46% of all sex crimes committed against children occur in the home. The remaining 54% is made up of babysitters, teachers, doctors, therapists, scout leaders, camp counselors, neighbors, etc. It is only 2% of all cases involve a member of the clergy. Why is it that the Jewish news media seems to only want to bring attention to clergy abuse cases or those that involve a religious institution, when statistically these sorts of cases are only the tip of the iceberg? As a community we need to be addressing all forms of sex crimes, especially those committed against our children. We need to be reaching out to all survivors and not just those who were violated by clergy and or those connected to religious institutions.
Below is a case that involves incest in Italy. It is not uncommon for an incest survivor to continue to be abused by their offender(s) into adulthood. Many survivors don’t know how to get the abuse to stop. Many incest survivors may love their offender(s) as a parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. It’s not so straight forward as when a case occurs outside the home.
Can you imagine the embarrassment and shame that an incest survivor faces, especially when the abuse never stops? Incest is not a crime that is always violent. The offender(s) can be very caring, loving and nurturing. Incest survivors may think that having sexual relations with a parent is normal. It’s something they grew up with. Like in all cases involving sex crimes, sometimes there’s confusion because the act of sex can feel good. Survivors sometimes feel that their bodies betrayed them because they can not control the fact that they had an erection or orgasm. The survivor may have grown up feeling that they were special because their offender "made love to them". If they told anyone, they would no longer be "special".
When an incest survivor grows up in a home in which there is also emotional, psychological and physical abuse it may complicate things even more — especially when gentle glove incest is also mixed up in the equation.
When a child is being terrorized at home, they often feel that there is no one they can turn to for help. They often blame themselves for what is or has happened. It’s highly unlikely that an incest survivor will turn to the non-offending parent for help, especially when the abuse involves another parent. If an incest survivor discloses their abuse to anyone, they risk so much more then the survivors who are abused outside the home. Incest survivors risk loosing their families, their home, friends, schools and any sense of stability they might feel they have.
When your an incest survivor there may not be any other victims created by your perpetrator. I’ve spoken to so many incest survivors over the years who wanted their story to be published in a Jewish paper, yet were told that they need to find two other victims of the same offender for the paper to publish the stories. This is a very scary policy considering the majority of those who are sexually abused occur in the home and there’s a stronger likelihood that they may be the only victim by a particular perpetrator.
http://www.skynews.com.au/news/article.aspx?id=316400
Italian police say they have arrested a man for forcing his daughter to have sex with him for 25 years.
The 64-year-old junk vendor had allegedly raped his daughter, now 34, regularly since she was nine-years-old, deputy prosecutor Pietro Forno of the northern city of Turin told AFP.
He was arrested a few days ago, while his son has been in police custody since last month accused of raping his four daughters, Forno said.
Both the father and the son have strongly denied the allegations against them, the ANSA news agency reported.
Erroneous press reports, giving the older man’s victim the pseudonym Laura, earlier said he had imprisoned his daughter.
Fritzl received a life sentence last week for the repeated rape of his daughter over 24 years during which he kept her in an underground hideaway and fathered seven children with her.
Forno said Laura ‘was strictly speaking free, though she did nothing without her father, who completely dominated her psychologically’.
VICKI POLIN WRITES:
Addressing sexual violence in Jewish communities internationally has not been an easy task. It’s often very lonely and frustrating. Many of us connected to The Awareness Center (professionals and survivors) have been harassed, spit at, and shunned by community members, etc.
Unfortunately, too many “authority” in the Jewish orthodox world have been spreading all sorts of rumors regarding myself and those connected with our organization. The goal has been to divide and separate orthodox Jewish survivors from The Awareness Center and also from getting appropriate help from those who REALLY have the education, training and experience.
At first one would think it makes sense that the cultural differences in the orthodox world would need to address sex crimes differently then anyone else. What the religious leaders neglect to tell survivors is that The Awareness Center is made up of many survivors and professionals who are from orthodox backgrounds. It’s true, I did not grow up in an orthodox home and that I am no longer observant — yet what many of those who attack The Awareness Center fail to mention is that I did spend just under 10 years of my life living in the orthodox world.
It saddens me a great deal that a group of people would act in such a way to divide and separate Jewish survivors. One of the first things I was taught when I went to Neve (a women’s seminary in Jerusalem) is that “A Jew is a Jew is a Jew”. If we go back to the time of Nazi Germany, we all would have been sent to the ovens together. The Nazi’s would not care if someone was orthodox, conservative, traditional, Reform, Jewish Renewal or unaffiliated.
If a house was on fire in orthodox community, the owner of the home and their neighbors wouldn’t think twice of what to do. They would call 911 immediately. I don’t know of one person who would consult with their local orthodox rabbi to get permission. When one suspects that a child is at risk of harm or suspect a child is being neglected we should all consider ourselves to be mandated reporters. One should call either the state child protection hot-line or your local police.
I have to admit that I have become cynical over the last eight years of running The Awareness Center. No matter how long one works with a given community I don’t think I will ever be able to understand is why so many “orthodox survivors” continue to buy in to the illusion that is being created by the same individuals who are covering up sex crimes and hide sexual predators. Orthodox survivors deserve the same civil rights and protections as the rest of society. It’s so frustrating to watch them blindly trust individuals who care more about their assets or that of the organizations they are connected to — then they do about their children. Thinking about this send chills up and down my spine.
As one survivor stated “most of the Orthodox Jewish community sees Vicki Polin as a pariah, because they prefer to deny the problem and keep their heads in the sand.”
While consulting with the executive director of another organization regarding the harassment and extortion attempts those of us connected to The Awareness Center experience — she referred to the treatment as being similar to the early days of the women’s movement. She reminded me of the suffering that heroic women as “the Susan B. Anthony, endured. She even referred to me as being “The Susan B. Anthony for Jewish survivors of sexual violence”. I have to admit I was extremely flattered, yet I know that I’m far from accomplishing as much as Susan, nor have I ever come close to the hardship that Susan or the other suffragist experienced.
