There’s Something Wrong With Me

I feel heartbroken, absolutely ravaged.

Why?

The Dallas Cowboys lost a football game tonight and probably won’t make the playoffs.

Dennis Prager’s radio psychiatrist Stephen Marmer once described what was wrong with people like me. We don’t like our lives and so we throw inordinate emotional energy into identifying with and rooting for certain sports teams.

I feel pathetic.

I’ve been committed to the Dallas Cowboys for more than 30 years. I have loved them with an open heart. Right now I hate Tony Romo so much.

This all sounds very stupid but I have all the same emotions when I love anyone.

Breaking up with a girlfriend and getting thrown out of a shul or losing a job all feel to me about the same as the Dallas Cowboys failing to make the playoffs. I just feel desolate.

Tony Romo is my quarterback but he plays so badly in December and January. When it counts most, he sucks. He’s my quarterback and yet I hate him. I last felt this way when my girl kissed her ex-boyfriend right in front of me on New Year’s eve.

I hate Tony Romo so much because I care so deeply for him. I wouldn’t get that mad at him if I didn’t care. Yet I hate him. Surely this is not healthy. When people I love disappoint me — which is inevitable in life — I then hate them with a cold fury. I’m quick to anger and slow to forgive.

These Dallas Cowboys break my heart.

I blame Jessica Simpson. Since she came out publicly as Tony Romo’s girlfriend, my life has been miserable. There are certain women, such as Delilah in the Bible, who can just suck the life essence out of you. Many times this is good for the guy, but in Tony’s case it has not been. He missed a wide-open MIles Austin and a wide-open Terrell Owens tonight.

From my chat room: “TonyRomo: Win or lose, I can tap into Jessica Simpson whenever I like.”

Oy ve, let me calm down. I keep telling myself, "This means nothing. Paying your bills and cranking out the blog posts means everything. Work means freedom."

I need to learn tai chi and yoga. I went to a yoga class at LimmudLA last Saturday night but I was too tired to keep my hands over my head for long and to do half of the very easy moves. But when I’m watching the Cowboys, I’m pumping with adrenalin and will be able to do the moves if I know them. I need to harness that energy for something constructive.

From my live cam chat:

palestine4ever:  alright Luke
palestine4ever:  Arab’s here
palestine4ever:  Let it out
palestine4ever:  IT’LL BE OKAY
palestine4ever:  focus that disappointment and self-loathing for having believed in something that failed you toward your Enemies
palestine4ever:  I will try to distract you instead
palestine4ever:  Did you know that Madoff victims are attempting to get a government bailout?
palestine4ever:  Put that in your Judeo-Libertarian pipe and smoke it.
palestine4ever:  And the ADL is warning that Madoff has led to ANTI-SEMITISM in blog comments!
YourMoralLeader:  just read NETHERLAND, excellent novel
palestine4ever:  Man… I am so out of the contemporary literachoor loop
palestine4ever:  I think I just gave up on it, the touchy-feelyness of contemporary lit just brings me down these days
palestine4ever:  I had to think I’m reading something good and visceral and it winds up being about a person’s "coming to terms with their mother" or something
YourMoralLeader:  THE FOREVER WAR by Dexter Filkins is excellent
palestine4ever:  I’ve been reading a lot of brooding Balkan novelists again
palestine4ever:  Mesa Selimovic is excellent, he’d go well with your beard
palestine4ever:  i’m re-reading some biographies lately
palestine4ever:  it’s a lost art, to write a biography of a towering figure
palestine4ever:  so many words spent these days writing about the insignificant
YourMoralLeader:  yep
palestine4ever:  I mean, there are 2 Katherine Graham biographies in the works
palestine4ever:  she was a nice lady, it appears to me
YourMoralLeader:  her autobiography was so boring
palestine4ever:  there’s this great anecdote from Stalin
palestine4ever:  apparently some maudlin poet was a huge success with a book of love poems
palestine4ever:  so they asked Stalin if they could do another print run of his stuff
palestine4ever:  and El Hombre said, "Yes, print two copies. One for her, and one for him. The rest of us don’t give a f**k."
palestine4ever:  that’s how I imagine katherine graham’s biographies should be received
palestine4ever:  keep that in the family album with ethel’s cookie recipes, the rest of us don’t care
YourMoralLeader:  yep
palestine4ever:  so i stick with the good ones
palestine4ever:  Mussolini
palestine4ever:  I could never read enough about Benito f**kin’ Mussolini
palestine4ever:  D’Annunzio
palestine4ever:  He was a superhero, yet a midget.
palestine4ever:  That’s some compelling biography.
palestine4ever:  My grandfather read books about Rommel repeatedly
palestine4ever:  That’s what a man reads about
YourMoralLeader:  want to see valkyrie?
palestine4ever:  None of this: "Arthur Sulzberger and A Bunch of Jews Nobody Cares About"
palestine4ever:  Eh, I don’t know
palestine4ever:  I say this in all seriousness, not as a gag
palestine4ever:  the opaqueness of that era is what fascinates me
palestine4ever:  scoundrels like Galeazzo Ciano and the like
palestine4ever:  worthless human beings that nevertheless could appear to be courageous given the right circumstances
palestine4ever:  I don’t really want to see movies about gilded statues, which is what I think a movie about a guy that tries to kill hitler will be about
YourMoralLeader:  what do you think of this madoff scam?
palestine4ever:  Show Rommel plotting for the massive encirclement and destruction of Montgomery’s army, then crumpling away Hitler’s orders
palestine4ever:  i don’t know, have you ever read Liar’s Poker?
palestine4ever:  He’s got a great follow-up on Portfolio.com, Michael Lewis
palestine4ever:  but that whole "how is this s**t legal?" aspect is what informs my understanding of high finance
palestine4ever:  i don’t really get 90% of it
palestine4ever:  i do think, though
palestine4ever:  that there’s something interesting to it
palestine4ever:  there’s not much doubt that he was a predator in this closed world of Jewish country clubs
palestine4ever:  and that they weren’t lining up to be his victims
palestine4ever:  did you read that Alexandra Penney thing on the daily beast?
YourMoralLeader:  no
palestine4ever:  zomg
palestine4ever:  you must read it!
palestine4ever:  http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2008-12-17/the-bag-lady-papers/
palestine4ever:  an early retired chick whining about having to take the subway and iron her own shirts now
palestine4ever:  since bernie madoff took all her money
palestine4ever:  HE RUINED HER SOUFLEE, LUKE
palestine4ever:  Unforgiveable.
palestine4ever:  I like the part where she ponders suicide over the thought of being without her Hermes bags
palestine4ever:  And how she might never be able to take 4 trips abroad in a single year again
palestine4ever:  There’s something awesome about class war
palestine4ever:  It’s really the same way I feel when I go to a sporting event
palestine4ever:  For a brief time you forget how disgusting the rest of humanity is and root for the ritualistic murder of a common enemy
YourMoralLeader:  she’s a good writer
palestine4ever:  it’s great that she put it to such good use
palestine4ever:  "How to make love to a man volume 535"
palestine4ever:  Porno for Prudes
YourMoralLeader:  how do you like monogamy?
palestine4ever:  It’s not bad
guest16:  It’s not in fashion this season.
palestine4ever:  to be honest, a lot less work
palestine4ever:  its cheaper so long as you forget that you’re paying on an installment plan that lasts FOREVER

palestine4ever:  to change the subject abruptly
palestine4ever:  all of these stories of monied LA Jews you’ve been unwinding are suddenly compelling now that they’re all going broke
palestine4ever:  You ever read Nelson Algren, Lukey?
palestine4ever:  you’re missing that manly side of literature
palestine4ever:  "Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own."
palestine4ever:  I haven’t always followed that but dammit my life became like 2309823094823 times better once I did
YourMoralLeader:  excellent
YourMoralLeader:  which book of his you recommend?
palestine4ever:  A Walk on the Wild Side
palestine4ever:  Most of them, to be honest, are better almost as aphorisms
palestine4ever:  Selimovic is like that as well
palestine4ever:  You read something and it means nothing. You pick it up a few years later and meditate for hours on its meaning.
palestine4ever:  The great thing about any writer of the past is their pet hates
palestine4ever:  Its so hilariously trivial today
palestine4ever:  Like Charles Baudelaire hated the Belgians so badly he wanted to revel in their death by cholera
palestine4ever:  Algren hated the Polacks of this grimey city
palestine4ever:  and the Polacks still hate his guts

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Which Pico-Robertson Shuls Will Allow Seeing Eye Dogs?

A friend of mine is going blind. He’s waiting for a seeing-eye dog.

All the major shuls in Pico-Robertson do not allow seeing eye dogs into their sanctuary. They say the kids will go nuts over the dog and things will get out of control.

Mark emails: I believe Rabbi M. Feinstein has a Tashuva/Psak on allowing Seeing Eye dogs in Shul and Yeshiva Ohr Sameach has some information on it here http://ohr.edu/ask_db/ask_main.php/11/Q1/. Anshe Emet http://www.anshe.org/ has allowed one of has a visitor each year come with a seeing to Shul with a seeing eye dog on a regular basis.

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Torah Portion Vayeishev (Genesis 37-41) V

Click here to watch my full discussion with Joey Kurtzman:

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Torah Portion Vayeishev (Genesis 37-41) IV

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Torah Portion Vayeishev (Genesis 37-41) III

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Torah Portion Vayeishev (Genesis 37-41) II

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Torah Portion Vayeishev (Genesis 37-41)

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Modern Orthodox Ramaz School Ripped Off By Bernie Madoff

Ramaz leaders email their supporters:

Dear Ramaz Family,
 
Earlier this week, we sent out a brief message to quickly reassure all those in the Ramaz family that, though Ramaz has exposure resulting from the alleged fraud committed by Bernard Madoff and his affiliated businesses, through our investment in Ascot Partners, the school’s ability to operate as normal should not be impacted by this situation, whatever its outcome.  Following a Board meeting held last night, we now wish to provide additional comments and information.
 
At the recommendation of our attorneys, Debevoise and Plimpton, the Executive Committee has formed a Special Committee to oversee the review of the facts relating to this matter, and to make appropriate recommendations.
 
The events that have unfolded during the past week have compounded the effects of a downward spiral in the stock market and the general economic uncertainty of the past year.  As a result, Ramaz has suffered significant financial losses.  Each year, Ramaz budgets approximately 5% of the funds in our endowment to support classroom and co-curricular programs. Because of these financial setbacks, the money flowing from the endowment into operating income will be smaller than in previous years. The impact of the loss the $6 million invested in Ascot is approximately $400,000, or just over 1% of our annual budget.
 
Nonetheless, we wish to assure you that Ramaz will continue to offer the unique education for which it always has been known.  We remain committed to providing age-appropriate and supportive education delivered by the best faculty we can assemble.
 
The school also will continue to offer financial aid.  We reiterate our commitment to making the opportunity for the study of Torah available to all interested families, and therefore view financial aid as an entitlement, and not as a charity, for families whose income, expenses or circumstances require such assistance.
 
Disciplined fiscal management and strict oversight always have been an integral part of the Ramaz philosophy.  In the past year, we have worked conscientiously to put into effect efficiencies and cost savings wherever possible, without affecting the educational experience for our students.  We continue to carefully monitor our projected expenditures.  The budget review process for next year is underway; next year’s financial plan will incorporate these efficiencies, as well as other belt-tightening measures. 
 
Additionally, we assure you that the lessons learned from the challenges we now face will be incorporated into our forward planning and our governance. 
 
We are confident that, going forward, our careful financial management, along with the continued support of the extended Ramaz family and others who support its vision, will ensure that Ramaz preserves its educational uniqueness while becoming a more efficient institution. 
 
May this difficult week end with a true Shabbat shalom,
Pamela Rohr, Board Chair
Rabbi Haskel Lookstein, Principal  
Judith E. Fagin, Head of School

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Conservative Leader Paul Weyrich Dies

Over the past six years, Weyrich formed an unlikely friendship with Jewish journalist Evan Gahr.

Evan emails about the Nation piece on Weyrich’s passing: "This was posted on a Nation blog by Max Blumenthal who usually does excellent reporting about conservatives.  In this case he made a number of factual errors. He claims David Horowitz forced me to apologize and that Weyrich got me dismissed by Horowitz’s website.  The truth is the opposite of course.  I don’t think I mentioned this to anyone but around 2003 Weyrich asked Horowitz to let me write for him again and Horowitz refused.  Nobody ever reported what Blumenthal claimed. This looks like journalism by extrapolation. I only know it in this case because of my personal knowledge–makes me wonder how often it happens."

UPDATE: Evan Gahr emails: “I misread Blumenthal’s article. He got everything right. I’m the one who got my facts wrong. Blumenthal should be commended for including the Christ Killer incident in his final send off to Weyrich. Almost nobody else did.”

Anne Taylor emails Evan: "YOU earned the respect and friendship of a man who changed this country. And you did it on your terms, not theirs."

Evan replies: "And love. He told me he loved me like a brother. And I came to love him like one also. So we decided to call each other brother. I told another journalist, the guy who interviewed me for his book about Jewish journalists that Weyrich and I are so close we call each other brother like black people. I thought he would say that’s so sweet. Instead, like a good cynical reporter he replied, "Are you going to call each other nigger next.""

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Margot Singer: ‘The Pale of Settlement’

We did this via email (her website):

* When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I had absolutely no idea. I hated grownups who asked that question.

* How did you find out that writing was your thing?

I always loved to write. It’s one of those things that I just knew, deep down, from a very young age. And everybody told me I was good at it, which helped.

* How did you avoid losing your ability to write clearly after spending so many years in higher education? Did all that education affect your style and your thinking?

Since when does higher education stunt your ability to write and think?! I prefer to think that I reclaimed my writing faculties by going back to school after ten years in the business world! For a while, I could only think in groups of three bullet points. And I had picked up some awful habits, like using “impact” as a verb.

* Why did you do a PhD in Creative Writing?

I sort of fell into the PhD. I moved to Utah to be with my boyfriend (now my husband) who was living there at the time. I thought I’d go out for a year or two and ski and try to teach myself how to write. Because I’d quit my job, I decided to apply to the MFA program at the University of Utah, and I liked it so much that I stayed on. Also it was pretty clear that if I actually wanted to get a job teaching at the university level, I’d be better off with the Ph.D.

* If Mark Twain or William Shakespeare did a PhD in Creative Writing, how do you think that would’ve affected their work?

I like to think that they would have appreciated having the time to write. For me, being in the program was permission to spend a few years reading and writing pretty much whatever I wanted, while hanging around nice and helpful people gave me deadlines and urged me on. It was a gift.

* Tell me how your book Pale of Settlement came to be.

For a long time, I was just writing one short story after the next with no particular plan. Then one day I realized that I had a group of stories that seemed to fit together, thematically. These were the first few stories in the book. At that point the main characters all had different names, but it became clear they were really all one character, Susan.

*Have you spent much time in journalism, if not, how did you research that part of the book?

I spent the summer after my first year in college working for a small regional newspaper in Waltham, MA called The Middlesex News. I had the police beat. The cops liked to tease me. Every morning when I came in to read the blotter, they’d call out, “Hey, Lois Lane!” I also worked on my college newspaper, but I sold ads, I never wrote a thing—I was too intimidated. As for the research, I just read a lot. Also, I have an ex-boyfriend who is a reporter. That helped too.

* What do you love and hate about teaching?

I love the students, especially when they get excited about their work. I hate the whining. Neither students nor academics seem to appreciate how good they have it.

* Is there any part of writing that comes easily to you? Which parts of writing are most difficult for you?

None of it feels easy, though I suppose that, compared to other people, it is probably relatively easy for me to hear the “music” of a sentence in my head. What’s hard is deciding which word should come next. And then. And then.

* What are the most interesting reactions you’ve had to your book?

One reviewer (who shall go unnamed) insisted on the “subtle and marked allusions” in one of my stories to Wallace Stevens’ poem “Disillusionment of Ten O’Clock.” I had never read the poem until I looked it up then. Funny how that works.

Also, a few people have come up to me at readings and asked me to explain how it was that Jews lived in “Palestine” before 1948. One lady actually said, “But I thought Palestine didn’t exist.” I rattled on about the Ottoman Empire and the Treaty of Versailles and the British Mandate for a while until her eyes glazed over. Now I give a little historical context before I read.

* Have you spent much time in Israel and what do you love and hate about being there?

My father emigrated to Israel with his family in 1939, and my uncle and cousins still live there today. When I was growing up, we went to visit my grandparents for a couple of weeks every other summer. The longest I spent there was the summer of 1983, when I took classes at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem. I haven’t been back to Israel since 1997.

I love Israel, even though (or maybe because) as everybody knows, it’s a crazy place. But in Israel I’m always caught in the middle – not a tourist, but certainly not a local, either. It would help if I spoke Hebrew, but I don’t.

* What’s the story of you and Judaism? Have you ever flirted with belief and practice?

I’m not religious in the least. Although once, when I was twelve or thirteen, I got fed up with my parents’ half-assed approach to Passover and I highlighted the (Maxwell House) haggadah so my father wouldn’t skip through so much of it. On the rare occasions that we have a family seder, he still uses that haggadah with the highlighted bits.

* Have you flirted with blogging?

Nope. I don’t know how you find the time.

* What most surprised you about the process of publishing and promoting a book?

How utterly insane and irrational it is, from a financial viewpoint, to write a book. (I knew this, but it surprised me all the same). And how incredibly rewarding it has been nonetheless.

* Anything weird or funny happen on the road to all of your awards?

Before I submitted the book to contest, I tried going the agent route. Most of the agents I sent the manuscript to didn’t even bother to reply. One agent, however, wrote back immediately—like in a day. She rejected the book, but kindly advised me to “try to get some of the stories published in literary magazines.” In fact, nearly all of the stories already had been published in literary magazines. Not only had she not bothered to read my manuscript, she hadn’t even bothered to read my cover letter. I guess that’s not funny or weird, just pathetic. Thank god for the contests and awards – without them the short story would really be an endangered form.

I call Margot Friday morning.

Margot: "It did occur to me early on that I was writing about Israel in a way that a lot of people in this country don’t."

Luke: "Could you elaborate?"

Margot: "A lot of the American writers who have written about Israel in recent years have tended to write about it from a more religious standpoints. Nathan Englander, Tova Reich. Not so much, what does it mean to have this connection to a place when you are not necessarily particularly religious? Where your family is sorta from but only very recently. There’s been less written about the period from the 1980s until now. I’m thinking about ‘A Palestine Affair‘ by Jonathan Wilson, set in the 1940s. There’s less written about the more contemporary period, which is a time of great questioning for Israelis, probably more Israelis than Americans questioning these Zionist ideologies that a lot of Americans are vaguely brought up with. Americans have the attitude, why should I care about Israel? It’s not a place I want to go. It’s dangerous, unpleasant. I was going there all the time. We had grandparents there. We didn’t go to synagogue. I didn’t have that kind of indoctrination that Americans get."

Luke: "Am I being blind or was there an absence of ideological intent in your book?"

Margot: "That’s right. I tried quite hard not to be ideological."

Luke: "Are there common ways people respond to your book?"

Margot: "No."

"I haven’t had many responses that surprised me. I was surprised in the opposite way — over how many people get it."

Luke: "There are some similiarities between you and the protagonist Susan?"

Margot: "Some. Initially I started writing stories that were drawn more closely. As time went on, they evolved away from me. It was me but not me, the me that might have been had circumstances been different."

Luke: "Publishing your book. Is it the greatest thing that ever happened to you?"

Margot: "My children have to trump the book but it’s up there."

Luke: "What was it like being a Jew in a goyisha place like Utah?"

Margot: "I found myself for the first time in my life in a Jewish community. It was not what I expected when I moved there. My husband is not Jewish. Because it is such a Mormon place, the Jewish community is pretty cohesive, liberal, welcoming and inclusive. Because I have young kids and they were in pre-school, I found I was hanging out at the Jewish Community Center a lot. Unlike New York, where I didn’t feel like I needed to seek out any Jewish stuff. In Utah, I found I was part of the community. It was cool. I didn’t grow up with that. My family did not belong to a synagogue. We didn’t go to any community centers. We had this stream of Israelis who would show up to the house from time to time… I feel more isolated here in central Ohio, even though Columbus has a large Jewish community, but I’m not really a part of it."

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