Ralphs. Sunday morning. After davening.
I first see him in produce so I wheel my cart into breakfast cereals. He shows up there too and proceeds up the aisle towards me. I turn my cart around and head for dairy. I pick up some cottage cheese and head for ice cream. Just as I am filling up with popsicles lacking a kosher certification, he wheels up. I put the popsicles back and select instead the high-priced but certified Haagen Daz sherbert.
I look for a cashier. Find one. Wheel in. Right behind my former teacher. I’ve been rehearsing this moment for 15 minutes now. I nod and wave. He doesn’t flinch. He just looks sad.
To sort out my feelings, I turn to the great poet Barry Manilow:
Even Now
When there’s someone else who cares
When there’s someone home who’s waiting just for me
Even now I think about you as I’m climbing up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won’t see
That even now
When I know it wasn’t right
And I found a better life than what we had
Even now I wakeup crying in the middle of the night
And I can’t believe it still could hurt so bad
Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it’s still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now
Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling’s still the same
And the pain inside of me goes on and on
Even now
Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it’s still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
Some how
Even now
