And now ladies and gentleman, another little letter from the lonely hearts club. Tune in. Maybe you’ll find the one you lost too on our little ol’ radio show.
Here’s the first letter:
I sent off three RSVPs Sunday to three events Wednesday, including the Asada Collection and Toys For Tots "Holiday Celebrity Gifting Mixer" at the grand opening of My Signature at 7578 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles.
Celebrities expected included Hill Harper [CSI], April Scott [Dukes of Hazzard], Bai Ling [Star Wars 2], B2K, Fonzwroth Bentley, Claudia Jordan [Deal Or No Deal] and many others.
Tia Jackson (events@avidexposure.com) replied Dec. 16: "Hi Luke, We apologize for the inconvenience but unfortunately, we are at capacity and the Media List is now CLOSED. We can forward a our post release to you afterwards and pictures will be available on wireImage.com for future uses."
Tia, my African queen, my Ebony dream
I know the DNA’s come back
And I know you don’t want money,
I just want to be a daddy to Kareem
Someone found a letter you wrote me, on the radio
And they told the world just how you felt
It must have fallen out of a hole in your old brown overcoat
They never said your name
But I knew just who they meant.
Oh, I was so surprised and shocked, and I wondered too
If by chance you heard it for yourself
I never told a soul just how I’ve been feeling about you
But they said it really loud
They said it on the air
On the radio whoa oh oh
Tia, don’t it kinda strike you sad when you hear our song
Things are not the same since we broke up last June
The only thing that I wanna hear is that you love me still
And that you think you’ll be comin’ home real soon
Whoa oh yeah yeah
And it made me feel proud when I heard you say
You couldn’t find the words to say it yourself
That I was welcome to this party
And I’d get a big shiny press pass
And now in my heart I know I can say what I really feel
’cause they said it really loud
They said it on the air
On the radio whoa oh oh
On the radio whoa oh oh
On the radio whoa oh oh
On the radio
I leave at 6:45 p.m. Wednesday. It’s my first time out of the hovel since it started raining 30 hours ago.
I arrive at 7700 Melrose at 7:30 p.m. It’s taken me 45 minutes to drive four miles.
I walk up to the store. There’s no press. Just one photographer in-house.
I can’t wait to use my freshly constituted Nikon SB 800 speedlight. I’d just sent it back to the company for the second time. It wasn’t firing (it worked for a month after the last repair).
I try it out. It won’t fire.
I just paid $121 for the second time in three months to fix the thing.
I’m truly more suited to heavenly rather than worldly concerns.
I’m much more of a spiritual being than a physical one.
I’m like an angel — an angel who’s stuck with his Nikon D200’s internal flash.
Three black men walk towards me.
When they don’t mug me, I decide to commemorate my good fortune by taking their picture. I will show it to anyone who ever says anything to me about the putatively criminal proclivities of the urban crowd.
L-R: Everett Ev’Body Marshall, David Mims, Damian Earl Matthias L-R: Everett Ev’Body Marshall, David Mims, Damian Earl Matthias Claudia Grajeda, Michal Mallvany, Ron Tanenbaum David Mims, from Detroit to LA Edith Martinez, Claudia Grajeda, Michal Mallvany, Ron Tanenbaum Edith Martinez, Claudia Grajeda, Michal Mallvany, Ron Tanenbaum Kat Kramer Edith Martinez, Claudia Grajeda, Michal Mallvany, Ron Tanenbaum Kat Kramer Kat Kramer A. Michaels – Beverly Hills singer and hair stylist (The View) A. Michaels
Video of Everett Ev’Body Marshall, David Mims, Damian Earl Matthias.
KatharineKramer.com Katharine Kramer’s MySpace
"I’m launching my own web series," says Kat. "It’s going to have three webisodes at the beginning. It’s going to continue until my goal is accomplished. It’s called ‘My Duet With Mick.’ I’m trying to sing a duet with Mick Jagger for charity. I recorded an album singing his obscure love songs. The album’s coming out between February and April. It’s already out in Europe.
"I’m following in the footsteps of ‘My Date With Drew.’"
Luke: "What’s the blessing and what’s the curse of having famous parents?"
Kat: "The blessing is having the knowledge… Not having any lies told to me, knowing how hard it is to make it…
"The downside is having a lot of people assuming I got some place because of my parents."
After the publicist (Tia, could that be you? I never got to tell you how I really feel) takes my card and checks me out, then the burly black bouncer waves me over (by name!) and tells me I can’t stand on the public sidewalk outside the store and take pictures. I’m not credentialed.
"This is a public sidewalk," I respond. "I can stand anywhere I want."
We argue the matter and then I ignore him and do my job.
No other photographers show up but they’re at capacity when it comes to this white boy.
I’m tired of being discriminated against for being a shmuck.
I leave at 8:15 p.m. I can’t take the hatin’ anymore.
Don’t hate. Congratulate.
Don’t hate the playa. Hate the game.
I’m money, baby, and I don’t even know it.
God loves me (even if nobody else does).
Don’t bother me with orthodox legalism. I’m saved by grace. I don’t have to do a bunch of minute commandments to feel close to God.
I just have to look at pictures of Christina DeRosa to know He exists and that He loves me and that He has a plan for my life that includes a penetrating interview with this young singer-actress.
There’s an 8:30 p.m. press check-in for rapper Nick Cannon’s party at 1714 Las Palmas in Hollywood. I sent in an email but didn’t hear back.
I run into several photographers outside the club. They say we should return at 9:30. They ask me if I’m on the list? If so, I should go check in.
They wear those fancy laminated badges that real photographers swing when they get credentialed to cool events.
I have "The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy’s Dossier On Hillary Clinton" in my Sony tape recorder (yes, a real cassette player, I’m a traditionalist) but I only have half a tape left to listen to. I didn’t bring anything else.
I’m not equipped for this cold secular world.
On the radio whoa oh oh
If you think that love isnt found on the radio
Well tune right in, you made find the love you lost
I decide to walk down to 6533 Hollywood Blvd to check out the "Roaring Twenties Holiday Soirée, “Let The Good & Glamorous Times Roll” presented by Jenn Laskey of Redlight Special Events and LA.com, hosted by Niki Shadrow."
It has a 9 p.m. press check-in. It’s 8:45 p.m. I see nothing going on. I see only a restaurant at 6533 Hollywood Blvd.
The whole world is shut up against me.
I feel a buzzing itch burn across my forehead.
My eyes, I can’t get focus, the speedlight in my head’s not working, I feel cataracts growing over my vision, my right eye’s been twitching uncontrollably for two weeks now, I try to cry to cleanse away the Hollywood muck…if only I could be sure you love me still.
I return to the club.
Because of the threat of rain, the red carpet is going to be held inside.
I check-in with the media guy. I’m not on the list. He says he can’t get me in. There’s no room.
I think about standing outside and shooting celebrities as they walk in but my speedlight’s not working, my mojo’s limp, and my frustration and anxiety are off the charts.
I walk a mile back to my car, bent over by my life misfiring like my SB 800.
I’ve made $3:15 off Google Adsense today. If I multiply that by ten every day, I’ll be able to pay my bills. If I multiply that by 30 every day, I’ll return to therapy.
I yearn for the salty taste of my lithium tabs, but as I pass reflecting glass, I see a fat jowly face staring back at me, it’s pores swollen prescription.
I have a choice — I can be fat and happy or slim and miserable.
Just so long as I’m not racist.
I drive home.
I boot up my computer at 9:30 p.m. I find two invites to Nick Cannon’s party waiting for me in my email: "Vernon sent you an invite Vernon and "San"yika otherwise known as "AX/s Worldwide" Cordially invite you to ***NICK CANNON’S Xmas Bash*** Benefiting Toys For Tots **TONIGHT** Wednesday, December 19, 2007 @ LAX Nightclub (1714 N. Las Palmas Ave. Hollywood CA, 90028) GREEN CARPET AND PRESS/MEDIA START @ 9pm SHARP Sponsored by -MIDORI -944 MAGAZINE For complimentary entry before 11:00 pm YOU MUST SHOW THIS EMAIL OR PRINT AND BRING THE ATTACHED FLYER. Happy Holidays from all of us at AX/s Worldwide!!!"
I consider driving back.
I decide against.
Better to curse the darkness than light a candle.
I’ll have to learn to love myself.
If you think that love isn’t found on the radio
Well tune right in you may find the love you lost
’cause now I’m sitting here…
It sounded really loud they said it really loud
On the radio whoa oh oh
On the radio whoa oh oh
