I’m Getting Spanked In My Chat Room By Someone Claiming To Be My Dad

Live in my cam chat:

guest30:  Luke, this is your dad, the Reverend Dsmond Ford. Attention whoring again, I see?
guest30:  Is Wayne Cherry under your desk fellating you?
guest30:  Perhaps inserting a tube of Vegemite where the sun doesn’t shine, you ponce?
guest30:  listen up, boy: i’ve about had it with your anti-Semitic claptrap! If I were there I’d give you a fair-dinkum clout, right on the side of your noggin!
guest30:  is your kipah attached with as girl’s clip? nitwit! your obsession with Judaism is the same as your fixation on the porn industry. Designed to honk off your Dad!
YourMoralLeader:  Sorry dad.

guest30:  there’s no excuse for you, boy.
YourMoralLeader:  I have sinned grievously.
YourMoralLeader:  What must I do to be saved?
guest30:  Other lads your age have actual jobs and at least produce something in this world.
YourMoralLeader:  I blog on lukeford.net.
YourMoralLeader:  Is that not worthy?
guest30:  By your dead mum’s vagina, I’l lay into you like fair-dinkum Tasmanian devil the next time I see you. Your brother Paul doesn’t act like such a wastrel.
guest30:  There you go….cackling like a fair-dinum kookaburra….quite pleased with yourself, I see. I assure you, lad, your satisfaction is sorely misplaced.
YourMoralLeader:  But aren’t you glad, dad, that I’m out of porn?
guest30:  Why not give us all a stirring confessional about your dalliances with Wayne Cherry, your lust for other men, and that incident with what you called a "pointy, penguin-like hat." And is that urine you’re quaffing from that jug?
guest30:  You’re a ridiculous knob of a human being, boy. It’s no wonder Holly Randall dumped you. That sheila’s got a bum as big as all outdoors…and twice as fragrant. A real man would have laid that down and kept it down….but not you. You just whinged.
horridboy:  why don’t you bring peace to the middle east luke?
YourMoralLeader:  I should
zenmanxpt:  Luke do you really think other jews take you seriously
guest30:  Because Luke is an anti-Semite.
horridboy:  that sounds like a great use of your time
YourMoralLeader:  Well, they killed Jesus.
YourMoralLeader:  You taught me that.
zenmanxpt:  you’re allowed to kill you own
zenmanxpt:  i dont’ hold that against the jews
horridboy:  but He is risen
guest30:  I’ll kill you, boy! I should have done so the moment you emerged from your late mum’s vagina – which, I night add, resembled a box jellyfish!
zenmanxpt:  there’s a lot of goy still left in you
guest30:  Why can’t you be more like your brother Paul? The two of you are like chalk and cheese, whelp!
horridboy:  luke went to put on his Jesus mask
YourMoralLeader:  When did things start to go wrong with me, dad?
horridboy:  he’ll be back carrying a cross
guest30:  I hear your toilet flushing. That’s what I should have done the moment your dead mum squeezed you out.
guest30:  Down the drain, mate! Never to be seen again in this world.
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, I’ve missed you.
guest30:  Look at you…staring at your own reflected image like some sort of deranged budgie.
horridboy:  luke has a reflective screen
guest30:  Narcissistic twit.
guest30:  Your choked chortles remind me of the day you were raped by a wallaby. You fair-dinkum enjoyed it, I believe.
guest30:  Of course you did. I raised a ponce.
YourMoralLeader:  That changed my life, dad.
guest30:  It’s my ever-lasting shame.
YourMoralLeader:  Do people remind you about this often?
guest31:  play us a song on your skin flute luke
guest30:  When you go to sleep at night, do you drift off with the belief tghat you’ve accomplished something for that day? As far as I can see, all you do is sit in a little room and play with other socially awkward twits.
guest30:  And not even face-to-face. I’d like to take a cricket bat to your skull, I would.
guest30:  Chin-stroking, self-important w**ker!
guest30:  What is the difference between your incessant baiting of the Jews and your mission to "dig up dirt" on the porn industry? That’s not even the original version of that song, by the way. PONCE!
guest31:  desperate times calls for…..Desparado
zenmanxpt:  whre’s your gun luke?
zenmanxpt:  show it to us
zenmanxpt:  I got drunk with Holly Randall last night
guest31:  Yes! show us your gun Luke
zenmanxpt:  OH YES!!!
guest30:  trashed any rabbis lately? are you off on a "hot scoop" of barely concealed anti-Semitism? Schizoid twerp. Your mum and I both loathed you as a child, and I despise you all the more for the way you’ve turned out.
zenmanxpt:  THANKS LUKE
guest31:  nice
guest31:  S&W 66?
YourMoralLeader:  I’m just a humble servant of the truth, dad.
YourMoralLeader:  yeah
guest30:  Don’t give yourself credit: a [plastic jug filled with urine a pistol don’t make you a deperado.
guest30:  They just make you a disappointment to your dead mum and me.
guest30:  Outlaws don’t use S&W….but homosexuals and women do. Good on you, mate!
zenmanxpt:  Hol-ly Ran-dall..why dont’ you come to your senses…
User guest31 changed their name to JimSouthSR.
JimSouthSR:  Luke we need you down here at world modeling
JimSouthSR:  we’re having a big whore-wrangling this weekend- open house event
JimSouthSR:  I’ll send Jr around to pick you up. You in?
YourMoralLeader:  I’m done with porn.
zenmanxpt:  no one is done with porn
YourMoralLeader:  I’m a Torah Jew now.
zenmanxpt:  it just takes different forms
YourMoralLeader:  Sorry dad.
JimSouthSR:  well this is just a chance for you to pick up some money
JimSouthSR:  we need another lense around the place
JimSouthSR:  jews like money
JimSouthSR:  even torahs
JimSouthSR:  C’mon I need your opinion on the new carpet
guest30:  Tell us how it feels to be 40-something adult and to be doing THIS day after day? Most people would take that gun, put it to their temple and pull the trigger. But you don’t even have thje stones to do that…think of the posthumous YouTube hits!
zenmanxpt:  luke how do you earn your living?
User guest35 left the room.
YourMoralLeader:  blogging
zenmanxpt:  you honestly pay rent with your blog
zenmanxpt:  i need that kind of gig
zenmanxpt:  have you spoken with smelly monkey lately
zenmanxpt:  he’s a fellow Member of the Tribe
guest38:  hello mr.morel
guest30:  Blogging’s not even a real word, you whelp! It’s something Internet homosexuals like you came up with to describe their pointless. meaningless lives.
YourMoralLeader:  seriously, i’m drowning financially but I have hope.
guest30:  Here’s a tip for your financial situation…get a job! It works ffor most people.
JimSouthSR:  hey Luke got any pigs feet in there?
JimSouthSR:  I’m starving
guest37:  That was a bit of an unnecessary comment
JimSouthSR:  everyone needs a purpose
guest30:  Obviously, you’re not listening to your old dad…typical. Looks like you’ve done real well for yourself, lad. And even in backwards OZ, we realized a long time ago that the Carpenters were fit for moping teen girls.
JimSouthSR:  don;t you have some special undergarments to wash?
guest30:  I’m buggering off now, mate. You’ve broken your family’s heart. Not mine, mind you. I just want to smash your face. But the rest of them think of you as tragic. I’m going on walkabout now. And will listen to some Poppy Family on my fair-dinkum iPod. Ponc
YourMoralLeader:  Always good to hear from you, dad. Let’s do lunch
oken your family’s heart. Not mine, mind you. I just want to smash your face. But the rest of them think of you as tragic. I’m going on walkabout now. And will listen to some Poppy Family on my fair-dinkum iPod. Ponce.

JimSouthSR:  luke how come your jew friends arent supporting you in your webcam and blogging endeavors?
JimSouthSR:  only your pornfriends care about you
guest37:  On a night when everyone is donning there glad rags me, just sittin here with me tunes and me prayer book. It’s the life.
zenmanxpt:  have you ever met gia jordan
zenmanxpt:  i hear she has a crush on you
zenmanxpt:  and she said she was jewish in Down the Hatch
YourMoralLeader:  yeah
JimSouthSR:  zenman send her the link to this webcam- that will cure her.
JimSouthSR:  she thinks he still looks like his book-cover
mikesouth:  hey lukey
YourMoralLeader:  hi mike
mikesouth:  how ya been man
YourMoralLeader:  good, you?
mikesouth:  no complaints in dayton with tim and fifi
YourMoralLeader:  yay
YourMoralLeader:  how’s your health?
mikesouth:  its good i guess considering my old age
guest37:  I’m off as I dont understand anything anymore
mikesouth:  you look….ummm…jeweish LOL
JimSouthSR:  37, its just a couple old porners sitting around swapping war stories
mikesouth:  good to see you too man
guest42:  He has risen
guest37:  ahhh, ic. what are porners. do they undress often?
mikesouth:  yer music leaves a lot to be desired
JimSouthSR:  sometimes. watch your wallet around them
User JimSouthSR changed their name to BrandyeAlexander.
guest37:  He hasn’t quite risen yet
YourMoralLeader:  This is like old porn times
zenmanxpt:  lol brandy!
BrandyeAlexander:  I got fired from my job at the cemetary
guest42:  2007 years ago
mikesouth:  i always liked luke
mikesouth:  he is a weird
BrandyeAlexander:  It’s ok though- I hated the graveyard shift
zenmanxpt:  i miss the old day s from RAME
mikesouth:  thats a riot
BrandyeAlexander:  where’s Tim?
mikesouth:  tim is at the club i just finished shooting
mikesouth:  but its ok to talk about it wasnt porn
YourMoralLeader:  what did you shoot?
mikesouth:  i shot a gilr vaccuuming rice krispies out of a sofa
YourMoralLeader:  how’s holly randall?
mikesouth:  and stompping on old 78 records with stripper heels
mikesouth:  and putting on makeup
guest37:  my word, rice crispies (spelling correction)
User Guest left the room.
YourMoralLeader:  Guest, did you get my email?
zenmanxpt:  when will the palestinians get a homeland, Luke?
mikesouth:  that stuff makes crazy money on clips4sale
mikesouth:  its too weird but i love it
guest39:  let’s hear some carpenters  🙂
User guest43 left the room.
mikesouth:  luke you should vaccuum your hovel on yer cam here
User spitzer left the room.
mikesouth:  LOL
Guest:  how do I get an email from you?
YourMoralLeader:  Guest, how does your email addy begin?
YourMoralLeader:  maybe I thought you were someone else
mikesouth:  ok luke whom should i vote for in the election in november
guest37:  let’s not here some carpenters. I’m on my knees on that one!
mikesouth:  be my moral compass
guest39:  glutton for punishment
YourMoralLeader:  mccain
mikesouth:  i just cant sacrificemore of my freedom to republicans
Guest:  do you have the whole court case?
mikesouth:  yet i dont want to sacrifice my money to the democrats
User guest45 left the room.
guest39:  Purim / Good Fri mood music
guest44:  Wow, Luke you really are aging of late.
mikesouth:  he looks like luke to me
zenmanxpt:  shabat starts in a few hours luke, will you be lighting candles?
zenmanxpt:  at whose house?
guest37:  mine
guest39:  mine
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  Thanks 44
YourMoralLeader:  The years have not been kind to me
YourMoralLeader:  How have you fine folks observed Good Friday/Purim?
BrandyeAlexander:  I had a huge plate of barbeque pork for lunch
mikesouth:  ok im out good seein ya luke peace to ya brudda
Guest:  give me your addy and I’ll send you an email add to send it to me
YourMoralLeader:  I;’m turning htis up loud
zenmanxpt:  you remember pork dont’ you luke
guest39:  hamantaschen ..prune.. very moving
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
ThisIsMyCostume:  haha
guest46:  Meshugener
User mikesouth left the room.
BrandyeAlexander:  do you miss the cloven-footed meat Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  never ate it, hon
zenmanxpt:  it’s delicious
BrandyeAlexander:  bacon in the morning….sausage in the evening.
xander:  ever get confused and drink out of your pee jug there beside you Luke?
guest46:  luke sings
guest37:  should I admit to having sausage each night too?
guest46:  taco night
BrandyeAlexander:  you bet
BrandyeAlexander:  ahhh fish taco
guest46:  come back to the dark side……..luke
guest39:  Luke no invites to Purim Seuda?
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  just alone in my hovel
guest39:  come break taschen w/ me…
YourMoralLeader:  I’d love to but i have appts this afternoon
YourMoralLeader:  please invite me another time
guest39:  Yom Kippur
User zenmanxpt left the room.
guest39:  my treat
YourMoralLeader:  The one time I was invited to a seuda was at YICC. The poor bloke had never heard of Luke Ford.
YourMoralLeader:  He must’ve felt so betrayed. I can barely look at him now.
YourMoralLeader:  He opened his home and his heart to me, thinking I was a mentch.
guest39:  next time don’t go in the buff
guest37:  I’ll second that
BrandyeAlexander:  will you leave your webcam on for us during chabat luke?
User guest47 left the room.
BrandyeAlexander:  so we can look in on you?
guest46:  Gevalt!
BrandyeAlexander:  shabat
guest37:  he he
YourMoralLeader:  I’d have to ask a rabbi
ThisIsMyCostume:  the rabbi would say no
YourMoralLeader:  well that answers that

The IP address from the person claiming to be my dad says Chatsworth, CA. Hmm. Why would someone from AVN be impersonating my dad?

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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