I left therapy because of financial issues in late 2001.
I went back tonight. All the drama surrounding my latest shul expulsion has been dragging me down. I feel like the world is coming down on my head.
I’m only paying $25 a session for my therapy. It’s all I can afford.
I had a good session tonight.
My non-Jewish male therapist was sympathetic when I told him how I got expelled from my shul for outing an 18 year old seminarian-blogger-chick and then loudly complaining about my suspension on my blog so that now it looks like I’ll never get back in.
He asked why I kept putting myself in situations where I was likely to get expelled. I explained to him I loved Orthodox Judaism, how it immeasurably enriched my life, it was the best decision I ever made (I’ve never asked God to make me a doormat so rabbis can walk on me), but I need to be free to write what I see as the truth about public affairs. I know that freedom to write and [the way] Orthodoxy [is practiced today] are incompatible but I won’t quit trying to square that circle. It’s exciting! Those are two things equally important to me — tell the truth, belong to an Orthodox community.
"I can get back in if I close down lukeford.net and blog on another site where my rabbi will be my editor," I say.
"How likely is that?" asked my therp.
"Not so likely."
Joe emails:
I know it had nothing to do with… but with that girl you exposed. I think you accomplish much more with with your honest thoughts about orthodoxy and the community than your silly interviews. I think you should expand your horizons from just Pico-Robertson to the entire city including Hancock Park and the Valley – the real bastions of the ultra-orthodox. There’s quite a bit to expose in those communities and they are afraid that you are going to put them under the microscope. By the way, I think Amy Klein’s treatment of you has been disgusting. You created her by feeding her information and she repays you in the NY Times. I always thought the two of you would end up getting together – it’s like you were made for each other.
