Category Archives: Personal

The Secrets Of The U.S. Seal

During high school, I fell in with a bunch of conspiracy theorists from my church. They warned me about the Freemasons and the Illuminatti (nothing negative about the Jews however). I read about 20 books on the Kennedy assasination that … Continue reading

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I’m Having Nightmares About Rabbi Avraham Union

So what’s the big deal, you ask. Well, I’m having these nightmares while I’m wide awake. I’m typing away in the hovel and I feel like this little man in black who runs the Rabbinical Council of California (most powerful … Continue reading

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Don’t Buy From Me! I’m A Whore!

The Spinka rebbe has nothing on me! Watch my whiny sweaty videos where I try to sell you stuff I don’t know jack about and have to lie through my teeth to get through my copy — ALL WHILE WEARING … Continue reading

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Your Moral Leader Lost His Virginity Nineteen Years Ago Today

To celebrate this august occasion, he made a sex tape with Ann Coulter. Khunrum emails: "Loosing your virginity must have been a watershed momet in your life since you remembered the date. Why not let your readers in on the … Continue reading

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‘Everything I Am Today Is Because Of You’

Today was the first time I got to say that phrase to a rabbi and he didn’t flinch. It’s usually my favorite line to freak people out. I saw Juno tonight. It was everything Dennis Prager promised and more. I … Continue reading

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Not Going Down Without A Fight

Chaim Amalek emails the Luke Ford Advisory Committee: "Say what you will about him.  Say that it is all too late; say that it is miguided; say whatever you want, the truth is there for all to see: Luke Ford … Continue reading

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You Can Now Listen To My Blog!

Click on the audio button at the top of each post to have my wisdom drop into your ears like honey. This is so exciting for me that I want to write something truly inspiring, words that can be trumpeted … Continue reading

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Away From Her

I felt like a movie Thursday evening. I started out with Hairspray but it didn’t turn my crank. I’m not into movies starring fat chicks. I don’t care about fat people. They can put them in health camps as far … Continue reading

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Give Me Your Soul

Lewisafein: watching "Give Me Your Soul." Dude, you make me look like a rock ribbed mormon Luke: did i let you down? Lewisafein: i thought spallone was going to eat you Luke: i failed you Lewisafein: you failed eliot stein … Continue reading

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Love Story

What can you say about a love that died? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved Mozart and Bach, the Beatles, and me? Jane* was in my dorm (UCLA’s Rieber Hall). It was 1988. She was the hottest … Continue reading

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