I’m Live On My Cam!

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guest7:  Do you check out info people feed you or do you just post anything anybody says, knowing people have hidden agendas?
MORALLYcorrupt:  ppl ALWAYS have an agenda!
bigbrother:  big brother in 2008
guest7:  Do you know you are being used?
guest7:  no for people to spread unsubstantiated rumors and harm other’s reputations
YourMoralLeader:  7, can youb e more specific?
MORALLYcorrupt:  like anyone REALLY  believes SHlT they hear on the internet!!
guest7:  bloggers blog under the guise of reporting but is repeating gossip reporting? or gossiping?
YourMoralLeader:  I’ve been doing this for more than a decade…
Emma:  How is everyone?
YourMoralLeader:  if you have a correction, I will definitely take it seriously. Can you be specific, 7?
guest7:  so when someone tells you something, you pick up the phone and get other sources to confirm it, like a real reporter?
KhunDiddy:  Facts? We don’t need no stinking facts here
KhunDiddy:  This is Luke…facts aren’t important
guest7:  unles it is you that people are talking about
YourMoralLeader:  7, on an important story yes, on a comedy spot where nobody’s reputation is at stake, not always
guest7:  how many sources did you talk to about Cantor Katz?
KhunDiddy:   unles it is you that people are talking about..NO PRoblem slander On
YourMoralLeader:  2, 7
guest7:  2 sources out of a membership of 900 families?  That is your research?
KhunDiddy:  Research cost time and money….
KhunDiddy:  better get the dirt out and apologize if it’s wrong
YourMoralLeader:  oy
guest7:  Too bad people don’t read newspapers anymore, at least real reporters have some credibility, anyone with a computer and internet connection now is a blogger
KhunDiddy:  maybe not say you’re sorry..go on to the next story
Medusa:  so you always shake your honey to your kangaroo?
Lucille:  Aboes?  Are they property?!!!
Lucille:  This song appals
zappa:  at least get it in tune lUKE
Medusa:  lol
Lucille:  It looks like you are wearing glasses
Lucille:  Sigh. . . is this what I have left to date?
Lucille:  You should try yoga.
Lucille:  Bikrim yoga for you.
guest123:  god those weights must be a pound each,what a man!
Lucille:  I’ve seen animals do this at the zoo.
zappa:  i prefer cottage cheese
Medusa:  you exercising on your bed?
Lucille:  Cottage cheese is a good food, but many vegan diets prohibit it
guest123:  never mind lucy there are still a few men left
zappa:  oh for cod steak
Medusa:  tie me kangaroo down sport. .. I’m singing too.  can you hear me?
zappa:  hwho is he now? Baloo
zappa:  thats because you’re to near the radiator Medusa
Lucille:  I just don’t think he could keep up with me or any of my friends.
Lucille:  Men just don’t age well
Medusa:  how many pounds luke?
Lucille:  What sort of heart rate can he be hitting?  80?
todd:  in my 20’s i benched 600
Lucille:  Five years from now, he’ll be fifty pounds heavier.
todd:  those girly weights are shamefull for a man his age
Medusa:  so is going to do the walt?
Lucille:  His form is so poor he is begging for a rotator cuff injury

StuntmanBurt:  Maybe?? or the fact he has no answers, and is infact a fake!
oyoyoy:  is he a failed messiah?
oyoyoy:  keep singing luke
StuntmanBurt:  Never trust a man with a beard!
oyoyoy:  don’t worry it’s fake.  He glued it on this morning
StuntmanBurt:  lol
StuntmanBurt:  Are you a good person Luke?
oyoyoy:  isn’t good a relative term?
StuntmanBurt:  ?
StuntmanBurt:  He might be evil?
oyoyoy:  I mean define good?
StuntmanBurt:  Good as in helps people!
oyoyoy:  evil? Like the song "Evil Woman"?
StuntmanBurt:  As in a moral leader?
oyoyoy:  well define moral?  Everyone seems to define the term as something different.
StuntmanBurt:  Ohhhh, like moral support as in helping ppl!
oyoyoy:  helping ppl with what?
oyoyoy:  comedian’s are moral because they help people laugh?
StuntmanBurt:  Like I’m an alcoholic, can Luke stop me from drinking, by finding me a new path to follow?
oyoyoy:  ahh, can anyone ever make someone else stop drinking?
YourMoralLeader:  sound is back, reload
oyoyoy:  or do  you have to find it in yourself the tools needed to stop?
StuntmanBurt:  That’s my point! He might be a fake? lol
oyoyoy:  no sound
oyoyoy:  sound now
oyoyoy:  you going to shake your honey again?
StuntmanBurt:  I need a drink!
StuntmanBurt:  Would anyone else like one?
oyoyoy:  \_/?  <—- here’s a glass of water for you
oyoyoy:  I thought you were jewish?
StuntmanBurt:  Thank’s but Luke should of said that!
oyoyoy:  oops maybe I’m the moral leader and not luke. lol
StuntmanBurt:  You said you where jewish?
oyoyoy:  isn’t that what the German Jews said before hitler came?
StuntmanBurt:  Yup! that would help! I like wine!
oyoyoy:  sure, you going to make it into wine?
User oyoyoy changed their name to TheRealMoralLeader.
StuntmanBurt:  Your doing a better job than Luke oyoy! and this is his show!
StuntmanBurt:  What sort of wine?
StuntmanBurt:  Red or White?
TheRealMoralLeader:  don’t turn the sound off… let there be sound!
StuntmanBurt:  French or German?
TheRealMoralLeader:  can you play the unicorn song too?
StuntmanBurt:  You make me want to drink more Luke!, your not helping!!!!!
TheRealMoralLeader:  you know that one?
StuntmanBurt:  Austalian jew’s??
TheRealMoralLeader:  I think we are boring our Australian Jewish moral leader.
StuntmanBurt:  lol
TheRealMoralLeader:  maybe he can tell us how he’s going to lead us?
StuntmanBurt:  What’s the unicorn song Luke?
Jimmy:  when Luke yawns it makes us yawn
TheRealMoralLeader:  I guess we don’t please our leader?
StuntmanBurt:  I yawn in Hebrew!
spooky:  Besides studying the Torah…and engineering swweping moral change…what else do you do?
Jimmy:  very sucessful blogger
TheRealMoralLeader:  he excercises to the kangaroo song.
StuntmanBurt:  What’s Torah? is that a mountin bike?
spooky:  The Jewish Bible…best way I can explain it.
StuntmanBurt:  Good song!
Jimmy:  big yawn
TheRealMoralLeader:  open wide.  let’s see if he has any cavities
StuntmanBurt:  Ohhh, it’s about relidgeon
spooky:  yes. it is about religion
TheRealMoralLeader:  sounds like luke is homesick for his homeland
TheRealMoralLeader:  wider
StuntmanBurt:  Where are you Luke?
TheRealMoralLeader:  I feel so ignored by our moral leader. . .
spooky:  How can you engineer sweeping moral change when you do not answer questions?
StuntmanBurt:  Are we boring you Luke?
Jimmy:  no he is just busy
TheRealMoralLeader:  Maybe our moral leader doesn’t love us anymore?
TheRealMoralLeader:  your eyes are pretty blurry
StuntmanBurt:  Really?? The real moral leader?
spooky:  um luke…I just can’t seem to find sweeping moral change just by looking into your eyes.
StuntmanBurt:  brb! getting more drink!
TheRealMoralLeader:  are we supposed to see truth in your eyes? or you trying to use mind control techniques on us?
spooky:  and as pretty as I find the music…it is not doing it for me.
spooky:  aren’t you suppose to have some sort of platform…or speech…or your own interpretation of the Torah?
StuntmanBurt:  It’s mind control
TheRealMoralLeader:  ok??? and then what?
Jimmy:  I see green tea
TheRealMoralLeader:  well they look pretty blurry on my scr
TheRealMoralLeader:  e
StuntmanBurt:  Are you drinking your own piss?
Jimmy:  youre bad stuntman
TheRealMoralLeader:  screen
TheRealMoralLeader:  does a G-d like person blow his nose?
StuntmanBurt:  You should know everything!!!
TheRealMoralLeader:  or am I confusing a leader with something else?
spooky:  True…I just started a cult and I’m still trying to find out how to stockpile weapons
TheRealMoralLeader:  not a her?
TheRealMoralLeader:  this doesn’t sound Jewish
TheRealMoralLeader:  maybe he’s a cross over jewish leader?
spooky:  Is this something you just woke up one morning and said "Hey! I’m gonna engineer sweeping moral change"?
StuntmanBurt:  Let’s recap! your a Australian Jew living in America??, that want to lead ppl in a new moral direction, but is not sure how?.
StuntmanBurt:  wants
StuntmanBurt:  If this is true? can I have a T-shirt please!
TheRealMoralLeader:  I think your depressing our moral leader.  Maybe we should just be looking in his eyes.
StuntmanBurt:  Stop looking in his eye’s, he might be bad! real
TheRealMoralLeader:  he should be playing music about looking into his eyes.
StuntmanBurt:  lol
TheRealMoralLeader:  my eyes have seen the glory of the lord. ..
spooky:  I find that particular hymn depressing…do you have something snappier?
StuntmanBurt:  lol
spooky:  more upbeat
TheRealMoralLeader:  trying to think of other songs that would go along with his premise.
YourMoralLeader:  please I need your help
YourMoralLeader:  if we’re to make a better world
TheRealMoralLeader:  how can we help you?
StuntmanBurt:  Land of hope and glory! please Luke!, but stand up this time ok!
TheRealMoralLeader:  bowing down to our leader. lol
StuntmanBurt:  I’m bowing!
TheRealMoralLeader:  I have a question.  Does a leader have to be moral for us to follow him?
StuntmanBurt:  Praise Luke Ford!
YourMoralLeader:  thank you
YourMoralLeader:  ok
TheRealMoralLeader:  I think we should all embrace. . . lol
TheRealMoralLeader:  hold hands and say a bracha
spooky:  I would let you join my cult but you have to come up with more than "look into my eyes"
StuntmanBurt:  lol
TheRealMoralLeader:  most cult leaders want us to work and give them all of our money
TheRealMoralLeader:  wow, we are being embraced
spooky:  Have you studied the Kaballah?
TheRealMoralLeader:  but it didn’t do anything for me.
TheRealMoralLeader:  it didn’t feel real
StuntmanBurt:  That’s a good catch pharse! " Look in to my eye’s"
TheRealMoralLeader:  why are you playing church music?
TheRealMoralLeader:  luke???? church music???? my leader is a Jew.
spooky:  because he is our moral leader and they play church music
TheRealMoralLeader:  he can’t be the messiah then.
StuntmanBurt:  Because he’s like a Moral Leader!, I can see the Light!
TheRealMoralLeader:  luke, I’m so crushed
StuntmanBurt:  THE LIGHT!
spooky:  turn the light off if it is too bright.
TheRealMoralLeader:  I’m so depressed. I thought I found my savior and I was wrong
TheRealMoralLeader:  I guess the true messiah doesn’t shake his honey.
StuntmanBurt:  Sowwie! it was the bedroom light, forgot to turn it off!
User guest135 left the room.
TheRealMoralLeader:  Luke, are you religiously confused?
spooky:  I never met a Jew named Luke before.
TheRealMoralLeader:  I think it comes from Luicfer?
StuntmanBurt:  You have now spooky
spooky:  guess they finally moved into the New Testement
TheRealMoralLeader:  me either
StuntmanBurt:  I liked it!
TheRealMoralLeader:  it’s scary
TheRealMoralLeader:  can you play something from mary popkins too?
StuntmanBurt:  Sport Luke?, is that part of the learning curve?
spooky:  I like that woman’s voice…sort of hypnotic
spooky:  that is because cricket is for wussies
StuntmanBurt:  I’m English! watch you step there Luke!
TheRealMoralLeader:  you’re right.  he’s going to tell us to look into his eyes and also going to give us some of his green tea which has been spiked with a mind controling drug.
spooky:  wanna join my cult?
StuntmanBurt:  Hey slash!
slash:  yes
TheRealMoralLeader:  what does your cult have to offer?
spooky:  Bible versus and weapon stockpiling
TheRealMoralLeader:  I’m trying to figure out if your cult is better then luke’s?
StuntmanBurt:  A T-shirt that says "Look into my eyes!"
TheRealMoralLeader:  what’s the truth luke?
TheRealMoralLeader:  LUKE???
spooky:  That is what I wanna know. What is the truth?
StuntmanBurt:  Yeah, Luke tell us the truth!
User slash left the room.
TheRealMoralLeader:  LUKE, I beg of you tell me what the truth is? I’ve been searching my entire life to know.
TheRealMoralLeader:  you have to save a rech like me.
spooky:  I am trying to understand you but unless I know what the truth is…how can I make the decision to join you?
StuntmanBurt:  Me too! hurry up!
TheRealMoralLeader:  LUKE, I’m crumbling waiting to hear the truth.
StuntmanBurt:  Is it free to join?#
StuntmanBurt:  lol
TheRealMoralLeader:  it’s free, but you have to turn your soul over to the moral leader.
spooky:  Luke…you really need to brush up on your moral leader skills.
TheRealMoralLeader:  LUKE, you are so cruel. . . leaving us waiting to hear the truth.  How can you do this to us?
StuntmanBurt:  I don’t have one!, I sold it to sleep with a porn star! real
TheRealMoralLeader:  but I don’t see anything.
StuntmanBurt:  I do
TheRealMoralLeader:  what are we supposed to be sing in your eyes?
spooky:  Ok…will you let your women study the Torah?
TheRealMoralLeader:  stunt, ask for your soul back.
StuntmanBurt:  Do you know what I saw………………..?
TheRealMoralLeader:  luke will you count women in a minyan?
TheRealMoralLeader:  will  you pray with women?
TheRealMoralLeader:  Luke, I don’t see anything but a haze.
spooky:  wear are those little curls at your temples?
TheRealMoralLeader:  was it something I said?  He left us.
spooky:  You doubted him! He gave up on us!
TheRealMoralLeader:  oh no!!!
YourMoralLeader:  You are all individuals!
spooky:  Oh yes!
StuntmanBurt:  Luke Has a closet full of Kung-fu filck’s and nasty pictures!……..you’ll burn in hell Luke Ford!
StuntmanBurt:  I saw that!
TheRealMoralLeader:  we will never be saved.
spooky:  give him a break. even moral leaders have to pee
StuntmanBurt:  The eye thing!
spooky:  just never saw one pee that fast
TheRealMoralLeader:  is our moral leader G-d like?
spooky:  oops
YourMoralLeader:  You guys are no longer worthy of sound
spooky:  no sound
TheRealMoralLeader:  luke???? you made us all deaf?
YourMoralLeader:  serves you right
User TheRealMoralLeader changed their name to LostSoul.
StuntmanBurt:  Awwwwwwwwwwwww! don’t punish us!
spooky:  You doubted him…he took away our hearing!
Jimmy:  Luke I never doubted you, sound back plz
StuntmanBurt:  I’m sowwie! Luke?
LostSoul:  The pain. I don’t think I can go on like this anymore.
spooky:  *covers ears and runs screaming…but can’t hear myself*
LostSoul:  what is life, if we can’t hear the voice of our moral leader?
spooky:  I’M CURED!!!!
StuntmanBurt:  Put the sound on………..We’re saved!
LostSoul:  a miricle!
LostSoul:  bowing down to the one and only
spooky:  *bows down and gives thanks*
StuntmanBurt:  I can walk! it’s a miricle!
LostSoul:  lol stunt
LostSoul:  please dont’ leave us again.
spooky:  um…stunt…yours ears are connected to your legs?
StuntmanBurt:  Thank’s luke!
YourMoralLeader:  I dont count women in my minyanim.
LostSoul:  why not?
spooky:  in your what?
LostSoul:  don’t you see women as your equal?
User StuntmanBurt changed their name to Mrfairysofamouse.
LostSoul:  luke?  why can’t I question you?
spooky:  ah…"Don’t question me"…spoken like a true moral leader.
LostSoul:  luke. . . I am woman hear me roar!
Mrfairysofamouse:  I’ve seen the truth?
spooky:  Did you know Jews don’t teach their women the Torah?
Mrfairysofamouse:  No luke! change the feckking record!
LostSoul:  Luke, I’m loosing my connection to you.
User Mrfairysofamouse changed their name to StuntmanBurt.
LostSoul:  I guess I’ll have to go Jewish Renewal. There women are the leaders.
YourMoralLeader:  How do you say in Hebrew a comparison but not to compare
YourMoralLeader:  l’havdil
YourMoralLeader:  ?
StuntmanBurt:  Luke change the tune now! ok
User LostSoul changed their name to HaShemIsFemale.
StuntmanBurt:  Luke please, I wont bow down anymore!
YourMoralLeader:  no sound!
StuntmanBurt:  K
HaShemIsFemale:  No sound is better then this torture.
User guest138 left the room.
spooky:  darn…deaf again
spooky:  enough is enough
StuntmanBurt:  Luke! mate! no fair ok!
HaShemIsFemale:  Once agains luke saved us.
HaShemIsFemale:  he saved us from that song
spooky:  i want my hearing back and i want it back now
YourMoralLeader:  anyone here made havdala in a strip club?
StuntmanBurt:  I don’t feel saved right now?
HaShemIsFemale:  Would HaShem approve of that one?
HaShemIsFemale:  ok, where’s the sound?
StuntmanBurt:  My ears, what’s happened to my ears??? I’ve gone deaf?
HaShemIsFemale:  Luke???
HaShemIsFemale:  What if G-d was female, what would you do?
StuntmanBurt:  Nope! I’ve got headphones on!
StuntmanBurt:  Phew!
spooky:  must be part of his mind control…take our hearing…give it back…take it away agian
User guest139 left the room.
StuntmanBurt:  lol
HaShemIsFemale:  spook, I think your right
HaShemIsFemale:  I feel so ignored by our moral leader. he won’t answer my simple quest
HaShemIsFemale:  i
HaShemIsFemale:  o
StuntmanBurt:  Luke! babes! put the sound on please!
HaShemIsFemale:  n.
spooky:  gotta admit…good system.  *writes that one down*
spooky:  Now when my followers doubt me…I will make them deaf.
HaShemIsFemale:  Luke it’s sort of like you are into S&M, not answering your followers questions.
StuntmanBurt:  Don’t mess me about Luke I’ll leave and you’ll of failed me!
YourMoralLeader:  doing secret stuff for mossad
YourMoralLeader:  please bear with me
YourMoralLeader:  sound will be back soon
User HaShemIsFemale changed their name to NeedingANewMoralLeader.
StuntmanBurt:  lol
spooky:  mossad?  they still together?  their last cd sucked
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  Stunt, will you be my leader?
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  or maybe spooky?
spooky:  sure…you can join my cult
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  cool! todah rabah
spooky:  we are having try-outs on the rifle range tomorrow
StuntmanBurt:  Me I would do Need, I’m not sure how long it would take? lol
spooky:  ever fire an uzi?
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  not a uzi. only a riffle
StuntmanBurt:  Luke I’m going! you broke my heart!
spooky:  almost the same thing except the bullets come out faster
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  I feel over when I shot a riffle the first time.
spooky:  uzi not that bad
spooky:  just have to hold on tight or you’ll be firing all over the place
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  good.
spooky:  wouldn’t do to take out our own members
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  I think we should ignore luke
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  I think we only should respond to him when he does what we ask him to do.
spooky:  I CAN HEAR AGAIN!!!!
NeedingANewMoralLeader:  thanks luke I heard you type.
YourMoralLeader:  brb
spooky:  *falls to the floor and prostrates myself*

YourMoralLeader:  any more dates today?
QuixoticLass:  yep
QuixoticLass:  alas, another first date that won’t result in a second
YourMoralLeader:  oy
QuixoticLass:  but I had really good cajun ahi tuna
QuixoticLass:  I really need to start narrowing down my parameters
QuixoticLass:  I think no one over 48 from now on.  oh, well except the date I have for tuesday.
QuixoticLass:  Today’s date was ruined by me, btw.  I started talking about someone else.  I think I’m insane.  Who talks about someone else they’ve dated on a date?
YourMoralLeader:  most people do
QuixoticLass:  not wistfully, I’m sure
QuixoticLass:  What did you do today?
QuixoticLass:  I went and visited with a friend I thought was dead for 7 years
YourMoralLeader:  whoa
YourMoralLeader:  i went to a memorial party for my friend cathy seipp
QuixoticLass:  your narrative about that was somewhat confusing
YourMoralLeader:  fictionalized it
QuixoticLass:  no kidding
QuixoticLass:  it was great to see my old friend today, it was like no time had passed at all
YourMoralLeader:  wow
YourMoralLeader:  how did you think she was dead?
QuixoticLass:  he
QuixoticLass:  he had leukemia and the last time I saw him was at Cedars during chemo
QuixoticLass:  I lent him a whole bunch of videos to watch
QuixoticLass:  and I got them back in a package mailed to me with no return address and no note, so I figured he’d died
YourMoralLeader:  oy
QuixoticLass:  Baruch hashem he made it through and even managed to have a daughter
mrbluelouboyle:  whats on your face tonight?
mrbluelouboyle:  or is that the light?
mrbluelouboyle:  ok…it was the light hitting your face turning it red.
YourMoralLeader:  it is the holy spirit
mrbluelouboyle:  Luke, whats your thoughts of Chris Taliana re-entering the biz?
QuixoticLass:  amen praise the lord
YourMoralLeader:  who’s that?
mrbluelouboyle:  half asian adult actress….she’s very good looking, I would have thought you would have known her.
YourMoralLeader:  forgotten
QuixoticLass:  I see the red you were talking about
mrbluelouboyle:  She did an unforgettable scene in "Invasian".
QuixoticLass:  looks like a giant red booger coming out of his right nostril
QuixoticLass:  sorry YML
mrbluelouboyle:  Yea, the light is hitting in a strange way.
User guest154 left the room.
QuixoticLass:  adjust the light or the cam or something…it’s very disturbing
QuixoticLass:  YML’s got stigmata on his face
mrbluelouboyle:  Its too bright in there.
mrbluelouboyle:  Luke, what do you think of Jean Val Jean retirig from the biz?
QuixoticLass:  adjusting the cam didn’t work…fix the light
YourMoralLeader:  I no longer have any thoughts on porn.
mrbluelouboyle:  ?
QuixoticLass:  better!
QuixoticLass:  now you’ve only got a bloody left eye
mrbluelouboyle:  Don’t you run the website lukeford, and report on the adult biz?
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  just lukeford.net
User mrbluelouboyle left the room.
QuixoticLass:  YML’s moral standards are so strict that he had the aesthetic part of his brain removed so he can’t see women in a lustful light anymore.
QuixoticLass:  aw man took too long to type
QuixoticLass:  oh the futility
mrbluelouboyle:  ok, I see your website has changed.
mrbluelouboyle:  oy vey!
mrbluelouboyle:  Joanna Angel is Jewish….will news of her be on lukeford?
QuixoticLass:  only if she has an affair with an orthodox rabbi

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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