Sam Vaknin talks about how a narcissist experiences holidays: “In the narcissist, holidays provoke a particularly virulent strain of pathological envy. The narcissist is jealous of others for having a family or for being able to celebrate lavishly and being in the right festive mood. The narcissist’s cognitive dissonance crumbles. He keeps telling himself, look at those inferior imitation of humans, how they are wasting their time pretending to be happy yet deep inside the narcissist knows he is the defective one. He realizes that his inability to rejoice is a punishment meted out to him by his self.”
“The narcissist is sad on special occasions and wants to spoil it for those who can enjoy. He wants them to share his misery, to reduce them to his level of emotional absence. The narcissist hates humans because he is unable to be one.”
“Holidays remind the narcissist of a loving supportive family he never had and what could have been and never was, and as he grows older, he knows never will be. He feels deprived, cheated and persecuted. He rails against the injustice of the cold world.”
“Holidays are a conspiracy of the emotional haves vs the emotional have-nots.”
“Birthdays are a narcissistic injury. They are an imposition, a reminder of vulnerability. The narcissist destroys the happiness of others to equalize the misery. He rages to induce rage in others. Holidays produce nihilistic emotions in the narcissist. On holidays and on his birthday, the narcissist makes it a point to carry on with his routine. He does not celebrate. He works till the wee hours of the night. This is his rejection of social norms, his in-your-face statement of withdrawal. This feeds his scorn. The narcissist wants to be drawn out of his sulking and pouting, yet he declines any such offer. He hurts those who try to make him smile. On holidays, the narcissist is reminded that this grudge is all he has. Those people who threaten to take his grudge away from him with their love and cars are the mortal enemies of the narcissist.”
