I’ve been listening to Orthodox psychologist Lisa Aiken and she encourages singles to think about the qualities they’d bring to a marriage.
So here’s what I’d give to my wife:
* My fidelity
* My reliability
* My friends and family
* My laughter
* Sense of adventure
* Good listening skills
* My brilliance
* My commitment to Judaism, to God, Torah and Israel
* My healthy living
* My sensual cuddly side
* My Alexander Technique skills
* My love of reading and writing
* My commitment to personal growth
* My success
* I’m not boring
* I am clean and tidy (for a heterosexual, non-metrosexual guy)
* I am open to sharing her enthusiasms
* I am willing to acknowledge her expertise and will bow to her in areas she knows more and better
What I want in a wife: Someone who:
* Gives me her body to feast upon
* Loves sex
* Is present
* Sends chills up my spine when she says my name because I am never sure what incredible thing she will say next
* Leaves me yearning to spend more time with her, get to know her better
* Who connects me to good people and to community
* makes me feel like I am living life in HD
* Opens up my world
* Inspires me to be more
* Rarely says anything needlessly cruel
* Can open up about her emotions and mine
* Is good at reading me and cluing in to what I am feeling
* Makes me the most important thing in her life
* Turns to me first
* Wants to connect with me
* Is proud to be with me and yet simultaneously pushes me to be more
* Is reliable and responsible and clean and tidy
* Can cook and entertain
* Is not boring
* Is open to sharing my enthusiasms
* Who allows me to build credibility with her
I don’t want in a wife someone who:
* Is irreligious
* Left-wing
* Still involved with her exes
* Unfaithful
* Drinks and drives
* Uses drugs
* Is so involved with animals that it gets in the way of us
* comes from a broken home and perpetuates those bad ways of relating
* presents a distorted view of me to others and to herself
* ignores me for great stretches of time and won’t let me into her head
* feels driven to cut off my balls
* is not interested in my work, says ignorant disrespectful things about it
