Love At First Sight

So do you believe in love at first sight? What if you see someone across the room and she smiles and your whole being explodes? I’m not talking about lust. I’m not talking about seeing somebody and all you can think about is wanting to bed them. I’m talking about seeing someone and wanting to talk to them all evening. What if you have a type that you run into a few times over the course of your life, a type that speaks to you beyond reason, moves you in a primordial sense, someone who vaguely recalls your mother?

Is there something to be learned from staring at the photo of an acquaintance, someone who’s polite and you’ve had maybe a total of two hours of conversation with her, and writing out everything that she brings up? If I don’t really know her, then this must be about me. Then surely this is a process of self-knowledge.

I love the dark, demure, mysterious woman, the good girl, the shy one, the one in charge, the teacher’s pet, the lady in the business suit, the one who has what I lack. I want her to hold me while I cry my heart out. Then perhaps we may begin?

All the loves of my life have looked like this:


Just her photo makes my heart ache. Should I talk in therapy why her photos move me so much? It happened the moment I saw her all those years ago. Why does the sight of her walking down the hall shake me up?

There was Cindy in sixth grade, then Denise in seventh, Rainy before 11th grade, Rachel in Australia, and then the two Lisas. Just talking to them, just thinking about them, made me high. I couldn’t hang with them for long. The feelings were too strong. I’d ricochet from frozen to chaotic.

OK, so they tap into my emotional hunger.

Blog: “Self-compassion is about approaching ourselves with caring, kind interest and a desire to help ourselves when we’re in emotional or physical pain, she said. It is about acknowledging painful feelings, allowing them and meeting our needs.”

According to Wikipedia: The concept of a lovemap was originated by John Money to assist a discussion of why people like what they enjoy sexually and erotically. According to Money, it is “a developmental representation or template in the mind and in the brain depicting the idealized lover and the idealized program of sexual and erotic activity projected in imagery or actually engaged in with that lover…

Money revisited the concept of ‘love map’ and expanded it to three categories, which are namely, ‘haptoerotic'(cutaneous), ‘morphoerotic’ (visual) and ‘gnomoerotic’ (narrative)…

Money describes the formation of an individual’s lovemap as similar to the acquisition of a native language, in that it bears the mark of his or her own unique individuality, similar to an accent in a spoken language. A lovemap is usually quite specific as to details of the physiognomy, build, race, color, temperament, manner, etc. of the ideal lover (p. 29).[1] Since its inception, the concept of “love maps”, applied to interpersonal relationships, has found apt acceptanc

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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