Why Should I Be Holier Than The Pope?

I was asked today how I feel about davening.

I hate it.

Is that the wrong answer?

I don’t care for ritualized prayer because it is repetitive. You just say the same words over and over again.

That’s no fun.

And what the heck would happen if I started to get some of the things I was putatively praying for — fear of G-d, love of G-d, love of Torah, obedience to G-d’s commandments, distancing myself from evil men and slutty women?

I wouldn’t recognize myself.

What if I stopped using words to hurt people?

I’d have nothing to say.

I heard somewhere that the pope prays for 20 minutes a day. Why the hell should I pray for three times as long as the Holy Father? I bet the Vatican is a much more spiritual place than shul. I bet you don’t have a bunch of snotty-nosed kids racing around the Vatican and screaming. I bet you don’t have a bunch of Jews who should know better spraying their cold and flu germs all over each other.

Shul is just not very spiritual. There’s no great art work and no choirs and no musical instruments on Shabbat.

What shul needs is some good Negro spirituals.

And more attractive single women.

Amen brother, preach the word!

I’ve been to the mountaintop and I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I have a dream of melodic soulful davening like the Happy Minyan has, only it ends on time and it’s not driven by weirdos.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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