Great novels were written about them, movies were inspired by them. Call them anything you want — Don Juans, Casanovas, or gigolos — they preyed on unsuspecting women to get them into the bedroom. But do they still exist?
Meet Paul Janka, a 32-year-old, Harvard-educated writer living (and serially seducing women) in New York City. Janka says he’s chalked up over 100 bedroom conquests…and there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as he’s up front about his intentions, Janka says, he can love ’em and leave ’em without a guilty conscience.
But would you really know what a guy like Janka was thinking after chatting with him for a few hours, or in some cases a few minutes? Read about his dating philosophy below and judge for yourself.
Paul Janka says (his points are good even if you are not pursuing sex but rather something higher):
A man needs a goal when he spends time with a woman:
An analogy: having run a small business in my twenties, I have experience with meetings during which much is said, but at the end of which little is accomplished or acted upon. Ten people may get together in a room, chat for 30 minutes and then disperse. Without actionable items and measures for accountability, the meeting may as well never have occurred. The same is true with dating. A stroll through SOHO with a girl, holding her shopping bag and exchanging pleasantries doesn’t advance the couple and both parties leave with nothing. It’s not just the guy who feels blah; the girl has a weak impression of the date (and the man) in her mind. In my twenties I spent plenty of “dates” eating, walking, movie-watching with a girl and then we’d part company with a hug and a peck. What are we both thinking as we walk away? Because nothing compelling happened, we both leave with some version of, “That was nice. He’s a good guy/girl.” If nothing of consequence occurs, the afternoon is not memorable. And a guy pursuing an attractive woman can’t afford to make a mild impression. Not in New York.
Challenge a woman immediately to force her out of her comfort zone
Just as in sales, you need to offer a proposition to your prospect. In fact, this is done on the street in the first 10 seconds when I ask for a telephone number. Shit or get off the pot, right? I found that unless I force a decision upon the woman, I learn nothing about her. Is she open-minded, a risk-taker, or closed and conservative? Can she adjust to new information, or does it confuse her? In my experience, the real interesting part of dating is the drama that unfolds when I’m unyielding about a position and I get to see how the woman reacts. This is not as hostile as it sounds; I simply believe that in the chaos of NYC dating, I’ll only get to see a woman’s true colors when she has to decide. The rest is platitudes, pleasantries and bullshit. No one ever reveals themselves by being polite, is my experience.
