I’ll often toss and turn on my floor late at night and then be driven to my computer to blog.
I hear voices. I see dead people. I make videos.
Here are my classic "It’s 1 a.m. and I can’t sleep" vids from Jan. 6. Video I Video II
JennaTerry comments on YouTube: "GET A LIFE!"
FMG1818 writes: "Have you ever thought about getting a real job like the rest of us? You appear somewhat healthy and intelligent. Why don’t you leave your hovel and join the real world, or is that too scary? Yes, I don’t blame you. It is scary."
King writes on XPT: "Luke really is fascinating in a train wreck kind of way. It’s surreal, really. His bed is on the floor three feet from his toilet. He can reach into his fridge from bed without getting up, but can’t completely open the door because the bed is in the way. Mouth guards, grinding teeth, depression, foot braces, plantar fasciitis, hovels, and that’s not even touching on the whole conversion to Judaism stuff. Some times I swear it’s like a manufactured reality show ploy. The entire situation is too odd to be real."
James says: "Don’t forget chronic fatigue syndrome, lithium, and cialis for banging asian webmistresses."
King writes: "He needs to move to a country with socialized health care. If he did I bet his laundry list of medical ailments would double."
Khunrum emails: "Luke, did you ever think of facing the opposite direction and having your feet face the toilet instead of your head?. Of course then you’d have to look at it instead of smell it. We all know about Franklin Roosevelt’s Fireside Chats. Is this the Luke Ford Commode Side Chats?"
Every so often, my sewage backs up and if I don’t act quickly, it will overflow my hovel. That’s only happened once but it left a lasting impression.
SooperGrizz says: "I couldn’t take it after "I love to be creepy" which is about :02 in."
Freestylah says: "Surreal is the word for this. He babbles away about everything and then some. I’m not very familiar with this man and his work and I think I’ll keep it that way. He has had chronic fatigue syndrome for over 20 years! In God’s name, how are you dealing with this terrible ailment, Mr. Ford? Please, do tell!"
Al Snow writes: "Wow. It’s like Steely Dan wrote "Deacon Blues" just for him."
Fatman says:
James: Is chronic fatigue recognized as an illness? Is it the Epstein-Barr thing? Or is it just a name for a set of symptoms with no known cause?
Just curious as to your opinion.
Aside: I got labeled with this is the mid-90s and tested for variety of things including Lyme disease. Turns out it was just a manifestation of the "depression" side of my bi-polar.
Alexander says: "I watched that video in it’s entirety. it was beautiful in it’s bleakness. You see this man in his private moments blatantly flaunting his flaws. A masterpiece."
CaptMcClusky writes:
I could only make it through two minutes. Those choppers….is this where Quentin Tarantino got the title Gindhouse?
And how do we know this is the real Luke, and not the fake Luke? Maybe he is wearing a Luke mask and does an amazing aussie accent.
Or maybe that’s the real Luke and he never sold his website and is waiting for a hedge fund to buy him out so he can upgrade to [a] rent controlled apartment on Virgil and Fountain?
Handful writes: "I agree with Grizz, although I made it to about twenty seconds. That is definitely one of the creepiest vids I’ve ever seen. What a strange existence."
Last night I felt compelled to rise from my sickbed and rant into the void about shul etiquette. Due to the importance of the topic, I’ve decided to make these videos available to shuls around the world to educate Jews on proper synagogue behavior. For instance, it is not appropriate to chew gum in shul on Shabbos.
Now that’s done, I want to be like Bob Dole and make my own erectile dysfunction video. I just don’t know what to say. Could somebody email me a script?
Khunrum emails:
I’m reminded of the old joke. The Goyisha wife tells her husband to buy Viagra. The Jewish wife tells her husband to buy Pfizer.
Luke, can you get funding from the Levitra people?
Here’s the outline: Famous porn journalist cannot rise to the occasion even though he is surrounded by attractive, willing trollops. He swallows a tab of Levitra, throws off the leg braces (careful not to trip over the toilet bowl), removes the mouth guard and begins to rut like a horny weasel…
The script may need some polishing…
By popular demand, here’s my erectile dysfunction video.
If you watch this and get an erection that lasts longer than four hours, call my gay friend Billy (not my friend Billie) and let him take a look.
Chaim Amalek emails: "This calls for testimonials from the women in your life, the true beneficiaries of this miracle drug. There’s Holly and . . . . . ?"
Fred emails: "I also liked it. It’s important that the video come from a moral leader. That way, the viewer knows that the advice he is getting is ethical. A good follow-up commentary is this: If you know that you can’t finish the bottle by March 2008, a) is it ethical to use the pills thereafter; and b) is it ethical to split a bottle with a friend so that the pills don’t go to waste? Ethical minds want to know!"
Helpful emails: "I would reshoot it with Luke wearing a yarmulke, prayer shawl, and t’fillin with a back drop of the Israeli flag. Represent, Luke! Represent!"
