Steve Sailer wrote July 24, 2005: “Mickey Kaus called Luke the “human Echelon Project, for the prodigious amount of interviewing and transcribing he does of who’s saying what around LA. Luke even interviewed me. But the bonus reason for reading Luke’s blog is so you can then read the libelously hilarious “Luke Ford Fan Blog.”
From the Luke Ford Fan Blog archives:
January 3, 2006:
I have a new favourite website. It’s like crack for me. I visit everyday. I download the videos and save them to my hard drive so I can watch them over and over (and over). They make my heart race and my pulse quicken.
I didn’t use to feel this way. There was a time when I was disgusted by this sort of behaviour. How could people do such a thing, I wondered? Have they no self-control?
Now I like it — a lot!
Not that I would ever do it myself, of course. But I sure get turned on watching two men do it.
Is it really so wrong from me to enjoy these videos?
I know Dennis Prager wouldn’t approve. In Luke Ford’s fascinating profile of his moral leader, we discover that when Dennis was growing up in New York City he liked to visit Madison Square Garden. And sometimes — right in front of wee lil’ Dennis — men would start doing it! Everyone else would stand up to get a better look, but young Dennis “would stay seated to show his disapproval.”
So what does My Moral Leader think? Should I stop going here?
January 6, 2006:
Narcissists In Love
According to My Moral Leader, I “must” guest blog for him during his five day “spiritual retreat” in Las Vegas.
I’ve been given a list of topics that I can and cannot discuss: no Kitten Natividad (of course); no Holly Randall (who?); but lots about Luke Ford — the hovel-dwelling, moral-leading Jewish theologian.
Yeah, sure.
I haven’t been reading Luke Ford for weeks. I needed a little break from all the self-absorption.
So, after being given my guest blogging instructions, I decided to check out the Luke Ford Family of Blogs™, including the naughty one (that I’m not allowed to mention). Perhaps, I hoped, Mr Ford has changed; perhaps he is now a more outward-focused, giving, and thoughtful human being, entering into mature, healthy relationships with other similarly well-grounded people.
Er, no.
If anything, Hovel Boy™ seems to be regressing.
Since I’m not allowed to discuss Holly Randall, I will discuss a completely different person: Rolly Handall (not her real name).
If I have the story right, Our Moral Leader started dating Rolly last Fall. Soon, Luke, a hopeless romantic, fell madly in love with the Shiksa goddess.
Luke’s invisible friends [!] (i.e., the voices inside his head[!!]) convinced him that soon he’d be marrying Rolly and moving into her fabulous Malibu mansion (with its cosy book-lined study overlooking rolling hills, and horses, and a sandy beach, and the Pacific Ocean), and starting a family of ridiculously good-looking Aryan children (raised as Orthodox Jews, of course).
Too good to be true?
Afraid so.
In fact, Rolly didn’t even know that Luke was her “boyfriend,” and couldn’t even be bothered to invite him to her parent’s New Year’s Eve party.
Undeterred, Our Moral Leader attends the big party. As he chats with prospective father-in-law Kumphrey Hnipe (not his real name), imparting some much needed Dennis Prageresque wisdom on the old boy, he can’t help but notice his “girlfriend” throwing herself (all ho-like) at various “gentlemen,” including ex-boyfriends. Eeeeewwwww!
Luke Ford, the sensitive artiste-type, storms out of the house and races back to Hovelworld™ (in the Serial Killer Van™), where he writes an angry email to Rolly announcing that the marriage is off and their relationship is over.
The End.
So what is the moral of this heartbreaking story of unrequited love/lust?
Is it that mixed relationships don’t work? That a socially conservative, religious Jew like Our Moral Leader needs to stick with his own kind (who hate and reject and refuse to have sex with him), rather than running after a pagan princess (with whom he has been having weeks of blissful, chemically-enhanced sex)?
Hell, no!
The problem is that Luke Ford is a narcissist, and he must be the centre of attention in a romantic relationship. His partner must play the supporting role — financial and emotional — paying his (modest) bills and constantly stroking his fragile ego. Rolly, alas, is also an attention hog. She even has her own interior-type blog: a tell-tale sign of NPD.
Let’s be real: there can only be one superstar in a successful relationship. Around here that superstar is Luke Ford. And don’t you forget it!
January 10, 2006:
Luke Ford Moving to Canada?
The blogosphere is abuzz with the news that the world’s number one moral leader, the Great Luke Ford, might be moving to British Columbia.
Mr Ford is under the impression that he’s very famous in Canada. “Bigger than Sidney Crosby,” he claims. “I even have groupies,” he says. “Hot Chinese-Canadian groupies,” he squeals.
He thinks that as soon as he deplanes at Vancouver International, he’ll be mobbed by hundreds, perhaps thousands, of horny Asian girls screaming: “We love you Luke Ford! Please have sex with us!”
Holly who? indeed.
Exciting though this news is — and it is! — we’ve heard these sort of rumours before. Remember how the newspapers were full of articles about Americans making plans to immigrate to Canada after the 2004 presidential election? I recall one particularly ghastly story about a “married” lesbian couple, both human rights lawyers [ugh], who were leaving San Francisco to live in Vancouver. I can’t imagine they lasted one winter.
Has Mr Ford thought this through? Does he even have the proper attire for those long commutes between the new hovel and the love nests of his many Asian girlfriends? May I suggest a lovely rain suit (with pants).
