I’m Live On My Cam!

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Emma:  Burt.. Lukes first book is amazing get it!
StuntmanBurt:  What’s it about?
Gina:  He is now working on one about this chatroom
YourMoralLeader:  A Rebel Without A Shul
Gina:  Luke joins the Hungarian Mafia
YourMoralLeader:  r u taking me to lunch, gina?
Gina:  I thought we could dine in the back yard while tanning
YourMoralLeader:  I’ll prepare something tasty
YourMoralLeader:  and we’ll talk about emma!
Gina:  I’ll put on my french maids uniform and help clean the hovel Thursday eve
Gina:  get the cometz out of all your cracks
Gina:  Starbucks or CBTL
Gina:  no refills!
Gina:  I’m getting away cheap
Gina:  for the pleasure of your company
Gina:  I might even throw in a danish
Gina:  or a tart
Gina:  practice for Emma
Gina:  you could try out all your best lines
Gina:  I’ll let you know what works
watchingyoublog:  is that your belly?
watchingyoublog:  let’s get a profile view again
watchingyoublog:  did you see the oprah special on the pregnant man?
ChaimAmalek:  If you wish to marry, you should secrete yourself in a yeshiva in Israel, one of the orthodox ones
ChaimAmalek:  For me to emulate you, I must win $500,000,000 in the lotto.
ChaimAmalek:  Hashem darn it, you should write a book.
YourMoralLeader:  maybe a novel
ChaimAmalek:  "The Poor Man’s Guide to Romancing Hot Women in LA"
ChaimAmalek:  You don’t have the patience to write a novel
ChaimAmalek:  You can’t create a novel out of massive blocks of quotes, the way you can make a book out of interviews.
ChaimAmalek:  The only Californian I can think of who has managed to do what you are doing is Charlie Manson but he’s in jail
ChaimAmalek:  To what do you credit your new success?
ChaimAmalek:  A new perfume?  Clothes? The beard?
ChaimAmalek:  Or is it the will of God above that you have such success?
ChaimAmalek:  I will now take your questions.
ChaimAmalek:  Who wants to get into Luke’s new Mitzvah Tank, or have I let the cat out of the bag?
ChaimAmalek:  I applaud Luke on getting Chabad to spring for the conversion of his van into a Mitzvah Tank.
ChaimAmalek:  I myself am working on a trailor attachment that would house a mikvah for Jewish women.
ChaimAmalek:  These enhancements to Luke’s mode of transport can only hasten the arrival of the Messiah.
ChaimAmalek: Sex with beautiful women is better than any psychotropic drug, better than spending any number of hours with a shrink (unless she is good in the sack); and is its own viagra.
ChaimAmalek: I need to know: give me the hour, how long, I want to calculate the refractory period.
YourMoralLeader: don’t take any artificial stimulants
ChaimAmalek: Start up a religion
ChaimAmalek: Take concubines.  Have your own compound.
ChaimAmalek: I say you try to do big business deals today.
ChaimAmalek: Jewish women are weeping, of course.
ChaimAmalek: I envy you. But also, and this is not a joke, there is no reason for you to marry.  It just would not work out for your wife, unless she were in your trade.
ChaimAmalek: You have no inducment for it anyway.
YourMoralLeader: what trade am I in?
ChaimAmalek: Blogging for sex
YourMoralLeader: oh
YourMoralLeader: that doesn’t sound nice
ChaimAmalek: I meant porn, but you are not quite in that
ChaimAmalek: Still, you have too many opportunities to be unfaithful to be faithful
ChaimAmalek: If you marry, you should find yourself a bisexual woman who will approve and maybe join in.
ChaimAmalek: I am not talking about love here
ChaimAmalek: You have too many opportunities.
ChaimAmalek: You know I’m right about this.
ChaimAmalek: I am not blaming you. I would do likewise.
ChaimAmalek: That you can do this with your resources in extraordinary.  Why marry?
ChaimAmalek: But you would be happier if you disabused yourself of the notinon that you are ever going to marry a real Jewish woman in a shul with all of your Jewish friends present, and then have Jewish kids who become members in good standing of the Jewish community
ChaimAmalek: That is not in the cards.  As I put it, the Shiksa Menace
ChaimAmalek: Why commit to a lifetime of eating dunkin donuts when you have access to all those kitchens?
ChaimAmalek: Lousy metaphore but you get the idea
ChaimAmalek: ie, why buy a cow when you have free access to the teats of a hundred cows.
ChaimAmalek: You are not going to marry.
ChaimAmalek: Satan has you by the balls, and you like it.
ChaimAmalek: I, meanwhile, cannot even get a date off of Craigslist.
ChaimAmalek: Face it: you don’t find Jewish women all that attractive.
ChaimAmalek: By the way, I’ll bet Aria is around 1/256th negro.  As Dr. Pierce has noted, the Portuguese have a lot of negro blood in them.
ChaimAmalek: 18 and Irish is dangerous.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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