Come Chat With Chavi – The Hot 24 Yo Convert To Judaism

We’ll rock you!

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YourMoralLeader:  chavi, are you the copy editor convert to judaism?
Chavi:  Ha! Yes … I am. Who told you?
Chavi:  Though, I have mostly defected from journalism for the time being
YourMoralLeader:  DBerger
YourMoralLeader:  what are you doing these days?
YourMoralLeader:  for work?
YourMoralLeader:  He sent me links to your articles on conversion
Chavi:  I work at…as an assistant and sometimes editor, but am heading to grad school in the fall at UConn for Judaic studies
YourMoralLeader:  i linked ’em up on
Chavi:  ahh! wow, thanks
Chavi:  i’m just heading over there
YourMoralLeader:  that’s awesome, why UConn?
Chavi:  Well, it was Brandeis/UConn/UMich — and Uconn was the most welcoming and offered the most funds
YourMoralLeader:  cool
YourMoralLeader:  any particular professor?
Chavi:  Stuart Miller was particularly enticing. He’s a second temple/talmudic scholar; just a really intelligent fellow
YourMoralLeader:  do you want to be a prof or teacher?
Chavi:  Definitely a professor, though we’ll see where it takes me. I could end up working in a day school or in the community somehow
Chavi:  Did Dberger tell you about the site?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  it’s cool
YourMoralLeader:  i have a lot of friends who are converting
Chavi:  we are truly the coolest of the cats
Chavi:  Your site is massive! It might take me months to dig through everything πŸ™‚
Chavi:  See, and that’s something I’m considering .. when I head off to school I’m going to try to implement Chavi
YourMoralLeader:  My Hebrew name is Levi
YourMoralLeader:  That’s what my orthodox friends call me
YourMoralLeader:  Luke ford is fine for the goyim
Chavi:  Ahh! Levi is a stellar name
Chavi:  True
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  My generic, Midwestern name will never fade into oblivion
Emma:  Hi Levi
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Chavi:  Those in Nebraska/Missouri will always know me as such
YourMoralLeader:  Hi Emma!
YourMoralLeader:  yes,
Emma:  πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  I split up my life
Chavi:  Although, I chose Chavi because it means the same thing as my given name
YourMoralLeader:  I have friends in different areas and don’t seek to bring ’em together, that makes me v. nervous
Chavi:  Ha!
Chavi:  You shoulda seen my mom at the conversion ceremony … oy she was so confused
YourMoralLeader:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  she was in the mivkeh with you?
Chavi:  oh no! the public ceremony at the shul
Chavi:  the naming and presentation part of the conversion
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Chavi:  The mikveh would have blown her mind
Chavi:  "Are you being baptized!?"
YourMoralLeader:  Emma’s a nice 18yo christian girl in ireland, I’m trying to lure her to the dark Jewish side.
Chavi:  Ha!
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  I had a friend recently go to Ireland (he’s also a convert) and attended shul there, though I’m not sure which one
Chavi:  I believe he was in Dublin
YourMoralLeader:  emma’s in teh sticks
Emma:  Cool
Chavi:  I imagine Hebrew with an Irish accent is beautiful
YourMoralLeader:  only met one jew in her life
Chavi:  Yikes! I know how that goes πŸ˜€
Chavi:  ha ha
Emma:  yES SIR
Chavi:  Only 6,000 Jews in Nebraska, 60 at my college, and I knew about 10 others my own age who were Jewish
YourMoralLeader:  I’m embedding subliminal messages in these rock songs I play on here to prey on Emma.
Chavi:  Lol
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  Emma, we’re awesome, come on πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  working so far
Emma:  Yep
YourMoralLeader:  chavi, what were the toughest parts about becoming jewish? for me it was losing my foreskin.
YourMoralLeader:  It’s a sore issue for me.
Chavi:  Ha! You actually did the circumcision!? Mazel tov on that. So I’m assuming you converted Orthodox?
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, just kidding about the foreskin, i was circumsized at birth and I did it myself! I also cut my own hair
Chavi:  For me it was dealing with everyone thinking it was a big joke … and then the whole Christian friends more or less disowning me
Chavi:  Phew, lol …
Emma:  I can imagine it would be Luke
Chavi:  I was worried for a second
Emma:  You did it yourself?
Chavi:  Even the ritual circumcision hurts my brain
YourMoralLeader:  yes
Emma:  Liar
YourMoralLeader:  i was precocious kid, just 8 days old
Chavi:  good thing i have my own office at work
Chavi:  else the laughter would garner funny looks
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  I’m following you via Twitter now, FYI
YourMoralLeader:  chavi, have you lost friends, lost touch with friend due to your conversion?
YourMoralLeader:  cool!
Chavi:  A lot of my high school friends looked down their noses at me. I ejected myself from a forum with newspaper friends from the college paper becuase they were constantly making Holocaust and Jewish jokes and poking at me and my decision
Chavi:  But for the most part — the true friends have stuck around
Emma:  Thats good
Chavi:  Football?
Chavi:  Throwin’ around the old PIG SKIN?
YourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
YourMoralLeader:  everything I do, it’s a sin
Chavi:  With Pesach around the corner, even!
Chavi:  For shame …
Chavi:  So do you freelance now? Or …?
YourMoralLeader:  i blog
YourMoralLeader:  and sin
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  and Yom Kippur is so far away!
Chavi:  but *yay* for no hell!
YourMoralLeader:  G-d must be angry with you
Chavi:  Probably … he’s probably angry at Barack Obama
Chavi:  πŸ˜€
Chavi:  For being so AWESOME.
YourMoralLeader:  Didn’t the rabbis teach you to be so pure in thought and word and deed?
Emma:  Well thats good no injuries Chavi…
Chavi:  Aye. The lesson of lashon hara. I’m a gossip, I know!
YourMoralLeader:  You’ve always been the one to blame!
Chavi:  I’ll make a good Jewish mother someday
Chavi:  Adonai! Forgive me, please!
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  Take it out on Kansas!
Chavi:  I would have said Texas, but I didn’t want to offend Ted
Ted:  hahaa! we had our fair share of storms and tornados lately!
Chavi:  I can imagine. Has it gotten steamy hot down there yet?
Chavi:  Not sure where you are … but man. Austin is so humid and Houston is just downright miserable in summertime
Ted:  no, still nice weather between storms
Ted:  in the 60’s and 70s
Ted:  Hello Mr Putin.
Chavi:  Vladimir Putin? Such grace has entered the room!
User VladimirPutin changed their name to ChicagosBestBoy.
Chavi:  Chicago’s Best boy?
User ChicagosBestBoy changed their name to VladimirPutin.
YourMoralLeader:  Hey Vlad
VladimirPutin:  I’m many in one.
VladimirPutin:  EPLURBUS UNUM
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi, we’ve had ElShaddi and Jesus Christ in here
Chavi:  I guess that would make me Chicago’s Best Girl
Chavi:  Ha! Have you had Xenu, though?
VladimirPutin:  Where in Chicago?
YourMoralLeader:  no
VladimirPutin:  I wish I had thought of Scientology first.
YourMoralLeader:  Vlad, why did you divorce the wife of your youth and hook up with some slutty 24yo?
Chavi:  Where in Chicago? Everywhere!
VladimirPutin:  Ask Luke about his Emma
VladimirPutin:  Where.
YourMoralLeader:  I haven’t divorced my wife, Vlad
Chavi:  Presently: Hyde Park
Chavi:  Typically: Lakeview
VladimirPutin:  Surrounded by violent people of color
YourMoralLeader:  now now
SweeTCaKesSs:  you’re married
VladimirPutin:  Chavi, have you ever walked south of 61st street?
Emma:  brb
Chavi:  Nope, and I don’t care to!
Chavi:  Violence = not so much fun.
VladimirPutin:  Luke, I see this as God’s way of bringing women to Judaism
YourMoralLeader:  chat?
VladimirPutin:  Women with the genes the Jewish people need
SweeTCaKesSs:  u looked better without the beard luke
VladimirPutin:  We have enough people who can argue and do taxes, we need more who are not strangers to water, who can ride horses and the like
Chavi:  Vlad has lost me
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VladimirPutin:  Well Chavi, there is a deep backstory here, and you are new to this.
SweeTCaKesSs:  Luke ????
SweeTCaKesSs:  πŸ˜› u there?
YourMoralLeader:  He’s hot for your shiksa genes/jeans, Chavi.
VladimirPutin:  It all begins with a date.
YourMoralLeader:  Hi sweetie
Chavi:  Indeed, I am new
Chavi:  Ha!
SweeTCaKesSs:  hiii ;D
VladimirPutin:  Also Emma’s.
YourMoralLeader:  off limits, Vlad!
YourMoralLeader:  Hit on Chavi
Chavi:  You know I searched far and wide to find some Jewish genes, and all I could come up with was Huguenot and Quaker genes
SweeTCaKesSs:  u looked better without the beard πŸ˜› not saying u look bad though
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  So you’re interweb predators looking for a hot date!?
VladimirPutin:  I have some black in me, for real.
VladimirPutin:  I have a test from National Geographic that proves it.
Chavi:  Oy …
YourMoralLeader:  The others are, Chavi, but not me. I’m taken with emma.
VladimirPutin:  No joke.
Emma:  πŸ™‚
Chavi:  Emma, do you have red hair?
YourMoralLeader:  This chat is my way to be a light unto the nations!
Emma:  No
Chavi:  Phew
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VladimirPutin:  People with naturally red hair are the elite of the human race
Chavi:  I was always envious of the redheads
Emma:  Why?
Chavi:  I met an Irishman last week, man alive was he gorgeous
Chavi:  Redheads are the most beautiful of them all
VladimirPutin:  It is the rarest and fairest of colors.
Chavi:  in my opinion
YourMoralLeader:  oy, cant stand ’em
VladimirPutin:  I toally agree.
Emma:  Why Luke
VladimirPutin:  The only thing better is strawberry blond hair.
YourMoralLeader:  I don’t like that hair color.
Chavi:  Brunettes Unite!
Emma:  Even strawberry blonde?
YourMoralLeader:  unless you have it, Emma, then I would adore it.
Chavi:  Pasty skinned brunettes, unite faster!
YourMoralLeader:  Not my thing, emma.
VladimirPutin:  the best is strawberry blond/copper color red
YourMoralLeader:  yuck
VladimirPutin:  Luke likes his women hairless anyway
Chavi:  ha ha ha ha
Emma:  Im naturally strawberry blonde Luke
VladimirPutin:  the best!
YourMoralLeader:  Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops
Emma:  lmfao!
YourMoralLeader:  I’m gonna learn to love it
VladimirPutin:  Emma, have my babies and we will make red heads.
VladimirPutin:  It could be via artificial insemination
VladimirPutin:  FedEx goes everywhere.
Emma:  lol
Emma:  omg your face Luke
Chavi:  I feel like I’m in college
YourMoralLeader:  Go West! Life is peaceful there!
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, what sort of dinner item do you bring to a seder?
YourMoralLeader:  My divrei Torah
ChaimAmalek:  I fear you have bread crumbs in your beard
YourMoralLeader:  Your sister removed them last night.
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  Have you guys seen the matzo song video?
ChaimAmalek:  Emma, remember to shave off ALL of your hair when you meet luke
YourMoralLeader:  no,
YourMoralLeader:  link?
Emma:  mmm
ChaimAmalek:  buy a wig for your head
Emma:  lmao
YourMoralLeader:  Never listen to Amalek, Emma
Emma:  Im not
ChaimAmalek:  Luke listens to AMALEK all the time
Chavi:  check it yo
YourMoralLeader:  Don’t stop off in NY either, Emma, and tell me later it was to see a friend.
Chavi:  (I’m such a blog whore, man)
ChaimAmalek:  ha ha
Emma:  I won’t Luke
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, do you eat rice on Passover?
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  goy
ChaimAmalek:  What’s the deal with rice on passover?
ChaimAmalek:  like, why can’t you eat it?
Chavi:  It’s kitniyot
ChaimAmalek:  What does that mean?
Chavi:  too much effort … you’d have to search it three times before cooking it
Chavi:  It means that the rabbis were in a tissy about confusing the grains and kitniyot
Chavi:  So they banned it
ChaimAmalek:  Search it for what?
Chavi:  To make sure none of the forbidden items got all mixed up into it
ChaimAmalek:  Why would they?
Chavi:  Because s**t happens, Chaim.
ChaimAmalek:  It’s grown in totally dissimilar areas
Emma:  Ok I’m off out
ChaimAmalek:  Rice and wheat are NOT grown or processed side by side
Emma:  Bye people
Emma:  Take care xx
Chavi:  In some cases they ARE processed in the same places
ChaimAmalek:  I look forward to your visit emma
Chavi:  Ta ta emma!
ChaimAmalek:  OK, what about other grains?
Chavi:  The Conservative movement has basically declared the kitniyot rule false
Emma:  Keep dreaming
ChaimAmalek:  let’s keep it on the down-low
ChaimAmalek:  You know, the orthodox can be wrong.
Chavi:  you’re watching the video!
ChaimAmalek:  For example, this prohibition on using electricity on the sabbath is rooted in ignorance of basic science
Chavi:  Yah. Everyone can be wrong
ChaimAmalek:  But the orthodox never admit to that
Chavi:  Sometimes, dear, it’s about tradition
Chavi:  I’m not Orthodox, btw
YourMoralLeader:  Not what I hear, chavi.
ChaimAmalek:  How can it be a tradition when electricity became an issue only in the 19th Cent?
Chavi:  Ha! I’m toying with Mod. Ortho
ChaimAmalek:  Rabbis are ignorant when it comes to whatever is not in the Talmud
ChaimAmalek:  At least the Satmar etc. are
Chavi:  Not the Samaritans!
Chavi:  πŸ™‚ They’re Torah only
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi do you believe in the torah as the literal word of God, or as a composite text written by at least two authors?
YourMoralLeader:  My creed is sola scriptura, sola fide, sola christos
ChaimAmalek:  You know, "Lord" vs. "God"
Chavi:  I believe that G-d revealed Torah at Sinai, and that it was composed in written form by many authors — that is undeniable
ChaimAmalek:  We agree on the latter point at least.  How about you, Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  Do you believe in female rabbis?
YourMoralLeader:  I believe the Torah comes from haShem
ChaimAmalek:  They are like unicorns
Chavi:  Lol
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, do you believe that the Torah in the form we have it was written by two groups of human authors?
ChaimAmalek:  Women do not belong as rabbis.
Chavi:  I’m not a fan of women rabbis
Chavi:  Not going to lie about that one
YourMoralLeader:  Ha!
ChaimAmalek:  It really is a turn off to see this.  Women should be all about arousing their man, which is not proper for a temple
Chavi:  Mostly because, in my experience, women rabbis are cold and overcompensating to play with the "big boys"
Chavi:  What are you eating?
ChaimAmalek:  Nor do I believe in women as RC priests, although I would like to see nuns marry priests
YourMoralLeader:  Chaim, Chavi is a lesbian, so stop being insensitive.
Chavi:  I am *so* not a Lesbian …
YourMoralLeader:  cottage cheese
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t believe in lesbians either
Chavi:  You know, this week’s parshah fits in nicely with this convo
YourMoralLeader:  I’m a vegetarian
Chavi:  I like steak
Chavi:  Mm … steak
Chavi:  moooo
Chavi:  stab!
ChaimAmalek:  Also nowhere does the torah acknowledge the existence of, let alone ban, lesbians or lesbianism
YourMoralLeader:  do you like kangaroo meat?
Chavi:  Talmud equates the passages to lesbians as well
Chavi:  Never had ‘Roo meat
ChaimAmalek:  I eat cottage cheese every day
Chavi:  SO DO I!
Chavi:  Wow
YourMoralLeader:  ever gone down under?
Chavi:  We’re like, kindred spirits
ChaimAmalek:  An entire small carton is my breakfast
Chavi:  Aussie’s are the bee’s knees.
ChaimAmalek:  With two bananas
Chavi:  That’s a mighty breakfast
Chavi:  Are you eating breakfast right now then?
ChaimAmalek:  And fruit juice, diluted with water
YourMoralLeader:  lunch
Chavi:  Man, a banana sounds good
YourMoralLeader:  I’m gonna starve for the next nine days
Chavi:  I must retrieve one
Chavi:  Nah, you’ll be fine
Chavi:  make some matzo pizza
ChaimAmalek:  Dont most jews gain weight over passover?
Chavi:  matzo pizza is my favorite thing

ChaimAmalek:  DC is a dummp
ChaimAmalek:  VIOLENT
ChaimAmalek:  I used to live there
YourMoralLeader:  anyone in here dated a black man?
ChaimAmalek:  Just you
Chavi:  Nope.
YourMoralLeader:  ur all a bunch of homophobic bigots
Chavi:  ha ha ha ha ha
Chavi:  DC isn’t *all* a dump
Chavi:  There are some nice spaces
ChaimAmalek:  It is a grim fact of American life that the greater the fraction of a town’s population that is black, the higher its murder rate
ElShaddai:  homophobic bigots?
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi, chaim is on good behavior today. Normally he asks every female who enters these hallowed grounds
Chavi:  So why the behaving?
YourMoralLeader:  how many diamonds they’d be in they worked for the emperor’s club
ElShaddai:  I love black people. It’s queers I hate
Chavi:  I mostly hate white people.
ChaimAmalek:  I love all people who exalt me
Chavi:  And midgets.
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, are you white?
Chavi:  Yes, I’m white
Chavi:  I’m incredibly white
Chavi:  I’m burn-your-retnas white
YourMoralLeader:  blinging
YourMoralLeader:  blinding
ElShaddai:  she is white hot
Chavi:  Oh yes, ElShaddai
ChaimAmalek:  I once asked a Jewess friend of Luke’s this, and she said she was not
YourMoralLeader:  how tall?
ChaimAmalek:  RACE TRAITOR was she
Chavi:  5’4.5" πŸ™‚
ChaimAmalek:  Hyde Park is like a ghetto, is it not?
Chavi:  Race is a figment of the imagination. We’re one race. Hippies rule
ChaimAmalek:  You can’t go south of f61st, north of 47th, west of Cottage Grove, and east is the lake
Chavi:  Hyde Park has pockets of class. It’s got some fancy, rich folk — Obama and Farakkan among them
Chavi:  Yah, pretty much
Chavi:  I wouldn’t even make the bounds that broad
ChaimAmalek:  Does Pastor Wright live there?
Chavi:  Probably
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi will go anywhere once
Chavi:  I don’t know, though. This is why I live in Lakeview, though
Chavi:  You know it!
Chavi:  Which is why I rode the Green Line into the ghetto the other day just for kicks! (I actually missed my stop …)
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, the most important task for any Jewish women these days is to have many children.
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Chavi:  I need to get started
Chavi:  Turkey baster: Check
ElShaddai:  is there a shortage of Jews?
ChaimAmalek:  I can send you ampules
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, also of white people
Chavi:  There is a shortage of intelligent, attractive, sane Jews.
Chavi:  JDate just isn’t cutting it
ChaimAmalek:  Jdate is craigslist for accountants
ElShaddai:  I got laid from JDate—-loved it
YourMoralLeader:  tell me more
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ChaimAmalek:  yeas
ChaimAmalek:  never tried it
ChaimAmalek:  they would not let me on
ElShaddai:  why not?
Chavi:  Yah, the thing about Jdate … is it’s either people wanting to preach to you, or people wanting to get laid
ChaimAmalek:  I have to be careful, as some of the ultraorthos want to kill me
Chavi:  In DC, I went on 5 dates and 4/5 wanted to hook up.
YourMoralLeader:  I hate that
YourMoralLeader:  it offends me
Chavi:  And the 5th guy? Orthodox and lectured me about why I wasn’t Orthodox
ChaimAmalek:  oh please
YourMoralLeader:  I’m not just a piece of meat
ElShaddai:  is there something wrong with hooking up?
ElShaddai:  it seems natural
Chavi:  Well …
Chavi:  It’s not my bag
YourMoralLeader:  it becomes meaningless after the first three decades
YourMoralLeader:  It leaves me feeling empty inside
Chavi:  If I wanted to hook up, I’d go to a bar and flash my womanly wiles.
ElShaddai:  but blogging fills that void, huh?
ChaimAmalek:  The only way Jews and White People can win the ongoing struggle for survival and planetary dominance is to be less picky and have more procreative sex
YourMoralLeader:  Bjs are out then
ChaimAmalek:  yes they are out as are condoms
Chavi:  Where are the women? I’m outnumbered here
ChaimAmalek:  Women should limit sex to times when they are ovulating, and then if not married, make a point of having sex
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi, i apologize for amalek taking us into the gutter
ChaimAmalek:  Just like elsewhere on the internet
Chavi:  Ha
ChaimAmalek:  I am speaking in blunt terms what the Rabbis believe
ChaimAmalek:  You see, I want our team to win
ChaimAmalek:  But for that, we must have numbers.
ElShaddai:  chaim how often do you take one for the team?
ElShaddai:  I’m thinking, a lot
Chavi:  So what you’re saying, is that I should just start having sex and popping out babies willy nilly?
ChaimAmalek:  Palestinian women in Gaza have the world’s highest birthrates.  They use their birth canals as cannon, whereas most jewesses (and educated white women) use theirs as toys.
Chavi:  I’d be glad to take this task on. If you promise to raise the little heathens and support them.
ElShaddai:  Ok its a deal
ChaimAmalek:  I want you to see your birth canal used as a gun, firing human projectiles into the future.
Chavi:  Hrm
Chavi:  Lol …
Chavi:  I have one word for you, and that word is OUCH.
Chavi:  Men have no idea!
Chavi:  Oy
ElShaddai:  I really like that phrase- using their birth canals as cannon. Is that original?
ChaimAmalek:  If Palestinian women can do it, why not the Jewss?
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, in fact it is original to me
ElShaddai:  thats awesome
ChaimAmalek:  My contributions to this site and its predecessors are legion
ElShaddai:  I bet Luke uses that on his Blog
ChaimAmalek:  As Luke will affirm
ChaimAmalek:  He has
ElShaddai:  I’m no stranger to your work
Chavi:  Yawn.
ElShaddai:  Lets talk about you again Chavi
ChaimAmalek:  So Chavi, I suggest you start up a Chaim Amalek study group
ElShaddai:  you are much more beautiful than myself or Chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Of virtuous single women
YourMoralLeader:  Let’s talk about God
ChaimAmalek:  Offering them ampules of my mitzvatastic essence
Chavi:  Mitzvatastic
Chavi:  that’s a great word
ChaimAmalek:  I coin many
Chavi:  How many of you gentleman are married?
YourMoralLeader:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  I am married to my faith
Chavi:  You must be a priest, Chaim
Chavi:  Or a nun
Chavi:  Or the Pope
ChaimAmalek:  I would do a nun if she were hot
Chavi:  Or a unich?
ElShaddai:  none of us are gentlemen
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ChaimAmalek:  It is true, I am not that "big"
ChaimAmalek:  But it all works.
ChaimAmalek:  How torah-centric are the Jews of Hyde Park?
ChaimAmalek:  Do they all read the NY Times on Sunday and listen to Extension 720 on WGN?
Chavi:  I haven’t a clue … as I only work here
Chavi:  I come, I work, I leave
ChaimAmalek:  You live in Lakeview
Chavi:  Yes
Chavi:  And the Jews there?
ChaimAmalek:  Near uptown?
ChaimAmalek:  where is there?
Chavi:  Lakeview is incredibly Jewish
Chavi:  There’s a reform, conservative and mod. orthodox shul in the area
Chavi:  And you?
ChaimAmalek:  upper west side of manhattan
ChaimAmalek:  There are Jews here
Chavi:  Of course there are
ChaimAmalek:  I see them, pulling strings
ChaimAmalek:  Running banks, TV networks, and oppressing me
ElShaddai:  Manhattan has Jews?
Chavi:  Running the world, no less
ChaimAmalek:  The real ones are in Brooklyn, Borrough Park
ChaimAmalek:  And Williamsburg
ChaimAmalek:  Where they wear those funny hats
ChaimAmalek:  I might get myself a Felty Hat
ChaimAmalek:  a stroimel
Chavi:  Black Hat jews, eh?
ChaimAmalek:  There is a special code, "black hat" does not begin to cover it.
ElShaddai:  thats a ska group isnt it?
ChaimAmalek:  Jews are not allowed to listen to ska music.
ChaimAmalek:  Because it can lead to mixed danicng
Chavi:  This is not Footloose
ElShaddai:  there can be no propogation without dancing and fornication
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, do you drive to get around Chicago?
ElShaddai:  Chavi have you ever been thrown out of a shul?
ElShaddai:  Have you been thrown out of TWO shuls?
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, what does it feel like to be a human ovum in a chat room, with every male (sperm) vying for your attention?
ChaimAmalek:  ANSWER ME!
ChaimAmalek:  PLEASE?
Chavi:  D’oh
Chavi:  Sorry
ElShaddai:  when it comes to vying for attention chavi stands no chance against our Levi
ChaimAmalek:  Levi is a Jew’s Jew.
Chavi:  No, I don’t drive (no car); never been thrown outta shul; nor two shuls; and I LOVE the attention
ElShaddai:  haha
Chavi:  Obviously you’re not doing a very good job keeping my attention πŸ™‚
ChaimAmalek:  sorry, what did you say?
Chavi:  Oh you are *too* funny
ChaimAmalek:  I am busy chatting with supermodels on another channel
ElShaddai:  Chavi have you ever been threatened with violence by your Rabbi?
Chavi:  Lol … no ElShaddai …
ChaimAmalek:  Has a rabbi ever come on to you?
ChaimAmalek:  What about a rebbetzin?
Chavi:  Nope
ChaimAmalek:  Judaism needs to sexualize itself
Chavi:  Judaism is very sexual
ElShaddai:  has a rabbi ever come in you?
Chavi:  Sex on Shabbos is a mitzvah!
ChaimAmalek:  More fornication, less frumkeit
Chavi:  With, you konw, your spouse
ChaimAmalek:  if there is a spouse, yes
Chavi:  ElShaddai — my gosh
Chavi:  Wow
ElShaddai:  I’m sorry was it something I said?
Chavi:  You’re lucky I take after my mother
Chavi:  Who is a gigantic pervert
Chavi:  But really, I’m a lady
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t hold by this perversion talk
ElShaddai:  I was looking at your photo on Lukes site
ChaimAmalek:  I speak of procreation, not perversion
ChaimAmalek:  Whose photo?
ElShaddai:  Chavis
Chavi:  There’s a photo of me on Luke’s site?
Chavi:  How long has this whole operation been going down?
ElShaddai:  Chavi if you are just now learning about Luke/Levi you have quite a shock in front of you
ChaimAmalek:  What if the rabbis of LA find out about your shiksa infatuation?
Chavi:  This webcam/live chat issue
YourMoralLeader:  about 6 weeks
Chavi:  HA!
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t have a link yet, and I’ve been here for years
Chavi:  You don’t have womanly bits, Chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Some say that I am Luke Ford
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, you can’t know
ChaimAmalek:  But you are right.
Chavi:  Is this like an "I am Spartacus" moment, Chaim?
Chavi:  You have a fun laugh!
ChaimAmalek:  Yes
ChaimAmalek:  I am the real Jew of this board.
ChaimAmalek:  The only born Jewish male here
ChaimAmalek:  I, not Luke, was initiated into the faith by learning to read the Torah backwards
Chavi:  "real Jew" — that business irritates me
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, Chavi might feel alone in here and put upon.
ChaimAmalek:  Maybe Emma wants to join in
ElShaddai:  I’m going to be kind to Chavi going forward
YourMoralLeader:  Rum is gone for a month with the mrs
ChaimAmalek:  Thailand?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
DesmondFordJewishSoul:  I decided to come out of the closet. I am going to follow the example of my holy son and become Jewish.
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i am just me
User guest31 left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  The Holy Father is visiting a hoity toity temple this evening
ChaimAmalek:  If I had the sort of $$$$$ needed to hang out with those people, likely I would not be in a chat room
DesmondFordJewishSoul:  I decided if the Pope could become Jewish. Why not me?
Chavi:  ?
ChaimAmalek:  Temple Bnai Kesef
User guest33 ( entered the room.
FEELtheFORCEluke:  you look a happy soul yml
ChaimAmalek:  I know the origin of that joy
Chavi:  I’m just going to sit here quietly for a few minutes.
ChaimAmalek:  Careful study of the sacred texts
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i dont believe that
ElShaddai:  Levi bought Torah as Books on Tape
DesmondFordJewishSoul:  Where is Emma today?
ChaimAmalek:  How long do you suppose this web cam will exist?
ChaimAmalek:  What is your next planned step for riches?
FEELtheFORCEluke:  how long is a piece of string
ChaimAmalek:  What’s your next book?
Chavi:  Who *are* all these people!?
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i am me
ChaimAmalek:  I have told Luke to write a book "How to Date Beautiful Women and Have Sex with them in LA on $15/day"
ChaimAmalek:  It would sell like hotcakes, and that’s no joke
FEELtheFORCEluke:  sex always sells
ElShaddai:  Chavi what do you mean "who are all these people?"
ChaimAmalek:  Yeah, who are these people?
Chavi:  I’m just curious how people end up here, how they find this site and such
Chavi:  Or are all of you "regulars"
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i have been on this site for 2 years now
ChaimAmalek:  I found if off a link on the old National Alliance web site
User DesmondFordJewishSoul changed their name to RonaldMcDonald.
ElShaddai:  some of us come for exercise tips
ChaimAmalek:  The late Dr. William Pierce suggested it to me
ElShaddai:  some for moral leadership
ElShaddai:  some for romance
ChaimAmalek:  I used to think that Luke would help me out where Craigslist failed me, but no such luck
ElShaddai:  I learned about it from an old usenet list
Chavi:  Interesting. Man I got really sleepy … I came here because a friend said there was this COOL convert guy on the interwebs
ChaimAmalek:  That’s what Eliot Spitzer said
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you could be writing books that sell, make money, and let you move on to other projects more esoteric.
ChaimAmalek:  But he NEVER LISTENS to my GOOD ADVICE
ElShaddai:  so you couldnt find that cool convert and wound up here?
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, what Luke needs is a good Chinese wife to whip him forward
Chavi:  He could shoot for an Indian wife
Chavi:  they have Jews in India
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, that would work too
ChaimAmalek:  What do they look like?
ChaimAmalek:  Light, dark?
ChaimAmalek:  Did they intermarry?
Chavi:  I don’t know!
ChaimAmalek:  I find that light skinned Jewesses shun swarthy looking jews like me
ElShaddai:  swarthy?
Chavi:  So what you’re saying is that I should, by pattern, shun you
Chavi:  I can handle that
ChaimAmalek:  I can take it
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, are you familiar with the sad tale of Lauren Winner?
ChaimAmalek:  She was Jewish, until she had a dream, and then she jumped ship
Chavi:  Alas, I am not
ChaimAmalek:  Then I am guilty of semantic pollution
ChaimAmalek:  Forget what I asked
FEELtheFORCEluke:  ewwwwwww that sounds messy
ChaimAmalek:  I am guilty of much sematic pollution
ChaimAmalek:  Especially through this site

ChaimAmalek:  Park Avenue Synagogue – that’s where the Pope is headed this evening.  Man, I wish I had that kind of dough
Crikey:  ur lookin more like Moses every day
Moses:  don’t insult me like that
Chavi:  Moses!
ChaimAmalek:  No, he looks like a Greek Orthodox monk
Crikey:  oh sorry didnt know the real one was present
Moses:  orthodox monks have longer beards
Chavi:  There’s lots of Aussie love here
ChaimAmalek:  His is getting there
Moses:  he needs another three years
ChaimAmalek:  I love those Aussie models, too.
ChaimAmalek:  Whatsername and whatshername
Moses:  heston and i were talking about this last night
Moses:  he finally came home to rest last week
ChaimAmalek:  I just read a great book about the Pacific Theater during WW2 – "Retribution" byt the historian Max Hastings
Crikey:  any good?
ChaimAmalek:  He says that in the latter stages of the war, the Australians totally let down the side
ChaimAmalek:  Fantastic
Crikey:  well what u expect
ChaimAmalek:  As was "Armageddon", about the last months of the 3rd Reich
YourMoralLeader:  ye;
ChaimAmalek:  REally, both books are great and worth reading.
YourMoralLeader:  the only books i have time to read these days,a side from torah, is how to make $$$ online
ChaimAmalek:  The Japanese were spectacularly brutal
ChaimAmalek:  No wonder everyone in East Asia hates them
ChaimAmalek:  Yet today they are a nice people. 
ChaimAmalek:  Sustained bombing and nuclear attack can do that to a people.
Chavi:  You’ve driven YML away
ChaimAmalek:  It was his bladder that drove him away
Crikey:  prob. wacking off
Chavi:  You have a good sense of what Chaim does when he’s away from the cam, Chaim?
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t quite understand your question
Chavi:  You seemed quite sure he’d gone to the pisser, is what I mean.
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, he and I are as close as lips and teeth
ChaimAmalek:  Some say we are one
Chavi:  And for those with dentures?
ChaimAmalek:  Some say he is someone I hired to be me
ChaimAmalek:  All lashon horah
Crikey:  u know where the urban society of hamsters and beaver proliferate?
ChaimAmalek:  Let’s sing a song
Moses:  obviously the boy did not clean the hovel for passover
Chavi:  Make it simple
Chavi:  To last the whole night long?
ChaimAmalek:  The Internationale
ChaimAmalek:  Arise, ye victims of oppression
ChaimAmalek:  For the empire fears your might
ChaimAmalek:  Don’t cling so hard to your possesions
ChaimAmalek:  For you have nothing if you have no rights
ChaimAmalek:  Let racist ignorance be ended, for respect makes the empires fall
User guest38 left the room.
User ChaimAmalek changed their name to guest124.
ElShaddai:  chavi its a safe bet he’s gone to the can- thats the only other room in his hovel
Crikey:  lol
Chavi:  Ahh. So it’s a studio, nu?
ElShaddai:  he lives in a converted garage
guest124:  Luke, how’s the air ventilation in that apartment?
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Chavi:  Ha
YourMoralLeader:  excellent
guest124:  Nothing is far from your toilet
guest40:  shalom
YourMoralLeader:  I don’t have much of a sense of smell
YourMoralLeader:  Shalom 40
Chavi:  Assuming the toilet is your mouth.
guest40:  shalom Rabbi
Crikey:  that wasn’t half bad for an____ u fill in the blanks

Moses:  i can see there’s no sweeping moral change going on here
1giantvagina:  Moish, want change, go part the sea
Moses:  what in the psalms are we looking at anyway?
1giantvagina:  the moral change can only be done by the ML
1giantvagina:  he is busy now
Moses:  busy …as in trying to finally find a job that pays money?
Moses:  or …busy as in taking a nap on the floor of that filthy hovel?
1giantvagina:  yeah, but first he has to tan that white ass of his so they’ll hire him
Moses:  i know a burning bush where he can get that tan…and a lot more
1giantvagina:  I wouldn’t now about such things
1giantvagina:  Testy, I’m still waiting on you
Moses:  honestly, i didn’t know what that was until it turned over
1giantvagina:  you’re not so giant anymore
1giantvagina:  he needs to be turned every 15 minutes or so
1giantvagina:  least he become well done
Moses:  i thought it was a baleen whale surfacing for air
YourMoralSchvartze:  ths is hysterical
YourMoralSchvartze:  why am i so morbidly attracted to this guy’s world?
Moses:  the same reason people rubberneck at traffic accidents
Moses:  good god!  LOOK AT THOSE MOOBS!
Moses:  for adam’s sake, man….get out the snapple bottles fast
Moses:  i don’t see any change in skin color
andy:  hows it goin luke
YourMoralSchvartze:  who was that luke
andy:  im fine thanks luke
Moses:  luke, if you rub some lemon juice on that beard, you’ll start to look like zztop
YourMoralSchvartze:  luke you look lost
YourMoralSchvartze:  you look asleep at the wheel of life
Moses:  then you can sing ‘jesus just left chicago’ to emma all night
Moses:  it’s a nice little bluesy song emma, good for a rainy day
Emma:  Indeed
YourMoralSchvartze:  why is he staring into space?
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, is love a flower?
Emma:  brb phonecall
YourMoralLeader:  is it a river?
Emma:  Yes
Pharaoh:  No Moses, I will not let your people go.
Moses:  luke, have you ever been to colorado?
guest56:  The Leader does not leave his kibbutz in California
Moses:  god took some extra time in making it…you should go and visit
Moses:  they hovel will still be here when you get back
Moses:  pick up a map from debbie schwartz
guest56:  Was it for this that you spoke to the burning bush?
Moses:  ya gotta clean the whole barrel my friend, not just the easy-to-reach places
nanostep:  chatting on a web cam all morning is not work!
guest613:  he’s not just chatting, he’s turning into a chat cam singer
nanostep:  I notice that is on the lightside post-wise
nanostep:  i don’t  have audio on my computer, but karaoke is also not work
nanostep:  ahem, singing
nanostep:  for your supper
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  john denver is going to make a guest appearance
guest613:  I wonder if he will dance too?
QuixoticLass:  except that he’s dead
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, are you California Dreaming?
QuixoticLass:  John Denver died in a plane crash
Emma:  Yep
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  welll…..thats gonna be creepy then
nanostep:  is there any journalism happening
nanostep:  where are all of the serious journalists??
guest613:  is this flashback to the 60’s?
nanostep:  that shirt you are wearing is not becoming.
guest613:  how about both sides now?
QuixoticLass:  this song was more poignant when I didn’t live in CA
nanostep:  i I prefer the black suit
QuixoticLass:  he does look good in black
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  boxers or briefs?
QuixoticLass:  just wait til he changes his pants, you can see for yourself
guest613:  is luke turning into a chabadnik?  he looks like he’s going that way.
QuixoticLass:  mr rogers changed his shoes, YML changes his pants
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  chabadnik sounds like something you might go to the doctor to have treated
QuixoticLass:  that’s a good idea john
guest613:  wonder what drug cures you of chabadnikitis?
nanostep:  you have three hours left until Shabbat. What do you hope to accomplish before then??
guest62:  Why do you want to be a moral leader Luke?
guest63:  don’t disrespect the leader 62
guest613:  peter, paul and mary night
guest613:  where’s puff?
guest63:  leavin on a jet plane
guest62:  Leaders earn respect 63
guest613:  our king left us — oh no!
guest613:  he left to visit his royal thrown
YourMoralLeader:  62, piss off bloody peasant
Alexanderthegreat:  but the great one is still among you
guest63:  The Leaders should not lower himself to commune with the rabble
Emma:  lmao!
YourMoralLeader:  I only ask that you obey me!
guest63:  The same rabble that chose Barabbas!
YourMoralLeader:  We made a covenant!
guest63:  To save tax?
guest63:  I do that too
guest63:  O noble leader!
YourMoralLeader:  yes my child
guest63:  Show us the way!
guest62:  Sorry been away for a comfort break rather like leader who seems to be only human himself
guest613:  he’s going to tell you to look into his eyes.
Alexanderthegreat:  —————–> that way
YourMoralLeader:  peasants!
guest63:  62 you offend the leader
guest62:  I only look into the eyes of females
User guest66 changed their name to patrick.
Emma:  Patrick?
guest613:  the way of what though?
Emma:  Hey!!
guest613:  I look and see nothing. . .
guest63:  62 go home to your wife
patrick:  hay si
guest62:  Who says I have or need a wife
Emma:  Did you get my emails?
guest63:  shame on you 62
patrick:  yes
guest62:  Why?
Emma:  Luke meet my brother Patrick
Emma:  πŸ™‚
guest63:  you deny your own wife
YourMoralLeader:  No emails Emma
YourMoralLeader:  Hey Patrick
Alexanderthegreat:  hi patrick
guest613:  62, maybe you would want to be like Rebbe Gafni.  he says you should divorce you wife after a few years and find anot
patrick:  but kind dont under stand how to set up the google ad word thing
guest62:  Do you need another person to give your own lifw meaning?
guest62:  I have no idea what a goy is please explain
guest63:  a non-jew
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, email me your mailing address and I’ll send Patrick some CDs with more info
YourMoralLeader:  snail mail
guest62:  I am not a jew why does that matter? are you?
Emma:  Snal mail?
guest63:  I only ask for information
YourMoralLeader:  regular postal mail
patrick:  im so sorru luke i just dont get in kinda goes over my head
Emma:  I only have hotmail and yahoo
guest63:  Hail to the Leader !
guest62:  We are all equall before God are we not?
guest63:  no
YourMoralLeader:  Where do you get regular mail? with a stamp Emma?
guest63:  some are chosen
guest62:  Yoy may not be I am
Emma:  Oh
mee:  hi luke x
Emma:  My home address?
YourMoralLeader:  whatever works emma
guest63:  Bow down before The Leader !
YourMoralLeader:  sheesh, who knew it would be so complicated
guest613:  bow down????
guest62:  Leader how much do you pay 63?
guest63:  yes – show respect
guest62:  I want to know how much
guest63:  go home to your wife
patrick:  im back
guest62:  You seem to have a problem with this wife thing
guest613:  is it a mitzvah to bow down to our leader?
Emma:  I just didn’t get you
YourMoralLeader:  lol
guest63:  yes it is 613
patrick:  luke u mind me asking u some thing
Emma:  Snail mail lol!
YourMoralLeader:  go ahead patrick
guest613:  how many mitzvah points do we get
guest63:  The Leader tolerates your foolishness
guest63:  The Leader is patient
guest62:  So it seems
guest63:  The Leader sees all
guest62:  No he does not I don’t have a cam
guest63:  62 was it for this that Moses broke the tablets of stone?
guest613:  62 he can see you without a cam.  All you need to do is look into his eyes
frodo:  strange very strange
guest62:  NO he was pissed off with the jews for worshiping idols
guest63:  do not look directly at the leader
frodo:  well that made him laugh
guest71:  nice jesus look you got coming on there
guest71:  give it a few more weeks and you’ll be ready to crucify
frodo:  camstreams is his land
guest71:  tragic loss to the world of moral leadership eh
guest613:  you made my day.  You must be the one and only. . .
guest63:  the rattle of empty heads
guest71:  respect for what, or to whom 63?
guest63:  silence the Leader may wish to speak
guest613:  can you sing it too?
guest71:  what do you think he will say 63?
guest63:  fall on your knees before the leader
guest71:  what pearls of wisdom do you suppose he might impart?
guest613:  I was lost and now I’m found. Who knew the magic of puff and Luke
guest63:  The Leader will not be pressured
guest613:  so 63 belongs in Temple Beth Ignore.
guest71:  hence why I don’t come here much, unless I am in need of a good s**t and I need inspiration
guest63:  blasphemers
guest63:  infidels
frodo:  yeah yeah we will all burn in hell
guest613:  everyone, silence our leader is singing about the magic of puff
guest63:  shame on you all
guest63:  Hail to the Leader – Lion of the desert
frodo:  no wonder luke keeps laughin then ehh
guest71:  to see such intellect backing the lower echelons of their own…..I find it somewhat comforting
guest613:  63, our leader is speaking the words of the one and only, the master of the universe
guest63:  Frodo there are more things here than in all your abuse
guest71:  kinda tells me that however dumb a c**t you may encounter, there’s always a dumber one around the corner
guest613:  what about blowing in the wind?
guest63:  The Leader is gracious enough to laugh at your obscenities
guest71:  either that, or he don’t f**king understand them 63
frodo:  does he laugh at yours too
guest63:  show gratitude
guest613:  wow our leader is amazing
guest71:  has this dazzling concept occurred to you by chance?
guest63:  anyhow I have a business to run
guest613:  he knows where the answers are. ..
guest613:  it’s not just about looking into his eyes
frodo:  wow that suprises me
guest63:  I cannot waste more time on these goyims
guest613:  wow, a pesach song — blowing in the wind
guest63:  The writer of that song is a jew
guest63:  shoe respect
guest613:  the writer of the song wrote it knowing some day our leader would play and sing it to us.
guest63:  Enough of your empty prattle
guest613:  wow, now I understand the universe — our leader spoke the truth

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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