A friend from childhood emails:
Luke you probably don’t remember me, but I can still picture you running down the road exercising in Angwin. You were just a boy maybe around 13 or 14. I remember you giving me advice once that it’s good to lock your doors since even in Angwin there might be a bad apple around somewhere.
It seems to me that those Angwin years bring back all kinds of memories. That was a hard time for many people. I’m sorry if you were hurt by all the things that occurred around your family and you- it seems like it would have been hard on you just being a kid. I was studying theology at PUC at that time, so I can attest those were difficult and confusing days for a lot of people and for me as well. What helped me go through them was that I loved the Lord Jesus. More importantly I knew that he loved me and He was committed to me. Time went on- life went on- and I’ve been able to use my gifts for the Lord.Someone once asked me a long time ago, "have you heard from Dr. Ford lately?"
Then they told me that they had stumbled onto some movie production work that you were doing or had done and that you had converted to Judaism. Since I come from a Jewish home I found that interesting.I did go to a presentation given by your father in recently. I went on You tube to hear an interview about someone who was at that forum and that is how I stumbled onto your website.
I don’t think that I would have recognized you walking down the street, you have become a bit portly since your youth.
B”H Reb Luke, Having just stumbled across your many sites while searching the blogosphere for Orthdox Jew…..and many hours later…..I chose to write. (The thought was, “I just HAD to write”, but that’s not the truth; all we truly have in this world are our choices.) I don’t know where you are currently holding, but I sure hope you’ve still got a shul, a good chevrusa, and some community around yourself. I want to give you chizuk to do what you know is right and keep dragging your yetzer hara to the beis medrash. You are not only a ger, but a baal tshuvah…again and again and again. Keep working on it til you get it right! You’ve definitely had some rough breaks (childhood tragedy,multiply disrupted bonding, CFS, etc.), so it would be a little odd if you WEREN’T a bit disturbed; you come by it honestly! Yes, I think you are probably at least a shadow syndrome of borderline personality. And that you can become spiritually great anyway. Maybe even healthy in mind, body and soul. And that you could perhaps become a good married baalabos someday too.
They say it’s good to excel in the mitzvahs in the areas where you went off the path. So I look to you to become a role model and a light to the world in the areas of tznius and in rightful speech. Please, do it. Then where you stand, no tzadik will be able to stand. And maybe it won’t earn you a living. And you probably won’t get that delicious attention that I bet you still crave. But your spiritual reward will be ENDLESS. And I will have such nachas from you. (but that’s MY trip.) And who am I? ONE WHO CAN RELATE TO YOUR STRUGGLE, TOTALLY. So, kol tuv, chazak chazak; hoping to hear good news soon.
PS Have you checked out the Jewish 12-step movement? There might be something there that could give you both the community you need and deserve, and the support in resisting your addictive pulls.