* I haven’t spent a penny on pornography since 1995.
* For more than four decades, Jews have complained, “Why won’t Palestinians pursue their group interest through non-violent organization?” Now the Palestinians are doing just that effectively through BDS, so what do we now say? That any opposition to Jewish interests is illegitimate?
Chaim Amalek:
Liberal Jews have voiced that complaint. Most other Jews just wanted the Palestinians to go away someplace, like the interior or Saudi Arabia or perhaps the Libyan desert.
When Moshiach comes most Palestinians will discover that they are happiest living in Antarctica on the meat of sea birds.
When Moshiach comes, the only sex Yidden have will be procreative, and we won’t enjoy it as we shall regard it as taking time away from the study of Torah. Torah is our sex.
* I gave a Jew a ride to a 12-step program tonight. When I dropped him off afterward, he shook my hand and said, “That was mighty white of you.”
* A Jewish friend: “It’s not looking too good for the Jews, I’m stuck, but when they come for you, you can say, ‘I was kidding!'”
* A co-worker is not thrilled with our president: “I’m not a religious man, but Revelation says everywhere he walked, he destroyed.”
* “The energy of poverty is attracted to mess. If you want to be wealthy, you have to be clean and orderly.” (daf yomi)
* The Christian Mexican mailman with a Jewish mom came by. “You don’t like me,” he said.
“I like your Jewish side,” I said, “it’s your Gentile side I can’t stand.”
* A shaygetz friend is all up in JSwipe. “I prefer it to Tinder. Tinder is full of whores and hoodrats.” He’d be willing to convert for the right young blonde, so long as it came with a movie studio.
* It’s funny how people who don’t make their bed in the morning tend to be slovenly in important things.
* It’s funny how people with the messiest rooms and filthiest cars are the most mired in debt.
* It’s funny how people who are the most likely to forget about leaving the stove and oven on, and the heating and air conditioning on when they leave the house, are the biggest menace to others and the most hopeless with their own finances.
* It’s funny how they people who are the least likely to return borrowed pens and staplers are the most hopeless with their debt.
* Short of losing its own sovereignty, Iran will get nuclear weapons no matter what the US or Israel does, because it is vital to Iran’s interests to get nuclear weapons.
* I told a friend over breckie, “Australia is like California but without the blacks and Mexicans.”
