I Return To Therapy

I left therapy because of financial issues in late 2001.

I went back tonight. All the drama surrounding my latest shul expulsion has been dragging me down. I feel like the world is coming down on my head.

I’m only paying $25 a session for my therapy. It’s all I can afford.

I had a good session tonight.

My non-Jewish male therapist was sympathetic when I told him how I got expelled from my shul for outing an 18 year old seminarian-blogger-chick and then loudly complaining about my suspension on my blog so that now it looks like I’ll never get back in.

He asked why I kept putting myself in situations where I was likely to get expelled. I explained to him I loved Orthodox Judaism, how it immeasurably enriched my life, it was the best decision I ever made (I’ve never asked God to make me a doormat so rabbis can walk on me), but I need to be free to write what I see as the truth about public affairs. I know that freedom to write and [the way] Orthodoxy [is practiced today] are incompatible but I won’t quit trying to square that circle. It’s exciting! Those are two things equally important to me — tell the truth, belong to an Orthodox community.

"I can get back in if I close down lukeford.net and blog on another site where my rabbi will be my editor," I say.

"How likely is that?" asked my therp.

"Not so likely."

Joe emails:

I know it had nothing to do with… but with that girl you exposed. I think you accomplish much more with with your honest thoughts about orthodoxy and the community than your silly interviews. I think you should expand your horizons from just Pico-Robertson to the entire city including Hancock Park and the Valley – the real bastions of the ultra-orthodox. There’s quite a bit to expose in those communities and they are afraid that you are going to put them under the microscope. By the way, I think Amy Klein’s treatment of you has been disgusting. You created her by feeding her information and she repays you in the NY Times. I always thought the two of you would end up getting together – it’s like you were made for each other.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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