I never even heard of this term until last week. Now I seizing on it. It’s going to usher in a new level of sobriety for me.
When an addict is in euphoric recall, you’re probably not emotionally sober.
Pretty much every emotional addiction or process addiction I’ve learned about I will cop to. Excitement is dangerous for an addict and euphoric recalls are exciting. Perhaps I need to add euphoric recall to my list of bottom line behaviors to avoid.
Man, how much lust is a sex addict allowed to enjoy? It seems like for the addict, the less you have, the better (unless it is for your spouse in the present moment).
Link: “Bottom-line Behavior: Sex and love addiction is more complicated than alcoholism or drug addiction in that it may manifest itself in patterns that vary from addict to addict. Because of this fact, in SLAA, we each define our own sobriety, and the behavior(s) that we determine to constitute our addiction we call our bottom-line behavior. A common basic bottom line is to avoid sex outside of a committed relationship. Members may also include on their bottom-line going to a particular place, contacting a particular person, watching a certain kind of movie or program, avoiding pornography, dressing provocatively, cruising for partners or even allowing oneself to drift off into all-consuming fantasy — in short avoiding anything that causes us to plunge back into our addiction. The participation of a sober sponsor is essential in setting your bottom-line. Only we ourselves can determine which behaviors are addictive for us, but our addiction may blind us to the realities of our behavior; we need the assistance of a loving outsider and a Higher Power to assist us in this process. Typically, our bottom line will change as we progress in recovery. The initial bottom line may be changed, as we see the need, to include behaviors that we did not previously recognize as addictive. This process continues until the addict reaches a comfortable and manageable pattern of living. The process of establishing our bottom line, like much else in recovery from this disease, is a trial and error process. We may even have to modify our behavior with our spouses and significant others.”
Link: “An addict’s behavior is not usually as spontaneous as it may seem. Instead, it often begins as thoughts and fantasies of the mind. Known as euphoric recall, this thought process usually begins the stimulation of endorphins within the addictive neuropathways of the brain. Once this process is initiated, it can be very difficult for an addict to ignore compelling urges to engage in the behaviors that he or she perceives to provide pleasure “highs.” Because euphoric recall starts with only a thought, it can be one of the biggest hurdles a recovering sex addict must face during and after rehabilitation. For many addicts, choosing not to act on addiction-related sexual urges following euphoric recall can be tremendously overwhelming.”
SLAA: “Euphoric recall is becoming lost in our remembrance of past addictive behavior, recalling that behavior as ecstatic rather than insane. In euphoric recall, we totally fail to recollect the massively negative consequences of that behavior, which have brought us to SLAA. For most of us, euphoric recall is one of the first steps on the road to acting out and losing our sobriety. Our euphoric recall may even affect others: excessive detail in talking about our acting out in a meeting may trigger addictive thoughts in other members’ minds. We are in meetings to share our experience, strength, and hope. Euphoric recall has no place in that sharing.”
Wikipedia: “Euphoric recall is a psychological term for the tendency of people to remember past experiences in a positive light, while overlooking negative experiences associated with that event(s). Euphoric recall has been cited as a factor in substance dependence, as well as anger problems. Individuals may become obsessed with recreating the remembered pleasures of the past.”
Link:
Because the formation and recollection of memories is managed in this same area, the brain may choose only to bring to mind the fun times or highlights of past drug use. The user will not remember the pain, sickness, destruction, disappointment or trapped feelings of addiction – only the good times. This can lead a person to romanticize their previous substance abuse and spend too much time thinking back on it longingly. This type of distorted memory can also lead people to feel overconfident in their ability to resist relapse, which may cause them to place themselves in high-risk environments. A recovering alcoholic, when walking past a bar, may think back to some fun times and then tell himself that he can handle the temptation to drink now. He goes into the bar where the positive memories collide with his weakened state of alertness; before he knows it, he has relapsed.
How to Stop Euphoric Recall
While you cannot stop euphoric recall, one of the most powerful tools to overcome it is through relational accountability. Make sure you have a friend or sponsor who you have especially empowered to hold you accountable for your time, words, money and actions. Another person can provide the accurate perspective that euphoric recall destroys. You may start to become nostalgic for your party days, but a good accountability partner will remind you of the broken relationships, the misery of withdrawal and the positive aspects of being clean and sober. Journaling can also be extremely helpful – especially as it relates to identifying faulty or incomplete memories and filling in those gaps during weak moments. In time you can train your mind to remember all aspects of the disease of addiction, not just the distorted ones.
Link:
Cravings are nothing but extremely powerful memories of pleasure (euphoric recall) brought on by drug use. It’s also estimated that “euphoric recall” registers two to ten times stronger in the hippocampus than any other pleasurable activity – even sex! So if someone has told you in your first few days of sobriety the best way to deal with cravings is to play the tape back by remembering how bad things got the last time you used, you may not have much success, because euphoric recall is so powerful, it overrides negative memories.
So what is the solution? The solution is to rid oneself of euphoric recall! And it’s a lot easier than you might think and here’s why: if euphoric recall is nothing but a memory, don’t most memories fade in time? For example, I’ve forgotten how to speak Japanese, only because I no longer use it living in California.
It’s estimated that cravings begin to attenuate in about three months, and by the sixth month they are usually gone. Of course there are some exceptions to the rule, for some people cravings may never go away completely. However, they will be a lot fainter and easier to manage than they were in early sobriety.
Following is an example of how the dialogue modality works for sex addiction and/or porn addiction. If you’ve worked with me, you know all about this technique we use to help our clients shed light on the mental and emotional parts of themselves that produce sexually compulsive behavior…
This is the dialog of a client who was wrestling with what is known as “Euphoric Recall” — the memory (in his case) of a highly charged sexualized moment. By writing these thoughts down, then sending them to me, and receiving feedback he is learning to anchor in the truth of the situation rather than the fantasy. This is helping him drop the old negative sexualized story that sustained his addiction and kept him from true intimacy. We share this with you so you too can drop your old story.
Friday afternoon I was driving with my family to Miami for vacation. I knew I was going to past right by the part of Miami where Callie lives. I had prepared myself for this and figured I had it under control.
However, I noticed that the closer I got to Miami the more my stomach tightened into a knot. I had snuck down to Miami one day during the week to spend time with Callie. This was obviously stupid and looking back on it I see how dim-witted it was to do this.
So I started dialoging with my mind and my Euphoric Recall to figure out what was going on.
CHARLIE: What’s going on mind? I can feel my stomach tightening which is I know is being caused as an emotion due to your thought process, what’s happening?
EUPHORIC RECALL: We’re close to Miami…
CHARLIE: yeah I know
EUPHORIC RECALL: She lives there, it’s such a wonderful place, and we had such a good time with her when we were there.
CHARLIE: Yes, but it was very stupid for me to do that. We cheated on our wife for God’s sake!
EUPHORIC RECALL: Don’t you just wish you could be single, living in Miami, hanging out with her whenever you wanted? Free of responsibility and just feel those feelings?
CHARLIE: Feelings aren’t facts. Yes, Miami is nice, but we have a life here in Virginia.
EUPHORIC RECALL: I know, but its fun to think about and fantasize about.
CHARLIE: For what purpose? What good will it really do?
EUPHORIC RECALL: It just feels good.
CHARLIE: That may be true, but it’s a distraction. It would be robbing my family of my time, attention and energy. What I have right now (with my wife and family) is amazing and great, why fantasize about something that isn’t real, and I know nothing about? A couple of short weeks of infatuation can’t tell you crap. Period! Plus Callie has moved on and gone (which is a good thing).
EUPHORIC RECALL: Well what about these feelings?
CHARLIE: They’re just an escape. You see we aren’t using sexual behavior anymore as an escape. That compulsion is being taken care of. Remember? George at Compulsion Solutions? We’re sober now…except for “you.” You’re trying a different form of escape: Euphoric Recall. The problem is that this is not helpful and can eventually lead us back to sexually compulsive behavior. Remember the dark miserable place we climbed out of? I, We won’t be going back there. Feelings aren’t facts and we need to face our reality, not fight or escape it.
EUPHORIC RECALL: The fantasies are so much better.
CHARLIE: They may seem that way, but, I promise you, life is better lived than you ever dreamed or fantasized. Remember your Essence… what George taught you… what’s ALWAYS true. Ask yourself, “What’s always true?” Let’s come “home” to Self. No more “stories.” No more soap opera. Let’s enjoy life, rather than fantasize about it. Being here NOW is so much better and fulfilling.
What is the big fat problem if you only think about something sexual but do not act on it? I am pretty certain that if you were to ask a slew of random folks – people whose spouse or significant other spends time – any amount of time – traversing internet porn sites, they would say that the person is cheating on them. More than likely they would tell you that it just feels like they are being cheated on. That they feel insignificant or secondary and that their partner is not “present” especially during intimacy. And most clinicians would agree. Now add to that scenario the fact that the person checking out porn on the net is a sex addict. Make that a recovering sex addict. Now you have a really big problem indeed. And the problem is that the sex addict in recovery is no longer sober, forget recovery, if their eyeballs are mopping up pornographic images. Be that on the net, the tube, the VCR, or in print. It may or may not be “cheating” if you occasionally indulge in a non-secretive manner – providing you are not also sexually addicted.
Sex, or more to the point sexual behavior, does not contrary to popular belief, emanate from the body. Sexual arousal is neurological. The body simply complies. But hold that thought.
Internet porn is to the sex addict what a seat at the pub while holding a glass of liquor is to the alcoholic – but worse. Much much worse. The alcoholic may not have taken a drink – yet. But chances are better than not that they will. Worse however for the sex addict, since the act of just watching pornographic images, immediately sets off a spectacular flare of dopaminergic fireworks. The actual visual impact triggers the sex addict. In fact, the mere thought of getting on the ‘puter as prelude before ever actually seeing an image at all, will biochemically trigger the sex addict and they are off to the proverbial brain-based pleasure center in the sky. Make no mistake, it is foreplay plain and simple. While the alcoholic can somehow put that glass back down (uh-huh), the sex addict is less lucky at least from a recovery perspective, since the split second their eyeballs hit the screen or just think of hitting the screen, they are gushing neurochemicals and altering their brain. Need I state of course that it is virtually unheard of (pun intended) for the sex addict to engage in net porn and not masterbate, large doses of an SSRI notwithstanding. But even if somehow they refrained, they are still triggered, still “using”, and are still “under the influence” of their altered brain chemistry. Of prime importance behaviorally speaking, is that in both scenarios the cardinal rules of recovery were breached. And that would be People, Places, and Things.
Let me be clear. If a sex addict is checking out pornography, that person is not sexally sober and sure as heck is not in recovery. They are “using”. Cheating or no cheating. No ifs ands or buts.
What happens next to the sex addict individual after perusing the porn sites – even for no more than a few seconds by the way – is that they are in an altered state. Meaning that the addict is now the equivalent of being stoned. And this individual will remain stoned for quite a period of time afterward. Which also means that the addict is walking around with these images in their head that they can (and oh so readily do) recall in a milli scintilla of a nanosecond( or less!), sometimes on purpose (to get even more stoned or to maintain the high) and the rest of the time because the images simply break through consciousness and pop up when least expected. That said, if you are sexually addicted and you engaged in porn, then you should expect that these images will be automatically recalled willy nilly. These images have been seared – and I mean seared – branded into the sex addicted brain and will offer a free high – a feeling of utter euphoria whenever recalled. And recalled they will be, time and time and time again.
I mentioned that sex is neurological. It is. Sexual arousal, just like any type of arousal, occurs when parts of the brain release arousal-producing neurochemicals. Only then does the body respond in kind. When the body responds you have gone from a neurochemically produced thought process to a physical behavior. The very reason sex addiction is a subset of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is precisely for this reason – because the addicted individual has incessant recurring thoughts of either sexual activity or objectification for the purpose of sexual arousal (mental or physical), which is in and of itself arousing and anxiety producing. When arousal and anxiety is produced it immediately triggers the need to reduce the anxiety which in the case of a sexual addiction, is accomplished by having sex. Needless to say, OCD is itself a subset of the group of disorders collectively referred to as anxiety disorders. And the process repeats itself, hence the recurring loop of thoughts and behaviors that seem to have a life of their own. It seems that way because in a sense, it is that way. Like most mental disorders, OCD is neurological in that it is a byproduct of your brain producing an overabundance of one neurochemical and not enough of another. That would be dopamine and seratonin. The later of which is why high doses of an SSRI (serotonin-based antidepressants) like Prozac is generally the drug therapy of choice for sex addiction. Even though it is classified as an antidepressant, the high doses of seratonin (for those that can tolerate it) cut both libido and performance, enabling the sex addict to have a better shot at sobriety.
So. Is fantasy and euphoric recall cheating? Maybe. But if you have a sexual addiction and you engage in sexual fantasy, you are not sober – you are under the influence. Call your sponsor, talk to your psychotherapist, call the folks on your fellowship list and hit a meeting. Because sexual fantasy which produces euphoric recall, is simply sex you are having in your head.
