* I notice a personality difference between myself and my Ashkenazi friend. I tend to go along with whatever my experts (doctors, dentists, nurses, accountants, lawyers, techs, customer service, etc) tell me while my friend raises holy hell when things don’t make sense to him. I could never haggle and talk back the way he does but he is far more effective at getting good results than I am. I am a passive WASPy loser compared to him.
* I only get headaches about once a month, but I rarely get a headache that can’t be cured by caffeine (which I ingest rarely, so when I do, it’s more of a hit to my system).
* There’s this hot chick I’ve had my eye on for a while and just realizing of late the extent of her dangerous irresponsibility has finally killed my attraction to her, Baruch HaShem! The mind can conquer the yetzer hara.
* Friend: “You just want to be a celebrity. That’s all you dream of. It’s a dream life, you want, baby. You can’t settle for the prosaic tasks of building up a good life.”
Luke: “I just want to be a good Jew.”
Friend: “That’s not going to happen.”
Mark: You can’t be a good Jew as a skinhead, since that haircut is not halachic, so might as well just move to Idaho, they’ll marry you off, etc, and you’ll learn to love the meth.
Chaim Amalek Not all of them are on meth.
Mark The ones who will marry him will need to be.
Chaim Amalek As a man ages, he learns the importance of compromise. Luke can compromise by going for the crazy young woman, or the older woman of color, or the sane age appropriate woman who is past her child bearing years. Or do nothing and get nothing.
* A wise man tells me: “You could have had your pick of hot women ten years ago. You committed the cardinal sin of aiming too high and for women who thought you were beneath them, and then ended up alone. In fact, you both should have settled for one another. She’d be happier today had she pursued you. No doubt of that. Jewish women need to be socialized into understanding their proper place in life.”
* Chaim Amalek writes: I sometimes ask myself, given all that he has written about them, seen of them, and sacrificed for them, “If I were Luke Ford, how would I feel about Jews?”
* My PC has been nothing but tsures the past three weeks (despite buying it only last August) and now I have to ship it back to the manufacturer (HP Envy 700). Lord, why do you try Your servant so when he only seeks to be a holy warrior for Your people?
* When will the goyim stop persecuting us? Don’t they know how expensive yeshiva tuition is?
* Women over 60 and over 300 pounds should not wear miniskirts, not even when they apply make-up with a trowel.
Lil writes: “You should have seen the piece of work I saw at the store the other day. Overweight woman wearing only overall-mini shorts (and when I say only, I mean no under shirt ). Out of the corner of my eyes, I thought I had perceived a ridiculously dressed 10 year old, until I noticed it was a ridiculously dressed woman in pigtails. Awful.”
* So women on JSwipe and Tinder often want to know why I have never married. I get stumped. What’s the best and most pithy answer I can use?
Chaim Amalek: “Tell them you were only recently cured of being gay and are in danger of backsliding if they don’t help provide some cognitive reinforcement.”
Christopher Donnellan writes: “Tell them you are naturally polyamorous.”
