Years ago I sought to shield you from the menace to your neshama (Jewish soul) of having all of these women with loose morals around your home and places of business. You partook of their honey pots, but in the end, stood your ground and came to regard them as beneath you. The threat receded as your mood darkened and your commitment to Torah strengthened.
But now the Shiksa Menace appears to have returned, in the new and more potent form of chaste comely shiksas of nubile flesh and high morals who all but throw themselves at you, either online or in person. Yesterday I watched with my own eyes as a luscious looking body worker of virtue sprayed your abode with her deadly-to-Jews pheromones, wiggling her fertile torso hither and yon. Meanwhile, I know all of these fabulous accomplished women your age – doctors! partners in law firms! Hollywood executives! – who are confident, alluring, powerful, smart, and finally ready to settle down but who cannot find a suitable mate. Do not their tears of loneliness sting you?
I fear for you, Luke. I fear for you commitment to Judaism, and how you will be regarded by the gedolim of LA as word of this backsliding spreads.
And I fear for the future of the Jewish people.