The most powerful rules in my home as a child were:
* Live according to God’s dictates (which were no different from dad’s dictates).
* Do nothing to discredit or diminish God/dad’s ministry.
* Do nothing illegal or unseemly.
* Don’t complain.
My home basically functioned according to the Seventh-Day Adventist Pathfinder’s Creed:
“Encourage Pathfinders to discover their God-given potential and use their gifts and skills to meet the expectations of the plan of salvation”;
“Inspire them to give personal expression of their love for God, uniting with other youth in various extension activities”;
“Becoming number one priority club program the personal salvation of every Pathfinder”;
“Building on the groundbreaking appreciation for a healthy life (enjoy outdoor activities) and cultivate in them a love for God’s creation”;
“Teach the groundbreaking immersive and interactive skills in order to make the time and talents of the most significant youth”;
He should “encourage the Pathfinder to keep physically fit, and teaches them to take care of your body and establish habits that will give your health benefits”;[21]
“Provide opportunities for development of leadership by encouraging club members working together and sharing the responsibilities of leadership.”;
“And aim to promote the harmonious development of pathfinder, taking care of all necessary aspects, be they physical, social, intellectual and spiritual.”
I found this a powerful essay on a Christian counseling website and it reminds me of many Christian homes I knew:
Here are some typical spoken or unspoken rules in unhealthy family systems:
Do what “looks good”, even if it is dishonest
Don’t be a bother and don’t rock the boat
Deny things you don’t want to see, and they will go away
Do what I say, even when I do the opposite
Express only happy positive feelings
It is wrong to be angry or sad
You must never question our behavior, but go along with it
You must conform to what we expect of you, no matter what
Your needs are not as important as our needs
Here are some common beliefs and personality traits found in adults from seriously dysfunctional families:
They feel different than other people, that God loves them less or wants to punish them more
They are unsure what constitutes normal family functioning and have high tolerance for inappropriate and disrespectful behavior
They have difficulty in trusting people, and also may have difficulty trusting God and His love
They judge themselves mercilessly and disregard their own needs
They take themselves very seriously and feel guilty when trying to relax and have fun
They are “approval addicts”, constantly seeking affirmation
They have difficulty feeling, identifying, and expressing emotions
They are terrified by angry people or personal criticism
They usually attempt to control circumstances and relationships, and overreact to changes over which they have no control
They often feel helpless, trapped, and victimized
They unnecessarily take responsibility for people and situations and blame themselves when things go wrong
They are drawn to relationships with people they can pity and rescue.
They will do anything to avoid the pain of abandonment
They have problems finishing projects, and difficulties with impulsivity and lying
They tend to become addicted to excitement and crises
