Pick-up artist and author Neil Strauss told me that he does not date women from broken homes. They don’t know how to love the opposite sex.
I found that a fascinating insight. At the grand old age of 44, I think Neil is generally right.
If you grow up with a messed up relationship with your opposite sex parent, particularly if you don’t have an opposite sex sibling, the opposite sex is not real for you. It quickly becomes an object of contempt.
I’ve found that women who grew up in solid homes are much more solid in their relationships. They’re much more solid in their love.
Now I love crazy chicks as much as the next guy. They tend to be crazy in bed and that’s a lot of fun, but it is a lousy basis for a relationship, let alone a marriage.
I come from a broken home. My mom died of cancer when I was four. Ever since, I’ve been broken. I’ve had years of therapy but there’s still something glaringly not normal about the way I relate to other people. Those normal connections that infants make, I didn’t make, so I’ve gone my whole life desperately trying to get the succoring I didn’t get as a tiny child.
I’ve done the best I can to make the most of my life, but I’m emotionally deformed. While most of my peers have grown up and created adult lives for themselves, I’m still a four year old.
Beth posts: Amy Alkon recently talked about this. Fair? There’s no fair in love. Kids from broken homes often have abandonment issues, commitment phobias, and trust issues. I’m sure you can point to several examples of exceptions, but who says you’ve got a right to expect someone to give it a try and hope you’re one of the exceptions? It’s anecdotal but every man I ever dated had a single mother, and they all had issues, likely stemming from the lack of a constant male role model in the home. My husband was the first man I ever dated whose parents are still together, and the only one without any of these issues.