I’m Live On My Cam!

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guest2:  i have started the luke ford exercise regiment and i have officially lost 5 inches off my bust line. i am not too happy right now
YourMoralLeader:  oy ve
YourMoralLeader:  are you doing it right?
guest2:  shall i continue ? or should i try jack lalane
YourMoralLeader:  continue, it will grow back
guest2:  i hear you are a good leader (immoral of course)
YourMoralLeader:  of course!
guest2:  i also exercise my mind as well as my bod.. i am the total package
guest2:  i also keep abreast of things

YourMoralLeader:  B"H
guest2:  my sexuality is not in my breasts but between my shoulders
leeduf:  ffs..what??
YourMoralLeader:  thank the good L-rd
guest2:  unlike a man where is totally between their legs
YourMoralLeader:  how have you been channeling this powerful force, 2?
guest2:  only with men who i rate and value highly
guest2:  which is quite limiting
guest2:  my song is on…hooray
guest2:  time to exercise… with my jugs
guest2:  grapes or blueberries ???
guest2:  lemons ?
YourMoralLeader:  2, what’s your idea of a good first date?
guest2:  with a lemon ?
guest2:  it does not matter what you do…its all in the conversation which could lead to good foreplay
guest2:  making out with my honey at a good bench at the grove
guest2:  don’t stop the kangaroo song i am busy exercising to increase my breasts…my life is in your hands or your song
guest2:  grapes of your wrath
guest2:  i cannot exercise now…my breasts have now exploded into space
guest2:  major tom help me help you
guest2:  when life gives us lemons…we make green tea???
YourMoralLeader:  when life gives you AIDS
YourMoralLeader:  make lemonAIDS says sarah silverman
guest2:  that is so profound
guest6:  so what exactly makes you a moral leader?
guest2:  fyi …lemons damages the enamel of your teeth..so be careful my love…i’m tight with my dentist
guest6:  clearly it’s not your musical choice
guest2:  get thee to a good hairdresser & dentist while we are at it
guest6:  is that tefillin you’re eating?
leeduf:  lmao
guest2:  tefillin cannot be eaten but can be absorbed in the brain as food for thought
leeduf:  pardn my ignorance..as a mere..catholic..what is.."tefillin??????????????
guest2:  tefillin is what jews wear when they pray
leeduf:  that litle box on their heads??
leeduf:  always wondered what was in that!!!
guest2:  that’s right brother
guest6:  why is guest2 answering questions put to the guy calling himself our moral leader?
guest2:  you are right i will shut up as i am only a follower
leeduf:  so??..whats in the box????????
guest2:  holy stuff
leeduf:  stuff??
guest6:  old commandments
guest6:  for guys
leeduf:  ffs..just like in the catholic church…relics of the"cross’…ffs..they reckon..ther e is ..enough.."relics’..of the cross to make..100’s bloody crosses!!!!
YourMoralLeader:  2, you have my blessing to answer all my questions so I can concentrate on my work
leeduf:  sorry…i am..a jaded…CATHOLIC!!!!!
guest2:  thanks for the privilege of serving you
guest2:  that is what i live for
YourMoralLeader:  Preparing your sermon?
ElazarMuskin:  I am dusting off my resume
ElazarMuskin:  there is an opening coming up at Beth Jacob
ElazarMuskin:  I plan to apply
YourMoralLeader:  Why?
ElazarMuskin:  Beverly Hills for me
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
ElazarMuskin:  better health insurance
HarryPotter:  How about at Young Israel of Beverly Hills?
ElazarMuskin:  any openings there?
HarryPotter:  They have no Rabbi.
HarryPotter:  Only a president.
HarryPotter:  Lots of Persian…and a few askenazis……and other stragglers.
ElazarMuskin:  I’m not interested in being a "president"
swatteam:  are u sure about beth jacob & weil
YourMoralLeader:  yes
swatteam:  when will the new search start?
YourMoralLeader:  right away
YourMoralLeader:  already
ElazarMuskin:  it has already started
swatteam:  they are looking for a rabbi for the "young people" minyan also
ElazarMuskin:  some of us have been tapped by the committee
ElazarMuskin:  http://www.bethjacob.org/torah/asktherabbi.html
ElazarMuskin:  I am going to ask them if they are aware of your webcam luke
swatteam:  elazar would not last at BJ
ElazarMuskin:  you are doing G*ds work here
ElazarMuskin:  I’m going to submit your name, Levi
ElazarMuskin:  and tell them you would be willing to answer questions live for them
swatteam:  when will the ou news be made public
YourMoralLeader:  Great idea, Rabbi
YourMoralLeader:  in the next week or so, sawt
YourMoralLeader:  swat
ElazarMuskin:  I sent this:
ElazarMuskin:  I want you to be aware of the great service being rendered to our Jewish community by Levi Ford.
ElazarMuskin:  He is providing moral leadership, kosher exercise programs and interactive Q&A sessions about Torah.
ElazarMuskin:  See for yourself and I urge you to share this tremendous resource with the entire shul. He is found at: http://yourmoralleader.camstreams.com/
ElazarMuskin:  Thank You,Elazar Muskin
YourMoralLeader:  Thank you, rabbi.
GeneralRabbiCohenPhdMDCeo:  Elazar, is there any difference between Yicc and BJ?
ElazarMuskin:  yes, quite a bit I’d say
ElazarMuskin:  do you mean in the benefits they offer a Rabbi such as myself?
ElazarMuskin:  as I said before- insurance benefits at BJ are much better
ElazarMuskin:  Kaiser Permanente as opposed to Blue Cross Blue Shield
User MartinPoland left the room.
ElazarMuskin:  They provide Rabbis choice of Cadillac or Lincoln only at YICC
ElazarMuskin:  BJ allows Lexus, Mercedes and other foreign brands
ElazarMuskin:  Pay is better at BJ

GUAPO:  em please dont be rude to your nigga today
Emma:  I never am Guapo
GUAPO:  what it do russian
GUAPO:  yall made me cry last go round
Emma:  Why!
RussianDragon:  oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh
RussianDragon:  i’m sorry
RussianDragon:  non-commital hugs
GUAPO:  muf**kers making jokes and sying s**t .. im real cool but yall just hate
Guest23:  say hi to me guapo
GUAPO:  hi
RussianDragon:  * pat on the back
User Guest23 changed their name to Alexanderthegreat.
RussianDragon:  we are all love
RussianDragon:  rainbow children
GUAPO:  luke got his hair did
Alexanderthegreat:  lovers
RussianDragon:  mm
GUAPO:  em you real sexy today
GUAPO:  lookin good skywalker lookin good nigga
RussianDragon:  my groupies tell me that every day
RussianDragon:  the force is strong in him
GUAPO:  i see you took a piece of that g and got your suprecuts on
GUAPO:  russian you ever kill a man?
GUAPO:  how many niggas you murder?
RussianDragon:  heaps
RussianDragon:  i lost count
guest62:  not nice
GUAPO:  just for fun or for like beef?
RussianDragon:  amusement
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  is it a sin for me to get an invoantaty erection when i see a really hot looking nun???
GUAPO:  emma when me and you going on our date?
GUAPO:  you musta not rolled accross real hard core niggas then
Emma:  I dunno about that Guapo
GUAPO:  yall gonna make me cry again em?
YourMoralLeader:  Hey Guapo, hands off Emma. She’s all mine.
YourMoralLeader:  She doesn’t do interracial.
GUAPO:  hand on em cause she mine
Emma:  I’m all Lukes
GUAPO:  luke old enought o be your grandpap

russiandragon:  not much of spring here
RabbiGadol:  The California sun can toast flesh in fifteen minutes
RabbiGadol:  I worry .
Donnag:  i am jelous he is lying in the sun and i am listening to the rain and thunder
RabbiGadol:  What if a careless person comes along and mows the grass and there is an accident?
russiandragon:  does anyone smell the burnt flesh?
Emma:  I doubt he is that stupid to burn
RabbiGadol:  What if bees should descend from the heavens?  What if there are snakes in the grass?
guest85:  halevai luke could get another bris
RabbiGadol:  The outdoors are full of snares for the unwarry
RabbiGadol:  Emma, is it true there are no snakes in Ireland?
guest85:  luke hasn’t gotten to ireland yet
Emma:  It’s true indeed
RabbiGadol:  How do you keep them out?  Predators?
russiandragon:  i hope he never does :p
Emma:  St Patrick chased them out
Donnag:  theres no snakes in scotland either plenty haggis though lol
RabbiGadol:  But with all the immigration and trade, none sneak in?
RabbiGadol:  I’m trying to arrange a shidduch for Luke, but don’t know what sort of woman to pick
RabbiGadol:  I wish to marry him off before labor day
guest85:  someone tremedously zaftig will do
Emma:  When is labor day Rabbi?
RabbiGadol:  Early September
guest85:  he needs to marry a women of valor with much yichus  and of course zaftig
RabbiGadol:  For the right woman, the decision will be instantaneous
RabbiGadol:  I don’t know about zaftig
guest85:  since he is a ger tzedek
RabbiGadol:  I am thinking a woman with a much older father who runs a family business he needs help with
guest85:  he needs to be crushed in during sex… as he thinks he has all the power in bed
RabbiGadol:  This would give Luke an income
Emma:  And do you think you will find this women before september?
RabbiGadol:  Women have the power leading up to sex, men during and immediately after
RabbiGadol:  I don’t know
Emma:  It’s a bit of a long shot
RabbiGadol:  Do you know of one who would make Luke a proper wife?
RabbiGadol:  She must be a good housemaker and an earner
guest85:  he needs a chasideshe type of women who will take care of his physical as well as spiritual needs & not some rebba
Emma:  Indeed
RabbiGadol:  A good mother to be
RabbiGadol:  A woman who sees herself as pre-pregnant.
RabbiGadol:  Religion is not so important, as we are not sure of what Luke’s is.
Emma:  I thought he was Jewish..
RabbiGadol:  A woman who will help him blog
guest85:  any woman who takes on this man…i pity the fool!!!
RabbiGadol:  He mostly is.
Emma:  Yes
guest85:  his bottom is jewish but his top isn’t
RabbiGadol:  Emma, you seem to have the makings of a fine wife one day
Emma:  Other way around 85
Emma:  Thank you Rabbi
RabbiGadol:  Perhaps your mother has a friend for Luke?
Emma:  Sorry to burst your bubble
Emma:  All married
RabbiGadol:  Sigh . . .
RabbiGadol:  I look and I look
RabbiGadol:  This is my quest
RabbiGadol:  To see Luke marry
guest85:  i hope he is well greased up like my potato kugel on my blech
Emma:  And i’m sure you will one day
RabbiGadol:  I have given thought to running billboard ads for him
Jackme:  he ever been married?
RabbiGadol:  Nor even close
Jackme:  wow
Jackme:  maybe hes gay
RabbiGadol:  Not engaged, either
guest85:  he is saving himself for that special girl
Jackme:  uh hu
RabbiGadol:  I do not believe he is, although he is flamboyant
RabbiGadol:  Also, he needs a woman who will wean him off of vegetables
Jackme:  is that our fearless leader?
Emma:  Why
RabbiGadol:  A man must eat meat to be a man
guest85:  he is self centered & selfish but not flamboyant
guest85:  man meat
Jackme:  he kinda looks gay
RabbiGadol:  But the family business part is very important
YourMoralLeader:  greeetings
RabbiGadol:  A woman with a father who has no sons
RabbiGadol:  Maybe someone who works in publishing
RabbiGadol:  Or even photography
Jackme:  and has a big rack
Gina:  Hi Luke
RabbiGadol:  I don’t think Luke cares about such things much
Jackme:  your probably rite being gay
RabbiGadol:  He and I have discussed this at length, and a woman of honor is more important to him than a woman of this or that body
RabbiGadol:  Because all flesh decays
Emma:  Thats true
Gina:  what’s the temp today Luke?
RabbiGadol:  And in the darkness, who can see anyway?  It is the character that shines through to illuminate the darkness, not the flesh
Gina:  should I bring my bikini?
RabbiGadol:  A woman with a father in shipping would be good.
RabbiGadol:  Marriage to such a family would work out well
RabbiGadol:  She should be conversant with the domestic arts.
RabbiGadol:  But also be smart as a tack
Emma:  Whoa you have been doing alot of thinking Rabbi
RabbiGadol:  Indeed I have
Emma:  Indeed you have
RabbiGadol:  In prayer, while studying the Talmud, the Sayings of Our Fathers and More.
RabbiGadol:  I was Luke’s spiritual guide for many years
RabbiGadol:  I vouched for him before some very skeptical people, so I want things to work out
RabbiGadol:  Not as a child, but as a pupil
russiandragon:  aha ok
RabbiGadol:  A man with the heart of a child, searching
RabbiGadol:  Seeking knowledge and truth
RabbiGadol:  Many a time I fought with the Rabbenim of his community, who stubbornly refused his new blood
guest85:  Luke were you even remotely attracted to s**ta Lazar?
Emma:  Interesting
guest85:  Interview was pretty blah
YourMoralLeader:  85, shira lazar?
guest85:  questions were good…. answer eh
RabbiGadol:  He needs a woman who can arrange things so that Luke can study all day long, doing mitzvot
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, it was blah
guest85:  is she attractive?
RabbiGadol:  I would like to see Luke author a commentary on the Torah.
guest85:  or full of herself?
Emma:  Maybe Luke can tell you of what kind a woman he is looking for
YourMoralLeader:  she’s cute, she’s nice
YourMoralLeader:  someone who likes to laugh
YourMoralLeader:  just one woman for me, thanks
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  Bingo, you’re the winner
RabbiGadol:  I know who he is looking for, but who he needs can be another matter
Emma:  ?
Emma:  Well Luke what do you need?
YourMoralLeader:  Congratulations, Emma. You laughed. You won me, the prize.
RabbiGadol:  Emma, are you toying with this man’s heart?
Emma:  lol Luke
Emma:  Of course not
RabbiGadol:  State your intentions
Emma:  Only good
russiandragon:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  as pure as the driven snow
RabbiGadol:  I don’t want to hear that you are trying to use Luke for anything base, that you break his heart
Emma:  Nope
RabbiGadol:  Well then, what are they?
russiandragon:  mm
RabbiGadol:  Men and women are different in their ability to withstand romantic disappointment
Emma:  Only good intentions
guest85:  luke   you be the prize oi vey iz mir
RabbiGadol:  A young man has a heart of stone and a young woman a heart like a tulip.
guest85:  men move on women become suicidal
Emma:  Not stone
RabbiGadol:  But an older man is very vulnerable, especially to the putative attentions of a young woman
Emma:  Not all men
guest85:  rabbi shirley you jest
RabbiGadol:  I want you to declare yourself
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Oh dear
RabbiGadol:  There has been too much disappointment in Luke’s life.
russiandragon:  interesting
RabbiGadol:  Too many woman who used him
guest85:  there is too much ageism in here
Emma:  Oh I don’t think I will disapoint Luke
russiandragon:  whom he used
russiandragon:  as well rabbi
guest85:  i would like to chaperone this arrangement to make sure it is all kosher mehadrin
guest85:  like a virgin…touched for the very 1st time by emma
RabbiGadol:  I know I am asking much of you, but there simply is too much room for you to take advantage of Luke and abuse him.  One reads of foreign women coming here and marrying American men simply for a green card
Emma:  Not all women are the same Rabbi
RabbiGadol:  So society needs to be protective of him
RabbiGadol:  I know that.
Emma:  Surley you of all people know that
RabbiGadol:  But one must be careful. Luke is like a tender late-blooming flower, in need of a protective fence from all the dogs in the area
YourMoralLeader:  Don’t bring on the heartbreak.
Emma:  I love how you describe Luke
guest85:  use him then abuse him …all in the name of love
RabbiGadol:  Look and see how happy he is.  I do not want that to end in tears.
guest85:  de-flower him NOW !!
Emma:  Only happy tears
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, make me a man!
YourMoralLeader:  please!
russiandragon:  this is all depressing 🙁
guest85:  bring it on
RabbiGadol:  I will marry you, if you are both who and what you say you are.
YourMoralLeader:  Thank you rabbi.
Emma:  Thanks
Emma:  lol
guest85:  can i be an aid ???
russiandragon:  ok i’m going to hang myself :p
guest85:  the wedding will be at pico deli
RabbiGadol:  There will be love for you too, one day, if you are lucky
YourMoralLeader:  I’ve been saving myself for that special woman.
guest85:  from your mouth to gods ears
YourMoralLeader:  Sex will be special in a way that secular people will never understand.
russiandragon:  except for the free bj’s
Emma:  Ive been saving myself for that special Man
Emma:  Of course Luke
YourMoralLeader:  We’ll do it to libera.
Emma:  lol
RabbiGadol:  Then you are a woman of valor, with a price above rubies
Emma:  I am the day
RabbiGadol:  Emma, are you willing to be mother to his children?
Emma:  All 8 of them Rabbi
RabbiGadol:  May G-d grant you your wish
RabbiGadol:  You are young enough for this
Emma:  Amen
RabbiGadol:  And there is no more important work for a woman
russiandragon:  ok guys i’m going to hang myself
russiandragon:  bye
russiandragon:  goobye world
guest85:  hope you are well hung
RabbiGadol:  God will hear your prayers
russiandragon:  i’m too depressed to stay
RabbiGadol:  As God has heard Luke’s, sending him young Emma
Emma:  Why?
RabbiGadol:  Why should you be depressed by anything here?
RabbiGadol:  One man’s joy need not be your loss.
RabbiGadol:  Perhaps if you were less cynical, russiandragon, you would open yourself up to the ways of the Lord
russiandragon:  i’ll be back if the suicide doesn’t work out
Emma:  Don’t be silly
russiandragon:  the lord has delt me bad cards
RabbiGadol:  You know you will be invited to the wedding
RabbiGadol:  look at your cards
russiandragon:  only black snow
russiandragon:  even worse
RabbiGadol:   compare them to Luke’s and ask yourself, which of his beats which of yours?
Emma:  Don’t you work Fridays Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  yep, till time to go to shul
guest85:  he ain’t gonna work on saturday
Emma:  What time do you go?
guest85:  double trouble triple pay ain’t gonna work on saturday

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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