Come Chat With Chavi – The Hot 24 Yo Convert To Judaism

We’ll rock you!

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YourMoralLeader:  chavi, are you the copy editor convert to judaism?
Chavi:  Ha! Yes … I am. Who told you?
Chavi:  Though, I have mostly defected from journalism for the time being
YourMoralLeader:  DBerger
YourMoralLeader:  what are you doing these days?
YourMoralLeader:  for work?
YourMoralLeader:  He sent me links to your articles on conversion
Chavi:  I work at…as an assistant and sometimes editor, but am heading to grad school in the fall at UConn for Judaic studies
YourMoralLeader:  i linked ’em up on lukeford.net
Chavi:  ahh! wow, thanks
Chavi:  i’m just heading over there
YourMoralLeader:  that’s awesome, why UConn?
Chavi:  Well, it was Brandeis/UConn/UMich — and Uconn was the most welcoming and offered the most funds
YourMoralLeader:  cool
YourMoralLeader:  any particular professor?
Chavi:  Stuart Miller was particularly enticing. He’s a second temple/talmudic scholar; just a really intelligent fellow
YourMoralLeader:  do you want to be a prof or teacher?
Chavi:  Definitely a professor, though we’ll see where it takes me. I could end up working in a day school or in the community somehow
Chavi:  Did Dberger tell you about the jewsbychoice.org site?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  it’s cool
YourMoralLeader:  i have a lot of friends who are converting
Chavi:  we are truly the coolest of the cats
Chavi:  Your site is massive! It might take me months to dig through everything πŸ™‚
Chavi:  See, and that’s something I’m considering .. when I head off to school I’m going to try to implement Chavi
YourMoralLeader:  My Hebrew name is Levi
YourMoralLeader:  That’s what my orthodox friends call me
YourMoralLeader:  Luke ford is fine for the goyim
Chavi:  Ahh! Levi is a stellar name
Chavi:  True
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  My generic, Midwestern name will never fade into oblivion
Emma:  Hi Levi
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Chavi:  Those in Nebraska/Missouri will always know me as such
YourMoralLeader:  Hi Emma!
YourMoralLeader:  yes,
Emma:  πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  I split up my life
Chavi:  Although, I chose Chavi because it means the same thing as my given name
YourMoralLeader:  I have friends in different areas and don’t seek to bring ’em together, that makes me v. nervous
Chavi:  Ha!
Chavi:  You shoulda seen my mom at the conversion ceremony … oy she was so confused
YourMoralLeader:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  she was in the mivkeh with you?
Chavi:  oh no! the public ceremony at the shul
Chavi:  the naming and presentation part of the conversion
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Chavi:  The mikveh would have blown her mind
Chavi:  "Are you being baptized!?"
YourMoralLeader:  Emma’s a nice 18yo christian girl in ireland, I’m trying to lure her to the dark Jewish side.
Chavi:  Ha!
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  I had a friend recently go to Ireland (he’s also a convert) and attended shul there, though I’m not sure which one
Chavi:  I believe he was in Dublin
YourMoralLeader:  emma’s in teh sticks
Emma:  Cool
Chavi:  I imagine Hebrew with an Irish accent is beautiful
YourMoralLeader:  only met one jew in her life
Chavi:  Yikes! I know how that goes πŸ˜€
Chavi:  ha ha
Emma:  yES SIR
Chavi:  Only 6,000 Jews in Nebraska, 60 at my college, and I knew about 10 others my own age who were Jewish
YourMoralLeader:  I’m embedding subliminal messages in these rock songs I play on here to prey on Emma.
Chavi:  Lol
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  Emma, we’re awesome, come on πŸ™‚
YourMoralLeader:  working so far
Emma:  Yep
YourMoralLeader:  chavi, what were the toughest parts about becoming jewish? for me it was losing my foreskin.
YourMoralLeader:  It’s a sore issue for me.
Chavi:  Ha! You actually did the circumcision!? Mazel tov on that. So I’m assuming you converted Orthodox?
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, just kidding about the foreskin, i was circumsized at birth and I did it myself! I also cut my own hair
Chavi:  For me it was dealing with everyone thinking it was a big joke … and then the whole Christian friends more or less disowning me
Chavi:  Phew, lol …
Emma:  I can imagine it would be Luke
Chavi:  I was worried for a second
Emma:  You did it yourself?
Chavi:  Even the ritual circumcision hurts my brain
YourMoralLeader:  yes
Emma:  Liar
YourMoralLeader:  i was precocious kid, just 8 days old
Chavi:  good thing i have my own office at work
Chavi:  else the laughter would garner funny looks
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  I’m following you via Twitter now, FYI
YourMoralLeader:  chavi, have you lost friends, lost touch with friend due to your conversion?
YourMoralLeader:  cool!
Chavi:  A lot of my high school friends looked down their noses at me. I ejected myself from a forum with newspaper friends from the college paper becuase they were constantly making Holocaust and Jewish jokes and poking at me and my decision
Chavi:  But for the most part — the true friends have stuck around
Emma:  Thats good
Chavi:  Football?
Chavi:  Throwin’ around the old PIG SKIN?
YourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
YourMoralLeader:  everything I do, it’s a sin
Chavi:  With Pesach around the corner, even!
Chavi:  For shame …
Chavi:  So do you freelance now? Or …?
YourMoralLeader:  i blog
YourMoralLeader:  and sin
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  and Yom Kippur is so far away!
Chavi:  but *yay* for no hell!
YourMoralLeader:  G-d must be angry with you
Chavi:  Probably … he’s probably angry at Barack Obama
Chavi:  πŸ˜€
Chavi:  For being so AWESOME.
YourMoralLeader:  Didn’t the rabbis teach you to be so pure in thought and word and deed?
Emma:  Well thats good no injuries Chavi…
Chavi:  Aye. The lesson of lashon hara. I’m a gossip, I know!
YourMoralLeader:  You’ve always been the one to blame!
Chavi:  I’ll make a good Jewish mother someday
Chavi:  Adonai! Forgive me, please!
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  Take it out on Kansas!
Chavi:  I would have said Texas, but I didn’t want to offend Ted
Ted:  hahaa! we had our fair share of storms and tornados lately!
Chavi:  I can imagine. Has it gotten steamy hot down there yet?
Chavi:  Not sure where you are … but man. Austin is so humid and Houston is just downright miserable in summertime
Ted:  no, still nice weather between storms
Ted:  in the 60’s and 70s
Ted:  Hello Mr Putin.
Chavi:  Vladimir Putin? Such grace has entered the room!
User VladimirPutin changed their name to ChicagosBestBoy.
Chavi:  Chicago’s Best boy?
User ChicagosBestBoy changed their name to VladimirPutin.
YourMoralLeader:  Hey Vlad
VladimirPutin:  I’m many in one.
VladimirPutin:  EPLURBUS UNUM
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi, we’ve had ElShaddi and Jesus Christ in here
Chavi:  I guess that would make me Chicago’s Best Girl
Chavi:  Ha! Have you had Xenu, though?
VladimirPutin:  Where in Chicago?
YourMoralLeader:  no
VladimirPutin:  I wish I had thought of Scientology first.
YourMoralLeader:  Vlad, why did you divorce the wife of your youth and hook up with some slutty 24yo?
Chavi:  Where in Chicago? Everywhere!
VladimirPutin:  Ask Luke about his Emma
VladimirPutin:  Where.
YourMoralLeader:  I haven’t divorced my wife, Vlad
Chavi:  Presently: Hyde Park
Chavi:  Typically: Lakeview
VladimirPutin:  Surrounded by violent people of color
YourMoralLeader:  now now
SweeTCaKesSs:  you’re married
VladimirPutin:  Chavi, have you ever walked south of 61st street?
Emma:  brb
Chavi:  Nope, and I don’t care to!
Chavi:  Violence = not so much fun.
VladimirPutin:  Luke, I see this as God’s way of bringing women to Judaism
YourMoralLeader:  chat?
VladimirPutin:  Women with the genes the Jewish people need
SweeTCaKesSs:  u looked better without the beard luke
VladimirPutin:  We have enough people who can argue and do taxes, we need more who are not strangers to water, who can ride horses and the like
Chavi:  Vlad has lost me
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VladimirPutin:  Well Chavi, there is a deep backstory here, and you are new to this.
SweeTCaKesSs:  Luke ????
SweeTCaKesSs:  πŸ˜› u there?
YourMoralLeader:  He’s hot for your shiksa genes/jeans, Chavi.
VladimirPutin:  It all begins with a date.
YourMoralLeader:  Hi sweetie
Chavi:  Indeed, I am new
Chavi:  Ha!
SweeTCaKesSs:  hiii ;D
VladimirPutin:  Also Emma’s.
YourMoralLeader:  off limits, Vlad!
YourMoralLeader:  Hit on Chavi
Chavi:  You know I searched far and wide to find some Jewish genes, and all I could come up with was Huguenot and Quaker genes
SweeTCaKesSs:  u looked better without the beard πŸ˜› not saying u look bad though
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  So you’re interweb predators looking for a hot date!?
VladimirPutin:  I have some black in me, for real.
VladimirPutin:  I have a test from National Geographic that proves it.
Chavi:  Oy …
YourMoralLeader:  The others are, Chavi, but not me. I’m taken with emma.
VladimirPutin:  No joke.
Emma:  πŸ™‚
Chavi:  Emma, do you have red hair?
YourMoralLeader:  This chat is my way to be a light unto the nations!
Emma:  No
Chavi:  Phew
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VladimirPutin:  People with naturally red hair are the elite of the human race
Chavi:  I was always envious of the redheads
Emma:  Why?
Chavi:  I met an Irishman last week, man alive was he gorgeous
Chavi:  Redheads are the most beautiful of them all
VladimirPutin:  It is the rarest and fairest of colors.
Chavi:  in my opinion
YourMoralLeader:  oy, cant stand ’em
VladimirPutin:  I toally agree.
Emma:  Why Luke
VladimirPutin:  The only thing better is strawberry blond hair.
YourMoralLeader:  I don’t like that hair color.
Chavi:  Brunettes Unite!
Emma:  Even strawberry blonde?
YourMoralLeader:  unless you have it, Emma, then I would adore it.
Chavi:  Pasty skinned brunettes, unite faster!
YourMoralLeader:  Not my thing, emma.
VladimirPutin:  the best is strawberry blond/copper color red
YourMoralLeader:  yuck
VladimirPutin:  Luke likes his women hairless anyway
Chavi:  ha ha ha ha
Emma:  Im naturally strawberry blonde Luke
VladimirPutin:  the best!
YourMoralLeader:  Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops
Emma:  lmfao!
YourMoralLeader:  I’m gonna learn to love it
VladimirPutin:  Emma, have my babies and we will make red heads.
VladimirPutin:  It could be via artificial insemination
VladimirPutin:  FedEx goes everywhere.
Emma:  lol
Emma:  omg your face Luke
Chavi:  I feel like I’m in college
YourMoralLeader:  Go West! Life is peaceful there!
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, what sort of dinner item do you bring to a seder?
YourMoralLeader:  My divrei Torah
ChaimAmalek:  I fear you have bread crumbs in your beard
YourMoralLeader:  Your sister removed them last night.
Emma:  lol
Chavi:  Have you guys seen the matzo song video?
ChaimAmalek:  Emma, remember to shave off ALL of your hair when you meet luke
YourMoralLeader:  no,
YourMoralLeader:  link?
Emma:  mmm
ChaimAmalek:  buy a wig for your head
Emma:  lmao
YourMoralLeader:  Never listen to Amalek, Emma
Emma:  Im not
Chavi:  http://mamaloshen.blogspot.com/2008/04/easy-passover-with-matzo.html
ChaimAmalek:  Luke listens to AMALEK all the time
Chavi:  check it yo
YourMoralLeader:  Don’t stop off in NY either, Emma, and tell me later it was to see a friend.
Chavi:  (I’m such a blog whore, man)
ChaimAmalek:  ha ha
Emma:  I won’t Luke
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, do you eat rice on Passover?
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  goy
ChaimAmalek:  What’s the deal with rice on passover?
ChaimAmalek:  like, why can’t you eat it?
Chavi:  It’s kitniyot
ChaimAmalek:  What does that mean?
Chavi:  too much effort … you’d have to search it three times before cooking it
Chavi:  It means that the rabbis were in a tissy about confusing the grains and kitniyot
Chavi:  So they banned it
ChaimAmalek:  Search it for what?
Chavi:  To make sure none of the forbidden items got all mixed up into it
ChaimAmalek:  Why would they?
Chavi:  Because s**t happens, Chaim.
ChaimAmalek:  It’s grown in totally dissimilar areas
Emma:  Ok I’m off out
ChaimAmalek:  Rice and wheat are NOT grown or processed side by side
Emma:  Bye people
Emma:  Take care xx
Chavi:  In some cases they ARE processed in the same places
ChaimAmalek:  I look forward to your visit emma
Chavi:  Ta ta emma!
ChaimAmalek:  OK, what about other grains?
Chavi:  The Conservative movement has basically declared the kitniyot rule false
Emma:  Keep dreaming
ChaimAmalek:  let’s keep it on the down-low
ChaimAmalek:  You know, the orthodox can be wrong.
Chavi:  you’re watching the video!
ChaimAmalek:  For example, this prohibition on using electricity on the sabbath is rooted in ignorance of basic science
Chavi:  Yah. Everyone can be wrong
ChaimAmalek:  But the orthodox never admit to that
Chavi:  Sometimes, dear, it’s about tradition
Chavi:  I’m not Orthodox, btw
YourMoralLeader:  Not what I hear, chavi.
ChaimAmalek:  How can it be a tradition when electricity became an issue only in the 19th Cent?
Chavi:  Ha! I’m toying with Mod. Ortho
ChaimAmalek:  Rabbis are ignorant when it comes to whatever is not in the Talmud
ChaimAmalek:  At least the Satmar etc. are
Chavi:  Not the Samaritans!
Chavi:  πŸ™‚ They’re Torah only
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi do you believe in the torah as the literal word of God, or as a composite text written by at least two authors?
YourMoralLeader:  My creed is sola scriptura, sola fide, sola christos
ChaimAmalek:  You know, "Lord" vs. "God"
Chavi:  I believe that G-d revealed Torah at Sinai, and that it was composed in written form by many authors — that is undeniable
ChaimAmalek:  We agree on the latter point at least.  How about you, Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  Do you believe in female rabbis?
YourMoralLeader:  I believe the Torah comes from haShem
ChaimAmalek:  They are like unicorns
Chavi:  Lol
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, do you believe that the Torah in the form we have it was written by two groups of human authors?
ChaimAmalek:  Women do not belong as rabbis.
Chavi:  I’m not a fan of women rabbis
Chavi:  Not going to lie about that one
YourMoralLeader:  Ha!
ChaimAmalek:  It really is a turn off to see this.  Women should be all about arousing their man, which is not proper for a temple
Chavi:  Mostly because, in my experience, women rabbis are cold and overcompensating to play with the "big boys"
Chavi:  What are you eating?
ChaimAmalek:  Nor do I believe in women as RC priests, although I would like to see nuns marry priests
YourMoralLeader:  Chaim, Chavi is a lesbian, so stop being insensitive.
Chavi:  I am *so* not a Lesbian …
YourMoralLeader:  cottage cheese
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t believe in lesbians either
Chavi:  You know, this week’s parshah fits in nicely with this convo
Chavi:  PS: I LOVE COTTAGE CHEESE!
YourMoralLeader:  I’m a vegetarian
Chavi:  I like steak
Chavi:  Mm … steak
Chavi:  moooo
Chavi:  stab!
ChaimAmalek:  Also nowhere does the torah acknowledge the existence of, let alone ban, lesbians or lesbianism
YourMoralLeader:  do you like kangaroo meat?
Chavi:  Talmud equates the passages to lesbians as well
Chavi:  Never had ‘Roo meat
ChaimAmalek:  I eat cottage cheese every day
Chavi:  SO DO I!
Chavi:  Wow
YourMoralLeader:  ever gone down under?
Chavi:  We’re like, kindred spirits
ChaimAmalek:  An entire small carton is my breakfast
Chavi:  Aussie’s are the bee’s knees.
ChaimAmalek:  With two bananas
Chavi:  That’s a mighty breakfast
Chavi:  Are you eating breakfast right now then?
ChaimAmalek:  And fruit juice, diluted with water
YourMoralLeader:  lunch
Chavi:  Man, a banana sounds good
YourMoralLeader:  I’m gonna starve for the next nine days
Chavi:  I must retrieve one
Chavi:  Nah, you’ll be fine
Chavi:  make some matzo pizza
ChaimAmalek:  Dont most jews gain weight over passover?
Chavi:  matzo pizza is my favorite thing

ChaimAmalek:  DC is a dummp
ChaimAmalek:  VIOLENT
ChaimAmalek:  I used to live there
YourMoralLeader:  anyone in here dated a black man?
ChaimAmalek:  Just you
Chavi:  Nope.
YourMoralLeader:  ur all a bunch of homophobic bigots
Chavi:  ha ha ha ha ha
Chavi:  DC isn’t *all* a dump
Chavi:  There are some nice spaces
ChaimAmalek:  It is a grim fact of American life that the greater the fraction of a town’s population that is black, the higher its murder rate
ElShaddai:  homophobic bigots?
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi, chaim is on good behavior today. Normally he asks every female who enters these hallowed grounds
Chavi:  So why the behaving?
YourMoralLeader:  how many diamonds they’d be in they worked for the emperor’s club
ElShaddai:  I love black people. It’s queers I hate
Chavi:  I mostly hate white people.
ChaimAmalek:  I love all people who exalt me
Chavi:  And midgets.
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, are you white?
Chavi:  Yes, I’m white
Chavi:  I’m incredibly white
Chavi:  I’m burn-your-retnas white
YourMoralLeader:  blinging
YourMoralLeader:  blinding
ElShaddai:  she is white hot
Chavi:  Oh yes, ElShaddai
ChaimAmalek:  I once asked a Jewess friend of Luke’s this, and she said she was not
YourMoralLeader:  how tall?
ChaimAmalek:  RACE TRAITOR was she
Chavi:  5’4.5" πŸ™‚
ChaimAmalek:  Hyde Park is like a ghetto, is it not?
Chavi:  Race is a figment of the imagination. We’re one race. Hippies rule
ChaimAmalek:  You can’t go south of f61st, north of 47th, west of Cottage Grove, and east is the lake
Chavi:  Hyde Park has pockets of class. It’s got some fancy, rich folk — Obama and Farakkan among them
Chavi:  Yah, pretty much
Chavi:  I wouldn’t even make the bounds that broad
ChaimAmalek:  Does Pastor Wright live there?
Chavi:  Probably
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi will go anywhere once
Chavi:  I don’t know, though. This is why I live in Lakeview, though
Chavi:  You know it!
Chavi:  Which is why I rode the Green Line into the ghetto the other day just for kicks! (I actually missed my stop …)
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, the most important task for any Jewish women these days is to have many children.
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Chavi:  I need to get started
Chavi:  Turkey baster: Check
ElShaddai:  is there a shortage of Jews?
ChaimAmalek:  I can send you ampules
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, also of white people
Chavi:  There is a shortage of intelligent, attractive, sane Jews.
Chavi:  JDate just isn’t cutting it
ChaimAmalek:  Jdate is craigslist for accountants
ElShaddai:  I got laid from JDate—-loved it
YourMoralLeader:  tell me more
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ChaimAmalek:  yeas
ChaimAmalek:  never tried it
ChaimAmalek:  they would not let me on
ElShaddai:  why not?
Chavi:  Yah, the thing about Jdate … is it’s either people wanting to preach to you, or people wanting to get laid
ChaimAmalek:  I have to be careful, as some of the ultraorthos want to kill me
Chavi:  In DC, I went on 5 dates and 4/5 wanted to hook up.
YourMoralLeader:  I hate that
YourMoralLeader:  it offends me
Chavi:  And the 5th guy? Orthodox and lectured me about why I wasn’t Orthodox
ChaimAmalek:  oh please
YourMoralLeader:  I’m not just a piece of meat
ElShaddai:  is there something wrong with hooking up?
ElShaddai:  it seems natural
Chavi:  Well …
Chavi:  It’s not my bag
YourMoralLeader:  it becomes meaningless after the first three decades
YourMoralLeader:  It leaves me feeling empty inside
Chavi:  If I wanted to hook up, I’d go to a bar and flash my womanly wiles.
ElShaddai:  but blogging fills that void, huh?
ChaimAmalek:  The only way Jews and White People can win the ongoing struggle for survival and planetary dominance is to be less picky and have more procreative sex
YourMoralLeader:  Bjs are out then
ChaimAmalek:  yes they are out as are condoms
Chavi:  Where are the women? I’m outnumbered here
ChaimAmalek:  Women should limit sex to times when they are ovulating, and then if not married, make a point of having sex
YourMoralLeader:  Chavi, i apologize for amalek taking us into the gutter
ChaimAmalek:  Just like elsewhere on the internet
Chavi:  Ha
ChaimAmalek:  I am speaking in blunt terms what the Rabbis believe
ChaimAmalek:  You see, I want our team to win
ChaimAmalek:  But for that, we must have numbers.
ElShaddai:  chaim how often do you take one for the team?
ElShaddai:  I’m thinking, a lot
Chavi:  So what you’re saying, is that I should just start having sex and popping out babies willy nilly?
ChaimAmalek:  Palestinian women in Gaza have the world’s highest birthrates.  They use their birth canals as cannon, whereas most jewesses (and educated white women) use theirs as toys.
Chavi:  I’d be glad to take this task on. If you promise to raise the little heathens and support them.
ElShaddai:  Ok its a deal
ChaimAmalek:  I want you to see your birth canal used as a gun, firing human projectiles into the future.
Chavi:  Hrm
Chavi:  Lol …
Chavi:  I have one word for you, and that word is OUCH.
Chavi:  Men have no idea!
Chavi:  Oy
ElShaddai:  I really like that phrase- using their birth canals as cannon. Is that original?
ChaimAmalek:  If Palestinian women can do it, why not the Jewss?
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, in fact it is original to me
ElShaddai:  thats awesome
ChaimAmalek:  My contributions to this site and its predecessors are legion
ElShaddai:  I bet Luke uses that on his Blog
ChaimAmalek:  As Luke will affirm
ChaimAmalek:  He has
ElShaddai:  I’m no stranger to your work
Chavi:  Yawn.
ElShaddai:  Lets talk about you again Chavi
ChaimAmalek:  So Chavi, I suggest you start up a Chaim Amalek study group
ElShaddai:  you are much more beautiful than myself or Chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Of virtuous single women
YourMoralLeader:  Let’s talk about God
ChaimAmalek:  Offering them ampules of my mitzvatastic essence
Chavi:  Mitzvatastic
Chavi:  that’s a great word
ChaimAmalek:  I coin many
Chavi:  How many of you gentleman are married?
YourMoralLeader:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  I am married to my faith
Chavi:  You must be a priest, Chaim
Chavi:  Or a nun
Chavi:  Or the Pope
ChaimAmalek:  I would do a nun if she were hot
Chavi:  Or a unich?
ElShaddai:  none of us are gentlemen
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ChaimAmalek:  It is true, I am not that "big"
ChaimAmalek:  But it all works.
ChaimAmalek:  How torah-centric are the Jews of Hyde Park?
ChaimAmalek:  Do they all read the NY Times on Sunday and listen to Extension 720 on WGN?
Chavi:  I haven’t a clue … as I only work here
Chavi:  I come, I work, I leave
ChaimAmalek:  You live in Lakeview
Chavi:  Yes
Chavi:  And the Jews there?
ChaimAmalek:  Near uptown?
ChaimAmalek:  where is there?
Chavi:  Lakeview is incredibly Jewish
Chavi:  There’s a reform, conservative and mod. orthodox shul in the area
Chavi:  And you?
ChaimAmalek:  upper west side of manhattan
ChaimAmalek:  There are Jews here
Chavi:  Of course there are
ChaimAmalek:  I see them, pulling strings
ChaimAmalek:  Running banks, TV networks, and oppressing me
ElShaddai:  Manhattan has Jews?
Chavi:  Running the world, no less
ChaimAmalek:  The real ones are in Brooklyn, Borrough Park
ChaimAmalek:  And Williamsburg
ChaimAmalek:  Where they wear those funny hats
ChaimAmalek:  I might get myself a Felty Hat
ChaimAmalek:  a stroimel
Chavi:  Black Hat jews, eh?
ChaimAmalek:  There is a special code, "black hat" does not begin to cover it.
ElShaddai:  thats a ska group isnt it?
ChaimAmalek:  Jews are not allowed to listen to ska music.
ChaimAmalek:  Because it can lead to mixed danicng
Chavi:  This is not Footloose
ElShaddai:  there can be no propogation without dancing and fornication
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, do you drive to get around Chicago?
ElShaddai:  Chavi have you ever been thrown out of a shul?
ElShaddai:  Have you been thrown out of TWO shuls?
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, what does it feel like to be a human ovum in a chat room, with every male (sperm) vying for your attention?
ChaimAmalek:  ANSWER ME!
ChaimAmalek:  PLEASE?
Chavi:  D’oh
Chavi:  Sorry
ElShaddai:  when it comes to vying for attention chavi stands no chance against our Levi
ChaimAmalek:  Levi is a Jew’s Jew.
Chavi:  No, I don’t drive (no car); never been thrown outta shul; nor two shuls; and I LOVE the attention
ElShaddai:  haha
Chavi:  Obviously you’re not doing a very good job keeping my attention πŸ™‚
ChaimAmalek:  sorry, what did you say?
Chavi:  Oh you are *too* funny
ChaimAmalek:  I am busy chatting with supermodels on another channel
ElShaddai:  Chavi have you ever been threatened with violence by your Rabbi?
Chavi:  Lol … no ElShaddai …
ChaimAmalek:  Has a rabbi ever come on to you?
ChaimAmalek:  What about a rebbetzin?
Chavi:  Nope
ChaimAmalek:  Judaism needs to sexualize itself
Chavi:  Judaism is very sexual
ElShaddai:  has a rabbi ever come in you?
Chavi:  Sex on Shabbos is a mitzvah!
ChaimAmalek:  More fornication, less frumkeit
Chavi:  With, you konw, your spouse
ChaimAmalek:  if there is a spouse, yes
Chavi:  ElShaddai — my gosh
Chavi:  Wow
ElShaddai:  I’m sorry was it something I said?
Chavi:  You’re lucky I take after my mother
Chavi:  Who is a gigantic pervert
Chavi:  But really, I’m a lady
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t hold by this perversion talk
ElShaddai:  I was looking at your photo on Lukes site
ChaimAmalek:  I speak of procreation, not perversion
ChaimAmalek:  Whose photo?
ElShaddai:  Chavis
Chavi:  There’s a photo of me on Luke’s site?
Chavi:  How long has this whole operation been going down?
ElShaddai:  Chavi if you are just now learning about Luke/Levi you have quite a shock in front of you
ChaimAmalek:  What if the rabbis of LA find out about your shiksa infatuation?
Chavi:  This webcam/live chat issue
YourMoralLeader:  about 6 weeks
Chavi:  HA!
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t have a link yet, and I’ve been here for years
Chavi:  You don’t have womanly bits, Chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Some say that I am Luke Ford
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, you can’t know
ChaimAmalek:  But you are right.
Chavi:  Is this like an "I am Spartacus" moment, Chaim?
Chavi:  You have a fun laugh!
ChaimAmalek:  Yes
ChaimAmalek:  I am the real Jew of this board.
ChaimAmalek:  The only born Jewish male here
ChaimAmalek:  I, not Luke, was initiated into the faith by learning to read the Torah backwards
Chavi:  "real Jew" — that business irritates me
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, Chavi might feel alone in here and put upon.
ChaimAmalek:  Maybe Emma wants to join in
ElShaddai:  I’m going to be kind to Chavi going forward
YourMoralLeader:  Rum is gone for a month with the mrs
ChaimAmalek:  Thailand?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
DesmondFordJewishSoul:  I decided to come out of the closet. I am going to follow the example of my holy son and become Jewish.
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i am just me
User guest31 left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  The Holy Father is visiting a hoity toity temple this evening
ChaimAmalek:  If I had the sort of $$$$$ needed to hang out with those people, likely I would not be in a chat room
DesmondFordJewishSoul:  I decided if the Pope could become Jewish. Why not me?
Chavi:  ?
ChaimAmalek:  Temple Bnai Kesef
User guest33 (69.209.99.236) entered the room.
FEELtheFORCEluke:  you look a happy soul yml
ChaimAmalek:  I know the origin of that joy
Chavi:  I’m just going to sit here quietly for a few minutes.
ChaimAmalek:  Careful study of the sacred texts
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i dont believe that
ElShaddai:  Levi bought Torah as Books on Tape
DesmondFordJewishSoul:  Where is Emma today?
ChaimAmalek:  How long do you suppose this web cam will exist?
ChaimAmalek:  What is your next planned step for riches?
FEELtheFORCEluke:  how long is a piece of string
ChaimAmalek:  What’s your next book?
Chavi:  Who *are* all these people!?
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i am me
ChaimAmalek:  I have told Luke to write a book "How to Date Beautiful Women and Have Sex with them in LA on $15/day"
ChaimAmalek:  It would sell like hotcakes, and that’s no joke
FEELtheFORCEluke:  sex always sells
ElShaddai:  Chavi what do you mean "who are all these people?"
ChaimAmalek:  Yeah, who are these people?
Chavi:  I’m just curious how people end up here, how they find this site and such
Chavi:  Or are all of you "regulars"
FEELtheFORCEluke:  i have been on this site for 2 years now
ChaimAmalek:  I found if off a link on the old National Alliance web site
User DesmondFordJewishSoul changed their name to RonaldMcDonald.
ElShaddai:  some of us come for exercise tips
ChaimAmalek:  The late Dr. William Pierce suggested it to me
ElShaddai:  some for moral leadership
ElShaddai:  some for romance
ChaimAmalek:  I used to think that Luke would help me out where Craigslist failed me, but no such luck
ElShaddai:  I learned about it from an old usenet list
Chavi:  Interesting. Man I got really sleepy … I came here because a friend said there was this COOL convert guy on the interwebs
ChaimAmalek:  That’s what Eliot Spitzer said
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you could be writing books that sell, make money, and let you move on to other projects more esoteric.
ChaimAmalek:  But he NEVER LISTENS to my GOOD ADVICE
ElShaddai:  so you couldnt find that cool convert and wound up here?
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, what Luke needs is a good Chinese wife to whip him forward
Chavi:  He could shoot for an Indian wife
Chavi:  they have Jews in India
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, that would work too
ChaimAmalek:  What do they look like?
ChaimAmalek:  Light, dark?
ChaimAmalek:  Did they intermarry?
Chavi:  I don’t know!
ChaimAmalek:  I find that light skinned Jewesses shun swarthy looking jews like me
ElShaddai:  swarthy?
Chavi:  So what you’re saying is that I should, by pattern, shun you
Chavi:  I can handle that
ChaimAmalek:  I can take it
ChaimAmalek:  Chavi, are you familiar with the sad tale of Lauren Winner?
ChaimAmalek:  She was Jewish, until she had a dream, and then she jumped ship
Chavi:  Alas, I am not
ChaimAmalek:  Then I am guilty of semantic pollution
ChaimAmalek:  Forget what I asked
FEELtheFORCEluke:  ewwwwwww that sounds messy
ChaimAmalek:  I am guilty of much sematic pollution
ChaimAmalek:  Especially through this site

ChaimAmalek:  Park Avenue Synagogue – that’s where the Pope is headed this evening.  Man, I wish I had that kind of dough
Crikey:  ur lookin more like Moses every day
Moses:  don’t insult me like that
Chavi:  Moses!
ChaimAmalek:  No, he looks like a Greek Orthodox monk
Crikey:  oh sorry didnt know the real one was present
Moses:  orthodox monks have longer beards
Chavi:  There’s lots of Aussie love here
ChaimAmalek:  His is getting there
Moses:  he needs another three years
ChaimAmalek:  I love those Aussie models, too.
ChaimAmalek:  Whatsername and whatshername
Moses:  heston and i were talking about this last night
Moses:  he finally came home to rest last week
ChaimAmalek:  I just read a great book about the Pacific Theater during WW2 – "Retribution" byt the historian Max Hastings
Crikey:  any good?
ChaimAmalek:  He says that in the latter stages of the war, the Australians totally let down the side
ChaimAmalek:  Fantastic
Crikey:  well what u expect
ChaimAmalek:  As was "Armageddon", about the last months of the 3rd Reich
YourMoralLeader:  ye;
ChaimAmalek:  REally, both books are great and worth reading.
YourMoralLeader:  the only books i have time to read these days,a side from torah, is how to make $$$ online
ChaimAmalek:  The Japanese were spectacularly brutal
ChaimAmalek:  No wonder everyone in East Asia hates them
ChaimAmalek:  Yet today they are a nice people. 
ChaimAmalek:  Sustained bombing and nuclear attack can do that to a people.
Chavi:  You’ve driven YML away
ChaimAmalek:  It was his bladder that drove him away
Crikey:  prob. wacking off
Chavi:  You have a good sense of what Chaim does when he’s away from the cam, Chaim?
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t quite understand your question
Chavi:  You seemed quite sure he’d gone to the pisser, is what I mean.
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, he and I are as close as lips and teeth
ChaimAmalek:  Some say we are one
Chavi:  And for those with dentures?
ChaimAmalek:  Some say he is someone I hired to be me
ChaimAmalek:  All lashon horah
Crikey:  u know where the urban society of hamsters and beaver proliferate?
ChaimAmalek:  Let’s sing a song
Moses:  obviously the boy did not clean the hovel for passover
Chavi:  Make it simple
Chavi:  To last the whole night long?
ChaimAmalek:  The Internationale
ChaimAmalek:  Arise, ye victims of oppression
ChaimAmalek:  For the empire fears your might
ChaimAmalek:  Don’t cling so hard to your possesions
ChaimAmalek:  For you have nothing if you have no rights
ChaimAmalek:  Let racist ignorance be ended, for respect makes the empires fall
User guest38 left the room.
User ChaimAmalek changed their name to guest124.
ElShaddai:  chavi its a safe bet he’s gone to the can- thats the only other room in his hovel
Crikey:  lol
Chavi:  Ahh. So it’s a studio, nu?
ElShaddai:  he lives in a converted garage
guest124:  Luke, how’s the air ventilation in that apartment?
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Chavi:  Ha
YourMoralLeader:  excellent
guest124:  Nothing is far from your toilet
guest40:  shalom
YourMoralLeader:  I don’t have much of a sense of smell
YourMoralLeader:  Shalom 40
Chavi:  Assuming the toilet is your mouth.
guest40:  shalom Rabbi
Crikey:  that wasn’t half bad for an____ u fill in the blanks

Moses:  i can see there’s no sweeping moral change going on here
1giantvagina:  Moish, want change, go part the sea
Moses:  what in the psalms are we looking at anyway?
1giantvagina:  the moral change can only be done by the ML
1giantvagina:  he is busy now
Moses:  busy …as in trying to finally find a job that pays money?
Moses:  or …busy as in taking a nap on the floor of that filthy hovel?
1giantvagina:  yeah, but first he has to tan that white ass of his so they’ll hire him
Moses:  i know a burning bush where he can get that tan…and a lot more
1giantvagina:  I wouldn’t now about such things
1giantvagina:  Testy, I’m still waiting on you
Moses:  honestly, i didn’t know what that was until it turned over
1giantvagina:  you’re not so giant anymore
1giantvagina:  he needs to be turned every 15 minutes or so
1giantvagina:  least he become well done
Moses:  i thought it was a baleen whale surfacing for air
YourMoralSchvartze:  ths is hysterical
YourMoralSchvartze:  why am i so morbidly attracted to this guy’s world?
Moses:  the same reason people rubberneck at traffic accidents
Moses:  good god!  LOOK AT THOSE MOOBS!
Moses:  for adam’s sake, man….get out the snapple bottles fast
Moses:  i don’t see any change in skin color
andy:  hows it goin luke
YourMoralSchvartze:  who was that luke
andy:  im fine thanks luke
Moses:  luke, if you rub some lemon juice on that beard, you’ll start to look like zztop
YourMoralSchvartze:  luke you look lost
YourMoralSchvartze:  you look asleep at the wheel of life
Moses:  then you can sing ‘jesus just left chicago’ to emma all night
Moses:  it’s a nice little bluesy song emma, good for a rainy day
Emma:  Indeed
YourMoralSchvartze:  why is he staring into space?
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, is love a flower?
Emma:  brb phonecall
YourMoralLeader:  is it a river?
Emma:  Yes
Pharaoh:  No Moses, I will not let your people go.
Moses:  luke, have you ever been to colorado?
guest56:  The Leader does not leave his kibbutz in California
Moses:  god took some extra time in making it…you should go and visit
Moses:  they hovel will still be here when you get back
Moses:  pick up a map from debbie schwartz
guest56:  Was it for this that you spoke to the burning bush?
Moses:  ya gotta clean the whole barrel my friend, not just the easy-to-reach places
nanostep:  chatting on a web cam all morning is not work!
guest613:  he’s not just chatting, he’s turning into a chat cam singer
nanostep:  I notice that LukeFord.net is on the lightside post-wise
nanostep:  i don’t  have audio on my computer, but karaoke is also not work
nanostep:  ahem, singing
nanostep:  for your supper
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  john denver is going to make a guest appearance
guest613:  I wonder if he will dance too?
QuixoticLass:  except that he’s dead
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, are you California Dreaming?
QuixoticLass:  John Denver died in a plane crash
Emma:  Yep
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  welll…..thats gonna be creepy then
nanostep:  is there any journalism happening
nanostep:  where are all of the serious journalists??
guest613:  is this flashback to the 60’s?
nanostep:  that shirt you are wearing is not becoming.
guest613:  how about both sides now?
QuixoticLass:  this song was more poignant when I didn’t live in CA
nanostep:  i I prefer the black suit
QuixoticLass:  he does look good in black
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  boxers or briefs?
QuixoticLass:  just wait til he changes his pants, you can see for yourself
guest613:  is luke turning into a chabadnik?  he looks like he’s going that way.
QuixoticLass:  mr rogers changed his shoes, YML changes his pants
jOHNtHEbAPTIST:  chabadnik sounds like something you might go to the doctor to have treated
QuixoticLass:  that’s a good idea john
guest613:  wonder what drug cures you of chabadnikitis?
nanostep:  you have three hours left until Shabbat. What do you hope to accomplish before then??
guest62:  Why do you want to be a moral leader Luke?
guest63:  don’t disrespect the leader 62
guest613:  peter, paul and mary night
guest613:  where’s puff?
guest63:  leavin on a jet plane
guest62:  Leaders earn respect 63
guest613:  our king left us — oh no!
guest613:  he left to visit his royal thrown
YourMoralLeader:  62, piss off bloody peasant
Alexanderthegreat:  but the great one is still among you
guest63:  The Leaders should not lower himself to commune with the rabble
Emma:  lmao!
YourMoralLeader:  I only ask that you obey me!
guest63:  The same rabble that chose Barabbas!
YourMoralLeader:  We made a covenant!
guest63:  To save tax?
guest63:  I do that too
guest63:  O noble leader!
YourMoralLeader:  yes my child
guest63:  Show us the way!
guest62:  Sorry been away for a comfort break rather like leader who seems to be only human himself
guest613:  he’s going to tell you to look into his eyes.
Alexanderthegreat:  —————–> that way
YourMoralLeader:  peasants!
guest63:  62 you offend the leader
guest62:  I only look into the eyes of females
User guest66 changed their name to patrick.
Emma:  Patrick?
guest613:  the way of what though?
Emma:  Hey!!
guest613:  I look and see nothing. . .
guest63:  62 go home to your wife
patrick:  hay si
guest62:  Who says I have or need a wife
Emma:  Did you get my emails?
guest63:  shame on you 62
patrick:  yes
guest62:  Why?
Emma:  Luke meet my brother Patrick
Emma:  πŸ™‚
guest63:  you deny your own wife
YourMoralLeader:  No emails Emma
YourMoralLeader:  Hey Patrick
Alexanderthegreat:  hi patrick
guest613:  62, maybe you would want to be like Rebbe Gafni.  he says you should divorce you wife after a few years and find anot
patrick:  but kind dont under stand how to set up the google ad word thing
guest62:  Do you need another person to give your own lifw meaning?
guest62:  I have no idea what a goy is please explain
guest63:  a non-jew
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, email me your mailing address and I’ll send Patrick some CDs with more info
YourMoralLeader:  snail mail
guest62:  I am not a jew why does that matter? are you?
Emma:  Snal mail?
guest63:  I only ask for information
YourMoralLeader:  regular postal mail
patrick:  im so sorru luke i just dont get in kinda goes over my head
Emma:  I only have hotmail and yahoo
guest63:  Hail to the Leader !
guest62:  We are all equall before God are we not?
guest63:  no
YourMoralLeader:  Where do you get regular mail? with a stamp Emma?
guest63:  some are chosen
guest62:  Yoy may not be I am
Emma:  Oh
mee:  hi luke x
Emma:  My home address?
YourMoralLeader:  whatever works emma
guest63:  Bow down before The Leader !
YourMoralLeader:  sheesh, who knew it would be so complicated
guest613:  bow down????
guest62:  Leader how much do you pay 63?
guest63:  yes – show respect
guest62:  I want to know how much
guest63:  go home to your wife
patrick:  im back
guest62:  You seem to have a problem with this wife thing
guest613:  is it a mitzvah to bow down to our leader?
Emma:  I just didn’t get you
YourMoralLeader:  lol
guest63:  yes it is 613
patrick:  luke u mind me asking u some thing
Emma:  Snail mail lol!
YourMoralLeader:  go ahead patrick
guest613:  how many mitzvah points do we get
guest63:  The Leader tolerates your foolishness
guest63:  The Leader is patient
guest62:  So it seems
guest63:  The Leader sees all
guest62:  No he does not I don’t have a cam
guest63:  62 was it for this that Moses broke the tablets of stone?
guest613:  62 he can see you without a cam.  All you need to do is look into his eyes
frodo:  strange very strange
guest62:  NO he was pissed off with the jews for worshiping idols
guest63:  do not look directly at the leader
frodo:  well that made him laugh
guest71:  nice jesus look you got coming on there
guest71:  give it a few more weeks and you’ll be ready to crucify
frodo:  camstreams is his land
guest71:  tragic loss to the world of moral leadership eh
guest613:  you made my day.  You must be the one and only. . .
guest63:  the rattle of empty heads
guest71:  respect for what, or to whom 63?
guest63:  silence the Leader may wish to speak
guest613:  can you sing it too?
guest71:  what do you think he will say 63?
guest63:  fall on your knees before the leader
guest71:  what pearls of wisdom do you suppose he might impart?
guest613:  I was lost and now I’m found. Who knew the magic of puff and Luke
guest63:  The Leader will not be pressured
guest613:  so 63 belongs in Temple Beth Ignore.
guest71:  hence why I don’t come here much, unless I am in need of a good s**t and I need inspiration
guest63:  blasphemers
guest63:  infidels
frodo:  yeah yeah we will all burn in hell
guest613:  everyone, silence our leader is singing about the magic of puff
guest63:  shame on you all
guest63:  Hail to the Leader – Lion of the desert
frodo:  no wonder luke keeps laughin then ehh
guest71:  to see such intellect backing the lower echelons of their own…..I find it somewhat comforting
guest613:  63, our leader is speaking the words of the one and only, the master of the universe
guest63:  Frodo there are more things here than in all your abuse
guest71:  kinda tells me that however dumb a c**t you may encounter, there’s always a dumber one around the corner
guest613:  what about blowing in the wind?
guest63:  The Leader is gracious enough to laugh at your obscenities
guest71:  either that, or he don’t f**king understand them 63
frodo:  does he laugh at yours too
guest63:  show gratitude
guest613:  wow our leader is amazing
guest71:  has this dazzling concept occurred to you by chance?
guest63:  anyhow I have a business to run
guest613:  he knows where the answers are. ..
guest613:  it’s not just about looking into his eyes
frodo:  wow that suprises me
guest63:  I cannot waste more time on these goyims
guest613:  wow, a pesach song — blowing in the wind
guest63:  The writer of that song is a jew
guest63:  shoe respect
guest613:  the writer of the song wrote it knowing some day our leader would play and sing it to us.
guest63:  Enough of your empty prattle
guest613:  wow, now I understand the universe — our leader spoke the truth

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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