Chaim Amalek emails: "And who knows, maybe his hectoring would have kept the business a bit more honest, a bit safer for its workers, and made the world a better place. What does the new Luke do that has comparable social value?"
Robert emails: "Post porn his greatest contribution to society has been squiring around that senior citizen friend for $100 a day. Other than that he has been only processing oxygen into carbon dioxide."
Fred emails: I think you are unduly harsh. Here are several important areas where Luke still has an impact.
1. He continues to metabolize, without even taking a break!
2. He continues to possess both mass AND a gravitational field. Further, I have heard from credible sources that his dielectric constant is greater than 1.
3. As you mentioned, he converts oxygen into CO2. But he also maintains his body temperature well above room temperature.
4. If it were not for the diligent efforts of our boy, anyone googling "Luke Ford" would be unable to find anything.
5. He keeps the security guards at numerous shuls in the LA area employed.
6. He continues to be a stellar example to all men and women seeking to learn to speak with an Australian accent.
7. He continues to be our moral compass. Why just the other day, I almost committed a sin. Fortunately, I remembered Luke’s commentary on the relevant subject and avoided the temptation.
8. He prevents the hovel from being empty.
9. He ensures that 40+ year old females consider themselves marketable.
10. He helps keep therapists employed.
11. He helps maintain the profitability of anti-depressant manufacturers.
LF is a veritable mitzvah factory, running 24/7. Now that I have cranked down my law practice, I plan to pattern my life after him.
Chaim Amalek emails: I do not wish to add to these mean-spirited remarks, but to be helpful. Luke walked away from his porn gig in an attempt to curry favor with the Rabbi Muskins of LA. It did not work, and he no longer dines or prays with them. So there should be no impediment to his getting a shave and returning to the work he was meant to be doing, interviewing performers who have sex for money.
Luke, your public demands it and your God is indifferent.
Khunrum emails: "Gents…I could attempt to write something humorous (or what I believe to be humorous) here but I actually support Luke’s decision to go, shall we say, legit. A real job as it were. One with benefits and a pension. Nothing stays the same. The Golden Days of Luke’s column are long gone. They were, I would say, the original Luke.com where he would print anything any crackpot sent him. Usually from us. Those times were lot’s of fun. I’m sure you enjoyed our sparring back and forth as much as I did. Now Luke dot com has evolved into Luke dot net, which I’m sure everyone would agree is a Yiddisha Ghost Ship lost somewhere out on the briny. Whoever reads it, I have no clue. I know I don’t. So let’s applaud our boy and wish him well in his job search. His chauffeur experience probably wetted his appetite for a steady pay check. Good luck buddy. You left us with lot’s of memories. Bring up the music…"
