I’m Live On My Cam!

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Emma:  Burt.. Lukes first book is amazing get it!
StuntmanBurt:  What’s it about?
Gina:  He is now working on one about this chatroom
YourMoralLeader:  A Rebel Without A Shul
Gina:  Luke joins the Hungarian Mafia
YourMoralLeader:  r u taking me to lunch, gina?
Gina:  I thought we could dine in the back yard while tanning
YourMoralLeader:  I’ll prepare something tasty
YourMoralLeader:  and we’ll talk about emma!
Gina:  I’ll put on my french maids uniform and help clean the hovel Thursday eve
Gina:  get the cometz out of all your cracks
Gina:  Starbucks or CBTL
Gina:  no refills!
Gina:  I’m getting away cheap
Gina:  for the pleasure of your company
Gina:  I might even throw in a danish
Gina:  or a tart
Gina:  practice for Emma
Gina:  you could try out all your best lines
Gina:  I’ll let you know what works
watchingyoublog:  is that your belly?
watchingyoublog:  let’s get a profile view again
watchingyoublog:  did you see the oprah special on the pregnant man?
ChaimAmalek:  If you wish to marry, you should secrete yourself in a yeshiva in Israel, one of the orthodox ones
ChaimAmalek:  For me to emulate you, I must win $500,000,000 in the lotto.
ChaimAmalek:  Hashem darn it, you should write a book.
YourMoralLeader:  maybe a novel
ChaimAmalek:  "The Poor Man’s Guide to Romancing Hot Women in LA"
ChaimAmalek:  You don’t have the patience to write a novel
ChaimAmalek:  You can’t create a novel out of massive blocks of quotes, the way you can make a book out of interviews.
ChaimAmalek:  The only Californian I can think of who has managed to do what you are doing is Charlie Manson but he’s in jail
ChaimAmalek:  To what do you credit your new success?
ChaimAmalek:  A new perfume?  Clothes? The beard?
ChaimAmalek:  Or is it the will of God above that you have such success?
ChaimAmalek:  I will now take your questions.
ChaimAmalek:  Who wants to get into Luke’s new Mitzvah Tank, or have I let the cat out of the bag?
ChaimAmalek:  I applaud Luke on getting Chabad to spring for the conversion of his van into a Mitzvah Tank.
ChaimAmalek:  I myself am working on a trailor attachment that would house a mikvah for Jewish women.
ChaimAmalek:  These enhancements to Luke’s mode of transport can only hasten the arrival of the Messiah.
ChaimAmalek: Sex with beautiful women is better than any psychotropic drug, better than spending any number of hours with a shrink (unless she is good in the sack); and is its own viagra.
ChaimAmalek: I need to know: give me the hour, how long, I want to calculate the refractory period.
YourMoralLeader: don’t take any artificial stimulants
ChaimAmalek: Start up a religion
ChaimAmalek: Take concubines.  Have your own compound.
ChaimAmalek: I say you try to do big business deals today.
ChaimAmalek: Jewish women are weeping, of course.
ChaimAmalek: I envy you. But also, and this is not a joke, there is no reason for you to marry.  It just would not work out for your wife, unless she were in your trade.
ChaimAmalek: You have no inducment for it anyway.
YourMoralLeader: what trade am I in?
ChaimAmalek: Blogging for sex
YourMoralLeader: oh
YourMoralLeader: that doesn’t sound nice
ChaimAmalek: I meant porn, but you are not quite in that
ChaimAmalek: Still, you have too many opportunities to be unfaithful to be faithful
ChaimAmalek: If you marry, you should find yourself a bisexual woman who will approve and maybe join in.
ChaimAmalek: I am not talking about love here
ChaimAmalek: You have too many opportunities.
ChaimAmalek: You know I’m right about this.
ChaimAmalek: I am not blaming you. I would do likewise.
ChaimAmalek: That you can do this with your resources in extraordinary.  Why marry?
ChaimAmalek: But you would be happier if you disabused yourself of the notinon that you are ever going to marry a real Jewish woman in a shul with all of your Jewish friends present, and then have Jewish kids who become members in good standing of the Jewish community
ChaimAmalek: That is not in the cards.  As I put it, the Shiksa Menace
ChaimAmalek: Why commit to a lifetime of eating dunkin donuts when you have access to all those kitchens?
ChaimAmalek: Lousy metaphore but you get the idea
ChaimAmalek: ie, why buy a cow when you have free access to the teats of a hundred cows.
ChaimAmalek: You are not going to marry.
ChaimAmalek: Satan has you by the balls, and you like it.
ChaimAmalek: I, meanwhile, cannot even get a date off of Craigslist.
ChaimAmalek: Face it: you don’t find Jewish women all that attractive.
ChaimAmalek: By the way, I’ll bet Aria is around 1/256th negro.  As Dr. Pierce has noted, the Portuguese have a lot of negro blood in them.
ChaimAmalek: 18 and Irish is dangerous.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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