What Do I Want A Girl For?

First, I want a girl to save my life. Remember when we were driving north on the Pacific Coast Highway Nov. 8? I passed a car and was steaming ahead, not realizing I was in the lane for the southbound traffic. A car was approaching and I did not think about it. You tapped the dashboard on the right and said, “Move over right now.”

And I did. And then I realized what had happened. You had saved my life.

I’m blind in a lot of ways. I say and do a lot of risky and self-defeating and dangerous things. I need help.

Imagine you’re in Commanche country and dozens of Commanches have surrounded you and they want to take your scalp and rape you and leave you dead. If you are one person, you’re always going to have your back turned on some Commanches. But if there are two of you, each one of you can cover 180 degrees of Commanches.

That’s what a relationship is about. You each take 180 degrees of Commanches and protect each other from getting scalped and raped.

Also, once you’re a twosome, it’s easier to bond with others and with a community. Once you have a girl, people assume you have higher value, that you’ve proven your worth to someone, and so they take you more seriously. You bond with others and they can help you with blind spots that neither of you can see.

I have a lot of self-destructive tendencies. I do an average job of taking care of myself. Before you came into my life, my life was not a total mess. My hovel was not a total mess. It was moderately clean. But now things are better.

You have self-destructive tendencies. I can help you with those. A couple has each other to mitigate self-destructive tendencies.

Girlies are good social proof. They prove to others you have value. Nothing like having a hot chick on your arm when you go to shul. And HaShem takes your prayers more seriously when you gots a sheila. He says, “Whenever two people cry out my name, I dwell among them.”

Girlies are good for cooking and cleaning and general maintenance. You helped me clean up the hovel.

Girlies take you places. You took me to the opera and to that play about the Los Angeles river. You introduced me to a dozen of your friends and they were really cool. Girlies show me more of life.

Girlies point out things that I would otherwise miss. Particularly in social interactions. I miss a lot. A girl can fill you in on what is really going on.

Girlies take the world you have and they make it deeper and richer and more exciting. They point out nuances and shades and things you’re missing.

Girlies bring out stuff inside of you that you’re barely conscious of. They make you grow.

Girlies challenge you. They help you get your game together and take it to the next level.

Girlies are good for inspiring your writing.

Girlies smell good. They’re cute and cuddly. They’re softer than guys. They dress better. Girlies are like visiting a foreign country. They speak a different language.

Girlies are delicious when they’re not being all moody. Moody is fine except for when you become the object of their wrath.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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