Seen and heard:
* One Hasid to another to another: “Bro, you got any [basketball] scores for me [from last night]?”
* Saw a bloke during the Amidah tie together the talisim of the blokes in front of him.
* Yay, I did not have to sit in the gerim (converts) section! Got to roll with the popular kids.
Chaim Amalek: “In my shul we have a special section for the gerim. It is in the parking lot. In New Jersey. Just kidding! We put them on top of the roof.”
* When I say to Jews, “We’re a dangerous people”, they always agree with me. After all, we invented feminism.
Chaim Amalek: “Marxism, Freudianism, Christianity, and the Barbie Doll. What other people can make such a boast?”
* “Are you not allowed to take medication on Shabbos? Wow, man, you’re like a project. You’re high functioning.” (Friend)
* Mark: “It’s Luke Ford’s form of BDSM, he wants everyone to hate him. How else do you explain a pretend Jewish White Supremacist? I”m surprised he doesn’t walk around with a “Gas Me” t-shirt.”
Chaim Amalek: That’s a great idea for a transgressive t-shirt. We’ve all seen the “Hug Me, I’m Irish” t-shirt, but why not a “Gas Me, I’m Jewish” t-shirt? I blame anti-semitism.
* If I see another Yid in a kipa in some God-forsaken part of the globe, I’ll give a little nod to indicate that if stuff goes down, I’ve got your back, though if we’re together in Borough Park I might come over and steal your menorah and date your mother (I cleaned this observation up somewhat to make it more palatable for the goyim).
* A friend said to me today: “If you don’t post something right-wing [aka pro Israel] this week, I’m going to punch you. You post so much meaningless crap and I don’t know why you do it until I see how many comments you get and it just feeds you.”
Chaim Amalek: “Your friend fails to understand that you are not intellectually frivolous. You post what you post because it interests you to do so.”
* I told a friend organizing a fundraising banquet for a yeshiva that I was willing to come at no charge and offer an Australian benediction. He told me to videotape it and they’d consider it.
* A Tzaddik told me on Shabbos: “I have no need of porn. I have a hole.” The profundity of this vort moved me to tears and I urged the young man to speak in yeshivas.
* “The German race has been selected to dominate the earth.” (German Marxist Ludwig Woltman)
Silly goyim! Domination is for Yidden!
Mark: “Either way you Celts lose out.”
* On a surface level, today’s Daf Yomi sounds like ISIS but when we do it, it is right.
* A friend tells me, “You probably watch ‘The Eternal Jew‘ and say, ‘Goebbels has a point’.”
