April 6, 2008

I’m Live On My Cam!

guest7: Do you check out info people feed you or do you just post anything anybody says, knowing people have hidden agendas?
MORALLYcorrupt: ppl ALWAYS have an agenda!
bigbrother: big brother in 2008
guest7: Do you know you are being used?
guest7: no for people to spread unsubstantiated rumors and harm other’s reputations
YourMoralLeader: 7, can youb e more specific?
MORALLYcorrupt: like anyone REALLY believes SHlT they hear on the internet!!
guest7: bloggers blog under the guise of reporting but is repeating gossip reporting? or gossiping?
YourMoralLeader: I’ve been doing this for more than a decade…
Emma: How is everyone?
YourMoralLeader: if you have a correction, I will definitely take it seriously. Can you be specific, 7?
guest7: so when someone tells you something, you pick up the phone and get other sources to confirm it, like a real reporter?
KhunDiddy: Facts? We don’t need no stinking facts here
KhunDiddy: This is Luke…facts aren’t important
guest7: unles it is you that people are talking about
YourMoralLeader: 7, on an important story yes, on a comedy spot where nobody’s reputation is at stake, not always
guest7: how many sources did you talk to about Cantor Katz?
KhunDiddy: unles it is you that people are talking about..NO PRoblem slander On
YourMoralLeader: 2, 7
guest7: 2 sources out of a membership of 900 families? That is your research?
KhunDiddy: Research cost time and money….
KhunDiddy: better get the dirt out and apologize if it’s wrong
YourMoralLeader: oy
guest7: Too bad people don’t read newspapers anymore, at least real reporters have some credibility, anyone with a computer and internet connection now is a blogger
KhunDiddy: maybe not say you’re sorry..go on to the next story
Medusa: so you always shake your honey to your kangaroo?
Lucille: Aboes? Are they property?!!!
Lucille: This song appals
zappa: at least get it in tune lUKE
Medusa: lol
zappa: YOU’RE WAY TOO ADAGIO
Lucille: It looks like you are wearing glasses
Lucille: Sigh. . . is this what I have left to date?
Lucille: You should try yoga.
Lucille: Bikrim yoga for you.
guest123: god those weights must be a pound each,what a man!
Lucille: I’ve seen animals do this at the zoo.
zappa: i prefer cottage cheese
Medusa: you exercising on your bed?
Lucille: Cottage cheese is a good food, but many vegan diets prohibit it
guest123: never mind lucy there are still a few men left
zappa: oh for cod steak
Medusa: tie me kangaroo down sport. .. I’m singing too. can you hear me?
zappa: hwho is he now? Baloo
zappa: thats because you’re to near the radiator Medusa
Lucille: I just don’t think he could keep up with me or any of my friends.
Lucille: Men just don’t age well
Medusa: how many pounds luke?
Lucille: What sort of heart rate can he be hitting? 80?
todd: in my 20’s i benched 600
Lucille: Five years from now, he’ll be fifty pounds heavier.
todd: those girly weights are shamefull for a man his age
Medusa: so is going to do the walt?
Lucille: His form is so poor he is begging for a rotator cuff injury

StuntmanBurt: Maybe?? or the fact he has no answers, and is infact a fake!
oyoyoy: is he a failed messiah?
oyoyoy: keep singing luke
StuntmanBurt: Never trust a man with a beard!
oyoyoy: don’t worry it’s fake. He glued it on this morning
StuntmanBurt: lol
StuntmanBurt: Are you a good person Luke?
oyoyoy: isn’t good a relative term?
StuntmanBurt: ?
StuntmanBurt: He might be evil?
oyoyoy: I mean define good?
StuntmanBurt: Good as in helps people!
oyoyoy: evil? Like the song "Evil Woman"?
StuntmanBurt: As in a moral leader?
oyoyoy: well define moral? Everyone seems to define the term as something different.
StuntmanBurt: Ohhhh, like moral support as in helping ppl!
oyoyoy: helping ppl with what?
oyoyoy: comedian’s are moral because they help people laugh?
StuntmanBurt: Like I’m an alcoholic, can Luke stop me from drinking, by finding me a new path to follow?
oyoyoy: ahh, can anyone ever make someone else stop drinking?
YourMoralLeader: sound is back, reload
oyoyoy: or do you have to find it in yourself the tools needed to stop?
StuntmanBurt: That’s my point! He might be a fake? lol
oyoyoy: no sound
oyoyoy: sound now
oyoyoy: you going to shake your honey again?
StuntmanBurt: I need a drink!
StuntmanBurt: Would anyone else like one?
oyoyoy: \_/? <—- here’s a glass of water for you
oyoyoy: I thought you were jewish?
StuntmanBurt: Thank’s but Luke should of said that!
oyoyoy: oops maybe I’m the moral leader and not luke. lol
StuntmanBurt: You said you where jewish?
oyoyoy: isn’t that what the German Jews said before hitler came?
StuntmanBurt: Yup! that would help! I like wine!
oyoyoy: sure, you going to make it into wine?
User oyoyoy changed their name to TheRealMoralLeader.
StuntmanBurt: Your doing a better job than Luke oyoy! and this is his show!
StuntmanBurt: What sort of wine?
StuntmanBurt: Red or White?
TheRealMoralLeader: don’t turn the sound off… let there be sound!
StuntmanBurt: French or German?
TheRealMoralLeader: can you play the unicorn song too?
StuntmanBurt: You make me want to drink more Luke!, your not helping!!!!!
TheRealMoralLeader: you know that one?
StuntmanBurt: Austalian jew’s??
TheRealMoralLeader: I think we are boring our Australian Jewish moral leader.
StuntmanBurt: lol
TheRealMoralLeader: maybe he can tell us how he’s going to lead us?
StuntmanBurt: What’s the unicorn song Luke?
Jimmy: when Luke yawns it makes us yawn
TheRealMoralLeader: I guess we don’t please our leader?
StuntmanBurt: I yawn in Hebrew!
spooky: Besides studying the Torah…and engineering swweping moral change…what else do you do?
Jimmy: very sucessful blogger
TheRealMoralLeader: he excercises to the kangaroo song.
StuntmanBurt: What’s Torah? is that a mountin bike?
spooky: The Jewish Bible…best way I can explain it.
StuntmanBurt: Good song!
Jimmy: big yawn
TheRealMoralLeader: open wide. let’s see if he has any cavities
StuntmanBurt: Ohhh, it’s about relidgeon
spooky: yes. it is about religion
TheRealMoralLeader: sounds like luke is homesick for his homeland
TheRealMoralLeader: wider
StuntmanBurt: Where are you Luke?
TheRealMoralLeader: I feel so ignored by our moral leader. . .
spooky: How can you engineer sweeping moral change when you do not answer questions?
StuntmanBurt: Are we boring you Luke?
Jimmy: no he is just busy
TheRealMoralLeader: Maybe our moral leader doesn’t love us anymore?
TheRealMoralLeader: your eyes are pretty blurry
StuntmanBurt: Really?? The real moral leader?
spooky: um luke…I just can’t seem to find sweeping moral change just by looking into your eyes.
StuntmanBurt: brb! getting more drink!
TheRealMoralLeader: are we supposed to see truth in your eyes? or you trying to use mind control techniques on us?
spooky: and as pretty as I find the music…it is not doing it for me.
spooky: aren’t you suppose to have some sort of platform…or speech…or your own interpretation of the Torah?
StuntmanBurt: It’s mind control
TheRealMoralLeader: ok??? and then what?
Jimmy: I see green tea
TheRealMoralLeader: well they look pretty blurry on my scr
TheRealMoralLeader: e
StuntmanBurt: Are you drinking your own piss?
Jimmy: youre bad stuntman
TheRealMoralLeader: screen
TheRealMoralLeader: does a G-d like person blow his nose?
StuntmanBurt: You should know everything!!!
TheRealMoralLeader: or am I confusing a leader with something else?
spooky: True…I just started a cult and I’m still trying to find out how to stockpile weapons
TheRealMoralLeader: not a her?
TheRealMoralLeader: this doesn’t sound Jewish
TheRealMoralLeader: maybe he’s a cross over jewish leader?
spooky: Is this something you just woke up one morning and said "Hey! I’m gonna engineer sweeping moral change"?
StuntmanBurt: Let’s recap! your a Australian Jew living in America??, that want to lead ppl in a new moral direction, but is not sure how?.
StuntmanBurt: wants
StuntmanBurt: If this is true? can I have a T-shirt please!
TheRealMoralLeader: I think your depressing our moral leader. Maybe we should just be looking in his eyes.
StuntmanBurt: Stop looking in his eye’s, he might be bad! real
TheRealMoralLeader: he should be playing music about looking into his eyes.
StuntmanBurt: lol
TheRealMoralLeader: my eyes have seen the glory of the lord. ..
spooky: I find that particular hymn depressing…do you have something snappier?
StuntmanBurt: lol
spooky: more upbeat
TheRealMoralLeader: trying to think of other songs that would go along with his premise.
YourMoralLeader: please I need your help
YourMoralLeader: if we’re to make a better world
TheRealMoralLeader: how can we help you?
StuntmanBurt: Land of hope and glory! please Luke!, but stand up this time ok!
TheRealMoralLeader: bowing down to our leader. lol
StuntmanBurt: I’m bowing!
TheRealMoralLeader: I have a question. Does a leader have to be moral for us to follow him?
StuntmanBurt: Praise Luke Ford!
YourMoralLeader: thank you
YourMoralLeader: ok
TheRealMoralLeader: I think we should all embrace. . . lol
TheRealMoralLeader: hold hands and say a bracha
spooky: I would let you join my cult but you have to come up with more than "look into my eyes"
StuntmanBurt: lol
TheRealMoralLeader: most cult leaders want us to work and give them all of our money
TheRealMoralLeader: wow, we are being embraced
spooky: Have you studied the Kaballah?
TheRealMoralLeader: but it didn’t do anything for me.
TheRealMoralLeader: it didn’t feel real
StuntmanBurt: That’s a good catch pharse! " Look in to my eye’s"
TheRealMoralLeader: why are you playing church music?
TheRealMoralLeader: luke???? church music???? my leader is a Jew.
spooky: because he is our moral leader and they play church music
TheRealMoralLeader: he can’t be the messiah then.
StuntmanBurt: Because he’s like a Moral Leader!, I can see the Light!
TheRealMoralLeader: luke, I’m so crushed
StuntmanBurt: THE LIGHT!
spooky: turn the light off if it is too bright.
TheRealMoralLeader: I’m so depressed. I thought I found my savior and I was wrong
TheRealMoralLeader: I guess the true messiah doesn’t shake his honey.
StuntmanBurt: Sowwie! it was the bedroom light, forgot to turn it off!
User guest135 left the room.
TheRealMoralLeader: Luke, are you religiously confused?
spooky: I never met a Jew named Luke before.
TheRealMoralLeader: I think it comes from Luicfer?
StuntmanBurt: You have now spooky
spooky: guess they finally moved into the New Testement
TheRealMoralLeader: me either
StuntmanBurt: I liked it!
TheRealMoralLeader: it’s scary
TheRealMoralLeader: can you play something from mary popkins too?
StuntmanBurt: Sport Luke?, is that part of the learning curve?
spooky: I like that woman’s voice…sort of hypnotic
spooky: that is because cricket is for wussies
StuntmanBurt: I’m English! watch you step there Luke!
TheRealMoralLeader: you’re right. he’s going to tell us to look into his eyes and also going to give us some of his green tea which has been spiked with a mind controling drug.
spooky: wanna join my cult?
StuntmanBurt: Hey slash!
slash: yes
TheRealMoralLeader: what does your cult have to offer?
spooky: Bible versus and weapon stockpiling
TheRealMoralLeader: I’m trying to figure out if your cult is better then luke’s?
StuntmanBurt: A T-shirt that says "Look into my eyes!"
TheRealMoralLeader: what’s the truth luke?
TheRealMoralLeader: LUKE???
spooky: That is what I wanna know. What is the truth?
StuntmanBurt: Yeah, Luke tell us the truth!
User slash left the room.
TheRealMoralLeader: LUKE, I beg of you tell me what the truth is? I’ve been searching my entire life to know.
TheRealMoralLeader: you have to save a rech like me.
spooky: I am trying to understand you but unless I know what the truth is…how can I make the decision to join you?
StuntmanBurt: Me too! hurry up!
TheRealMoralLeader: LUKE, I’m crumbling waiting to hear the truth.
StuntmanBurt: Is it free to join?#
StuntmanBurt: lol
TheRealMoralLeader: it’s free, but you have to turn your soul over to the moral leader.
spooky: Luke…you really need to brush up on your moral leader skills.
TheRealMoralLeader: LUKE, you are so cruel. . . leaving us waiting to hear the truth. How can you do this to us?
StuntmanBurt: I don’t have one!, I sold it to sleep with a porn star! real
TheRealMoralLeader: but I don’t see anything.
StuntmanBurt: I do
TheRealMoralLeader: what are we supposed to be sing in your eyes?
spooky: Ok…will you let your women study the Torah?
TheRealMoralLeader: stunt, ask for your soul back.
StuntmanBurt: Do you know what I saw………………..?
TheRealMoralLeader: luke will you count women in a minyan?
TheRealMoralLeader: will you pray with women?
TheRealMoralLeader: Luke, I don’t see anything but a haze.
spooky: wear are those little curls at your temples?
TheRealMoralLeader: was it something I said? He left us.
spooky: You doubted him! He gave up on us!
TheRealMoralLeader: oh no!!!
YourMoralLeader: You are all individuals!
spooky: Oh yes!
StuntmanBurt: Luke Has a closet full of Kung-fu filck’s and nasty pictures!……..you’ll burn in hell Luke Ford!
StuntmanBurt: I saw that!
TheRealMoralLeader: we will never be saved.
spooky: give him a break. even moral leaders have to pee
StuntmanBurt: The eye thing!
spooky: just never saw one pee that fast
TheRealMoralLeader: is our moral leader G-d like?
spooky: oops
YourMoralLeader: You guys are no longer worthy of sound
spooky: no sound
TheRealMoralLeader: luke???? you made us all deaf?
YourMoralLeader: serves you right
User TheRealMoralLeader changed their name to LostSoul.
StuntmanBurt: Awwwwwwwwwwwww! don’t punish us!
spooky: You doubted him…he took away our hearing!
Jimmy: Luke I never doubted you, sound back plz
StuntmanBurt: I’m sowwie! Luke?
LostSoul: The pain. I don’t think I can go on like this anymore.
spooky: *covers ears and runs screaming…but can’t hear myself*
LostSoul: what is life, if we can’t hear the voice of our moral leader?
spooky: I’M CURED!!!!
StuntmanBurt: Put the sound on………..We’re saved!
LostSoul: a miricle!
LostSoul: bowing down to the one and only
spooky: *bows down and gives thanks*
StuntmanBurt: I can walk! it’s a miricle!
LostSoul: lol stunt
LostSoul: please dont’ leave us again.
spooky: um…stunt…yours ears are connected to your legs?
StuntmanBurt: Thank’s luke!
YourMoralLeader: I dont count women in my minyanim.
LostSoul: why not?
spooky: in your what?
LostSoul: don’t you see women as your equal?
User StuntmanBurt changed their name to Mrfairysofamouse.
LostSoul: luke? why can’t I question you?
spooky: ah…"Don’t question me"…spoken like a true moral leader.
LostSoul: luke. . . I am woman hear me roar!
Mrfairysofamouse: I’ve seen the truth?
spooky: Did you know Jews don’t teach their women the Torah?
Mrfairysofamouse: No luke! change the feckking record!
LostSoul: Luke, I’m loosing my connection to you.
User Mrfairysofamouse changed their name to StuntmanBurt.
LostSoul: I guess I’ll have to go Jewish Renewal. There women are the leaders.
YourMoralLeader: How do you say in Hebrew a comparison but not to compare
YourMoralLeader: l’havdil
YourMoralLeader: ?
StuntmanBurt: Luke change the tune now! ok
User LostSoul changed their name to HaShemIsFemale.
StuntmanBurt: Luke please, I wont bow down anymore!
YourMoralLeader: no sound!
StuntmanBurt: K
HaShemIsFemale: No sound is better then this torture.
User guest138 left the room.
spooky: darn…deaf again
spooky: enough is enough
StuntmanBurt: Luke! mate! no fair ok!
HaShemIsFemale: Once agains luke saved us.
HaShemIsFemale: he saved us from that song
spooky: i want my hearing back and i want it back now
YourMoralLeader: anyone here made havdala in a strip club?
StuntmanBurt: I don’t feel saved right now?
HaShemIsFemale: Would HaShem approve of that one?
HaShemIsFemale: ok, where’s the sound?
StuntmanBurt: My ears, what’s happened to my ears??? I’ve gone deaf?
HaShemIsFemale: Luke???
HaShemIsFemale: What if G-d was female, what would you do?
StuntmanBurt: Nope! I’ve got headphones on!
StuntmanBurt: Phew!
spooky: must be part of his mind control…take our hearing…give it back…take it away agian
User guest139 left the room.
StuntmanBurt: lol
HaShemIsFemale: spook, I think your right
HaShemIsFemale: I feel so ignored by our moral leader. he won’t answer my simple quest
HaShemIsFemale: i
HaShemIsFemale: o
StuntmanBurt: Luke! babes! put the sound on please!
HaShemIsFemale: n.
spooky: gotta admit…good system. *writes that one down*
spooky: Now when my followers doubt me…I will make them deaf.
HaShemIsFemale: Luke it’s sort of like you are into S&M, not answering your followers questions.
StuntmanBurt: Don’t mess me about Luke I’ll leave and you’ll of failed me!
YourMoralLeader: doing secret stuff for mossad
YourMoralLeader: please bear with me
YourMoralLeader: sound will be back soon
User HaShemIsFemale changed their name to NeedingANewMoralLeader.
StuntmanBurt: lol
spooky: mossad? they still together? their last cd sucked
NeedingANewMoralLeader: Stunt, will you be my leader?
NeedingANewMoralLeader: or maybe spooky?
spooky: sure…you can join my cult
NeedingANewMoralLeader: cool! todah rabah
spooky: we are having try-outs on the rifle range tomorrow
StuntmanBurt: Me I would do Need, I’m not sure how long it would take? lol
spooky: ever fire an uzi?
NeedingANewMoralLeader: not a uzi. only a riffle
StuntmanBurt: Luke I’m going! you broke my heart!
spooky: almost the same thing except the bullets come out faster
NeedingANewMoralLeader: I feel over when I shot a riffle the first time.
spooky: uzi not that bad
spooky: just have to hold on tight or you’ll be firing all over the place
StuntmanBurt: PUT THE SOUND ON LUKE!
NeedingANewMoralLeader: good.
spooky: wouldn’t do to take out our own members
StuntmanBurt: YOUR MAKING ME SHOUT!
NeedingANewMoralLeader: I think we should ignore luke
NeedingANewMoralLeader: I think we only should respond to him when he does what we ask him to do.
spooky: I CAN HEAR AGAIN!!!!
NeedingANewMoralLeader: thanks luke I heard you type.
YourMoralLeader: brb
spooky: *falls to the floor and prostrates myself*

YourMoralLeader: any more dates today?
QuixoticLass: yep
QuixoticLass: alas, another first date that won’t result in a second
YourMoralLeader: oy
QuixoticLass: but I had really good cajun ahi tuna
QuixoticLass: I really need to start narrowing down my parameters
QuixoticLass: I think no one over 48 from now on. oh, well except the date I have for tuesday.
QuixoticLass: Today’s date was ruined by me, btw. I started talking about someone else. I think I’m insane. Who talks about someone else they’ve dated on a date?
YourMoralLeader: most people do
QuixoticLass: not wistfully, I’m sure
QuixoticLass: What did you do today?
QuixoticLass: I went and visited with a friend I thought was dead for 7 years
YourMoralLeader: whoa
YourMoralLeader: i went to a memorial party for my friend cathy seipp
QuixoticLass: your narrative about that was somewhat confusing
YourMoralLeader: fictionalized it
QuixoticLass: no kidding
QuixoticLass: it was great to see my old friend today, it was like no time had passed at all
YourMoralLeader: wow
YourMoralLeader: how did you think she was dead?
QuixoticLass: he
QuixoticLass: he had leukemia and the last time I saw him was at Cedars during chemo
QuixoticLass: I lent him a whole bunch of videos to watch
QuixoticLass: and I got them back in a package mailed to me with no return address and no note, so I figured he’d died
YourMoralLeader: oy
QuixoticLass: Baruch hashem he made it through and even managed to have a daughter
mrbluelouboyle: whats on your face tonight?
mrbluelouboyle: or is that the light?
mrbluelouboyle: ok…it was the light hitting your face turning it red.
YourMoralLeader: it is the holy spirit
mrbluelouboyle: Luke, whats your thoughts of Chris Taliana re-entering the biz?
QuixoticLass: amen praise the lord
YourMoralLeader: who’s that?
mrbluelouboyle: half asian adult actress….she’s very good looking, I would have thought you would have known her.
YourMoralLeader: forgotten
QuixoticLass: I see the red you were talking about
mrbluelouboyle: She did an unforgettable scene in "Invasian".
QuixoticLass: looks like a giant red booger coming out of his right nostril
QuixoticLass: sorry YML
mrbluelouboyle: Yea, the light is hitting in a strange way.
User guest154 left the room.
QuixoticLass: adjust the light or the cam or something…it’s very disturbing
QuixoticLass: YML’s got stigmata on his face
mrbluelouboyle: Its too bright in there.
mrbluelouboyle: Luke, what do you think of Jean Val Jean retirig from the biz?
QuixoticLass: adjusting the cam didn’t work…fix the light
YourMoralLeader: I no longer have any thoughts on porn.
mrbluelouboyle: ?
QuixoticLass: better!
QuixoticLass: now you’ve only got a bloody left eye
mrbluelouboyle: Don’t you run the website lukeford, and report on the adult biz?
YourMoralLeader: no
YourMoralLeader: just lukeford.net
User mrbluelouboyle left the room.
QuixoticLass: YML’s moral standards are so strict that he had the aesthetic part of his brain removed so he can’t see women in a lustful light anymore.
QuixoticLass: aw man took too long to type
QuixoticLass: oh the futility
mrbluelouboyle: ok, I see your website has changed.
mrbluelouboyle: oy vey!
mrbluelouboyle: Joanna Angel is Jewish….will news of her be on lukeford?
QuixoticLass: only if she has an affair with an orthodox rabbi