Here are my notes and musings from Tuesday night’s Fourth Step workshop with HerbK:
Resentment is the biological survival instinct of anger. Fear is the biological survival instinct of survival. Dishonesty is the biological survival instinct of freezing and hiding. Fright, fight or freeze. These are our basic instincts.
There is no workshop for the fear inventory. The resentment inventory is the most thorough and analytical.
The Big Book penetrates to the unconscious, we’re getting under our perceptions to get to the lens through we look out.
You can identify your beliefs by tracking when you use the word “should.”
The Fourth Column in the Resentment inventory shows my part. It blows up resentment. Where am I holding on to memories as a hot coal? Why am I holding on to this suffering? There is nobody else responsible for my anger, my resentment, my feelings.
Fear touches every aspect of our lives. There are two natural fears — fear of loud noises and fear of falling. Every other fear is acquired and we can unlearn it. Our feeling of fear is real, but the subject of our fear might not be.
Make a list of your fears. Say the Setaside prayer. Think about your fears and then feel your fears. Anxiety is just a form of fear. First do a spontaneous fear inventory and then go to the third column of your resentment inventory to see how my life has been hurt. Go back to earliest consciousness. What did I fear? From age 0-5, what did I fear? From 6-10, what did I fear? 11-15? etc. Do I still have childhood fears? The work here is about present fear and present resentment. If you don’t currently have the fear and resentment, it does not belong on your inventory. Fears and resentments are obstacles to living in the sunlight of the spirit.
If I tell the truth, I can no longer manipulate people. Why do I get my internal sense of validation from manipulating people to see me in a certain way? Why do I have to create in you who I want to be and then I can believe it too? I was a hardcore narcissist, self-obsessed, insensitive to others and to their needs. Therapy and medication can’t treat narcissism. It is impenetrable but 12 Step work can change you. The change is done to us. We submit to a process and we are transformed. Fears and resentments are clouds blocking the sunlight of the spirit.
What is the role that God has assigned me in the world? Hold my answer until I have completed the Ninth Step (amends). Everything we want is on the other side of the Ninth Step. The first nine steps are in the world of stuff. The next three steps are in the world of the spirit. There is a calm when you turn your life over to God.
Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerating your achievements and talents
Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
Requiring constant admiration
Having a sense of entitlement
Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
Taking advantage of others to get what you want
Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Being envious of others and believing others envy you
Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner