Luke Ford

Far more Africans die from diarrhea than from AIDS. So why go on a 5K run for AIDS in Africa? Go run to dry up the diarrhea in Africa. (From Dennis Prager)

When I was a kid, people were ashamed to get STDs. Why did we start throwing balls for AIDS?

Should we have a shul banquet to fight venereal warts?

A Yom Kippur appeal to help the victims of syphilis?

A Monte Carlo night to fundraise for the psychological traumae endured by clap sufferers?

I have never had an STD because I live my life by G-d’s Immutable Moral Law. And those times when I’ve fallen off the wagon, I’ve used many layers of protection.

Secular people regard latex as adequate protection when screwing around, but that’s not how a G-dly person approaches these matters. No way, Jose! A holy man triple bags it. He doesn’t just care to protect his genitals, he takes precautions to protect his mind and soul.

When I’ve gone on my missions to rescue fallen women, I’ve wrapped myself in not just latex but sacred text and Dennis Prager tapes.

These blog posts of mine are not the product of a diseased mind.

I will prove that to you.

I’ve received complaints that my recent videos have been downers, if not downright weird and disturbing, a primordial scream for help.

Well, this video I just made is an upper. I will show you my medical tests that prove I do not have chlaymdia or syphilis or gonorrhea or the other diseases that affect the secular.

When it is time for my wedding night, I’ll be able to stand tall before my bride, levitra willing, and show her my tests. I will show her proof of my purity so that when we consecrate our relationship before God and state, before family and friends, we will not be whipping up some toxic brew that will haunt the genes of the Jewish people down the ages.

Nope. We will be producing supermen — ubermentchen — and all because I have stayed pure and chaste despite the many temptations that come the way of the successful blogger.

Read my syph tests and weep you dirty little secularists!

I don’t know why so many people think I’m a fag. Sure, I may have smoked the pole once or twice, but I never inhaled! I’ve taken AIDS tests a dozen times and always come up as clean as my blog.

LONDON (AP) — In the two decades since AIDS began sweeping the globe, it has often been labeled as the biggest threat to international health.

But with revised numbers downsizing the pandemic — along with an admission that AIDS peaked in the late 1990s — some AIDS experts are now wondering if it might be wise to shift some of the billions of dollars of AIDS money to basic health problems like clean water, family planning or diarrhea.

"If we look at the data objectively, we are spending too much on AIDS," said Dr. Malcolm Potts, an AIDS expert at the University of California, Berkeley, who once worked with prostitutes on the front lines of the epidemic in Ghana.

Problems like malnutrition, pneumonia and malaria kill more children in Africa than AIDS.

"We are programmed to react quickly to small children with AIDS in distress," Potts said. "Unfortunately, we don’t have that same reaction when looking at statistics that tell us what we should be spending on."

Mathematician Ariel Halbert writes in The Jewish Press:

is the best of times and the worst of times in the world of shidduch dating. Anecdotal evidence suggests that most single men in the various circles of Orthodox Jewry today have long lists of potential shidduchim and continuous dating opportunities. At the same time, many single women struggle with short lists and relatively infrequent dating. This imbalance represents a looming tragedy within the community as ever-increasing numbers of women are marrying later in life or not getting married at all. But what’s behind it?

The problem cannot be explained by other oft-cited causes of the shidduch crisis, such as the lack of suitable venues for singles to meet, the failure of friends and family to be sufficiently engaged in matchmaking, singles’ own unrealistic standards, etc., since none of these explain the imbalance in dating opportunities.

Rather, the problem stems from demographic trends of a growing community coupled with a widening age gap between husbands and wives. Though age differences of up to about three years within a marriage have always been common, today we are seeing men marrying women 5, 6, or 7 years their junior with increasing frequency.While an expanding Jewish population is a good thing, the widening marital age gap is having devastating consequences on the ratio of single men to single women within the shidduch pool. Ideally, the ratio should be 1:1, with equally as many single women as single men. Lower ratios, as demonstrated below, mean fewer men than women, so that in any matching of men to women, there will necessarily be women without a match.

….In other words, the ratios decrease with increasing age, since as more men marry, there are proportionally fewer remaining single men to pair with the remaining single women. For example, with a ratio of 80%, there are 80 men for 100 women. If, say, 20 of the 80 men marry 20 of the 100 women, then 60 men and 80 women remain, reducing the ratio to 75%. In the extreme case, if all 80 men marry, then there remain 20 women with no possible match. Practically, this forces the age gap to widen further as the single women must consider even older single men. In general, wider age gaps decrease the ratio, which magnifies the problem.

Shadchanim, parents, and rabbis must recognize this demographic trend and prevent it from causing an ongoing tragedy in our community. This can be done by fostering an environment that encourages men to date and marry women closer to their own age. To be clear, on an individual level, each shidduch should continue to be pursued based on its own particular merits. But it is important to reverse the trend among shidduchim in general. In doing such, the balance between what may be good for the individual versus what is in the best interest of the community must be sought.

Jay Leno got a priest, a rabbi and a minister to tell ‘priest, rabbi and minister’ jokes on the Tonight Show. The rabbi was Levi Cunin of Chabad of Malibu.