  Are they all cast in the same mold?
ChaimAmalek:  If Luke were an orthodox rabbi, I might daven in his shul
CarlNKarcher:  CA, what Yeshivahs did you attend?
ElShaddai:  haha do you always move your lips when you read?
QuixoticLass:  do you always look like a jerk when you type?
QuixoticLass:  "may I speak to the director of your religious school?"
ElShaddai:  to whom do you type, lass? to me?
QuixoticLass:  "we don’t have a religious school"
QuixoticLass:  "I’m sorry"
QuixoticLass:  "that’s ok, we’re fine with it"
QuixoticLass:  yes shaddai, you were making fun of YML and that is not nice
ElShaddai:  He’s my Moral Leader as well as yours
ElShaddai:  and I hold my moral leaders to high standards
ElShaddai:  including being able to read torah without moving their lips
QuixoticLass:  religious jews move their lips when praying/studying torah
willied:  luke, do you own any non-blue polos?
QuixoticLass:  it is tradition
ElShaddai:  yes but he wasn’t actually praying or studying torah- he was reading a blogservice called fleshbot
QuixoticLass:  do you have a cam that can see his screen?
ElShaddai:  i can see his screen reflected in the glass behind him, cant you?
QuixoticLass:  there is no glass behind him
willied:  terri reador hates luke
YourMoralLeader:  Greetings
YourMoralLeader:  why hate on terri?
ElShaddai:  ahhh LAss. You are a glass half empty lass, to be sure

YourMoralSchvartze:  luke doesn’t Torah forbit talking to shiksas
Sugartits:  I kissed you on the cheek at AEE Vegas once several years ago
willied:  we’ll read your essay ‘dildos of shame’ on the webcam
YourMoralLeader:  whoa
YourMoralLeader:  are you female?
Sugartits:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  awesome
YourMoralLeader:  how about a pic for old time’s sake?
ElShaddai:  again with the jug of urine
Sugartits:  You’d remember if a dude had kissed your face, right?
YourMoralLeader:  not really
Sugartits:  haha
YourMoralLeader:  been so many
Sugartits:  Ew.  lol
ElShaddai:  of course its a female- with a name like sugartits.
Sugartits:  I admire your austere lifestyle of self-denial.
YourMoralSchvartze:  luke lives more like a trappist monk
YourMoralLeader:  Thank you
YourMoralLeader:  I try to stay firm.
Sugartits:  Is that what is in the jug?
Sugartits:  I thought it was urine.
YourMoralLeader:  green tea my dear, wan a sip?
willied:  i like the blue label
Sugartits:  I’d like a sip
willied:  with some chimay cheese
willied:  religion and intoxication
Sugartits:  don’t stand… don’t stand so… don’t stand so close to me…
Sugartits:  you just leaned in really close
Sugartits:  whoa
YourMoralLeader:  is that ok?
willied:  wtf just happened?
willied:  my monitor just vomited
ElShaddai:  I’m not quite sure
Sugartits:  I saw belly and I liked it.
ElShaddai:  mine too- there was a stop action sequence of luke checking his navel for lint
YourMoralLeader:  Sugar, did I ever address you by this name?
Sugartits:  not to my knowledge, but we didn’t spend much time talking. πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  what were we mainly doing aside from smooching?
QuixoticLass:  Luke and sugartits sitting in a tree
Sugartits:  It wasn’t a tree, Lass.
bipolardragon:  is that a tale
QuixoticLass:  it’s a rhyme kids sing
willied:  dirty deeds…done dirt cheap
bipolardragon:  do you tell that story to your children
Sugartits:  Was he sitting in my tail? perhaps
bipolardragon:  about luke and the sugartits
bipolardragon:  in a tree?
bipolardragon:  seems a very postmodern story
Sugartits:  I’ve always admired you.
QuixoticLass:  luke and sugartits sitting in a tree, k – i – s – s – i – n – g,  first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.
YourMoralSchvartze:  sugartits is someone from spt
bipolardragon:  it’s like a lafontaine story
ElShaddai:  what shall they name the baby?
QuixoticLass:  that’s the whole rhyme
ElShaddai:  emma?
willied:  sugartits = nicejewishgirl
ElShaddai:  Luke seems old enough to have a child named Emma
willied:  xpt did more to promote luke than luke did
QuixoticLass:  Luke is old enough to have fathered Emma
bipolardragon:  maybe he locks her up in his basement
Sugartits:  Luke doesn’t need to self-promote. his work speaks for itself.
willied:  australian…not austrian
QuixoticLass:  speaking of emma
QuixoticLass:  hi Em
bipolardragon:  hiiiiiiiii emmaaaaaaaaaaa
Emma:  Hey
QuixoticLass:  you always come in right on cue
Emma:  lol Yep
YourMoralLeader:  Hi Emma!
bipolardragon:  i think someone calls her on stage
Sugartits:  Uh-oh. emma’s here. Time to cut out.
Emma:  Hey Luke
YourMoralLeader:  hi dear
Sugartits:  *smooches* baby
Emma:  You ok?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
Emma:  Good πŸ™‚
QuixoticLass:  He professed his love for me today.
Sugartits:  I won’t tell Emma, baby. Good seeing  you. I watch a lot, but don’t talk much. We need to hook up again soon. gotta run.
bipolardragon:  sisterly love
Emma:  lol Did he
Emma:  Hey Sugar
QuixoticLass:  now i’m a good "source"
YourMoralLeader:  I will always love you QL for giving me that picture and story
YourMoralLeader:  Sugar, don’t leave.
YourMoralLeader:  When did we last hook up?
YourMoralLeader:  I was a different man then.
YourMoralLeader:  I have so many personalities, being with me is always exciting, you never know when my caveman will come out.
willied:  did you have any hanky panky  when you roomed with maja lee?
YourMoralLeader:  Promiscuous sex becomes empty after several decades
QuixoticLass:  He’s got the jug out again today…it’s a caveman day
ElShaddai:  several decades of promiscuous sex? Man you must be carrying every std known to man
willied:  did you clean the hovel for passover like moses told you?
QuixoticLass:  come back when you’ve had chocolate and sex and tell us you’re still sad
QuixoticLass:  so glad I got that in before he slipped out
willied:  emma, what’s the weather in ulster today?
Emma:  Sunny πŸ™‚
Emma:  I went cycling with my sister today… never again.
willied:  great
Emma:  She jumped on the back of my bike.. we both feel in a pile of netals
ElShaddai:  i hear all women who live together eventual cycle together
Emma:  I tired to get up and she sat on me
ElShaddai:  Emma I would ease your wounds with a calming salve
willied:  duct tape helps get them out
Emma:  lol
willied:  it prevents terrorism too
ElShaddai:  where does it hurt, Emma?
willied:  the extinction of duct tape will foretell the apocalypse
Emma:  Lol Elshaddai
willied:  luke, what’s the jewish end-of-the-world?
YourMoralSchvartze:  you can’t buy under retail
QuixoticLass:  how surprising Levi
QuixoticLass:  I never would have seen that coming
willied:  is there a jewish apocalpse
willied:  like free bacon, or rob spallone get elected mayor of canoga park?
QuixoticLass:  I did tell you….
ElShaddai:  Levi who are you to question the Rabbi? If he says take it down, you must. Are you a Rabbi?
willied:  or maybe alex  panzers ‘e-train’ shows up at grand central in l.a.
ElShaddai:  Luke does it occur to you that your troubles with Rabbis may be an inherent fault within yourself?
YourMoralSchvartze:  luke why do you hate your father
YourMoralSchvartze:  why did you convert to judaism to anger him?
Moses:  luke have  you read any psalms today?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  i hate the psalms
YourMoralLeader:  boring
YourMoralSchvartze:  they’re so cheerful
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  I love my daddy
ElShaddai:  and now that he has converted he exhibits the same father-issues he had with RevDes with his Rabbis
YourMoralLeader:  i’m just like him
Moses:  so you hate the torah…wow
ElShaddai:  Face it Levi- You are a Rebel without a Shul
Moses:  you should  be xxxcommunicated
ElShaddai:  Will there be sunbathing today?
QuixoticLass:  he has a shul
Moses:  they dont need any more wildfires
Moses:  that shiny white skin is an ignition source
ElShaddai:  QL could extinguish those fires, such a wet blanket she can be
QuixoticLass:  hey!
YourMoralSchvartze:  tuck in your shirt luke
QuixoticLass:  I am not a wet blanket
ElShaddai:  You are a scratchy woolen blanket, then?
Moses:  the hovel is…a hovel
Moses:  look at it

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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