My Latest Shame Attack

No, it was not at 5:11 pm when my boss called me "scumbag."

It was between 12:30 and 12:40 this afternoon.

I had just finished my three hours of Alexander Technique. I was parked outside my local acupuncture college for my next treatment.

I was enjoying a tasty repaste of four Quaker Chewy Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip granola bars washed down by eight spoonfulls of peanut butter. (I leave these treats in my car so I can enjoy them during any lull in a commute.)

I had my sticky hand on my sticky spoon stuck deep in my jar of peanut butter and I was surrounded by granola bar wrappers as I sat in my rusting car when my favorite acupuncture intern walked by.

I adore this girl. She only served me once, but it was great. She immediately got me. She asked if I ever wrote about the interns.

Smart girl! Nobody else has asked me that but it is such an obvious question.

She was on my wavelength and she knew just where to insert the needles and how deep.

What made our session particularly moving was that she offered me lavender.

I said, "Yes, even though it might make some people question my orientation."

Her response? "They’ll do that anyway."

I love it! Needle me baby!

Now she’s right outside my window and I feel too sticky and ashamed to say hi, so I just stare straight ahead and ignore her.

Four more interns I know walk by, including the blonde peppy one. I can’t face them. I cower in my car until they are all gone, and then I slump in to the clinic.

Oy, the shame! The shame!

PS. The 2008 movie, The House Bunny, about a booby blonde kicked out the Playboy mansion who becomes a house mother to a failing sorority is not as smart as it sounds.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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