Comic Bill Burr Rocks

* “It’s kinda hard to enjoy heaven when your family and friends are burning forever.”

* You can date them, you can take them to shul, you can Facebook them, just don’t put it on Instagram! (Donald Sterling via Bill Burr)

* I’m having a Holocaust themed pool party. Everyone get in de pool!

* “You know what makes women happy? Nothing.”

* “The commissioner could punt a baby across his office with his wingtips on and I would still watch football.”

* “Jesus likes hookers and lepers but doesn’t like the queers.”

* “You give me freedom of choice. You make whores. You make me bad at math. You think this thing is not going off the rails?”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
This entry was posted in Comedy. Bookmark the permalink.