What Have You Done About Diarrhea In Africa?

Far more Africans die from diarrhea than from AIDS. So why go on a 5K run for AIDS in Africa? Go run to dry up the diarrhea in Africa. (From Dennis Prager)

When I was a kid, people were ashamed to get STDs. Why did we start throwing balls for AIDS?

Should we have a shul banquet to fight venereal warts?

A Yom Kippur appeal to help the victims of syphilis?

A Monte Carlo night to fundraise for the psychological traumae endured by clap sufferers?

I have never had an STD because I live my life by G-d’s Immutable Moral Law. And those times when I’ve fallen off the wagon, I’ve used many layers of protection.

Secular people regard latex as adequate protection when screwing around, but that’s not how a G-dly person approaches these matters. No way, Jose! A holy man triple bags it. He doesn’t just care to protect his genitals, he takes precautions to protect his mind and soul.

When I’ve gone on my missions to rescue fallen women, I’ve wrapped myself in not just latex but sacred text and Dennis Prager tapes.

These blog posts of mine are not the product of a diseased mind.

I will prove that to you.

I’ve received complaints that my recent videos have been downers, if not downright weird and disturbing, a primordial scream for help.

Well, this video I just made is an upper. I will show you my medical tests that prove I do not have chlaymdia or syphilis or gonorrhea or the other diseases that affect the secular.

When it is time for my wedding night, I’ll be able to stand tall before my bride, levitra willing, and show her my tests. I will show her proof of my purity so that when we consecrate our relationship before God and state, before family and friends, we will not be whipping up some toxic brew that will haunt the genes of the Jewish people down the ages.

Nope. We will be producing supermen — ubermentchen — and all because I have stayed pure and chaste despite the many temptations that come the way of the successful blogger.

Read my syph tests and weep you dirty little secularists!

I don’t know why so many people think I’m a fag. Sure, I may have smoked the pole once or twice, but I never inhaled! I’ve taken AIDS tests a dozen times and always come up as clean as my blog.

LONDON (AP) — In the two decades since AIDS began sweeping the globe, it has often been labeled as the biggest threat to international health.

But with revised numbers downsizing the pandemic — along with an admission that AIDS peaked in the late 1990s — some AIDS experts are now wondering if it might be wise to shift some of the billions of dollars of AIDS money to basic health problems like clean water, family planning or diarrhea.

"If we look at the data objectively, we are spending too much on AIDS," said Dr. Malcolm Potts, an AIDS expert at the University of California, Berkeley, who once worked with prostitutes on the front lines of the epidemic in Ghana.

Problems like malnutrition, pneumonia and malaria kill more children in Africa than AIDS.

"We are programmed to react quickly to small children with AIDS in distress," Potts said. "Unfortunately, we don’t have that same reaction when looking at statistics that tell us what we should be spending on."

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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