Category Archives: Personal

I Know I’m In Trouble…

….when my rabbi calls me "Luke." It happens no more than once year, but it always means I am in big trouble. He’s saying that the game is up. That I’m not funny anymore. That he’s not going to indulge … Continue reading

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Luke Ford Go Away!

I keep seeing this sign on shuls throughout Pico-Robertson: Chaim Amalek emails: "Luke, be a man and walk out of that temple on your own accord. I’m sure the Gay Minyan will accept you just the way you are." Khunrum … Continue reading

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And Solitaire’s The Only Game In Town

11:28 pm at the hovel. Here’s what I’m listening to: There was a man, a lonely man, who lost his love through his indifference. A heart that kept, that went unchecked, until it died within his silence. And Solitaire’s the … Continue reading

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Keyboard Warrior Returns To Shul

I’m tired of being mad and sad. Yeah, a cold cruel wind blows through Pico-Robertson, but I’m leaving the hovel. Friday evening. I walk up Pico Blvd as a driven leaf. Brittle. Fragile. Alone. I enter shul and begin to … Continue reading

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I’m Live With Joey Kurtzman Discussing This Week’s Torah Portion

Click here to join the fun. Monica is sick. We didn’t want her vomiting on the Torah so she’s not here. This week’s Torah portion is the last one in the book of Deuteronomy — Haazinu. From wikipedia: “My doctrine … Continue reading

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‘Shut your gob, boy, before I do it for you’

Pops emails: Your poncey whingeing  over your  ejection from  shul  is wearing thin,  Sunny Jim. First of all, your "Judaism" is and always has been a transparent scheme to shame your dear old dad and to garner superficial attention for … Continue reading

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First I Get The Sentence

Then I’m asked if I want to come to the trial. In what world is that cool? I feel like I am the protagonist in the Franz Kafka novel "The Trial."

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I Skulk By Rabbi Weil

Wednesday afternoon. Primal scream. Primal Scream. Primal scream. EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! F00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000k! Frustration. Anger. Rage. Frustration. Isolation. Depression. Force down three slices of peanut-butter covered raisen bread toast. Shower. Put on my Yom Kippur game face. Drink five glasses of water. Pop … Continue reading

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Last chance to gather with your rebbe before Yom Kippur!

Click here to join my online fabrengen! I have so much wisdom to give, I feel like a cow dying to be milked.

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I Understand Now Why Managers Make 15%

I had a dispute with an artist that is going to cost me about 20 hours of my life with no reward. I was feeling angry and aggrieved this afternoon, even more angry and aggrieved than usual, when I got … Continue reading

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