I Fear I’m A Lousy Lover

I’m watching the movie American Gangster. The cop, played by Russell Crowe, is making love to his lawyer while carrying her around a kitchen (she’s facing him with her knees around his hips, you get the picture?). He puts her on a counter top and they push everything out of their way on to the floor.

I keep seeing this in movies and I fear that this is the vital component missing from my love life. I never carry a woman around a room while I’m making love to her (or at least I don’t think I would if our union were sanctified by God and state and this sort of activity was permitted to me). I never send the contents of a table or counter crashing to the floor so I can deposit some tasty damsel and have my way with her.

I just lack this kind of passion. I think it is a terrible thing to intentionally break things (bal tashchis) or just to make some huge unnecessary mess. I don’t think of kitchens and counters as erotic locales.

I’m a fuddy duddy.

Also, why in movies are people always interrupting sex to answer the phone? Does this happen in real life?

guest12:  luke you can’t have that kind of american gangster sex in your hovel due to lack of space & your lack of counter space
guest12:  also you are not muscular enough to carry the beavy of beauties on your hip
guest12:  also i don’t think you want to work that hard…you are more passive in your love making
guest12:  you are not an aggressive lover as a russell crowe  but you also wouldn’t throw a phone at a hotel clerk

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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