5 Reasons Why People DON’T Understand You

Much of my life I have felt misunderstood.

These have not been periods of my life when I felt on the right track.

For me, feeling misunderstood correlates with losing at life.

The following explanations ring true. They match my experience.

TyaCamellia Stone, LMFT, says: #1. Your outward presentation doesn’t match who you are on the inside. Sometimes this is on purpose. When we are not comfortable with who we are, we tend to hide those aspects from other people. We camouflage or conceal significant chunks of who we are and people’s brains don’t have a choice but to fill in those blanks. People can sense our trepidation, our hesitancy, that we’re not open, and they take that as a sign to give us some space. This also presents as us putting up a front. We might want to seem more confident, interesting or informed. It is hard to fool an audience. Even the best manipulators leave some clues. People can feel when something is off. Rather than appearing as a better version of ourselves, we come off as dishonest.

#2. You aren’t in alignment with how you would like to be seen by others. You may have flawed self-awareness may not match how others perceive you. There’s an incongruence between how you think you are and how you behave. Sometimes you think you are funny and charismatic and you come off as obnoxious. You may not know how you come off. In an effort to reduce bullying and to be more compassionate to people’s feelings, we have gotten less honest with each other. It’s a delicate art to gently correct somebody. You might be a hypocrite. You lack the integrity to be who you claim to be. When people see that, they keep you at arm’s length.

#3. You’re in the wrong place/with the wrong people. People are not always born in the place they belong. Sometimes they have to seek it out. You might be the polar opposite of everyone you are around. Not everyone cares to understand everyone else. Some people are not our people. Maybe you are a zebra among horses.

#4. You value being different more than you value being understood. Some people like to be the zebra among the horses. They need to be different and to stand out from other people but there are consequences to this. You can’t be exceptional without being an outsider. They have a craving for human protection but leverage themselves against others for their self image. Don’t try to be so different from everybody that you alienate yourself. It is self-sabotage to rebel against a norm and then feel rejected by it. Some people are contrarian because being different is their identity. What’s more important to you? Being special or connecting?

#5. You don’t know yourself.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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