Category Archives: Personal

‘I Thought You People Didn’t Drink Soda’

I ordered a $1.65 cup for the soda fountain at a goyisha cafeteria in Norwalk this afternoon. The friendly Hispanic lady behind the counter said to me, pulling on imaginary sidecurls (payos): "I thought you people didn’t drink soda." "Not … Continue reading

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The Moral Leader Reality Show

Joe emails: Like most people in LA, I have a concept for a TV show that I

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He Says, She Says

I said. She says: Let’s start from the beginning…. It was October of 2003. I was over at my friend KB’s house, harassing him. We turned on 60 Minutes I saw this eccentric Australian journalist. I said to KB, who … Continue reading

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This Summer’s Hottest Bachelor!

Sorry, George Clooney!

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Killing George Bush

"What did you think of the shooting at the Holocaust museum?" my friend asked. "I thought it was tacky and insensitive," I said. "This was hardly the type of behavior appropriate to a Holocaust museum. "Wouldn’t it be awful if … Continue reading

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What Is The Path To Enlightenment?

Halfway through yoga class the other day, the teacher had us go outside for a 15-minute walk. He urged us to do it barefoot. "Will you lead us over hot coals?" I asked. "No, that’s for the advanced class," he … Continue reading

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The Old Luke Ford Would’ve Been All Over This Story

Chaim Amalek emails: "And who knows, maybe his hectoring would have kept the business a bit more honest, a bit safer for its workers, and made the world a better place. What does the new Luke do that has comparable … Continue reading

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Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

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The Making Of A Gadol

I had my annual physical Monday. I asked my doctor if we could do a test to see if I am capable of fatherhood. The test came with a small plastic cup and a long list of instructions, including: 1. … Continue reading

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I Don’t Have HIV!

My blood work is back from Kaiser and here are the only disturbing results (I’ve had these problems for a couple of years now and no matter how much I pray about them, they don’t seem to go away): CHOLESTEROL … Continue reading

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