The Guru Hugged Me

In class tonight, the Guru asks: "Do any of you have a goal?"

We all raise our hands.

"Do any of you want to attain your goal without effort?"

Most of us keep our hands up.

The Guru then explains how nothing of worth can be accomplished without effort. That to make a strong sword you have to bend it and meld it over and over again and this makes it strong.

My friend Jeff* sits next to a beautiful woman.

They sit on identical cushions. Their yoga mats are identical colors.

This woman is gorgeous. Her arms are slender. Her hair is chestnut. Her yogic abilities are superb.

My friend is in grave peril.

I send him a psychic vibration: "You are in grave peril!"

He vibrates back, "Not so much."

"You are in the gravest peril!"

"I think I can handle it."

"You don’t realize how much peril your soul is in. The path of the true yogi — the true student of the Alexander Technique — is one of self-denial, abstinence, continence, chastity, humility and poverty. You are surrounded by temptation in this class. Please stop and think of your mother’s pure love for you. Please start your day with a cold shower. Imagine you are sitting in a cold shower."

I’m grokking the Guru. He explains how we should celebrate when we get our asses kicked. We should tell all our friends on Facebook. We should make videos of getting our asses kicked and post it to YouTube.

He then asks how many of us want to attain our goal without effort?

I’m the only one in his line of vision who raises his hand.

After class, I’m talking to a beautiful woman. I’m sipping yogi tea. I’m in a very elevated spiritual state.

The Guru walks out of class carrying his guitar.

I nod to him.

He keeps coming straight at me.

I stop talking to the source of temptation and put my right hand over my heart and say, "Satnam!"

The Guru keeps coming. He’s almost right on top of me. He’s smiling at me.

I use my last defense and stick out my right hand to give him a manly shake.

The Guru keeps coming.

I leap to my feet and am enveloped in his hug.

He says something wise and reassuring. Something like, "I understand how much you wish it to be easy and I love you for it."

I’m enveloped in the Guru’s hale and hearty man love for me.

I love you, Guru.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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