Tosser’s Tunnel Syndrome

Lyn Paul Taylor‘s granddaughter Savannah ushers me into his office this morning.

I arrange my worldly belongings according to the teachings of my Feing Shui instructor and get centered, preparing for transfiguration.

Lyn walks in.

"I’m a wreck," I say. "I’m but a shell of my former self. Please help me."

"What’s the problem?" he says all matter of fact as though we don’t share something, as though we haven’t built something magnificent, a light unto the nations shining from the 15th floor of 3250 Wilshire Blvd.

"I want to keep things strictly below the thighs today," I say. "I’m not who you think I am. Just up to my knees today and no higher. Not an inch more till we’re married. Oy, my knees. They’re killing me. I spend so much time on them begging, and while it is good for my neshama to humble myself before the rabbis and the ladies, oy, the wear and tear on my creaky ol’ knees, Lyn, please save me!

"A lifetime of giving lap dances in seedy clubs has finally caught up with me. I feel so cheap and tawdry. I am the greatest of sinners. Heal me and I’ll never be naughty again. I’ll be the best of boys.

"And my shins ache. And my feet. They’re all sensitive and archy. It’s not good for prose.

"And please check my elbows. And my hands. The thumbs, oy vey! So much pain."

"I thought we weren’t going above the knee today," Lyn says.

"Oy vey! I’m in pain."

Lyn examines my hands. He says I’ve been abusing myself performing deeds strictly forbidden by the Torah. The technical name for my ailment is Tosser’s Tunnel Syndrome.

Lyn prescribes cold showers, pure thoughts and strenuous exercises to be performed while contemplating my rabbi’s pure love for me.

Lyn’s new assistant Diva the Pianist joins us. She’s only 20 but tall and dark and handsome. She’s from the land of Mahmoud Amadinijad and she lands in my life like an atomic bomb on Tel Aviv.

"I’m the greatest writer of my generation," I tell her. "I can’t be hampered by these stigmata. I have an important moral message to convey to you and to the youth of America at Cal State Northridge and while my hands ache, my blog doesn’t sing and my old lady doesn’t dance and my rabbi doesn’t let me in shul, and the beit din, oy, the beit din, how long O Lord shall I be kept out of Your Holy Covenant?"

Lyn brings the three girls in and they lather me in white cream and over the next hour they proceed to vibrate and ultrasound my most tender regions.

6 pm. I hit the JConnectLA Tweet up at La Gondola (9025 Wilshire Blvd in Beverly Hills).

Rabbi Jonah has the biggest head I’ve seen all day. That thing must weigh 20 pounds. It’s perpetually tilted back, causing his neck to disappear. He must be in great pain. His chest is thrust forward and his breath comes in gasp. He’s in bad need of the Alexander Technique.

Swallowing three Diet Cokes in rapid succession, I float up on a cloud of caffeine to the point where I see Ultimate Truth and become convinced that everybody in the room needs to accept F.M. Alexander right now as their lord and savior. I start proselytizing. "Let your neck be free and tall. Think your directions. Up and forward with the head. Inhibit your habitual patterns. Pause. Think your directions. Up.

"You can only feel certain emotions with certain alignments of your musculature. If you are poised, if you have a long spine and your head balanced, you can’t feel depressed or anxious."

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Michael Jackson & The Rebbe

"When will the temple be rebuilt?" a woman asked me.

"I don’t know."

"Something is happening," she said. "The Rebbe and Michael Jackson share the same birthday. Michael’s middle name was Yosef. Michael is bringing the world together in a powerful way."

On his radio show today, Dennis Prager questioned the media’s wall-to-wall coverage of Michael Jackson’s funeral (media coverage of Jackson’s death has gotten good ratings, so it is good business). Dennis said he did not get it.

Dennis said he did get the widespread coverage of Princess Diana.

Prager said he is not immune from being starstruck. Prager said he is star struck by historian Paul Johnson.

I don’t think Johnson is an historian (any more than Rabbi Berel Wein who is presented as an historian by ignoramuses). He doesn’t break new ground by unearthing new information. He rewrites other people’s work. He’s a journalist, not a historian

Prager said that at least Jackson earned his fame, unlike John Kennedy Jr whose widespread coverage Prager did not get.

The city of Los Angeles is broke and yet it is spending $4 million on security for Jackson’s funeral. Do you think there would be a similar amount of security for a similar-sized crowd for some rabbi or classical musician or poet?

You need extra security because the people in charge must believe that the type of people who will turn out for a Michael Jackson memorial are disproportionately thugs and gangsters.

A lot of people feel like Michael Jackson and John Kennedy Jr were a part of their family. These people must have little idea of what a real family is. Their lives sound pathetic. When I see interviews with people who turn out for Michael Jackson memorials, they sound like a pathetic bunch.

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Funeral With A Cover Charge

Chaim Amalek writes: “Luke, I understand that very soon hundreds of thousands of People of Color will be gathering to celebrate the life of a probable perderast. Given that this likely is the largest incidence of concerted communal action by this community since the LA riots, I ask: how will you be marking and honoring the life of Michael Jackson?”

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Immigration News

From CIS.org:

Siren Songs and the New York Times
By Stephen Steinlight
CIS Blog, July 1, 2009
http://cis.org/steinlight/nyt

Excerpt: Though “indulging in the illusions of hope . . . against a painful truth” is “natural to man,” in one of the greatest speeches in our history Patrick Henry warns us that its consequence can be to degrade our reason so profoundly we become indistinguishable from animals. How much more dangerous is this predilection when practiced by what many still regard as the nation’s newspaper of record?

2.
ICE Adopts Catch and Release for 287(g)
By Jessica Vaughan
CIS Blog, June 29, 2009
http://cis.org/Vaughan/CatchandRelease-287%28g%29

Excerpt: According to news accounts, earlier this month ICE issued a directive to one of the most productive 287(g) jurisdictions to cease holding many of the illegal aliens arrested by the sheriff’s officers, and instead release them back into the community. Just like in the commercial, where the mean guy in the suit takes away the kid’s cool truck and gives him a lousy picture to play with instead, Sheriff Daron Hall knows the difference. Now, only a fraction of the thousands of illegal aliens they arrest in Davidson County, Tenn. will actually be removed. The rest will be released on their own recognizance (“O.R.,” or “down the road,” as the expression goes) and told to appear in immigration court at a future date. ICE knows from experience that fewer than 15 percent of illegal aliens released O.R. will show up for these hearings. Maybe Janet Napolitano will send Sheriff Hall and the residents of Davidson County a picture of the criminal alien being deported instead.

3.
The Speaker of the House, Navajos, and Who We Are
By Jerry Kammer
CIS Blog, June 27, 2009
http://cis.org/kammer/navajos

Excerpt: I am one of the progressives whose position on immigration policy stems from concerns about our country’s social structure, social cohesion and population growth. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is an immigration enthusiast not troubled by such concerns.

4.
What’s the Rush?
By Mark Krikorian
CIS Blog, June 26, 2009
http://cis.org/krikorian/whitehousesummit

Excerpt: Yesterday’s twice-delayed White House pep rally for amnesty offered no surprises, other than the exclusion of Steve King, who’s just, you know, the ranking Republican on the House immigration subcommittee. In fact, despite the meeting’s billing as broadly inclusive, only three of the 30 members of Congress there were opposed to amnesty: Sen. Jeff Sessions and Reps. Lamar Smith and Heath Shuler.

5.
Impatience Mixed with Hope in the Spanish-Language Press
By Jerry Kammer
CIS Blog, June 26, 2009
http://cis.org/kammer/pressreax

Excerpt: The leader of a national Latino political organization wasn’t happy with the results of Thursday’s immigration policy meeting at the White House between the president and congressional leaders.

‘They have to move from statements and meetings to doing something concrete,’ Arturo Vargas, director of the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials told the Spanish-language newspaper La Opinion, which is published in Los Angeles.

6.
The New Sheriff in Town
By Stephen Steinlight
CIS Blog, June 25, 2009
http://cis.org/steinlight/schumer

Excerpt: Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York, Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Subcommittee on Immigration, is point man for President Obama on immigration, riding herd on the Big Push for ‘comprehensive immigration reform.’ According to members of Congress committed to this unpopular policy, the campaign will be launched sometime in the fall. There was a bipartisan meeting today to discuss what’s possible in the current Congress, but it includes Rep. Anthony Weiner so it’s hard to take that one too seriously, and there was another the day before for amnesty advocates. But don’t place too much faith in the time frame. Given this president’s vast policy agenda, with other priorities easily eclipsing this one, talking about beginning this debate in the fall is likely just another sop to the ‘immigration reform’ crowd with little sincerity behind it. And this one’s easy for the President: all he has to do is sit back and let them cherish and mouth their delusions.

7.
Schumer’s Marketing Lesson for ‘Comprehensive Reform’
By Jerry Kammer
CIS Blog, June 25, 2009
http://cis.org/Kammer/ChuckSchumer-ImmigrationMarketing

Excerpt: A powerful Senate advocate of ‘comprehensive immigration reform’ legislation Wednesday offered some marketing advice to those who want to help him get the bill passed: Call illegal immigration by its name.

‘When we use phrases like ‘undocumented workers,’ we convey a message to the American people that their government is not serious about combating illegal immigration, which the American people overwhelmingly opposed,’ said Sen. Charles Schumer, chairman of the Judiciary immigration subcommittee. ‘If you don’t think it’s illegal you’re not going to say it. I think it is illegal and wrong and we have to change it.’

8.
The Rule of Cynicism
By Jerry Kammer
CIS Blog, June 23, 2009
http://cis.org/Kammer/Cynicism-MexicanDayCareTragedy

Excerpt: Today’s New York Times has a story about a tragedy at a day care center in the northern border state of Sonora that has shaken the entire country. The Times reports that in the weeks since a fire killed 47 children in Hermosillo, “evidence has piled up suggesting a chain of negligence that may have abetted the tragedy. The revelations have led to outrage and, in this culture of widespread corruption and legal impunity, resignation.”

9.
Come, Let Us Reason Together – So Long as You Agree With Me
By Stephen Steinlight
CIS Blog, June 22, 2009
http://cis.org/steinlight/commonground

Excerpt: Artfully practiced, casuistry is discernible only by the naturally skeptical or perspicacious while remaining invisible to the gullible or incautious majority. When performed ineptly, however, the duplicity is plain to all. Bungled deception insults ordinary ‘inquiring minds,’ repels the more acute, and reveals the intellectual slovenliness that accompanies the bad ethics, making each that much more deplorable.

10.
Touchback Redux?
By Mark Krikorian
CIS Blog, June 19, 2009
http://cis.org/Krikorian/ObamaTouchbackAmnestyPlan

Excerpt: The president this morning spoke at a Hispanic prayer breakfast and reiterated his support for amnesty, but again offered no timeline. One interesting twist is that he endorsed the bogus ‘touchback’ gimmick that was floated during the last round of the amnesty debate, wherein illegal aliens would go home to apply for amnesty, have lunch, then come back legally, thus ‘rebooting’ their status. As the L.A. Times writes

11.
Illegal, but Not Undocumented: Identity Theft, Document Fraud, and Illegal Employment
By Ronald W. Mortensen
CIS Backgrounder, June 19,2009
http://cis.org/IdentityTheft

Excerpt: This Backgrounder examines illegal immigration-related document fraud and identity theft that is committed primarily for the purpose of employment. It debunks three common misconceptions: illegal aliens are “undocumented;” the transgressions committed by illegal aliens to obtain jobs are minor; and illegal-alien document fraud and identity theft are victimless crimes. It discusses how some community leaders rationalize these crimes, contributing to a deterioration of the respect for laws in our nation, and presents a variety of remedies, including more widespread electronic verification of work status (E-Verify and the Social Security Number Verification Service) and immigrant outreach programs to explain the ramifications and risks of document fraud and identity theft.

12.

A Whole New Meaning to ‘Cheap Labor’
By Mark Krikorian
CIS Blog, June 17, 2009
http://cis.org/krikorian/anbar

Excerpt: From a Washington Post story on foreign workers in Iraq:

Jasim al-Dulaimy, another tribal leader in Anbar who brought in Bangladeshis, said the workers had adapted well to desert life, adding that he had made them adopt the long, loose dishdashas traditionally worn in the province.

Dulaimy said he doesn’t need to worry about the foreign workers joining the insurgency or acting as moles. And there is an additional benefit, he said. Because Awakening leaders have become targets of the insurgents, all his employees are vulnerable. But if any of his foreign workers are killed, he said, ‘I don’t care as much as I do if one of the Iraqis working for me gets killed,’ explaining that relatives of slain Iraqi employees expect to receive hefty compensation.

This is why they used Irish immigrants to build the antebellum railroads instead of slaves — if the Irish got killed, it was no big deal, but slaves cost money.

13.
The Environmental Argument for Reducing Immigration to the United States
By Winthrop Staples III and Philip Cafaro
CIS Backgrounder, June 17, 2009
http://cis.org/EnvironmentalArgument

Excerpt: This Backgrounder argues that a serious commitment to environmentalism entails ending America’s population growth by implementing a more restrictive immigration policy. The need to limit immigration necessar­ily follows when we combine a clear statement of our main environmental goals — living sustainably and sharing the landscape generously with other species — with uncontro­versial accounts of our current demographic trajectory and of the negative environmental effects of U.S. population growth, nationally and globally.

14.
Should Judges Set Immigration Policy?
Participants: Jon Feere, Peter Nunez, Mark Krikorian, and Jan Ting
CIS Panel Discussion, June 15, 2009
http://cis.org/Transcript/PlenaryPowerPanel

Excerpt: Mark Krikorian. I’m executive director of the Center for Immigration Studies.

All the debates over amnesty or an immigration bill presuppose a basic deal. And this was the case in the ’80s and this was the case in the recent debates a couple of years ago and also in the one that will be upcoming. And that basic deal is this: that illegal immigrants will get legal status in exchange for tougher enforcement measures.

 

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Can You Betroth A Woman Through A Messenger?

If the messenger has sex with your bride. Is that a valid Jewish marriage?

Ask your rebbe that.

That’s what Dr. Marc B. Shapiro advises Jewish teenagers. If the rebbe gets flustered and angry at the question, then he’s not much of a rebbe.

Dr. Shapiro passes down this story he heard from Louis Jacobs, who grew up in Manchester.

The rav in town around the turn of the last century, Yehuda Levitz (sp?), was not popular.

The rebbe would travel around town in a horse-drawn carriage. One day the rebbe’s congregants put a couple of prostitutes in the carriage and had them get out with the rebbe.

This let the rebbe know he was not popular with his congregants and he left town.

This sounds like the Charles Kushner real estate developer/Jewish philanthropist in New Jersey who employed prostitutes to do sexual things with people he wanted dirt on, and Kushner got videotape of the dirty deeds.

Yehuda Levitz then came to New York and proclaimed himself the Chief Rabbi of New York. Then he went to Boston. At the time, he was the greatest Talmudist in America.

This comes from Dr. Marc B. Shapiro’s second lecture on Rabbi Hayyim Hirschenson for Torah in Motion.

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New York Times Reviews Two New Books On The Mortgage Crisis

One guy who signed on for a mortgage he could not handle was a New York Times economics writer. His new book is called BUSTED.

Alyssa Katz has published, Our Lot: How Real Estate Has Come To Own Us.

Katz places most of the blame on the government for giving perverse incentives that encourage too many people to do reckless things resulting in our current recession.

Here’s an excerpt from today’s New York Times:

Alyssa Katz, a New York journalist and the author of “Our Lot,” could no doubt have landed an exotic mortgage when her rent-regulated loft building went upscale condo. But she concluded the deal wasn’t worth it, and moved “off the map” into deepest Brooklyn (and probably found ways to feel good about it, even as she admits to checking the sales history of friends’ homes on ­PropertyShark.com).

But “Our Lot” is less a personal tale than a trenchant chronicle of how “all that had been sacred about home lending” was upended, through a series of government policies that were enacted with seemingly noble intentions — broadening home ownership and priming the economic pump — but ended up turning homes into profit centers rather than places to live. At “the nadir of the insanity in 2006,” she notes, an estimated “two out of every five homes in Sacramento and vicinity had been bought by someone seeking to resell within two years.”

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Closing Time by Joe Queenan

Queenan writes in his memoir that his writing career took off when he quit drinking.

His second "My Turn" column for Newsweek "was an all-out assault on alcoholics in general and my father in particular. It recounted the beatings, the terror, the rationalizations, the halfhearted handshake. It was uncompromising and vicious, taking direct aim at AA and its army of smarmy self-congratulators. …I knew that reinventing alcoholism as a medical condition was despicable. Physiologically, alcohol was not an especially addictive drug: it was certainly much less addictive than cocaine or nicotine. Everyone who put a glass of liquor to his lips knew exactly what he was doing; it was not like coming down with malaria because you’d strayed into the wrong jungle.

"…The vast majority of alcoholics used liquor as a socially sanctioned medication enabling them to pretend that they were not hte people they so obviously were." (pg. 307, 308)

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The Housing Boom

Check out the book on Amazon.com.

Economist Thomas Sowell appeared on Dennis Prager’s radio show May 27:

Tom: If the results weren’t so serious, all this would make a great Gilbert & Sullivan musical, with all the mutually contradictory statements by the politicians…

Dennis: The president said the other day that we don’t have any money.

Tom: What that means is that they are going to have to print some…and that means inflation.

The deficit run up by this administration will exceed the deficits run up by all other administrations.

Dennis: I don’t know what it would take to awaken the American people.

Tom: I have a terrible feeling that it will take an American city in radioactive ruins to wake up some of them.

Dennis: Was the housing boom artificial?

Tom: Yes, in two senses. It started off as a great political crusade for affordable housing. Now, most of the housing across most of the United States was more affordable than it had been ten years earlier or twenty years earlier, but in some particular places, particularly coastal California, the housing was so expensive that people were paying half their family income just to put a roof over their heads. But the politicians tried to turn this into a national problem so that they could have a federal program. So they started leaning on banks to start making loans to people they wouldn’t make loans to otherwise and who couldn’t meet the standards, and similar pressure was put on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, who were assigned quotas of how many mortgages they bought had to be for low and moderate income people…

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Saul Lieberman’s Attempt To Take Over The Jewish Theological Seminary

In his second class on Rabbi Ben Zion Uziel for Torah in Motion, Dr. Marc B. Shapiro says:

Saul Lieberman attempted to get anyone of stature to come to JTS. Lieberman posited JTS as an institution that accepts the binding nature of the Shulchan Aruch. If we fill the faculty with great Torah scholars, we can keep this as an halachic institution.

He was never able to get any gedolim to join JTS.

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The Golddiggers?

Walking on Pico Blvd today, I passed various flyers with the headline: "The Golddiggers".

The flyer blasted a religious couple in the neighborhood.

Here’s what I gather: There are five kids in this story. Two of the kids became religious. The father died and left his will to the two religious kids. This is against Jewish law (?), so the secular kids want to take the two religious kids to a beit din (Jewish law court) so they can get their fair share. The religious kids want to keep the will dispute in secular court because they feel they have a better change of prevailing.

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