Living on your own, it is harder to see your moods.
But I am very moody.
I am a different person at different times of the day.
When I wake up, I am usually in a focused pragmatic problem-solving mode. I shower, say my prayers, eat my breakfast and get things done.
From mid-morning until lunch, I’m usually feeling lethargic. The initial burst with which I started the day has worn off.
After lunch, I usually feel sleepy. I’m lethargic until around 5pm when I eat dinner and usually get a boost of energy that carries me through until about 10 pm. During the evening, when it is dark, I usually feel a swell of emotions. I’m usually at my most romantic and creative and funny. If I am social and feeling good, I’ll be outgoing. The life of the party. I’ll hit on chicks. I’ll make soaring pronouncements. I’ll write soap operas on my website.
Then I crash. Around 1 – 2 a.m., I have painful insights. I realize I’ve been sloppy with my writing and my facts. I’ve gone with too many one-source stories when I should’ve waited to confirm things. I unnecessarily antagonized people through my blogging or speech. When earlier in the day I was feeling cocky, I said things that I then thought were funny but in retrospect I realize were needlessly hurtful.
Then I don’t sleep and I wake up groggy.
So those are my daily moods. Then there’s my bipolar swing. When I’m up, I feel invulnerable. I see the most miserable things as wildly funny. I feel like I can get away with anything because my soul is so exquisite.
Then I get down and feel hopeless. I feel like a bad person, irredeemably bad.